Carry on Canoeing
To the canoes! …came the call at high water on Sunday morning. To Sunny Colch as well.
Cripes.
But first, what about carrying those ultra light kayaks down to the Quay without causing another nuclear domestic around the peripheries of Park Road? I think that the girl and I just about got away with, encased in black rubber from snout down to rubber socks. Fancy a toe suck, my dear?
The plan was to cadge a lift on the Colne, just as high water was starting to hit the muddy launch of the Sailing Club hard. A conversation here, a flirt there, and whaddya know – three hours later and we finally launched in an inch of water.
Well, not quite, but it just proves the theory that you can’t plan and time keep when in Wivenhoe.
I almost lost the old girl during the launch (the kayak, not @AnnaJCowen) but finally found arse, elbow and oar, all in ship shape sailing sequence as we made a majestic manoeuvre in full view of the Rose and Crown quaffers.
This is the catwalk of Wivenhoe – a comparison that works on oh so many levels. It is not the best place for an inexperienced canoe kid to put himself on show, poncing around with pretensions of 2012 in the water.
A wetsuit just got a little wetter.
Whoops.
Anyway, past the mouth of the Roman River, which was looking rather hungry and tempting as we considered cutting out Sunny Colch and keeping it hyper-hyperlocal.
But have high water, will travel.
We raised an oar up towards the Rowhedge land lovers – no high society catwalk expectations to live up to here – not so much a fashion show but a freak show. Ah, but from which side of the water?
And then it was all plain sailing.
Sort of.
The expanse and width of the Colne increases substantially as soon as you enter the stretch just past Wivenhoe Wood. The tidal current becomes choppy and you need to choose the right stream in order to make the water flow work for you.
@AnnaJCowen was rather, um, shit at this, taking the tidal current and becoming caught in the slipstream that sucked her right into the orifice that is the Pooh Factory reprocessing plant just ahead of the Hythe. It’s a dirty job, etc, and the mucky pup didn’t exactly come up smelling of roses.
The majestic lighthouse ship was the next landmark on the radar. The sheer size and nautical glory of this impressive lady can only really be appreciated whilst looking up at her old and faded beauty.
Reminds me of an ex- girlfriend I thought, as I pushed ahead and paddled on towards the new Hythe housing.
This then becomes the most interesting part of the exploration. Mother Nature gives way to manufacturing. You get to witness at water level the remains of what was once the industrial heartbeat of the Hythe.
Burnt out old hulls line up along the water, like a scene from a classical navy painting depicting some long lost Naval sea battle that ended up in carnage. The Colchester equivalent is probably just Yoof getting his kicks with a box of matches.
Old warehouse winches (not wenches) look down upon you, having long since lost the need, or means, to keep the Colne operational. The towpath is no longer trading. Instead it hides away all the old junk that the Hythe has to offer.
Destination Sunny Colch in sight, and we carried on with the canoe thing. Our Sunday morning North Essex paddle took on the twist of an Amazonian exploration, with the narrowing water requiring a delicate guiding of the girth of the canoe.
“That’s no river, Madam – it’s but a minor urine stream being released from the weak bladder of Sunny Colch.”
We took care not to disturb the splendour of the swans and their signet (shit scared, to be honest) and soon East Hill was on the horizon.
Um, and now what?
To Wivenhoe!
Hurrah!
We caught the Colne’s high water on the retreat, and drifted back downstream. Luncheon was being served on the decks, cyclists were carefree and car free along the Trail and the Ferry was doing the Rowhedge rendez vous thing.
Talk is of a Brightlingsea sailing before the season is out. Black rubber suits and a sausage in batter along the beach.
Brilliant.






















































































