Crap Match Report

LV County Championship – Division Two, Essex 1st Innings 225 for 6 (78.0 overs).

To The Oval! …on Bank Holiday Monday for the first of many trips this season to see The ‘rrey.

Actually that’s not true.

An aborted Easter Sunday Oval outing ended up ‘sampling’ the freshly stocked Long Room Members’ bar, whilst looking out on to an aquatic Oval outfield.

The South London stop / start weather threatened something similar 24 hours later.

Lido / decorating / gardening duties [Grrr] meant that I missed the morning session ahead of the downpour.

No worries. Not a lot happened in the opening passage of play ahead of pissing it down – only the wicket of the England skipper.


And so a post-luncheon stroll down a steamy Claph’ham Road (seriously), just as the Surrey bell was starting to toll.

Ahh, but for whom, Comrades?

Sadly not for The Viscount, ‘rested’ with a run-out for the Stiffs. It messed up the family outing arrangements for the other 50% of the Wivenhoe Surrey Cricket Supporters’ Club.

Nice day out on the piss in the pavilion thgough.

As for the opposition?

How many chuffing times have I seen Essex play over recent years?

Too many.

There seems to be a fixture regulation that states if either Essex or Surrey appear to be having a pre / mid / post-season wobble, then both sides have to play each other, just to prove that they are equally ‘lacking in form.’

Seats in the top tier of the Pavilion were blagged after a bit of polite negotiation. The decision to start the four day County matches on a Sunday it already working out well. This was a decent Oval crowd, keen to escape the family bank Holiday Blues.

The cricket out on the leftfield strip was half-decent as well. Yer man Jade was trying to recapture his form, recalling long since forgotten twists and turns of the cherry with each delivery.

Facing up Dernbach was… Ravi Bopara, trying to recapture his form, recalling long since forgotten… etc.

Yesterday’s Men?

It seems strange that two of the bright Young Things of English cricket have now aged considerably with Yoof being the buzz word for the England selectors.

With the Wivenhoe contingent sitting to the left of me, and the ginger Transpontine cricket crowd to my right, I was left stranded somewhere in No Man’s Land.

It’s the story of my own life at the moment, Comrades.

Some lively raws from Surrey legend Lobby on the piss in the Peter May added a little drama to a cagey early season game. I’m sure we will get to face Essex many more times over the coming months.

I didn’t really take too much interest in the score. Winter-ing well conversations had to be caught up on, with The Oval feeling very much like the start of a new school term.

The tea break bought a trip to the 100’s Bar. The Alistar Cook beer was a little bonkers.



Same again next Sunday.

And the following Sunday, etc.



Surrey Vs Essex