NatWest T20 Blast, Kia Oval, Essex 155-5 (18.5ovs) beat Surrey 151-6 (20ovs) by five wickets.

To The Oval! …on Friday evening for some @surreycricket t20 twaddle.

Hurrah!

A packed pavilion shows just how far the Members have embraced the fast food version of the game. I confess to being a t20 snob some ten summers ago. I was teetotal at the time.

Essex were the visitors to South London on Friday night, a seemingly never-ending fixture where Surrey get spanked by the Chelmsford slappers almost every other week.

A happy ending?

I think the game summary above kinda gives it away…

The box office draw for the ‘rrey was the return of KP. What chances of a first ball duck just as the bars are starting to empty?

Whoops.

A RIDICULOUS 10! 9! 8! …countdown saw the game commence. You could be confused for thinking that this a summary of the Surrey batting averages.

Somehow The Oval has been converted into a Friday night nightclub whenever the sexiness of the t20 swallows up the old ground.

I can just about live with the floodlights turned on during bright Transpontine sunshine; I’ve made inappropriate moves to better music in worse nightclubs though.

Yer man KP came in with the ‘rrey on 35-1. A nonchalant stroll out to the middle and a genuine hush of expectation was evident within the pavilion.

Now would be a good time to go to the bar.

…and now you can start queuing again.

The big hitter was caught on the boundary for 5. Ta for coming, etc.

I actually applauded the wicket from the top tier of the pavilion. A fine lob of a stroke, heading all the way to the boundary that was obscured from my view. It was unfortunate that there was a fielder there to take the catch.

A strategic move down to the lower tier of the pavilion then followed, with some female cricketing companion company to catch up with. Blazer Wars then broke out, with some of the Surrey old boys doing their best to compete with my Man at C & A look.

Surrey set the Essex slappers a slog fest chase of 151. It was a half-decent score on what looked like a flat Oval wicket.

True to tradition, the Crap Match Report has to wind up here. Keeping track of all the t20 twaddle when you are tired and emotional can be slightly tricky.

I remember being joined by KP on the boundary close to us. He seemed to be in good form with the crowd, not to mention the press pack snappers where he strategically positioned himself.

Some energetic bowling from Jade couldn’t save the ‘rrey. It wasn’t quite a collapse, but I do recall seeing an OCS beer snake the size of the Vauxhall St George’s Tower come crashing down, just ahead of the Essex away win.

It’s most certainly not cricket, but it is a rather splendid way in which to spend a South London summer evening.

C’mon the ‘rrey!