Tag Archive > surrey

Crap Match Report

obb » 27 September 2009 » In cricket, south london » 1 Comment

Match Drawn. Surrey 430 and 309-7, Glamorgan 702-8 dec (Glamorgan 11pts, Surrey 10pts)

C'mon the 'rrey!

Off to The Oval for one final hurrah of the summer. C’mon the ‘rrey! (they’re gonna need it.) #

Never seen The Oval so empty. Lemon tree (don’t ask) looking lonely on boundary. @surreycricket need to bat all day to save. 2 down. Whoops #

Beaten Beardy Weirdy Man into the ground. Surrey head bar man once again… watching cricket. Good work, fella. 49-2 the ‘rrey #

Big Ben just reverberated 11 bongs over The Oval. Legendary Surrey oik Lobby making noises of his own. May join the booze boy in Peter May #

Oh yeah, attracting flies like Surrey attract weird Members. Funny old season down in SE11. 55-2. Gonna be a slow day #

Right. Surrey head bar man has buggered off back to his bar. Which must mean it’s time for booze. Chin chin. 59-2 the ‘rrey. Slow #

Golly Gosh looks like a helicopter is about to land on The Oval strip #

When an old cricketer leaves the crease. This really is the saddest day of the season. @surreycricket lost another wicket, 63-3. Wobbling #

Autumn chill finally descends over The Oval. Cloud not lifted. Shorts and cycling top not looking so sensible now. 73-3 Surrey. Hanging on #

Sitting top tier in the Pavilion and it looks like a fire is breaking out around Victoria #

“There goes the ice cream man with the loudest tinkle in London,” said the voice of @surreycricket. Cricket quote of the season. 83-3 ‘rrey #

Luncheon atThe Oval. As expected, @surreycricket on the back foot. Afternoon looks good though with @cabbiescapital company. 100-3 the ‘rrey #

Truly tropical in the Peter May stand. Topless OAP’s. Meanwhile, back in the Member’s Pavilion and I’m freezing my nuts off. 126-3 the ‘rrey #

Lack of decent wigs at The Oval. Disappointing. 140-3 #

Game petering out for a draw. So that was a worthwhile four days then. Lack of wigs compensated by amazing hair dye man behind us. 167-3 #

Talk in Member’s Pavilion turned from cricket to Sir Cliff. A sure indication of how crap the cricket is. Expect cpts to shake hands soon #

Listen!

Been at The Oval for six hours now. And guess what? We’re heading for a draw… 244-5 the ‘rrey #

Blimey. Gunter Nel is on water boy duties at The Oval. Highlight of the afto has been legendary Surrey oik, Lobby, getting over excited #

Genuinely quite tearful as another South London season comes to a close at The Oval. Could be our last #

Listen!

Tried to board the Glamorgan team bus. Lard arse Cosgrave showed some action for first time in four days. Next stop, lovely lido cafe #

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Crap Match Report

obb » 23 September 2009 » In cricket, south london » No Comments

Close of play, day one: Surrey 334-4 (Surrey 3pts, Glamorgan 1pt)

Taking a final drag on the fag end of the summer. At The Oval for the morning session between Surrey & Glamorgan. Hard work for ‘rrey, 40-2 #

Bloke sitting in front of me is wearing a wig. Not any old wig. It’s a wig with a pony tail. Why? 47-2 the ‘rrey. Rebuilding of innings #

Been reminded that last time I was at The Oval, I stood on a chair in the Long Room and pointed at portrait of Member wearing wig. No memory #

50 up for the ‘rrey. Been hard slog. Cosgrove and his generous waistline already has foot back in the pavilion for luncheon. Wigs are weird #

Blimey. The ‘rrey 3 down now with Walters trapped plumb. Surrey head bar man once again watching cricket, rather than pouring pints. 55-3 #

Members’ AGM should be lively this winter. We were promised season of change, not stagnation. Surrey are the Leeds Utd of county cricket #

Remember that strip of grass in South London where the #ashes were won? A pair of pigeons are currently humping on it. 65-3 the ‘rrey #

Surrey happy to hang on until luncheon. 72-3, not the best of mornings. Chap nearby has most amazing ears. You could hang washing on them #

Ah, lovely boyo Robert Croft comes into the attack for Glamorgan. Always a joy to watch #

Listen!

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Crap Match Report

obb » 17 September 2009 » In cricket, south london » 1 Comment

Warwickshire 201-1 beat Surrey 200-8 by nine wickets (Warwicks 2pts)

SE11 red skies

Looking over mid wicket at The Oval, awaiting the arrival of company for the evening. Truly adore this place. 81-2 @surreycricket. All fine #

Game on hold – the famous Surrey fox has just trotted across the wicket. Only fox you’ll find around these parts #

Listen!

My Man in the Pinstripes sitting to my left said “144-5 for @surreycricket doesn’t look so good.” I would have to concur with Mr Pinstripes #

Half the korfball club seems to be at The Oval. Training night as well. Whoops. Warwickshire even playing in korf club colours. 148-6 ‘rrey #

The smell of cheap booze and Pringles caught up in the whiskers of beardy men is slightly alluring. 158-6 the ‘rrey. Fightback underway #

My Man in the Pinstripes notes that the Surrey head barman is once again watching cricket, rather than pouring pints. Good work, fella #

Surrey looking as limp as the Oval lemon tree out by the boundary. 175-8 with three overs remaining #

Kenny Kennington lurking ominously by the Oval boundary. Fans of breakdancing men dressed as hounds will be happy. Slog time. 198-5 ‘rrey #

Sitting next to Norman Tebbit in skirt. Gonna give her a squeeze and see if any b******s. Meanwhile that Jonathan Trott is back at The Oval #

Sweet. Cavalry has arrived with Dr A and more booze. 23-0 Warwickshire. What’s the abbreviation of the rather long County? Wars? #

Aye aye – it’s only Ian Bell at The Oval crease. You know what that next tweet will be. 32-1 Wars whatever http://twitter.com/Jason_Cobb/status/4034462124

Spectacular South London skyline at The Oval. Red sky at night, Surrey are in the s***e #

The Oval bar staff – p**s poor, like Surrey #

Surrey looking sorry. 144-1 Warks (aha!) chasing down 200. Members’ bar looks good for the evening #

I seem to have a pint of red wine. Whoops. 182-2 Warks, 19 to win #

My Man in Pinstripes said “12 to win with 9 wickets remaining is not within the capabilities of Warwickshire.” My man speaks sense #

No Bell end for once. Warks stroll it with an 8 wicket victory. Members’ bar awaits #

Listen!

Two screens in the Long Room. One showing Liverpool, one the Arse. A club divided. No sign of Forest #

Portrait in the Long Room of Judith Chalmers and John Major. Blimey #

Ouch, OUCH. A fine evening out at The Oval, but I’m paying for it now on the early early shift #

SE11 red skies

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Crap Match Report

obb » 12 September 2009 » In cricket, south london » No Comments

Close of play, final day: Surrey 376 and 282-9dec, Northants 492 (Northants 12pts, Surrey 10pts)

Aye aye

Top tier of The Oval, surveying my patch. @surreycricket
doing a fine job of hanging on. 227-5, lead of 100ish after following on. Booze… #

Listen!

Note to self: Don’t publish a podcast talking up @surreycricket’s chances. They’ll only lose another wicket. Spriegel lbw 56. 235-6 the ‘rrey #

OCS ball tampering? Bloke behind boundary rope caught the ball, and roughed up the cherry before tossing it back. 239-6 the ‘rrey #

Once again the bar manager at the Ramps’ 100 Bar has taken up his favourite position. Um, just behind mid wicket. Nice work, fella. 243-6 #

250 up for the ‘rrey for the fall of 7 wickets. Game changed. Northants optimtic of run chase & result. Dr A working away. Why? Strange girl #

V excited. Chap wearing Forest top & Surrey cap, carrying pint, just sat in front of us. Planning a D***y song. Dr A not happy #

Why are *all* the players out, asked Dr A. Um, that will be tea, darling. 265-8 @surreycricket. Could get lively if wickets fall after tea #

Lurking in the 100 Hundred’s Bar at The Oval, smuggling in home brew. Bar Manager clocked us. Surprised he’s actually here #

Legendary @surreycricket oik, Lobby, is alive and well in the Peter May stand. No one can deliver a C’mon the ‘rrey better than Mr L. 278-9 #

Blimey. Match drawn. Northants ran out of ideas and two captains shook hands. Shame, as I was all bound for more booze action #

Listen!

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Crap Match Report

obb » 09 September 2009 » In cricket » 1 Comment

Close of play, day one: Surrey 305-5 (Surrey 3pts, Northants 1pt)

C'mon the 'rrey!

Work done for now. Making short walk down the Clap’ham Rd for some @surreycricket action. Monty’s been bowling all morning. Vaguely excited #

Luncheon over at The Oval. Players are out with @surreycricket batting on 96-2. Big appeal from Monty in first over. No sign of #ashes fever #

Old boy in front of me at The Oval has sunk half a bottle of champagne in past half hour. He’s reading the obits in The Times. 120-2 Surrey #

Deary me. Midweek and the Peter May boys are bare chested. The Peter May boys have an average age of 65 #

Aha! A rare sighting of the Surrey fox! And I don’t mean the blue rinse bird sitting behind me. 137-2 Surrey. Good progress after luncheon #

Monty Panesar, Oval boundary #fail #

Daily Express journos (yeah, I know) should set up base at The Oval. This is their demographic heartland. On the look out for Di. 158-3 #

Exchanging emails with the wonderful @surreycricket, who is sitting about ten metres to my left. 164-3 Surrey. Monty out of attack #

I’ve looked at this London skyline from top of The Oval for 15 years. Still finding new points of interest. We’ll miss this when we’re gone #

And there’s the half century for JB. 179-3 Surrey #

Back at The Oval and it’s all about JB and his century. Batty on 94. Bizarre chat at break in toilets with bloke about hand towels #

Monty is a better fielder than bowler. Discuss (or probably just get on with some work.) 99 for Jonathan Batty
#

Brilliant. Ton up for JB. Really couldn’t happen to a nicer bloke. Been batting for almost seven hours now. 279-5 Surrey #

Listen!

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Crap Match Report

obb » 13 August 2009 » In cricket » No Comments

Surrey 156-2 beat Gloucestershire Glamorgan 189-5 by eight wickets (D/L) (Surrey 2pts)

C'mon the 'rrey!

Heading out to The Oval, via the off-licence. Optimistic of some Ramprakash watching #

Bumper crowd at The Oval. Seriously. Suits everywhere. City half day? Mr Ramps is out there *swoon* 42-0 Glouc Glam #

Floodlights on at The Oval. Turn ‘em down! And while you’re at it, turn down loudmouth Wilson, keeping wicket for Surrey. 44-0 Glouc Glam #

Can’t decide if Glouc Glam high run rate is evidence of a decent #ashes batting wicket at The Oval, or simply crap Surrey bowling. Hang on… #

Still can’t get over size of Pro40 crowd, a competition that ECB tell us is a dead format. Boy Bragg looking good out there for Glouc Glam on 35 #

Not much take up of the highly irritating 4 & 6 cards in the Member’s pavilion. Marketing turns everything into s**** #

Ah, Bill Bragg out for a fine 36, bowled by Meaker. Great view here looking right over the strip. 58-1 Glouc Glam #

Glamorgan, Gloucestershire, Crinkley Bottom. All the same. Meh. 60-1 the, um, opposition #

@jleyden good point. Far too many Oval draws in past 5 years here. Which would work well for Aussies #ashes #

Sun out now at The Oval, Glamorgan (aha!) flagging on 116-4. Unfortunate red wine spilage incident nearby #

Booze taken a bit if a stranglehold. Bad light as well. V gloomy over The Oval. Mr Ramps looks buff, I believe. 169-5 Glamorgan #

@mazlaws oi oi – where are you sitting? Pavilion v busy #

All very gloomy looking out towards ye olde London town. St Paul’s fading on the skyline. Expecting rain soon. 182-5 Glouc / Glam #

Off for rain at The Oval. Pitch inspection at 6:45. Could be a late finish. Apologies to all Surrey Members for my toilet incident #

Oh dear. Kenny Kennington (man in dog costume) is breakdancing to some Elvis on the #ashes wicket. Raining again. Not looking good for play #

A***. Raining again at The Oval. Covers are on. England football in Long Room looks likely #

In other news: just been given a Rico box set whilst sitting in the pavilion. Blimey. Ah covers are coming off #

Bugger. We’re off for rain again at The Oval. 59 for no loss, the ‘rrey #

Listen!

Listen!

Mr Ramps batting at The Oval. Bugger. I’ll miss this when we’re gone #

Listen!

I have some very distressing news. We are out of booze at The Oval. Bugger #

Hilarious. Non Member in the Member’s Pavilion thought he would break tradition and attempt Mexican wave. Ended up pouring pint over himself #

Surrey win. Off to snog Mr Ramps #

In the Long Room. Life is good #

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Rampin’

obb » 10 August 2009 » In cricket, south london » 6 Comments

Ramps!

There has been no end of twaddle written about Mark Ramprakash in the past twenty-four hours, and I’m not about to bring an end to the nonsense endorsing the Great Man.

I’ve been watching Mr Ramps for eight summers now. It’s been a glorious period for me personally, on par with the balmy days of Clough, Pearce and Walker watching at Trentside. It has been a cricketing period in my life so enjoyable, that it has actually masked a slow, structural decline of Surrey as a leading County side.

Mr Ramps has carried Surrey single-handedly for almost a decade now. It’s no coincidence that the team suffered when the master batsman had a rare loss of form last summer, as the pressure mounted for his prestigious 100th century.

Job done, and it was back to business with three columns needed on the Surrey scorecard once again each time Mr Ramps strolled out to the crease.

But can this form be transferred over to the final Test of the Ashes series at The Oval next week, an atmosphere that is over-spilling with tension, over-hyped and not to mention a fair selection of over-rated players performing for both teams?

Probably not.

Seven years since he was last given an England cap on the fateful New Zealand tour of 2002, the Ramps for The Oval bandwagon is already rolling at full pace. Surrey batting coach Alec Stewart has given the Great Man his full support; @Aggercricket has hinted that he is in favour of a one-off recall. Even Test selector Geoff Miller has confirmed that nothing has been ruled in, nothing has been ruled out.

The optimist within would cite the Indian Summer that Mr Ramps has been enjoying for the past seven seasons. Watching Ramps at close quarters in SE11 each week and you get a sense of the dedication and commitment of the man when it comes to batting.

He patiently makes his way to the crease, never rushed, always aware that he has a job to do that will require his complete concentration for probably a full day out there with his bat. Early runs are difficult to come by. This is deliberate, as Mr Ramps is happy to block for the first forty-five minutes or so of play. He is after a feel of the ball, getting his feet positioned correctly for the wicket, and just generally getting a sense for the occasion and conditions.

It is only with around thirty runs on the board that attention then turns to translating this early salvo into a big score. Here is where the true class starts to show through. All the observations from the previous hour are put into practise, knowing how the field is set up and then how best to exploit it.

Watching Mr Ramps during this period of play shows you what can be achieved by a thirty-nine year-old athlete, still at the top of profession, benefiting from combining talent with experience. What a man.

Observing from the boundary at Croydon on Saturday as Mr Ramps converted his tentative start to 74 not out at the close of play, suggested that this is indeed the finest batsman on County circuit right now. But there is one hell of a huge leap from taking the applause of a couple of hundred Surrey Member’s around the boundary at the Whitgift, to performing in front of 23,000 ‘tired and emotional’ partisan supporters over five days at The Oval.

Working in his favour is that Mr Ramps feels at home in South London. This is a comfort that can’t be underestimated. Cricket is a game of routine and conformity, played out in the mind, as much as it is within the body.

Mr Ramps would wake up in his own bed (um, one would hope…) know his exact route to the ground, greet the County officials on the door, feel comfortable within his own dressing room and know how The Oval as a sporting arena functions, all down to the finer arrangements of the catering arrangements and what works best for him.

But can his body take it for five days of punishing cricket that will ultimately decide the fate of The Ashes? Batting isn’t the problem; being stuck out on the boundary for the best part of two days is a bit of an issue. Ramps’ watchers have enjoyed greatly of late witnessing the Great Man practise his golf swing out at deep fine leg. I don’t think this will be tolerated on day five of The Oval Ashes match.

My fear is that Mr Ramps will be used as a scapegoat for those that have failed before him. Pick Ramps rather than Bopara or Bell and the English cricket fans are appeased. Three cheers and another Trafalgar Square bus trip should it all work out; should it fail and the cry of we told you so is the escape clause for the selectors, deflecting attention away from their own long term, structural inefficiency.

A weekend away in Croydon playing for your County is altogether a very different form of the game when compared to the fifth and final deciding Ashes Test of the summer. It’s almost on par with the gulf between T20 and the County game. You pick specialist players for each format, and the Ashes are no different.

The heart said get behind the rolling Mr Ramps bandwagon. The head said don’t touch it, mate. Walk away, preferably to deep fine leg with your golf swing, and keep your reputation in tact.

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