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Friends Provident t20, The Oval: Gloucestershire 98-0 (9.5 ovs) beat Surrey 97 (18.1 ovs) by 10 wickets.

Very excited about @surreycricket T20 later. Symonds, Khan, Mr Ramps. Oh, and Gunter Nel as well. Blimey.

Oh dear - raining over The Oval #cricket

Oval bound for some T20 nonsense.

All v quiet here at The Oval. More folk in ground for CC match at the weekend. @surreycricket wearing shocking day glo green kit.

Shocking start for @surreycricket. 9-2 in the 3rd. Some chap called Symonds is at the crease. Hang on, nope, cut & caught for 1. Oh Lordy.

Righto. So that’s Mr Ramps and Symonds both out, before 10 is on the scoreboard for @surreycricket. All down to Khan and the Boy Wonder now.

Oh yeah - politely asked barmaid in the pavilion to top my pint up. She didn’t seem to see what the issue was. Chin chin.

Ramps #fail Symonds #fail and now Khan #fail. Come back Jimmy Ormond. 13-4 @surreycricket. PA strangely playing Inspiral Carpets.

Afzal now back in the hutch. 17-5 @surreycricket. Shocking stuff. Boos coming from Member’s pavilion. Only boundary come from inside edge.

Observation that @surreycricket T20 kit is a glorified steward jacket. First decent shot of the innings from the Boy Wonder. 35-5.

Slight encouragement. Boy Wonder playing Captain’s innings. 36 for Rory HB. 56-5 @surreycricket. Cheerleaders doing strange can can. Cripes.

Whoops. The curse of the casual cricket tweeter. Boy Wonder walking, run out for 41. @surreycricket out of batsmen now. Member’s peeved.

68-7 @surreycricket. Cripes. Up steps Gunter Nel. Need a big innings from the big man.

Whoops. Spriegel next to walk. 69-8. Cheerleader comes close to being dropped. Ah, and with immaculate timing, here’s @AnnaJCowen. Booze!

Bugger. 77-9 @surreycricket. Back home in time for Eastenders.

@surreycricket fail to make it to 20 overs, all bowled out for 97. And they’re playing that bloody Inspiral Carpets song again.

Oh Lordy. Here’s @surreycricket mascot. It’s new branded bloke in day glo green. Use to use to quite like Kenny Kennington’s breakdancing.

That is close to worst T20 batting performance I’ve seen, & that really is saying something given the last three years #T20 (via @SurreyCCC)

Highlight of the evening so far: catching up with Francoise, my man from South Lambeth Road. Joint verdict - @surreycricket shocking.

46-0 Glouc, and @AnnaJCowen said @surreycricket look like losing. The girl speaks sense. Oval flat. Beer not. Little point tweeting defeat.

Has any team ever managed not to take a single wicket in T20? @surreycricket heading that way.

Mmm. Stumps. Glouc win by, um, ten wickets. Boos from the pavilion.

Plus: match report from the wonderful @SurreyCCC blog.

County Championship Division Two, The Oval: Close of Play, Day Two: Leicestershire 479, Surrey 160-6

Off to admit Wolfgang Moneypenny into the Long Room at The Oval. I fear an abuse of my @surreycricket membership. Oh Lordy.

@surreycricket saw off L**c for 479, only to lose cheap early wicket for 4. @FreeSouthLondon seems to be fine, drinking from bottle of white.

The ceremonial handing over of the the revolutionary cycling tights to Wolfgang Moneypenny has been made. Viva!

Topless action in the Member’s pavilion at The Oval. It ‘ain’t Wolfgang Moneypenny; it ‘ain’t @AnnaJCowen either.

Hoggard bowling to Mr Ramps at The Oval. Bless. Happy days. Slow going for @surreycricket. 43-1. Wolfgang loving the bat and ball game.

Tea at The Oval. Young Davies has his head down on 45. Ramps staying put and blocking on 10. Off to introduce Wolfgang to the Surrey Museum.

Had pleasant tea interval & pitch invasion of Oval wicket with Wolfgang Moneypenny. He plans to use cricket & break dancing to unite youth.

Back from showing Wolfgang Moneypenny around the Establishment of South London cricket. Cripes. 96-1 @sureycricket. Humid & skies bruising.

Wolfgang has admitted he can’t see the cricket ball wearing his revolutionary shades. He is using the dispersal of pigeons to follow action.

Davies walks for 69. Which all means… @surreycricket partnerhip of Ramps and Khan. Wolfgang fascinated by mercenary stance of Khan. 111-2.

Lordy. Mr Ramps back in the hutch with @surreycricket stuck on Nelson. Not looking good for the ‘rrey. 111-3.

Younis Khan back in pavilion. And possibly back to Pakistan now that his ban lifted. 125-4 @surreycricket. Wolfgang talking about his wives.

Fag end of The Oval afternoon and @surreycricket are burnt. 156-5. @FreeSouthLondon is disassociating himself from County of Surrey.

@surreycricket one more down, 157-6. Batty walks for a duck. Thanks, but no thanks. Follow on looking likely. Damn that Oval wicket.

Stumps. And thank f for that. @surreycricket shocking.

LV County Championship Division Two, The Oval: Close of play, day three: Surrey 490 and 165-2 Middlesex 324, Surrey 7 pts, Middlesex 5 pts

Oval bound for the morning session.

Jumpers being removed, bare chests in OCS at The Oval. Steady, @AnnaJCowen. Strauss has his head down on 57, Newnan 10 short of ton. 163-0.

Newman dropped Two balls later and ex-Surrey boy is back in the pavillion, caught behind on 91. Good early breakthrough for @surreycricket.

Pasty goths at cricket alert. Dressed in black & lacking a tan. Top off, fella. Looks like he could do with a feed as well. 173-1 Middlesex.

Andre Nel is a boundary slog away from transforming into his Gunter alter ego. Please don’t make me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry.

HONK! Wicket. Shah back in the hutch, caught cheaply for 3. Middle! Middle! Middle! Sex! Sex! Sex! Looking shaky on 178-2. C’mon the ‘rrey.

Steamy, steamy South London morning at The Oval. Glorious. @cabbiescapital and @AnnaJCowen regretting long trouser decision. 178-2.

All getting incredibly lively out in the square. @surreycricket loud mouth Gary Wilson is clearly confident following his fine knock. shhh.

Goth at cricket alert: top now removed. A police helicopter is now hovering over The Oval. No coincidence. 213-2 Middlesex. Decent session.

Strauss in his nervous ’90s. Ten more runs required for the England captain to reach his ton. Fine form ahead of Bangladesh Test. 218-2.

Straus back in the pavilion. Egland captain caught on 92. Unlucky. Dexter steps up next. Nope, not that one. 220-3 Middlesex.

Mr Ramps not happy. The Master is limping back to the pavillion with what looks like a strain. No worries. His 200 knock is in the bank.

@AnnaJCowen is suffering. The poor girl has come to The Oval on the hottest day of the year, wearing a thermal vest.

Work beckons. Back to SW8 base with Middlesex on 230-3.

LV County Championship Division Two, The Oval: Close of play, day two: Surrey 490 Middlesex 148-0

Oval bound for an @surreycricket Member’s meeting.

A lot of unhapy faces at @surreycricket Member’s meeting. Long Room atmosphere of doom.

Confirmed: Brian Lara *not* coming to The Oval. Thank f for that.

Gus Mackay confirmed that Lara approached @surreycricket and not other way round. Wanted IPL window. Negotiations broke down. Wonga…

Chris Adams looking down. Describes start of season as “unacceptable.” Singles out Afzal for loss of wicket yesterday.

Praise from Adams for the Master Mr Ramps. Mentions a “difficult personal month.” Eek.

Focus now is to shore up batting ahead of T20. Big task.

Confirmation that Younis Khan has signed for @surreycricket. Visas not withstanding, should be in place for Old Trafford trip.

Poor Chris Adams is something of fall guy for @surreycricket. Players not performing, but Adams taking stick from Members.

Surprise surprise- Chawla definitely not coming to @surreycricket. Along with Khan, “one more overseas player” being lined up.

Decent Q: Do old pros have any issue playing under young Rory HB? “Absolutely not” said Adams. I’m a big fan of the boy wonder.

@SurreyCCC Khan deal was for T20. Current dire batting situation means he has been talked into opening in the Championship. Cripes!

Adams clearly frustrated (um… p***** off) with whole overseas situation. Rightly so.

Taken up position in OCS. Glorious South London sun up above. I can confirm that Middlesex are as crap at football as they are at cricket.

Oh dear. Anarchy is breaking out in the OCS stand. Old boy unhappy about not being allowed behind wicket.

Just been pointed out to me that Daniel Vettori could well be the elusive overseas player that @surreycricket are still hopeful of bagging.

Ah, I had forgotten about the Younis Khan ban. So *that’s* why he has signed up for @surreycricket.

The bell is ringing and the Umps are strolling out to the middle. Ah, here comes Mr Ramps. Decent crowd. @surreycricket resuming on 286-4.

Slow start at The Oval. Mr Ramps happy just to block, before he finds his feet. 288-4 @surreycricket.

Glorious cover drive from Mr Ramps, followed by outside edge that Strauss almost caught. Sun cream and old men in abundance. 293-4 the ‘rrey.

300 up for @surreycricket and a third batting point. Steady progress, decent score being built up. Ominous rain clouds above SE11.

Mr Ramps flicks his wrist (steady) and lobs (steady still) all the way to the boundary. 140 up for the Master. I am in awe. I am in man love.

Chap to right of me has just broken out a bowl of raspberries and cream. Gonna befriend him. Opening line? “My, what hairy arms you have.”

First serious shout of the morning. Spriegel survives half hearted appeal. Gloomier in the outfield than it was in Long Room earlier. 318-4.

Outside edge for Spriegel, just above off stump and he’s caught behind for 12. Batty in the middle to build with Mr Ramps. 322-5 the ‘rrey.

150 up for Mr Ramps, swiftly followed by a slog down to the boundary. Big score building for @surreycricket. 336-5, 500 plus a possibility.

HONK! Wicket. Batty out for an unlucky 13. Middle! Middle! Middle! Sex! Sex! Sex! chipping away. Mr Ramps running short of bedfellows. 355-6.

Earplugs in as loud mouth Gary Wilson walks to the crease.

A chill in SE11 air. Hairy Arm Man is standing to attention. Mr Ramps batting on regardless, 172. What a man. 366-6 ‘rrey ahead of luncheon.

Cripes. What’s happening to Warwickshire at Edgbaston?

Final over before luncheon. 374-6 @surreycricket, and the morning session belongs to the ‘rrey. Heading back to base for afternoon of work.

LV County Championship Division Two, The Oval: Close of play, day one: Surrey 286-4

In place in Member’s Pavillion. South London sun streaming down on @AnnaJCowen and I. Glorious. Whoops, wicket of Rory HB fallen. Fine 55.

So we’re watching Ramprakash at the crease, Strauss in the slips and old man Udal on boundary duty. Blimey.

Member’s meeting is at 9:30 tomorrow morning to (i) deter Member’s attending & (ii) deter boozed up heckling. I’m in on both counts.

Mr Ramps looking in fine shape. Same as it ever was. 78 for old master. Not so sure about Afzal, yet to get off mark. 193-3 @surreycricket.

Andrew Strauss has played in more important games at The Oval. Can’t work out his Middle! Middle! Middle! Sex! Sex! Sex! side.

Pondering booze. Got Resident’s Assoc meet later where street drinking is on the agenda. Probably best to abstain. 200 up for @surreycricket.Oh, bugger it.

First batting point, first pint. Chin chin. 206-3 the ‘rrey.

Mr Ramps has got his head down and is making hay. And batting. Blimey. 95 for the master. You know what’s coming next…

@surreycricket chief barman has come out to watch Mr Ramps. Udal leaving the field for the ‘sex. Captain not well, holding his head. 210-3.

There’s something of a Shaky ‘n Bonnie business about the latest @LambethLabour letter from our friends in the Oval ward. Overlooking the fact that @LambethLabour addresses literature to the male head of the household (get you!) - the image of our three Nu Labour candidates doesn’t look quite right.

The light is radiating from the face of @janeinlondon / East Hampshire, whereas poor old local boys Karim Palant and Jack Hopkins are left looking rather pale in comparison.

Mmm…

A glance to what our twinned constituency friends over in, um, East Hampshire are up to, and yep - it’s the very same picture that @janeinlondon / East Hampshire has used for both of her political patches.

Blimey!

Here’s hoping that unlike Shaky ‘n Bonnie, Karim and Jack have actually met up with @janeinlondon / East Hampshire, before deciding upon the content of the election literature.

Ah, yes, the letter itself. Never mind the photoshopping, talk to me about the policy, my friends:

“The LibDems finished a distant THIRD in the last local elections in 2008, behind Labour and the Conservatives.”

Hang on - “the last local elections” - um, weren’t they back in 2006? And didn’t the Oval ward return three LibDem local councillors?

Cripes.

So yep, with the final stretch almost in sight (and thank f*** for that,) the local campaign around my little patch in South London has taken on the @LambethLabour porky pie approach of Nu Labour in Herne Hill.

No quite so hyper #hyperlocal, but the fine chap @darryl1974 is having a similar problem over in his Greenwich Peninsula ward. The good man is standing as a Green candidate, and is fighting a campaign that could just upset the complacent current Labour councillors.

So much so, that his local Labour party is also resorting to the re-writing of political history, with the exact same strategy that has happened to Lambeth Greens back in Herne Hill.

Telling lies in election literature isn’t an offence, as Lambeth Green candidate John Hare confirmed to me last week. That certainly explains @janeinlondon / East Hampshire‘s “2008 local election” slip up.

The Shaky ‘n Bonnie balls up of the picture is stretching reality somewhat though.

Meanwhile, over at @LambethLabour’s rather decent Stand Up For Stockwell blog, Labour candidate Alex Bingham writes:

“People locally are telling us that they want community champions who live in their local area, know what is happening locally and can be trusted…”

Fine words. All three local Stockwell candidates live locally. @imogenwalker has represented her ward extremely well over the past four years. Alex Bigham is hoping to replace @LambethLabour’s Councillor Akhtar (Mr 40% attendance, 100% allowance). Alex has been active in the local area, and certainly knows his patch. I can’t comment on Counicllor Bowyer as I haven’t seen him around in the fourteen years that I have lived around this little patch.

But anyway…

“On Thursday 6th May Stockwell residents will have the chance to have their say - local candidates from Labour who they can trust with their services, or Lib Dems from outside the area who would put everything at risk.”

Good for the people of Sunny Stockwell. But what over my Oval ward, I hear you ask?

Community champions who live in their local area, know what is happening locally and can be trusted?

Local candidates from Labour who they can trust?

Um… ‘fraid not with the @LambethLabour candidate who lives on the other side of the borough in Herne Hill, in-between trying to convince the good people of East Hampshire that she should be their next MP.

Whoops.

Plus…

*cough*

Derbyshire 451 & 274-6dec beat Surrey 352 & 165 by 208 runs. Derbyshire 23pts, Surrey 6pts.

Righto. Work done for now. Off to The Oval to see @surreycricket slog out a draw.

@mazlaws I am wearing gloves. And tights. True!

Taken up seat in the Peter May, just in time to see fall of 5th @surreycricket wicket. Whoops. All over by tea. 67-5. Housework beckons.

Brought the SLR along to The Oval for company. @surreycricket defeat likely, but exercise in photography experimentation. Calamity out there.

Runs are rather short around The Oval this afternoon. 81-5 @surreycricket. Slighty more Members in than runs on board. Booze free again.

Spin it to win it (D****s, not @surreycricket, obviously.) 95-5. Only 279 required for the ‘rrey win.

Hang on. @surreycricket are in serious danger of making game of this. Couple of boundaries off last over. 100 on scoreboard. Live the dream.

Davies dropped on 42. Make it to tea, make it the pavilion and who knows? Alcohol may even pass my lips. 5 pints & full of ‘rrey optimism.

Scratch that. It’s gonna be a teetotal tea, and back at base in time to get the Hoover out. Batty trapped lbw for 12. 105-6, save ‘ain’t on.

Wonderful banter with some D****s elderly gents. I warned of a lifetime ban, should they cross some security tape. Brave fellas ventured.

Back after tea & 50 up for young Davies. Only 259 and @sureycricket will have their second win in two seasons. Strange yellow object in sky.

Whoops. @surreycricket 126-7. Davies goes for a fine 56. Poor old @cabbiescapital is SE11 bound as well. Optimism / booze of AGM misguided.

The @surreycricket save is on. 22 overs remaining, 139-7. Failing that, a spot of rain in @SE11 would be appreciated.

Big big shout at The Oval, but I say it again: @surreycricket Save is on. Couple of tourists just walked in wearing wigs. SE11 is like that.

Whoops. Mr Meaker clean bowled for 21. @surreycricket Save not so strong now. All down to Big Gunter. Gosh. 14 overs remaining, 156-8. Eek.

Doomed I tell you. Doomed. Gunter caught for a fine 15. Last man standing Dernbach. @cabbiescapital doing rain dance. The ‘rrey Save um, off.

Six slips, not a single player on the boundary. This ‘ain’t going the distance. 159-9 @surreycricket. Save is off.

Hang on. @surreycricket Save is sort of back on. Seven overs remaining,161-9. Have faith. Yeah, right…

Over and out. Deserved win by D****s. Oh dear @surreycricket.