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A late night Greyhound drinking session with Scoop Scarpenter last week (well, past 9pm) and the GREAT man tells me that he has a deadline of 9am for the following morning for the esteemed Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

I went round to the other side of the bar to buy Scoop a lager shandy, and whaddya know - faster than a hand delivered hyperlocal (ish) news publication is delivered single handedly door-to-door around the town, yer man was back bashing away at his typewriter.

And so no surprises that with the 9am deadline delivered, so is the August edition of the organ of truth and justice. I bet the lager shandy is still standing at the bar back at The Greyhound.

Having bemoaned the Brightlingsea element of the Brotherhood in previous blog posts, it gives me great pleasure to see that Wivenhoe has something of a monopoly in the latest print run.

I like to view the relationship as one in which the never the twain live in glorious isolation, joined together at the hip in the form of a hyperlocal newspaper. If Scoop were ever to scarper, then the North Essex estuary Special Relationship would be as fractured as Scoop’s right elbow after bashing out his latest copy deadline.

Four front page stories, three with a Wivenhoe angle.

First up:

Former Councillor Campaigns for a Village Green.

“A former Wivenhoe Town Councillor is leading a campaign to gain village green status for public open space in Bowes Road. The land, which covers approximately one acre and is opposite Millfields School, became the centre of controversy last year when it was discovered that Elmstead Parish Council, who own the land, planned to sell if for development.”

Greedy developers, rival councils, village maidens carrying pints of warm beer (steady) - you could almost pen a concept album around the theme.

“Now Essex County Council, who have the power to grant the land village green status, are asking for the views of local residents.”

A HUGE hurrah for former Cllr Cyril Liddy, who has been continuing his fine civic service away from the cut and the thrust of the council chamber, and is actively campaigning to grant village green status for the land opposite Millfields.

“It should be protected from development, and people have until 2nd September to make their views known to Essex County Council.”

The good (ex) Cllr has more details over here.

A glance to the right of the front page lead and we have:

Preparing for the Big Jubilee Celebrations.

Aren’t we all, Comrades, aren’t we all…

“Preparations for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee local celebrations recently started in Wivenhoe when the town council hosted a meeting of interested volunteers.

A draft programme of events has been assembled… These celebrations are expected to include street parties on 2nd June, with a ball in the evening at the William Loveless Hall [where else] a special church service on the Sunday and party in the King George V Playing Field on the Monday.”

With May Fair falling the previous weekend, I’m abstaining from cheap cider and cream scones already.

“It is hoped that the party in the park will involve all age groups and will include entertainment such as a teddy bears’ picnic, a children’s pageant and a sports day with races. Other proposals include live music from a band, with the whole event ending with a fireworks display.”

Volunteers, as ever, are required. Contact the fine Town Clerk on 822864.

And to complete the BACK OF THE NET hat trick of Wivenhoe front page leads, save the best for last with:

Fund Raising Event for Radio Wivenhoe.

Keep it brief, Jase with the fabled 5 W’s:

WHO: Radio Wivenhoe.

WHAT: um a fundraiser.

WHERE: The Greyhound - hurrah!

WHY: ‘cos hyperlocal community broadcasting is a medium that is far superior to the banal big boys on oh so many levels.

WHEN: 3rd September, 12 noon onwards.

Sorted.

And that really should be yer lot from The Chronicle for this month, with every Wivenhoe angle covered on the front page. Has the whole of Brightlingsea buggered off on holiday or something?

But nope - wait, what’s this? Editorial independence, ‘n all that, but the GREAT MAN Scoop seems to favour our part of the estuary divide with yet further wanderings and word counts all about Wivenhoe.

Blimey.

Martin Newell’s Cabaret at The Greyhound.

Not wanting to suggest that the Wivenhoe social scene evolves around Mr Mule and The Greyhound, but…

“Martin Newell, the writer and musician currently describing himself as Wivenhoe’s leading light entertainer [ACE] will be doing another Saturday afternoon cabaret-style [and then some...] performance in the Upstairs restaurant of the Greyhound pub.

Newell, whose usual stock in trade includes poems, songs, rapid-fire stories and highly-risqué jokes [mouth like a sewer, Scoop, but splendid all the same] will be dedicating one part of his act to look at Colchester’s much maligned Hythe area.”

And hurrah for that.

Anyone who caught Sir Nartin’s Upstairs event at the start of the summer will recognise the randomness and radiance from Wivenhoe’s finest. Cakes - oh yes - comes your way once again from the scrumptious Well Bread local Wivenhoe cake emporium.

W*5 etc: Sir Nartin, filth and fun, Greyhound, pleasure, 20th August, 3pm. £4 on the door.

But it’s not all about the poetry and fine pastries. I’m a firm believer that you can pace the heartbeat of a town (blimey) by the success of its sporting teams.

Hang on…

Success for Tennis Club.

We’re not talking about Brightlingsea, either:

“Wivenhoe Town Tennis Club has gone from strength to strength this summer, enjoying a very successful season. With some matches still to be played, the men’s team has secured promotion from the 2nd to the 1st Division of the Colchester and District League, while the ladies’ team has secured promotion from the 3rd to the 2nd Division.”

Golden days up at Broad Lane it seems. Make the most of those memories.

Wivenhoe Memories Exhibition.

Seamless, Jase. Seamless.

“Local maritime history will be strongly featured at the forthcoming Wivenhoe Memories Exhibition to be held later this month. Maritime history covered will date back to the late 1500′s, and there will also be a display of model boats of the Seaplane and Wivenhoe Flyer.

Also on display will be numerous old photographs of local families, plus census reports dating back to 1841. Once again this annual event will be organised by local resident John Stewart, and it will be held at the William Loveless Hall [where else] over the August Bank Holiday weekend.”

The Bakehouse gets a charming piece of advertorial on page 8. Not exactly a filler, but worthy praise for a local restaurant I continually hear great things about of late. The three-course meal for £15 is something of a filler - and a bargain.

Across the road and:

Great Entertainment at Wivenhoe’s Church Ale Festival.

There’s a tale to be told about the crack PR team that managed to position this piece of wondrous copy in The Chronicle for this month. But I think you’d probably want to hear about the Wivenhoe Church Ale instead:

“Programmes for September’s two day medieval extravaganza - The Wivenhoe Church Ale - will soon be on sale. The family friendly festival is raising money for the maintenance of St Mary’s.”

It is also packing quite a punch in coming up with a hugely ambitious schedule for the weekend of 17th and 18th September.

More over on the ACE website. Much more over on Wiv Chat with the fine Marika.

And finally…

Folk Club - no edition of the esteemed organ of truth and justice would be complete without a plug for the pipe blowers [and SO much more...] up at The Flag and their monthly get-togethers:

“A new musical group whose aim is to help to return to the community some of the many folk songs collected by Ralph Vaughan Williams, Potiphar’s Apprentices [ACE name alert] will be the guest artistes at Wivenhoe Folk Club on 1st September.”

Ya see - I never did doubt Scoop could come up with his Wivenhoe leads with less than twelve hours to go and a slightly giddy tired and emotional outlook to the evening back in The Greyhound.

See you next month. Or next week. Or maybe even tonight.

Your round.

Serving Brightlingsea, Wivenhoe and Nearby Villages, another fortnight passes and whaddya know - it’s only a personal delivery of the esteemed Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Hurrah!

I often worry about those mystical Nearby Villages. I often worry about Brightlingsea, but for completely different reasons. It’s a fine job that the Chronicle does in covering a news patch (get you) that stretches out from the University all the way across to the coast.

Caught up in-between of course are those Nearby Village. Some may say the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea. That’s the high price to pay for living in Alresford, Comrades.

But anyway - applying a BIG BLACK MARKER to all the Brightlingsea and Nearby Villages news pieces [as ever - start yer own hyperlocal blog] and what are we left with within the Wivenhoe news beat?

Um…?

Not a great deal for this fortnight, folks. Wivenhoe has been closed this weekend. That’s what Latitude does for a small estuary fishing town. But flicking through the newsprint pages, and those hyperlocal Wivenhoe news stories are there to be treasured, much in the same way as finding a reduced price loaf of harvest grain up at the Co-op.

I’ve been a hungry man of late - both for local gossip and harvest grain.

Sailing into town this weekend (see what I have done there?) is of course the Wivenhoe Regatta. Scoop Scarpenter recognises this with the snappy p.3 headline of:

The Wivenhoe Regatta

Tell It Like It Is, my good man.

“The Wivenhoe Regatta will start this year on the evening of Friday 22nd July with a pram race in the lower part of the town, and with main maritime and quayside activities on Saturday 23rd July.

Pram racing will start at 7:15pm outside The Station pub and will finish at the Black Buoy, with “mother and baby” having to drink half a pint of beer at all the pubs in lower Wivenhoe.”

Cripes.

I hope we’re not including The Legion, the Colne Social Club, the Sailing Club… etc.

“High tide is at 6pm and the maritime activities commence at 4pm. These will include a raft race, several rowing races and barge and smack races.”

And *possibly* some bonkers bloke still trying to work out how best to paddle his bloody kayak.

Blimey.

If you’re relying upon more traditional transport on Regatta day, then take the p.4 advice of Scoop, when he informs us:

The 74 Isn’t the Same Anymore

Tell It Like… blah blah blah…

“Recently the 74 bus route between Colchester and Clacton underwent a time saving alteration. It now runs along Rectory Road, Wivenhoe and misses out The Avenue and Belle Vue Road.”

It also leaves plenty of passengers, both elderly and young, somewhat stranded. Donctha just love this time saving progress?

But wait! What’s this?

Just as you start to organise a hike across half of the town in order to meet your loved one (s) off the No. 74 from Clacton (Kiss Me Quick, Comrades) and Scoop rather helpfully adds:

“However, it’s not quite as simple as that. On Sundays and during the evening after 7pm it will continue to run on the old route along The Avenue and Belle Vue Road.

Talk about a Magical Mystery Tour. I wonder what our friends from Nearby Villages make of it all?

The BEST headline in The Chronicle this fortnight of course goes to:

Wivenhoe Beavers Bury a Time Capsule

*straight face, Jase. straight face*

“As part of the activities nationally to celebrate the 25th anniversary of Beavers Scouts, an organisation for boys and girls 6 to 8 years of age [ah - I see...] the 1st Wivenhoe Beavers marked the event recently by burying a time capsule locally.”

And jolly smart and smiling the little chaps and chappesses look in the photo call as well.

“Contained in the capsule were various items including letters from the children about facilities and items they have now, but were not available for youngsters of their age 25 years ago.”

Like the 74 bus?

Whoops.

But for all the bad jokes, it’s better to leave it to the (semi) professional big boys and girls:

Comedy Time at Wivenhoe

I think you know what’s coming, chuckle friends…

“The next meeting of Wivenhoe’s very own comedy club, the Wivenhoe Funny Farm, will be held on Thursday 21st July [um, day of publishing for this blog post...]

The line-up will include previews from this year’s Edinburgh Festival with performances by Kevin Shepherd and Catie Wilkins. As usual the club night will be held in Wivenhoe Town Cricket Club’s pavilion, Rectory Road. Doors open at 7pm for an 8pm start.”

Splendid.

On a similar theme:

An Afternoon of Live Music, muses upon:

“An afternoon of live music and fun for all the family will be provided at Wivenhoe Town Cricket Club on Sunday 24th July. The event will run from 1pm to 6pm and music will be provided by the bands Bouncing Off Concrete and Praying Mantis.

“Tickets are strictly limited, no sales on the gate. They can be purchased at the Horse and Groom pub or at the cricket club on match days.”

Anything else to add? Alresford? Elmstead Market? Little Bentley?

So near, yet so far.

Different world, Comrades. Different World.

And so it seems that the Wivenhoe Secret Millionaire, the mystery Mr X who wanted to donate £1.4m to help improve Broad Lane, has taken his ball and gone back home.

And who can blame him?

@TheGazette is reporting that the anonymous benefactor has put his generous offer “on hold because of residents’ apathy.”

Oh Lordy. Where to start here?

I’m always weary of anonymous benefactors. I’m not doubting the existence of Mr X’s millions, but for Wivenhoe residents to return the goodwill and show something other than apathy, then something more tangible needed to be put in place.

What exactly were we supposed to be backing in the first place?

There has been a huge time investment behind the scenes by the incredibly hard-working team that somehow manages to keep Wivenhoe Town FC punching above its weight. To understand how this enthusiasm has been met with such a wall of apathy in the town is not easy to understand.

I would argue that Mr X should have been more transparent to Wivenhoe locals. £1.4m is an incredibly generous donation. To dangle it in front of the town - but without any quantitative means to demonstrate the level of support in return - was clearly a mistake.

“The benefactor wanted to see if there was a will from the community,” was the only means in which to measure our interest. This was the message that came out of the packed public meeting held at the William Loveless Hall back in October.

Parameters should have been put in place that would pass the requirements of Mr X. What level of will exactly was he looking for in Wivenhoe? Pub gossip that this was a good idea? Some form of formal show of support? One thousand folk turning up to a community football match open day?

I personally have been very positive about the scheme ever since that first meeting back in October. But apart from bangin’ on about it on m’blog, or trying to navigate and make sense of the broadlanefuture.com website, I’m not entirely sure what other avenues were available for me to register my interest.

The publicity and PR has sadly been lost. Yep, we’re a sleepy estuary town, but it doesn’t mean that we are off the Essex news radar - witness the the screaming headlines that the May Fair non-story was able to generate.

The Chronicle rightly led with Mr X after the first meeting, but where to next to show your support? A follow up meeting was promised by the end of the year. Christmas came and went, and apart from a presence at the St Mary’s Christmas lights turn on, it appears that Broad Lane Future disappeared.

May Fair of course would have been the main calendar event in which Wivenhoe locals could register a show of support for Mr X. I was rather tired and emotional for most of the afternoon, but I didn’t see or hear anything about Broad Lane Future during my lost wanderings.

The broadlanefuture.com website itself sadly made it difficult to put across any positive show of support. When you are eventually able to find some meaningful content, it’s not exactly acting as a flag waver for Broad Lane Future:

“What kind of a website is this where there is only voting on what developments you want?

What about all the people who live on Elmstead Road who DO NOT WANT ANY DEVELOPMENT as we are well and truly sick and tired of traffic racing along this road and do not want to see ANY development taking place.”

Ouch.

Maybe the grand scheme of a possible swimming pool, a multi-use gym and a community centre etc was just too… broad for Broad Lane. Is it really what the community wants up at the top end of the town? The project hasn’t exactly been the word on the street, something that Mr X had hoped to hear after the first headlines appeared.

With the University offering a recently refurbished gym right next door, I would argue that all that is really needed in Wivenhoe is a swimming pool. Which is the exact same conversation I remember having back in 1990 during my first appearance around these parts…

Which is all such a shame because the space up at Broad Lane has plenty of potential, not to mention the unquestionable goodwill of those that are currently putting in a great deal of time and effort. The Society for Children Affected with Neurological Symptoms is now using the clubhouse during the week as a social base in which to meet.

Meanwhile:

“Some plans for the site were in the pipeline, including allotments, with a £50,000 grant application going to Essex County Council’s Big Society Fund.”

Ah - there’s no such thing as society, just… #bigsociety.

Blimey.

Is it too late for Wivenhoe to try and convince Mr X that Broad Lane has a future? Does Broad Lane have a future without Mr X? What might that be, and how the chuffers do we actually put across our views?

All questions, no answers I’m afraid.

Serving Brightlingsea, Wivenhoe and Nearby Villages, the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play that is The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is with us once again.

Hurrah!

It’s a cracking read in The Chronicle once again this fortnight. With those out of towners @TheGazette getting it all so very wrong over the May Fair story, it is pleasing to see local scribe Scoop Scarpenter present a Tell It Like It Is approach to local news reporting.

But first - how’s about a pic of a handsome chap wearing a gold chain, grinning out at you from the front cover?

Oh goody.

The Towns’ New Mayors is the lead, with a nice photo (taken by a hit and miss snapper) of Councillor Needham, the new Mayor of Wivenhoe:

“Born and bred in Wivenhoe, Robert Needham is now starting his third year on Wivenhoe Town Council. He is a former police dog handler and Sergeant, serving with Essex Police over a period of 30 years, and later becoming Community Operations Manager for Colchester Borough Council.”

He also runs a tight ship when it comes to chairing meetings, not to mention being a charming host at Open Gardens.

The Chronicle also documents Mayor Needham’s work on the severe weather policy for the town, as well as his role in helping to set up Helping Hands in the town.

“Wivenhoe is certainly diverse.”

We wish him well..

Likewise for Radio Wivenhoe, the new online broadcasting station that has been set up down at the Business Centre, which gets the p.2 treatment. Mr Mule writes:

“Wivenhoe now has its own radio station which will go live in early July. The station was initially the idea of Jerry Davis, who’s long harboured ambitions to create a radio station in the area.”

The Chronicle reports how forty volunteers turned up at The Greyhound last week to express an interest. The medium term plan is to apply for a community radio licence in 2013.

“Many of the volunteers seemed to be of the opinion that insufficient radio airtime was being allocated to forms of music outside of mainstream tastes. A majority of people at the meeting thought that Wivenhoe had the flair and breadth of talent to eventually create a radio station tailored to the town’s own needs.”

Not ‘arf.

The first Wiv Chat recording with a hit and miss *ahem* broadcaster has already been lined up for this week.

Blimey.

“For listeners, Radio Wivenhoe can be found at www.radiowivenhoe.co.uk. The email address is [email protected].”

You could even try [email protected]

Cripes.

Keeping with the Chronicle's catchy headlines, Independent Booksellers Week of Activities once again Tells It Like It Is:

“A number of activities for people of all ages will be organised in Wivenhoe as part of the Independent Booksellers Week. Run locally by the ever enterprising [and then some] Wivenhoe Bookshop, events start on 17th June at 6:30pm with a book launch of Truth or Dare, a collection of short stories.”

The Bookshop’s brilliant blog contains further… reading. Plus this might be an apt occasion to publish once again the first of hopefully many more @audioboo’s to come from the Bookshop.

Local scribe and all round good chap, Ben Thomas (@Heskey1992) writes an ACE May Fair round up on p.6: Musical May Fair Never Fails to Entertain.

Ben covers all three main stages, taking in the commanding Ady Johnson, the rising local star Lou Terry and even the festival favourite, the bonkers Mr Sonic Manipulator.

“This year’s event has certainly left the large crowd pleased with the musical performances. Individuals who had travelled from across the country and further afield had nothing but positive reviews about the year’s entertainment.”

A separate news story on p. 11 runs with:

“Disturbances Break Out at the May Fair“

It’s a clever journo trick played by Scoop, and one that the likes of @The Gazette would do well to learn from. May Fair 2011 was mainly about the music. You can’t cover up the police presence towards the end, but this wasn’t the headline news here.

“By mid afternoon there appeared to be a number of drunken youths acting aggressively and there were reports of bottles being thrown at members of the public and also fights breaking out in the field, in the adjacent wooded area, and also in The Avenue, Wivenhoe.

After calls were made to the police, two officers at first arrived, but by 6pm more than 40 police officers had been deployed to Wivenhoe to handle the various incidents.”

Hardly the “hundreds of youths” that @TheGazette got slightly over-excited with in its irresponsible, and inaccurate, reporting.

The Chronicle continues:

“A 20 year-old man from Marks Tey had been arrested prior to the main disturbance on suspicion of being drunk and disorderly and has since been charged with this offence and two offences of criminal damage.

Two 15 year-old boys were arrested just before 8pm on suspicion of assault and they have been bailed until 17th July while enquiries continue.”

Tell It Like It Is.

Meanwhile, the Battle of the May Fair makes for sombre reflection. Time to plan for 2012…

Moving on…

Who fancies an evening covering “immigration, religion, Zionism, Islamic jihad and the ongoing problem of people who are not yet middle class?”

Cripes.

Liam Mullone will bring all the above of to Wivenhoe during his performance at the Funny Farm at the Cricket Club 30th June. The Chronicle also reports Juliet Meyers and David Hannant are also appearing.

Meanwhile:

“Have you thought about joining the scouting adventure as a leader?”

Um…

p.7 carries the very urgent need for Wivenhoe Scouts to recruit a new scouting top dog. Further details via [email protected].

Ivan Sage writes a lovely review on p.10 of Wivenhoe’s ADP Theatre School’s production of Around the World 2 - Return Ticket, recently performed in Clacton. The show heads to the Charter Hall in Colchester on 25th June.

Local legends The Medlars meddling at Wivenhoe Folk Club on 7thJuly at The Flag are featured on p. 12; sharing the space is mention of the Helping Hands AGM at the Sailing Club on 16th June at 7:30pm. New volunteers welcome…

Now Hear This:

“The Hearing Care Centre will be holding its next Wivenhoe Open Day on 29th June at Wivenhoe Eyecare Opticians, 1 Belle Vue Road. Free, no obligation hearing tests and expert-advice on any hearing related problems are available.”

The Spanish Paintings exhibition at the Wivenhoe Gallery gets a plug on p.14, and that as they say is adios from Scoop for the next fortnight.

Fine work, fella.

Rumours of the demise of the esteemed organ of truth and justice that is The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle are as premature as rumours of the demise of my king size courgette.

Sure, it took a bit of a battering the other day (courgette, not the Chronicle) but both still stand proud and mighty; both equally respected as they are eagerly awaited once a fortnight.

Recent conversations around the town have led to some doubt about the future of The Chronicle. Wivenhoe is built upon rumour and assumptions. If you were to dig a big hole at the foot of Black Buoy Hill, you’d find buried away some of the many myths that have been doing the rounds over the centuries, usually after an afternoon spent boozing away.

Is there a Roman bath along Bath Street? Is Bowie the *shhh* secret headliner for May Fair? Has the Chronicle chronicled local life around these parts for the very last time?

Two out of three ‘aint bad, my lovelies…

And so with a rusty squeak of the old letterbox, and a cheerful smile from Scoop as he wanders off into some magical Wivenhoe kingdom for dreamers and journos: it’s only the May 2011 edition of The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Hurrah!

As is now customary on m’blog, I don’t give a blind man’s buff about those buggers down the road at Brightlingsea. Nice enough folk ‘n all that, but as ever, start yer own b****y hyperlocal blog, Comrades.

And so a turning of the grubby newsprint, and we’re straight in with all the local news and scandal that is fit to print about Wivenhoe. How about starting with The Local Election Results?

Oh Lordy.

Except there wasn’t any seismic change in the local political landscape in the May elections that have just passed. Smiling Councillor Steve Ford continues to smile away down at the Quay, doing his #workingforwivenhoe red flag waving. His Comrade in the Colchester coalition (cripes) - the young man about town Councillor Mark Cory - kept his LibDem seat up at the Cross.

Wivenhoe Town Council meanwhile is left with two spanners short of a full toolbox, with two new Councillors needed for co-option to complete the full quota of thirteen.

Scoop reports:

“At Wivenhoe, Steve Ford, Labour, comfortably retained the town’s Quay ward, securing 1,279 votes, more than double that of his nearest rival, the Conservative candidate Mercedes Mussard [ACE name.]

Waving the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play, Scoop adds:

“It was an exceptionally good achievement by this particularly active Labour candidate, once described by the Deputy Prime Minister Harriet Harman during one of her visits as being one of the hardest working local councillors in the region.”

Hear, hear (to the hardest working, and not in praise of the fragrant Hattie. Phew.)

But don’t just look at little Wivenhoe; nope - move up the map and towards the bigger picture of the Cross. The Chronicle reports:

“Across much of the country there were dismal results for the Liberal Democrats, but in the Wivenhoe Cross ward, Mark Cory, the young 23 year old candidate [easy, ladies] helped to stem the tide against his party, retaining the seat with the support of 673 votes.”

It of course helped the cause of the “young” Cllr Cory (what is this - a Grace Brothers sitcom?) that the #workingforwivenhoe red flag flying comrades pretty much deserted the locals during the campaign, concentrating on the campus instead.

Whoops.

To complete the local political picture, the Chronicle lead concludes:

“There was no election for places on Wivenhoe Town Council as only ten candidates stood for the thirteen available seats.”

It was actually eleven candidates, but then that simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play probably got lost down a back seat at The Greyhound.

Passing over all the Brightlingsea puff, and then on p.2 we come across:

Art and Poetry in the Trenches.

Walk it like you talk it, Comrades:

“A one day course entitled Art and Poetry in the Trenches, presented by Graham Slimming and Colin Padgett, will be run by the WEA in Wivenhoe next month. This course will be held on 11th June at the Congregational Hall, from 10:30am to 4pm.”

Janice Allen on 824470 secures you a booking.

My eyes were momentarily fixed upon the big blueness that is the advert for Brightlingsea Open Air Swimming Pool as the p.3 pin up. I am historically a man suited to an outdoor aquatic lifestyle. Fifteen summers have been spent swimming in unheated lidos.

I spent one spring afternoon walking past the Brightlingsea Open-Air Pool / oversized duck pond, and thought, nah - that’s no pool, my friends: that’s a large hole in the ground with a bit of a drainage situation.

There’s Plenty of Entertainment at the May Fair [*cough* Bowie] is the p.4 headline. It’s pretty much a run through of the May Fair Committee press release, covering the fact that a rather ace line up including Ady Johnson (see) local lad Lou Terry (MUST see) Cav OK (pals) and Housework (hardest working band in, um, Sunny Colch) will all be helping you to get tired and emotional at the KGV, come Bank Holiday Monday.

Pages 10 and 11 cover a couple of lovely, lovely local stories, which although haven’t been picked up the nationals, they certainly represent the charm and quality in which the Chronicle is so respected for locally.

Hearing Dogs for Deaf People… is all about the Hearing Day Centre which runs a weekly hearing clinic at the lovely Wivenhoe Eyecare. The target of £5,000 has just been reached to help sponsor a hearing dog:

“The centre has been raising funds over several years for Hearing Dogs for Deaf People, through donations from its clients, and larger events such as golf days.”

Meanwhile, Deans’ Nursery and Garden Centre Celebrates Fifty Years of Trading pretty much Tells It Like It Is in the headline for a story with a very proud local Wivenhoe history:

“In the late 1950s two young brothers, having just completed a horticultural course at the Writtle Agricultural College near Chelmsford, started to grow outdoor tomatoes in Wivenhoe. The brothers, Anthony and Steve Dean, son of the Wivenhoe GP, the late Dr William Dean, ran this modest enterprise behind the old cemetery just off Belle View Road.”

The business is now based on the Harwich Road at Great Bromley. It is managed by Sarah Dean, the granddaughter of Dr Dean. It may be a puff piece of advertorial, but it’s a lovely read in The Chronicle, rightfully celebrating half a century of trading from a local business.

An Afternoon Upstairs with Martin Newell on p.12 once again tells you all you need to know. With locally baked cakes being promised upstairs at The Greyhound on the afternoon of 11th June, tickets are selling like… hot cakes. Seriously - get yourself down to the Bookshop for a £4 bargain.

Wivenhoe’s Funny Farm for this Thursday (26th) gets a plug on p.15.

“Headliner is the outrageous Californian comic Scott Capurro, familiar to watchers of 8 out of 10 cats. MC will be Wivenhoe’s very own [and most splendid] Hazel Humphreys. The show starts at the Cricket Club at 8pm with £6 on the door.”

And finally…

Mrs. Ackroyd at the Wivenhoe Folk Club.

Cripes.

“On 2nd June, Wivenhoe Folk Club are hosting Mrs. Ackroyd as their main guests. Mrs. Ackroyd is a band, not a person.”

Blimey.

It is this type of bonkers news in brief that separates the wheat from the chaff, and also separates the exceedingly splendid Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle from some of the crap that gets pushed our way via the nationals.

The Chronicle may be in rude health, but that’s a fine position in which to preach from.

The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is distributed free amongst local households. Additional copies are 25p from local newsagents.

Having spent six months in Wivenhoe and one afternoon in Brightlingsea (it was closed…) I feel suitably qualified in assessment to say that the esteemed Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is a bit back to front.

I know that it is all about respecting tradition, and probably pleasing advertisers - and rightfully so; but I reckon that the Wivenhoe Chronicle Incorporating Bits of Brightlingsea as an Added Back Page Bonus would make for a snappy newsstand title a the Co-op.

But hey hoe - what do I know?

So yeah, rejoice rejoice - a drop through the letterbox and blimey: it’s only another month and another copy of the ACE Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Overlooking the Brightlingsea news patch (please do) and we’re straight in with the news stories that the charming Scoop Scarpenter has been uncovering around these parts of late.

The front page is a shared effort with our Brightlingsea buddies covering the *shhh* Town and Borough local elections. I refer my honourable friends to the answer I gave in the blog post below.

Hilary Lazell’s Forthcoming Exhibition is the lead Wivenhoe story on p3:

“A Wivenhoe book illustrator will have an exhibition of her work at Colchester’s renowned independent bookshop Red Lion Books. The exhibition, Fairy Tales, will run from Thursday 21st April for a month.

One of her more unusual local commissions will be familiar to diners at Wivenhoe’s Upstairs restaurant at The Greyhound. Here she covered two walls with a mural depicting a slightly saucy story involving a beautiful French cafe dancer.”

Blimey.

A slightly saucy story French cafe dancer is just what I want before I tuck into my prawn cocktail.

The Community Safety Meeting coming up on 28th April in the Town Council gets a mention, as does the WivSoc Heritage Walk on the morning of 8th May.

The Pop Genius of this Parish pens an honest and thoroughly enjoyable read in his review of Oklahoma:

“At a potentially daunting run-time of somewhere under three hours, there was something about the breezy atmosphere of this Mary Williamson production, which made the time fly.”

A gold star for the Pop Genius for managing to slip in the Linda Lovelace reference - hurrah!

Jez Lowe and the Bad Pennies at the Folk Club at The Flag on 5th May get a plug, as does Around the World Two - Return Ticket, the latest production from Wivehoe based ADP Theatre, with two performances at the West Cliff Theatre in Clacton on 21st May.

And that’s about yet lot for local Wivenhoe news in the Chronicle this month. The Wivenhoe Chronicle Incorporating Bits of Brightlingsea as an Added Back Page Bonus hasn’t yet been submitted to print. It does seem something of a slow news month around these parts though.

The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is distributed free amongst local households. Additional copies are 25p from local newsagents.

A creak of the old letterbox, a scared (and crazed) cat runs for cover and whaddya know - it’s only the latest copy of the esteemed Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Blimey.

As I’m now an adopted son of *shhh* Brightlingsea, then I feel that I ought to bang on about all the fine news stories that the good Scoop Scarpenter has been seeking out concerning our friends at the other end of the B1207.

But bugger to that. An evening with WTC was sufficient for the finer detail this week. Apologies to m’Brightlingsea bro’s and sisters - I’m skipping straight to the heart of the matter and making the most of the Wivenhoe half of Scoop’s news patch.

Which in reality means thumbing through to p.7 and The Hub - a Welcoming Venue for Young People:

“An awareness evening was held recently at the Hub, formally the Wivenhoe Youth Centre, highlighting the diverse amenities available at this venue for young people.”

Hurrah!

“Amenities at the centre include a coffee bar, floodlit basketball and football, pool, darts, DJ mixing desk, air hockey, 32 inch TV screen and two laptops.”

The Hub is indeed a major success story for Wivenhoe. Any volunteers would be warmly welcomed…

You wait for one Wivenhoe story in the Chronicle, and then just as an extra slice of birthday cake settles you down in the rocking chair (seriously) for the afternoon, along come two on the same page.

p.7 continues with: Town Meets Gown:

“The Mayor and Mayoress of Wivenhoe, Brian and Jan Sinclair, accompanied by Dilly Meyer, International Academy Skills Centre Manager at the University of Essex, welcomed 30 students and 40 local residents to a social evening at the William Loveless Hall [where else...]“

My Mayor has done a great deal for the Town and Gown delicate balancing act during his period of civic service. He somehow pulled off the rather remarkable negotiating skills of giving a stern telling off to the Estate Manager regarding the Knowledge Gateway road closure farce, yet still managed to end up passing on the goodwill of the town towards the University..

Similarly in persuading the ‘youthful high spirits’ of some students out on the Wivenhoe Run to apologise to local publicans and residents, before welcoming them back into Wivenhoe for more booze.

Blimey.

Councillor Steve Ford writes on p.10 more about the 20mph Zones in Wivenhoe:

“The majority of people in Wivenhoe know that a 20mph speed zone is going to be introduced in the area below the railway bridge. What many people do not know is that Colchester Borough Council has agreed, in principle, to look at the introduction of 20mph zones in all residential areas.”

Tellingly, the Cllr concluded by adding:

“Extensive consultation and engagement with the community of Colchester needs time and some monies, which in this present economic climate, is not yet available.”

Here’s hoping that when the wonga is finally freed up, whatever administration is currently sitting at the Town Hall won’t forget to carry out the consultation.

There’s little argument against 20′s plenty (although a guarded effort was attempted to derail it at Monday’s WTC meeting.) It makes sense in lower Wivenhoe, with only Station Road being a possible problem area to enforce.

A brief mention of the AGM of the Workers Education Association on 4th April at the Methodist Hall, as well as a heads up for WivSoc’s riverbank clean up at 10am on the 10th then follows.

And then we’re into the Wivenhoe arty territory, which holds far more editorial entertainment. Helen Chambers‘ review of Jack and the Beanstalk is bang on the money, when stating:

“Brian Ford’s script was very witty and clever, and I admired Matt Linley’s direction. Sarah Rout, as Silly Billy, gave a flawless performance. Hazel Humphreys (Jack) has stand-up comedy credentials.”

Talking of seamless comedy timing: Wivenhoe’s Very Own Comedy Club adds on p.13:

“Wil Hodgson will be performing at Wivenhoe’s very own comedy club, the Funny Farm. The club night will be held on 31st March at the Cricket Club.”

Oklahoma! gets a brief plug, as does the Colne Community College Choir’s concert at the Congregational Hall on the 2nd April. Local artist Annie Bielecka exhibition at the Red Lion Bookshop in Colchester also gets a mention.

Which all leaves us with the snappy Chronicle headline on p.15 of: New Facial Aesthetics Centre is Officially Opened by Town’s Mayor.

Cripes.

“A new local business, the Wivenhoe Faceplace, was officially opened by the Mayor of Wivenhoe. The new venture is a facial aesthetics centre, specialising in rejuvenating anti-wrinkle injections, dermal fillers, lip enhancements and tooth whitening.”

I couldn’t possibly comment on the potential for customers within Wivenhoe. I can pass comment however on Mr Mayor’s fine stance in supporting the business. As explained to WTC on Monday evening:

“Faceplace very kindly donated a £200 voucher for the Mayor’s Charity Auction. I am happy to support any business that helps to raise money locally.”

Hear, hear.

Must dash - time to moisturise.

The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is distributed free amongst local households. Additional copies are 25p from local newsagents.

Slightly off the pace with this one, but blimey - it’s only The Wivenhoe Society Newsletter, Winter 2011.

Hurrah!

You wait a whole month for one esteemed local publication packed full of intrigue and developments, and then along come three all at once. The Chronicle, the Town Council Newsletter and now WivSoc.

What I like about Wivenhoe and the #hyperlocal media within is that there is broadly a consensus. Sure, issues such as the clogged up Clingoe Hill are going to divide (or even unite) but The Chronicle, the Town Council and WivSoc are concerned with the same positive agenda, and offering similar pragmatic solutions.

But first of all - how about a picture showing some men waving handkerchiefs and skipping around Black Buoy Hill?

Blimey.

The front pic for WivSoc this Winter features the wonderful Boxing Day Morris Men of Colchester, entertaining the boozers of the Black Buoy. Or maybe it was the other way round?

Moving on, and the Message from the Chair - the good Tom Roberts - reads as a call to arms for more local support of WivSoc:

“Our committee is much smaller than it should be. In short, we need more of our large membership to volunteer to help run the Society or it will cease to function.”

A good starting point would be to attend the AGM at The Nottage on 30th March. Get a feel for the fine work being undertaken, and then think about what you have to offer Wivenhoe, rather than what Wivenhoe can offer you as some great world leader no doubt once said.

The Chair’s introduction piece then addresses planning. The proposal to build one 3-bedroom, three 4-bedroom and four 5-bedroom houses at Ten Acres takes on a rational approach. The WivSoc view is one of pragmatism, recognising:

“Your average developer would have applied for - and probably got - permission to build a far greater number of homes on the site, but this plan is very sensitive to the site and minimises the loss of trees.”

A “great disappointment” is observed at the plan to build nine houses on the patch of grass in front of the undertakers (cripes) on Rectory Road, with the “bland design” being noted.

Tellingly (and wisely) the Chair concludes:

“It is odd that we can increase the population fourfold, with all that implies in vastly increased council tax revenue, yet when it is finally acknowledged that a new health centre is needed, the funding is not there to buy residential land for it, so it has to go on agricultural land on the edge of the town!”

Jane Black that adds her considerable experience in where and how to comment upon planning applications within Wivenhoe. Your first port of call should be over here… Similar advice was recently given in the Town Council Newsletter.

The excellent Annual Wine Tasting evening, held at the Congregational Hall last November, is then given a write up by the good Dave Harrison. Memories are slightly hazy; there’s logic in documenting your life online, dontcha know…

The WivSoc Post-Christmas Party also gets a short piece (perhaps *too* small, given the grand nature of the evening at the Loveless Hall.) Many thanks to Jean Coverley for the excellent food, as well as showing good editorial judgement in not publishing a picture of some dodgy bloke wearing a pair of braces.

The Uni_of_Essex Knowledge Gateway is then given over to some background reading, with the piece being written before the rather ‘lively’ local meeting down at The Nottage. I hear a whisper that the meeting has made the front page of the next issue of Wivenhoe News (um, blessed by local media, aren’t we?)

Councillor Robert Needham has penned a moving piece all about Wivenhoe’s Men of Trafalgar. This is a wonderful piece of local research, and is certainly worthy of a read [happy to re-publish online, if an electronic copy comes my way...]

Looking Forward to Spring Flowers is all about, um, looking forward to spring flowers. Hurrah! Aren’t we all?

“Wivenhoe in Bloom have successfully planted over 3,000 crocuses in the greensward on either side of Rosabelle Avenue and by the bus stop on the High Street, as well as 500 scilla in the boats outside the William Loveless Hall, on the corner of De Vere Lane and other sites in the village.”

Cripes.

Better luck with the budding than I have had with my 70 dodgy daffodil bulbs from B & Q.

The ace Off the Rails writes a piece on p.8, all about the Vintage Mobile Cinema Bus at the station on 6th February. If you’re reading this whilst the online ink is still fresh, then you may just make the cinematic spectacular.

The Parish Paths Partnership updates with news of recent work, including finance woes from both local and national government, and speculation that this project would be just perfect for the #bigsociety.

Some young charlatan around town waffles on overleaf, all about Introducing the Wivenhoe Forum.

Oh Lordy.

We’ve just past the fifty-membership mark. If you sign up over here, then I promise to think seriously about taking part in the Boxing Day Morris Dancing come next Christmas.

The good folk of Transition Town Wivenhoe report back from the excellent work currently in progress to obtain a twenty-five year lease for the Station Master’s House from Network Rail. The Town Council puts in a call for ideas to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and then that lot over at the Brightlingsea Society also get a big up.

And finally…

Save the most important until last: Membership of the Wivenhoe Society is £8 for a family or couple (love the idea of encouraging courting…) or £5 for a single person. Reduced rates of £6 and £3 for those without an income.

It’s not all about membership and joining however. This is just the first step to having an active role in the way local issues are handled around Wivenhoe. The social scene is rather wonderful as well.

Disclaimer: I am a member of the Wivenhoe Society, although not a committee member. All views expressed within this blog post are mine alone, and not that of the committee, or the Society in general.

It’s a busy time for the letterboxes of Wivenhoe right now. Dropping on the doormats is The Chronicle, the WivSoc Newsletter (more to follow) and the Wivenhoe Town Council Newsletter. That’s either a cracking read for the weekend, or a free supply for the cat litter tray, depending on your point of view.

I fall into the positive category. WTC are something of an unloved lot, carrying out some fine work with often no reward. Councillor Needham quotes in the latest update from the Pop Genius of this Parish, with the wise words coming from the pages of the wonderful A Prospect of Wivenhoe:

“The WTC of recent times has always been rather nice and approachable. It chiefly comprises of people who know the worth of the place and love living here. Sometimes there are cock up… it would be unusual if there were not. At other times - when not hamstrung by the far larger Borough Council - our Councillors do genuinely good and valuable work, much of it behind the scenes.”

Hear, hear.

The Newsletter itself is a run through of common issues that the Town Council comes against, as well as opening up the decision making process for Wivenhoe locals.

Planning, as ever, is top of the pile. Pertinent is the explanation that:

“When a planning application is made, the decision over whether to allow or refuse it is made by the planning committee at Colchester Borough Council. WTC is always consulted in an advisory capacity, but does not actually make the decision.”

Local knowledge is the key. This is a model that dates back to the town elders (arf!) advising, albeit with no absolute power to implement. It must be a difficult balancing act in trying to move forward, yet sill retaining what makes Wivenhoe so special for many.

Councillor Penny Kraft pens a short piece praising Mick and Lesley Wells, the team that manages the William Loveless Hall. More than sixty different clubs use the facility, with discount for hire available to local residents.

The possibility of developing the green space opposite Millfields School is also mentioned in the newsletter. With Elmstead Parish Council actually owning the land, the hands of WTC seem tied.

Although no formal planning permission has been made at present, plans are already in place to try and keep away the developers. The most inventive of these is an application that has been lodged to convert it to Village Green status.

Councillor Cyril Liddy writes a passage explaining the consultation to increase the WTC to thirteen Councillors from the current tally of eleven. Once again it is worth emphasising that this is a volunteer role. No budget will be eaten into - it is simply a necessity of the increased workload.

Mr Mayor, Brian Sinclair, updates locals about the situation on the roads following the recent run of bad weather. Put simply, gritting every highway within Wivenhoe is not an option. With Essex County Highways funds for the grit in short supply, WTC took the decision itself to buy a pallet of salt, which still wasn’t sufficient.

Councillor Liddy also writes a personal view on the future of the old Engine Shed behind the railway station. It is a depressing, but pragmatic read, with Councillor Liddy concluding:

“I think that it is time that we faced up to the fact that the building will never now be saved. We should discard our sentimental attachment to the flapping asphalt roof, the scaffolding and the drab fence boards. Paradoxically it is protected from demolition, but not from dereliction.”

Councillor Liddy calls for the Secretary of State to de-list the building, and use the land for a purpose that will help to improve Wivenhoe. Further car parking for the train station is mentioned.

Speaking of pragmatism, Councillor Needham pens the most telling piece in the WTC Newsletter, offering up a view on how to deal with the cuts on a local level:

“CBC has previously awarded an annual grant support grant to Wivenhoe and all other town and parish councils in the district. In Wivenhoe, the grant is worth approximately £32,500. CBC has cut the grant by 50%.”

Blimey.

“If you are interested in hearing how we are tackling this financial storm, pop in to one of the monthly Council meetings. The genuinely good and valuable work doesn’t necessarily have to be behind the scenes.”

Ah - now *there’s* an idea…

*plus top marks for WTC in enabling Transition Town Wivenhoe to have a flyer distributed to every house with the Newsletter.*

A slight concern over recent weeks as it seems that my little hyperlocal patch of Wivenhoe missed out on any Chronicle action over the Christmas period. But then come Saturday night, and I heard tales of the legend that is Scoop Scarpenter wandering around the town, delivering copies of the esteemed Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

The hyperlocal news cycle is continuous. Early Sunday morning, and with a hangover just starting to kick start my day, and there was Scoop, making a lunge for my letterbox with the February 2011 edition.

Hurrah!

And so here’s a brief headline updates of what’s in the Chronicle for Wivenhoe locals this month. Brightlingsea locals, lovely though I’m sure you are, can go and bugger off. Or start your own hyperlocal blog…

Local Police Station To Be Closed is the lead story.

“The decision by Essex Police to close their station at Brightlingsea, and their office in the High Street at Wivenhoe, and move their personnel to work out of the town’s fire stations has been met with considerable local dismay by residents.”

This is a win / win story for the Chronicle, covering both patches of the circulation footprint. Scoop has taken the story further, conducting a “random verbal poll,” probably in The Station, I’d wager.

Chin chin.

We discover from the results:

“There is almost disbelief that the police office will be transferred to a site adjacent to fields on the outskirts of town.”

This feeling of “disbelief” is deduced from a sample of 70 Wivenhoe locals, with only five residents thinking that the closure of the police station is not a matter for concern.

In response, Essex Police point out that the majority of calls for Wivenhoe are coming in from *ahem* the University, which will now be closer to our fine police officers, once the move to the Fire Station takes place in March.

But it’s not all about the old Bill in The Chronicle this month. For those of a flag flying persuasion, celebrating the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee may be of interest:

“Wivenhoe Town Council is setting up a working party to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee in 2012. Several Councillors are involved, but they would like two or three members from the community to join the working party.”

I’m up for half of this suggestion - the party part. With personal plans for the Royal Wedding currently being put in place (based roughly around trying to avoid the happy couple) then no surprises that the Diamond Jubilee has yet to make it into my diary.

Given the Regal occasion, how about something based around Queens Road? It could even be an anti-street party, with the road opened up for traffic once again.

*HUGE irony insert there, btw…*

But let’s keep it positive. Page 2 of The Chronicle carries the story of Wivenhoe Eyecare picking up an Excellent Customer Service Award at the Colchester District Business Awards, 2010. Congratulations to all involved.

Poetry Wivenhoe is given a plug for 24th January at The Greyhound, as is the Folk Club for the 3rd February (no longer at The Greyhound, but now bedding down rather well up at The Flag).

Keeping it cultural and p.6 reports on the Gilbert and Sullivan Society production of Oklahoma! I really wish Mr G & S didn’t add an exclamation mark to their well-known body of work. I studied the Chronicle G & S Soc to Perform Oklahoma! headline for all of five minutes, yet still couldn’t see the joke. Hey hoe. 15th - 19th March is the run, with performances, as ever, at the William Loveless Hall. Tickets are on sale at both post offices.

Meanwhile, any news piece which states:

“There will be no bar and therefore revellers attending should arrive with their own drink and glasses…”

…gets the thumbs aloft from me. Mr Mayor’s “Forces Sweethearts” dance will be taking place on 12th February at, um, the William Loveless Hall, raising funds for our fine Mayor’s Charity Fund.

And that’s about yer lot from this month in the brilliant Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle. Now then - who is friendly enough with the good Scoop Scarpenter to have a very kind word, and try and sort out a plug for the growing Wivenhoe Forum in the March edition?

The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is distributed free amongst local households. Additional copies are 25p from local newsagents.