onionbagblog

And finally…

A fairly pointless evening spent carrying out a fairly pointless exercise at the bequest of a fellow blogger, who reckoned that my analysis of the alphabetical voting pattern in the Oval ward could be transferred to the rest of the Rotten Borough.

The theory is that candidates with a second name higher up in the alphabet have a better chance of being elected, given the A-Z printing format of the ballot paper, and the supposed laziness of the electorate in ticking the top boxes.

Um, ‘fraid not…

This system of choosing Councillors *may* have been apparent in my Oval ward, but the data doesn’t suggest that it was repeated across the rest of Lambeth. The only logical conclusion I can draw out of the whole exercise is that the Rotten Borough has a higher proportion of potential candidates whose second name starts with a B.

Um…

Blimey.

A final, final qualitative look at the results for the local election results draws some far more interesting conclusions.

Gipsy Hill provides the perfect political backdrop to demonstrate the power of @LambethLabour in the borough right now. No one was expecting the existing three Tory seats to end up in the hands of Nu Labour.

With only four Conservative Councillors left in Lambeth, it is no surprise that the blue rinse mob has decided not to take up the offer of putting forward a candidate to become the new Mayor. This would only weaken the Tory group, which now barely exists, further still.

Congratulations to @LambethLabour’s Neeraj Patil, the Larkhall Councillor who has now become the new Mayor of Lambeth. I bet the good Councillor is pleased he didn’t ‘do an Edbrooke’ and offer himself up as a political careerist over in Surrey Heath.

Tough act to follow, mind.

Clap’ham Common meanwhile remains something of an anomaly in Lambeth. The SW4 patch is where the gentrification of the borough can be seen at its strongest. Oh the irony of a right wing Nu Labour cabinet supporting the private sector in the borough, and consequently letting in more affluent (and Tory friendly voters) into the ward.

It was expected that the previous one Labour and two LibDem seats would become a stronghold for @LambethLibDems. Instead we have two Tories and one LibDem now in control of Clap’ham Common.

This result only proves the point of how strong @LambethLabour’s candidates (and winners) are in the neighbouring Clap’ham Town ward. Election day saw blue rinse supporters bussed in from the leafy Surrey suburbs (seriously) in an effort to try and rally the Tory troops in SW4. It was like Royal Ascot comes to Lambeth, but thankfully with the return of three very strong @LambethLabour Councillors.

Much was made by the s***t stirrers party agents for @LambethLabour of the standing of former @LambethLibDems Mayor, June Fewtrell, in the Streatham Hill ward. This is traditional LibDem territory, as well as being the home seat of sitting @LambethLibDems leader Councillor Ashley Lumsden.

“LibDems rocked!” screamed the sensational headline from the @LambethLabour website, upon hearing the news that Fewtrell was standing as an independent against Councillor Lumsden. So rocked in fact that all three @LambethLibDems candidates claimed their seats at the Town Hall, with Fewtrell coming last on the list with only 2% of the overall vote.

Vassall ward was also favourable for @LambethLibDems with Councillor Steve Bradley managing to hold his seat at the expense of a sustained attack by @LambethLabour. Vassall had the unholy alliance of two Labour and one LibDem Councillors. This LabLib alliance of sorts will remain for the next four years, with Councillor Bradley holding off the challenge of a Labour clean sweep by 47 votes.

It’s a similar situation in my Oval ward, with rival candidates during the election campaign now having to come together to work for the good of the area. @janeinlondon / East Hants and Jack the Lad Hopkins *may* have benefited from the alphabetical voting behaviour of the electorate, but there is no denying that @LambethLabour did incredibly well to take two seats off the opposition, in what is traditionally LibDem territory.

The LabLib Oval alliance is going to be intriguing to see how it comes together, given the hostile accusations made by @LambethLabour towards the opposition during the campaign.

The election literature twaddle here in SW8 may have been unwelcome, but at least it wasn’t as bad as the complete lies put out by @LambethLabour over in Herne Hill (the home patch of, um, @janeinlondon / East Hants…)

Pity the poor Greens, who suffered at the libellous hands of @LambethLabour, and the smear campaign of first denying the existence of the Green vote, and then the last ditch attempt to scare the good folk of Herne Hill with a horrid, horrid smear campaign that shows up the local Labour group in SE24 for the farce of an election winning machine that it has become.

With no real policies put forward by @LambethLabour in Herne Hill, the election beast has won the day, returning three @LambethLabour Councillors as fear of a “South London drugs supermarket” hit Herne Hill.

Lambeth Greens shouldn’t be too disillusioned with the result. Although the group has lost the one seat that it won in 2006, the share of the Green vote in the ward is actually up 25%. The ambitions of the Greens in fielding three candidates in Herne Hill, probably had the adverse effect of spreading the vote.

The share of the vote would have returned three Green Councillors in 2006, 2002 and 1998. Brixton Hill was also incredibly positive, with a 37% increase for the Greens, compared to the last local election.

In fact the Greens are intriguing in Lambeth - no Councillors, yet the Green vote has doubled borough wide to just short of 34,000. Even areas where *shhh* paper candidates were fielded, saw a healthy swing for the Greens.

My contacts tell me that this has been viewed as being extremely encouraging, and wards such as the Oval are now seen as being within reach for the Greens in four years time.

The next set of local elections may seem like a lifetime away in terms of Lambeth politics, but *eeek* - plans are already being put in place. Driving all of this of course is the dreaded C word.

Nope, not my opinion of *some* within Lambeth politics, but the Cuts issue that is facing both local and national politicians. Expect the blame game to be in play here, with the ConDem national coalition being held responsible locally for the cuts that @LambethLabour will have to put in place.

The only optimism I see is that yep, *every* vote counts. Watching the sheer panic on the face of some candidates during the Town Hall count last week, and I finally realised what the game is all about.

Win, win, and win, at any cost.

That cost has come at a high price for local democracy and the progression of our community, but the results are now in place, and so are the new Councillors after their induction session at the Town Hall over the weekend.

Time to hold the buggers to account.

There’s something of a Shaky ‘n Bonnie business about the latest @LambethLabour letter from our friends in the Oval ward. Overlooking the fact that @LambethLabour addresses literature to the male head of the household (get you!) - the image of our three Nu Labour candidates doesn’t look quite right.

The light is radiating from the face of @janeinlondon / East Hampshire, whereas poor old local boys Karim Palant and Jack Hopkins are left looking rather pale in comparison.

Mmm…

A glance to what our twinned constituency friends over in, um, East Hampshire are up to, and yep - it’s the very same picture that @janeinlondon / East Hampshire has used for both of her political patches.

Blimey!

Here’s hoping that unlike Shaky ‘n Bonnie, Karim and Jack have actually met up with @janeinlondon / East Hampshire, before deciding upon the content of the election literature.

Ah, yes, the letter itself. Never mind the photoshopping, talk to me about the policy, my friends:

“The LibDems finished a distant THIRD in the last local elections in 2008, behind Labour and the Conservatives.”

Hang on - “the last local elections” - um, weren’t they back in 2006? And didn’t the Oval ward return three LibDem local councillors?

Cripes.

So yep, with the final stretch almost in sight (and thank f*** for that,) the local campaign around my little patch in South London has taken on the @LambethLabour porky pie approach of Nu Labour in Herne Hill.

No quite so hyper #hyperlocal, but the fine chap @darryl1974 is having a similar problem over in his Greenwich Peninsula ward. The good man is standing as a Green candidate, and is fighting a campaign that could just upset the complacent current Labour councillors.

So much so, that his local Labour party is also resorting to the re-writing of political history, with the exact same strategy that has happened to Lambeth Greens back in Herne Hill.

Telling lies in election literature isn’t an offence, as Lambeth Green candidate John Hare confirmed to me last week. That certainly explains @janeinlondon / East Hampshire‘s “2008 local election” slip up.

The Shaky ‘n Bonnie balls up of the picture is stretching reality somewhat though.

Meanwhile, over at @LambethLabour’s rather decent Stand Up For Stockwell blog, Labour candidate Alex Bingham writes:

“People locally are telling us that they want community champions who live in their local area, know what is happening locally and can be trusted…”

Fine words. All three local Stockwell candidates live locally. @imogenwalker has represented her ward extremely well over the past four years. Alex Bigham is hoping to replace @LambethLabour’s Councillor Akhtar (Mr 40% attendance, 100% allowance). Alex has been active in the local area, and certainly knows his patch. I can’t comment on Counicllor Bowyer as I haven’t seen him around in the fourteen years that I have lived around this little patch.

But anyway…

“On Thursday 6th May Stockwell residents will have the chance to have their say - local candidates from Labour who they can trust with their services, or Lib Dems from outside the area who would put everything at risk.”

Good for the people of Sunny Stockwell. But what over my Oval ward, I hear you ask?

Community champions who live in their local area, know what is happening locally and can be trusted?

Local candidates from Labour who they can trust?

Um… ‘fraid not with the @LambethLabour candidate who lives on the other side of the borough in Herne Hill, in-between trying to convince the good people of East Hampshire that she should be their next MP.

Whoops.

Plus…

*cough*

Hit me over the head with a giant wrecking ball and shout out “CRIPES!” at the top of your voice on the corner of the Clap’ham Road and Crewdson Road in SW8 - it has finally happened: the dodgy landlord who took a laissez faire approach to planning applications has had a share of his profits top-sliced.

You may remember Mukesh Andani, the cowboy builder of Sunny Stockwell who decided to overlook the award winning planning department at @lambeth_council. Someone certainly remembers - ‘mukesh andani‘ has been one of the top search on m’blog for the past nine months.

Having put up an illegal top floor on the property, rented it out, been fined £10,000, threatened with a six month jail sentence and then *still* flaunted the law (and peeving people off in my little patch of South London,) it would seem that Andani has now accepted that yep, the award winning planning department at @lambeth_council has finally caught up with him.

He fought the law and the law kicked its feet, shuffled around for almost a year, and then finally decided that the local environment is more important that profit.

Phew.

Activity is taking place on the top floor of the Clap’ham Road / Crewdson Road corner. Early fears from the good @garethwyn that a a fifth floor is about to be added (arf!) have now been forgotten. The fourth floor is falling, much to the relief of the locals who have suffered the eyesore for almost two years now.

It is the very same team of builders that are dismantling the top floor, brick by brick, and then trailing all the way down the rest of the building to create a big pile of rubble at the base of the property.

The poor chaps must be scratching their heads and pondering what the chuffers the past two years have all been about. Two for one pay packets perhaps, with an unexpected (and pointless) job. I wonder if the profits that Andani bagged for the brief period of letting out the top floor cover the cost of the builders, not to mention the pointless scaffolding bill? Or even the £10,000 fine?

It is of course purely coincidental that real results are finally being seen around the borough, what with the local election less than one week away. The @LambethLibDems took a hard line approach to Andani (seriously) and so did @janeinlondon / East Hampshire, when she finally realised where the exact location was in her locality…

So yeah - we got there eventually. Whatever next? A new swimming pool in Clap’ham by May 6th?

Don’t forget the planning permission…

I spent a splendid SW8 afternoon in the mighty fine company of the good Wolfgang Moneypenny, spokesperson for the @FreeSouthLondon movement. Wolfgang was keen to come to Sunny Stockwell for a state of the (half) nation inspection of the local territory.

I was only too happy to be the tour guide for the state visit, impressing upon Wolfgang how the fine people in my little patch of South London are completely behind his half city revolutionary ideals.

*actually we didn’t make much contact with the locals on the ground. A couple of geezer builders almost turned us over on the edges of Larkhall Park, and a smiling postman crossed to the other side of the road upon first seeing Wolfgang. But y’know - the sentiment of a united South London love was somewhere in the SW8 air*

The itinerary included the leading landmarks that are on offer around Stockwell. We started off at Stockwell tube station, looking ahead to an afternoon of plotting and scheming.

We almost came a cropper at Jack’s Supermarket. Wolfgang was of the opinion that a South London army marches on cheap booze. Jack’s Supermarket would seem to fit the gap in the market. I don’t think Jack himself was behind the counter, but on reflection, maybe it would have been better to ask first if we could film inside the cheapo booze emporium.

Wolfgang was mightily impressed with the cultural murals reflecting Stockwell’s proud history on show in the Memorial Garden. Our Great Leader wasn’t so impressed with my lack of local historical knowledge.

Stockwell Bus Garage may have seen better days, but Wolfgang Moneypenny still managed to bring some faded glory to the SW8 cathedral of travel. I think my guest was being polite when he didn’t take the bait of ‘being flushed down the pan,’ when we encountered an old toilet system dumped on the site.

Larkhall Park was a lot of laughs, especially so when Wolfgang took on the persona of a Pied Piper for South London. Hordes of local kids followed the Great Man, chanting out “Pirate! Pirate! Pirate!” as we tried to find a peaceful place to reflect upon the micro subversion of South London.

We ended up with some refreshments at The Priory Arms, and sat down to put together a South London fighting manifesto. I rather liked Wolfgang’s description of Elephant & Castle as a: “medieval village market in old Albion.”

Cool for Cats by Squeeze was playing on the pub jukebox, a fitting end to an afternoon of celebrating all that is good about South London.

Wolfgang is keen to continue his tour of the local territory. He is especially interested in hooking up with any other #hyperlocal South London bloggers, for an afternoon of exploration. You can contact the Great Leader via his blog.

Come the glorious day…

Big day ahead for my little patch of South London - The Bill is doing the art imitating reality thing, by filming in the SW8 Police Dispersal Zone. The whole road is blocked off with media land luvvies, holding clipboards, popping in and out of catering vans, and genuinely looking rather self-important.

Meanwhile, Mad Rupert of SW8 is pacing out his territory, and giving the folk from Talkback Thames TV his warmest Sunny Stockwell welcome. I don’t think they can accommodate Mad Rupert in their crime tourism script. He’s definitely f-rated watershed material. And then some.

I’ll be live blogging the event throughout the day. I might even attempt a “Hello Mum!” cameo as the cameras roll. I seriously hope that a genuine police car doesn’t need to pass through. You need a backstage pass to navigate my neighbourhood right now.

9:01 It’s started. My SW8 street has become a crime tourism spot for the day.

9:24 A large man is shouting rather loudly into a megaphone. It’s *not* Mad Rupert of SW8

9:28 I’ve just spoken to my next door but one neighbour for the first time in six months. #billsw8 has its benefits.

9:38 I think the plot for #billsw8 involves South London Yoof dropping litter. Oh wait, that’s reality. Delicate line.

10:01 It’s not quite Hollywood

10:14 Local residents being held back from entering the estate concierge. #billsw8 need to do a re-take.

10:22 It’s great to see so many uniformed officers on the streets of Sunny Stockwell.

10:23 In other news: delivery man not happy. Had to park at other end of Clap’ham Road.

10:38 Not sure if this chap is an actor or not.

10:45 Lack of coffee shops & delicatessen in Sunny Stockwell something of an issue for #billsw8. Sending them in direction of @bakermanisbakin.

11:40 Police sirens down the Clap’ham Road. These *aren’t* part of #billsw8

11:48 Lunch. Although our friends from #billsw8 probably call it elevenses. Hope they try chippy at Claylands Place. Plenty of guacamole.

12:49 #billsw8 has now been reduced to one man wearing a bib, picking his nose. Phew, tough gig, media dahhhlings…

13:54 This has to be the longest lunch break ever.

14:39 Lights! Camera! Action! #billsw8 back on the balcony. Squint and you might just see them.

17:10 It’s a wrap #billsw8 Fairly uneventful day, to be honest.

And so here’s the reason why I object to Talkback Thames Television filming The Bill right outside my house later on this week. We already have a high police presence around my little patch of South London. The last thing we need right now is some media land luvvies swarming around SW8, recreating the scene above.

The image was taken on Monday lunchtime. I’ve no idea what the details of the incident involve, but I’m sure anyone being handcuffed whilst The Bill are in the SW8 Police Dispersal Zone will fare slightly more fortunate than the chap above.

I’ve had confirmation that @lambeth_council has a specialist filming unit that negotiates fees for any filming undertaken on the estates. No mention as yet as to where this money is then spent.

It would be great if the money Talkback Thames Television pays for the filming around these parts on Wednesday finds its way back into the local community. We are in urgent need of local projects, to try and stop situations like the one above taking place.

I wonder what will happen on Wednesday if the *real* Bill need to act on a similar situation whilst the media land luvvies are around?

A quick check of the diary reveals that it is four weeks since the award winning @lambeth_council planning department confirmed that demolition work would commence “within two weeks” on the Clap’ham Road / Crewdson Road property without planning permission.

Here is the rather ugly scene from earlier today:

Same old same.

Don’t be fooled by the scaffolding - it’s simply a ruse to confuse the award winning @lambeth_council planning department, put up by Mukesh Andani [still the top search on m'blog, closely followed by 'jason+cobb+libdem' - arf!]

The scaffolding has been in place (sort of) for five months. Not a single builder has worked on the property to remove the top floor that was put in place without planning permission.

Back in August 2009 and Mukesh Andani was given the option (i) of removing the top floor of the flat or (ii) face a six-month jail sentence. The third option of putting up scaffolding and say yah boo sucks to locals residents wasn’t mentioned at the time.

Put frankly, the property is now a bloody eyesore. The scaffolding net has become loose, and the corner of the Clap’ham and Crewdson Road looks rather a sorry state.

Meanwhile, local residents that choose to abide by the law are no better off. I received a letter this morning, notifying me of planning permission applied on the property next door but one to me.

I can sympathise with what the new owners want to do, but I feel that their plans haven’t taken into account the needs the local environment. I’ve objected, but with a view to a possible compromise.

The easy option it seems is to simply go down the Mukesh Andani route, and bypass the award winning @lambeth_council planning department.

Now then, here’s an interesting proposition…