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To St Mary’s! …on Saturday evening for the annual St Mary’s Church quiz. It wasn’t quite a water into wine scenario, but what the occasion lacked in brainpower, it certainly made up for in booze. But purely in a social sense, you understand.

It is to the great credit of the Reverend Erwin that this magnificent religious space is opened up to the wider community when not used for worship. A very polite invitation was extended to accompany the quiz with a light tipple of your choice. The backroom of The Greyhound this most certainly wasn’t, but the evening was warmed with a small red wine refreshment.

Chin chin.

Quizmaster supreme Peter Kerr kept this a sober exercise with a series of quiz rounds that required deep concentration. Team Unworthy (it’s not a Biblical thing) was tipped off that a round might be slipped in involving our knowledge of Church and Chapel. When in Rome, etc. We’re all singing from the same hymn sheet in here.

A copy of The Book was located down by my feet in the front row pews. By day it is an instruction in how to live your life; by night it becomes something that enables your hit and miss quiz team to deliver divine answers. It wasn’t much use in the highly specialist Doris Day round, I’m afraid. Calamity Jane, Calamity Jase.

Whoops.

Peter Kerr cut a fine figure delivering the questions from the pulpit. The Wivenhoe version of Who Wants to be a Millionaire may not boast the hard cash as the reward for the intellectual toil, but a rather fine selection of chocolates and biscuits made up for it with the half time raffle.

Cake is the brainpower that can solve any international conflict. It was also the inspiration for Team Unworthy to go on a run of eureka answers as we headed for the final hymn in the quizmaster song sheet. Victoria sponge should be the starting point for understanding life’s great philosophical questions.

I ran into a spot of confusion with my Horatio Nelson and Rab C Nesbitt character misunderstandings. It’s an easy mistake to make, Comrades. I maintain that the great man was married to Amy – that’s Rab, not Horatio.

If we had carried on until Midnight Mass then I am of the opinion that Team Unworthy would have been singing Hallelujah’s up the High Street at kicking out time in the Curry House. But soon it was time to stand by your pews, and clock up the winners for the St Mary’s Annual Quiz.

Close, but no cigar. Or even a box of chocolates from the raffle.

The army of quizzers then became an army of late night removal men and women. It’s amazing how a building can be transformed from a quiz scene to something that the Sunday morning worshippers would have been more familiar with some twelve hours later.

Many, many thanks to Marika, the Reverend Erwin and of course Quizmaster Supreme Peter Kerr for such a fine and testing evening. I’ve spent more time in a place of worship over the past twelve months than I have in the past two decades. Religion as the social cohesive?

Yer man Rab would have something to say about that.

A planning application has bee submitted to Colchester Borough Council by the University of Essex, proposing the building of a multi-tier car park up on campus. The consultation period runs until 15th February. The large scale of the application suggests that this is a project that requires careful scrutiny and consideration from any residents living within a close radius of Wivenhoe Park.

The formal application proposes:

“The construction of multi-deck car park above existing surface level car park, creation of new access to car park from Boundary Road to include taxi drop-off / pick-up area and relocation of existing compactor.”

The land that we are talking about is the existing car park in-between the Sports Centre and the top of Boundary Road:

“As part of the scheme, the University also proposes to relocate the access to the car park and provide a new taxi drop off and pick up facility for South Towers and South Courts.”

The supporting Application Statement [pdf] is an ambitious read, spelling out quite clearly the continued expansion of the University that is planned over the coming years: The Knowledge Gateway and University Meadows accommodation, Wivenhoe House Hotel, the Institute for Conflict Resolution [could come in handy here with the locals...] an Energy Centre, a Student Centre, the Essex Business School and the proposed new car park.

The Statement is introduced by declaring:

“Whilst some 40% of students live on campus, the University still has to accommodate the travel needs of approximately 6,000 students (who live off campus), together with the requirements of over 2,250 staff members, general visitors and the general public who use the various on-campus facilities.”

In short there is a high body count on campus, day in day out. The sustainable lobby is given a nod and a wink, but not much else it seems:

“Although the University has made considerable strides in introducing sustainable transport measures, and thereby encouraging journeys to switch away from the car, there are a considerable number of students, staff members and visitors, for which the car remains, and will remain for the foreseeable future, the only viable means of traveling to and from the University.”

Prey to the God of the Car.

Let’s talk hard numbers:

“There are approximately 1,500 spaces, within the various campus car parks. Whilst a further 250-300 vehicles can be accommodated in two ‘official’ overspill parking areas, which are made available during term time, unofficial parking still takes place on the verges of many campus roads. This ‘unofficial’ parking has to be tolerated due to the lack of available spaces.”

And so it is clear that the 6,000 off campus students and 2,250 staff members all can’t currently park a car in the 1,500 available spaces. But that is assuming that they all have access to a car (highly unlikely) and that they will all be on campus at the same time. The toleration that is spoken of is interesting. It sounds as though the new car park is being proposed to try and appease residents on the Greenstead and Wivenhoe Cross, both of which sometimes become unofficial University car parks. Charging will no doubt be in place as well…

Let’s cut to the chase: what exactly are we talking about? A multi-story NCP car park? Not quite:

“The University proposes to construct a multi-deck car park above part of Car Park B, which is situated in the southern part of the campus, between the Sports Centre building and Boundary Road. The structure will include a roof with the potential to install photovoltaics.”

That’s the potential…

A historical perspective is then placed in the document, stating that the original plans for the campus were to include two multi-deck car parks. The original plans back in the early ’60s also included 27 tower blocks. Much loved though the six iconic towers are, planning applications for 21 more are not anticipated…

The University has past history when it comes to car parks:

“In 1996, planning permission was refused, on environmental grounds, for a 300 plus car park on the grazing marsh at the end of Valley Road.”

You would think once bitten, twice shy.

Pages 8 and 9 of the document are dedicated to ways that the University claims it is implementing a sustainable travel policy. Bicycle provision and facilities, car sharing and pathways all feature. But it still all comes back to the car, otherwise why the reason to slap in an application for a multi-tier car park?

As for appeasing the locals, the economic power of the University is repeated yet again:

“The proposed car park, in that it is central to the University’s proposals, will bring wider economic benefits for the town.”

This is the University remember that is also proposing to close the popular Quayside Cafe down by the Hythe because it doesn’t make “financial sense.” If the application goes through, it won’t just be the micro-bubble that surrounds Wivenhoe Park that is affected. Transport is fluid; it isn’t self-contained by boundaries – not even down… Boundary Road. The A133 from Elmstead and through Colchester, the Hythe, Brook Street, St John’s Road, Avon Way, Ipswich Road and Harwich Road – all can expect an increase in traffic with the knowledge that extra car parking space is available on campus.

The policy of pushing ahead with more cars indicates clearly where the priorities are for the University’s transport policy. It has long since been the aim of Wivenhoe Town Council to put in place a cycle path through a nearby field, providing a safe access route for students and staff wanting to cycle from campus to the town. The market value of the farmland however is way out of reach of WTC. The University has been reluctant to offer any assistance here.

A decision from the CBC Planning Committee is expected by 24th April, by which time the election campaign will be in full swing ahead of the Wivenhoe Cross seat that is up for grabs at Colchester Borough Council. Voting patterns from the past have tended to suggest that it is mainly the residents of Wivenhoe Cross that come out to vote, rather than the large student body that is also registered. It could be argued that the location of the proposed car park doesn’t directly impact on the residents of Wivenhoe, but the extra traffic passing through the University most certainly will.

Cllr Jon Manning will be contesting his seat once again in May. The LibDeb ward councillor will be competing with Labour’s Tyron Wilson, a student at the University. Both candidates face a tricky proposition, should the car park become an election issue. Cllr Manning currently sits on the Planning Committee, but as a committee member, he is unable to share his views until the committee stage.

Tyron Wilson was also approached, and very kindly offered up his thoughts on the car park application. This is a delicate matter for the Labour candidate – he can’t afford to upset those on campus who want the increase in parking provision, yet he must also be seen to be listening to the views of local Wivenhoe residents.

Tyron said:

“I would prefer more focus on schemes such as car pooling to reduce the heavy demand for parking at Essex, but it’s good that the issue is being resolved after so long. I’m pleased to see that the plans make it clear that the University is combining it with sustainable transport initiatives as well though, along with plans for solar cells on the proposed car park, and it is essential these are followed through.

At the same time though, it needs to be remembered that the University aren’t the only ones with a duty to students on transport. The plain fact of the matter is that bus services are horrendously unreliable from the University and this is something First and Arriva need to resolve.”

Funny old business this town planning and the provision of education. Car parks are key to all of this.

Who knew?

Just over twelve months ago, forty or so Wivenhoe locals from varying backgrounds gathered in the Wyvern Room at the William Loveless Hall [where else?] to discuss and collaborate on future ideas and uses for the Station Master’s House. Gathering under the guidance of Transition Town Wivenhoe, a couple of hours were spent pondering the central question of:

How can the Station Master’s House make Wivenhoe a more sustainable community?

The good folk of TTW have just published the condensed video of the evening.

The end result of the discussions was a sequence of ideas, but probably more importantly, a sense of co-operation across different layers in the town with individuals who might not normally get the chance to work together. Sadly external and structural (!) forces elsewhere didn’t allow for the momentum to be carried with the enthusiasm that was assembled on the night. It became tricky for TTW to talk with the outgoing National Express East Anglia, and the internal structure of the building itself took a very slight turn for the worse later in the year.

But that is maybe just a minor setback. Watching the recording some twelve months later and the energy and community input comes back instantly. The ideas were carried forward by TTW, but the project perhaps just wasn’t right for the time twelve months ago.

The Station Master’s House is still standing, unlike its near neighbour of the Engine Shed, which withers like some relic from post-War London with the changing of every season. There is still hope for the project, especially so when you reconsider once again the passion that was present on the evening.

Never say never?

And with apt timing as the westerly wind blows a breeze all the way up the underskirt of the poor old maiden carrying her wicker basket of groceries from the Co-op back down to the Quay (Madam! What bloomers!) yep – the pressure drop (weather, not bloomers) can only mean that it is time to put another log / wheelbarrow of grubby fivers on the fire, sit back and enjoy the mighty fine read that is the Wivenhoe Society Winter Newsletter.

Hurrah!

We got there eventually…

The very decent Moira Collett has come up with another cracking hyperlocal read, and like all true pros, Moiria is quitting whilst she is at the top of her game. Actually, that’s a little harsh; four years of steering the Good Ship Wiv Soc Newsletter is going to take a toll on anyone. There are only so many ways that you can play around with the prose requesting more volunteers to step forward and help fill the vacancies that continually seem to occur on the Wiv Soc Committee.

Which is just what Moira has managed to achieve once again, asking if anyone would like to step forward and carry on with her fine work:

“Let me stress that it is not something which requires any special skills beyond using a computer. So please do consider whether you could give it a go…”

I could think of half a dozen fine Wiv Soc Editors in waiting who could carry on the fine work of Moiria. Time n’ tide etc often place themselves in the way of keeping Wiv Soc as a decent functioning civic society that it has grown to become. It would be a shame for Wiv Soc to lose the Newsletter, an always relaxing read away from the constant digital reminders and scheduling that seem to restrain you elsewhere in life.

A flip over the front page and Jane Black asks:

Is Planning for the Birds?

Blimey.

The well-researched piece explains clearly the process that Essex County Council has undertaken in proposing a Waste Development Draft. Put simply, Ballast Quay across the muddy banks of the Colne at Fingringhoe was identified as a possible location, then fell out of favour, but is *possibly* lying in wait, should any of the other proposed sites fall to… waste.

Jane makes the excellent observation:

“A conclusion to be drawn from this is that to protect our local environment we need to find as many rare wild plants, water voles, peculiar beetles and birds as possible and to get areas designated. Unfortunately Wivenhoe’s poets rank below plover as protected species.”

No mention of bored bloggers. Disrupting the daily routine of bashing out 500 hit and miss words has to be a half decent reason to put to ECC to back up the claim of KEEP ORRRF OUR LAND.

I’ve lost my flow now.

Diligent as ever with changing developments at the Planning level, Jane then explains perfectly the hyperlocal implications of the recent Localism Bill:

“One useful feature of the Bill is that communities can nominate for inclusion on a list, maintained by the local authority, of buildings that play a vital role in community life, e.g. halls, shops, libraries. If these buildings come up for sale there is an automatic six month window of opportunity for the community to try and purchase them.”

*cough* …the Philip Road Centre, now no longer used by ECC for education purposes during the day.

Elsewhere and Jane updates:

“The sheds on the Wharf at Rowhedge have now been demolished but there has been no movement on the planning application which still has current status. It is rumoured that the owners may be trying to sell the site.”

I propose a whip around in the Rose and Crown, and then planting a Republic of Wivenhoe flag on the other side of the river. That should confuse the Rowhedge locals, if they aren’t already confused enough as it is.

Recent Wivenhoe Society Events

…updates with recent Wivenhoe Society events. Well I never.

The Christmas Craft Fair, the Wine Tasting at the Congregational Hall, and then the Wiv Soc Post-Christmas Party at the William Loveless Hall [where else?] Lovely to see some overseas students from up the road at the University pictured and taking part in all the post-partying.

Terry and Helene Clifford [hellooooo!] fill in the gaps with the Wiv Soc wine tasting. Chin chin. I woke up 48 hours later with shaved eyebrows and wearing a flowery summer dress. It might have had something to do with the Ibuprofen period, rather than the more sedate occasion of the Co-op sponsored bolly appraisal.

Moira returns to the Philip Road Centre on p.4 – not in a wine tasting context, but to add some more details on the implications for Moving Image, the Hub, the Colne Bank School of Dance and the like, now that ECC has taken away daytime education provision in the historic old structure:

“ECC have not given any indication yet as to their plans for the building but the other users are naturally very concerned.”

Marika Footring meanwhile updates with her latest grand plan – the very worthy Wivenhoe Jubilee Jigsaw:

“The Jubilee Jigsaw is a whole community project to mark the occasion of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee in 2012.The jigsaw will measure approximately 2m x 1.25m. The individual pieces will have been made by local people; it will be ceremonially assembled on the KGV on 4th June as part of the main day of Jubilee activities by Wivenhoe Town Council, and is intended to go on permanent public display as a lasting memento of the occasion.”

Phew.

Quite a feat. Marika has an amazing track record in pulling off these community projects. With the success of the Church Ale behind her, the ambitious Jubilee Jigsaw is in safe hands. Or even pieces.

Mayor Needham recounts a New Years Day tale told up at the Horse and Groom, as well as details of the possible return of a historic clock to Wivenhoe, which is currently residing at Tymperleys in Colchester.

Cllr Sinclair is just as thorough, diligent and stubborn (in a positive way) when it comes to updating with the continuing progress on the development of Cook’s Shipyard:

“There is a need to clarify facts about the public facilities on the site, although the knowledge has always been in the public domain. The [original] aims were to offer permanent berths in the dock for our remaining fishing boats, provide a public dinghy park and visitors’ car park, a public slipway for dinghies and canoes, a fisherman’s store and public toilet, as well as continuous riverside access for pedestrians. There will be open space and a play area managed by Colchester Borough Council. Almost all will be achieved.”

It seems that only the slipway [right opposite the Black Buoy] is the only facility that is on a slippery surface. It only goes to High Water mark, and so is essentially “useless.” As for the pier?

“It has public access, but is not suitable for mooring and is not the responsibility of Wivenhoe Town Council… the Fisherman’s Store has taken so long to complete that they no longer have a use for it, so WTC will look at other ways of utilizing it. At present, WTC will not have the funds to make the public toilet available all year round due to the cost of servicing.”

Despite the slight setbacks, Cllr Sinclair is spot on in declaring:

“The principle of keeping the waterfront available for everyone was behind it all.”

Sticking with all things aquatic and the wonderful Wivenhoe One Design receives fine praise from… Cllr Sinclair across p.7 – p.8.

Jerry Davis explains more about Radio Wivenhoe, and how in under the space of a year, the idea for a community radio station has been achieved with some style, and even with an element of a semi-pro approach with the new studio down at the Business Centre. Another of the hugely popular music quiz nights takes place at The Greyhound on 19th February – great fun, and an invaluable fund raiser for the volunteer led group.

And finally the winter read of Wiv Soc 2012 concludes with a list of Committee members, and a possible hint, nudge and reminder that vacancies will need to be filled, come the AGM on 28th March at The Nottage. It is only through the continued work of the Committee that events such as the Mercury Theatre talk (2nd March) the Riverbank Cleanup (25th March) Open Gardens (19th and 20th May) the Fun Day (8th September) etc can take place.

Fine work Moiria – you’ll be much missed, but ever present I think…

Momentum is gaining in the campaign to try and keep the Quayside Cafe open down by the Hythe. With our friends up at the University of Essex majoring rather well in Economics, but not so in Community Studies, locals around the Hythe, St Andrew’s and Wivenhoe are stepping up efforts in highlighting how Town ‘n Gown has become rather one sided of late.

You may remember that the University confirmed at the start of the year:

“It is correct that the Quayside Cafe will be closing at the end of this term, in March 2012, as it is making a loss and our priority is to invest in providing facilities for our students. We recognise that this will be a disappointment to the small, but committed, number of cyclists and walkers using the Wivenhoe Trail, but we do need to prioritise our spending on the needs of our students.”

It now seems that the small and committed are becoming slightly larger, with growing support from across the Town side of the equation to try and keep the Quayside Cafe open. Local councillors from neighbouring wards have put aside any party differences and spoken out against the decision. Labour’s Cllr Julie Young [broken CBC links ahoy!] from St Andrew’s stated:

“I am very disappointed that the University are removing this community facility that is used by walkers, cyclists and the large number of students at The Quays. The University is developing new social facilities as part of The Meadows Development but this is the other side of the Railway Line and in my opinion not convenient for the 800+ students that live at the Quays.”

Meanwhile, LibDem Jon Manning of Wivenhoe Cross has questioned how and why the University is treated as a special case when it comes to planning in Colchester:

“What this really shows is that despite its claims that it is an education first establishment it works very much on a business footing. The University clearly puts money over the community well being of its students. The recent planning app saw the University get permission (deferment conditions dependent) to put more rabbit hutch style bedrooms near to the Knowledge Gateway with little social space. A common room was part of the plan but here they are closing a current community facility to turn it into bedrooms.

Should the University therefore act like a business and be treated as all other businesses in Colchester, or should they be treated as a community asset. I would be interested to hear views on this as it has always been a conundrum to me.”

Even the most definitely overtly non-party political Mayor of Wivenhoe, Cllr Bob Needham, has written to the University, expressing the concern of the local Town Council.

Support online has surfaced in the form of an online petition fronted by Sir Bob of Sunny Colch.

Cripes.

And just to prove how such a hyperlocal issue has legs, local poet Mr Mule has managed to raise the issue to a wider audience with his always engaging weekly column in the East Anglian Daily Times. Appearing over the weekend were the following words [slightly edited down, and posted with the very kind permission of Martin.]

“The Uni giveth and the Uni taketh away. May I be the first to say that I’m beginning to get a bit fed up with the University, their Knowledge Gateway, the attendant tearing up of lovely old trees and the hideous new access road which cuts onto Clingoe Hill. I’m also sick of them gnawing big chunks out of the green buffer, which separates Colchester from the rest of Tendring. I hate the arrogant way they just bluster in, knock things down and put up ugly blocks of buildings without anyone calling them to account. How does that work, precisely? Is it all in the sacred name of education?

The Hythe, Colchester’s ancient former engine room, is in transition. It’s being re-tailored for the future. The regeneration of East Colchester is a serious ongoing project and very much a long game. Now, much as this may surprise certain people, the old Hythe does actually have a community what the much-misunderstood unfinished symphony which is the new Hythe doesn’t yet possess are enough of the amenities which constitute normal street life.

The Quayside Cafe, functional, neutral and more importantly, open, is one of the Hythe’s few such assets like many sophisticated things, it’s very simple. You can sit outside it when it’s sunny and you can nip indoors when it’s cold. There are loos there, too. It’s the right thing in the right place. Remove it and you’ll give all the doubters yet more ammo with which to whinny about why the new Hythe is never going to work.

Worth much more to society, than any money it might make, the Quayside Cafe only needs to tick over. And I’ll bet you anything that there’s someone, somewhere in Colchester who’d love to run it. Maybe those Colchester Slackspace people would know? Perhaps Matt, the young man who was temporarily installed at Colchester’s old Bus Station Cafe, could run it? Until recently, when his lease expired, Matt served coffee and cake from a tiny kiosk and also ran a bicycle repair shop next door.

Town and Gown should not just mean occasionally inviting a few of the locals in for a big backslap and bow-tie dinner. Nor should it suffice simply doling out the honorary degrees like dog-treats once a year to a touchingly grateful hoi polloi. Much better if Gown were to ask Town: Look, we can’t really use this cafe at the moment, but we know you like it. How would you like to rent it?” Come on guys. Play fair.”

Large, international economic organisations such as the University of Essex are unlikely to listen to local unrest over how student facilities are managed. But when a facility is also supported by the local community, allowing a little leeway to show genuine community co-operation would stretch a mighty long way.

All the way from Wivenhoe, St Andrew’s, the Hythe…

HONK! A hyperlocal public service announcement: The Mayoral Variety Show is taking place at the William Loveless Hall [where else?] on the evening of the 24th February, 2012. HONK! Many of the fine song and dance talents within the town will be on show. HONK! Tickets clock in at only a fiver. Kids for a quid. Which is money well spent if you want to spend your Friday evening observing the shock and awe that is the rumoured appearance of a dance troupe comprising of Wivenhoe Town Cllr’s. I’m not sure whether to bring the red carpet or rotten tomatoes.

Dubbed by *some* as Wivenhoe’s Got Talent, this is a great event that will showcase the semi-pro talent that we have in our town, as well as the more theatrically challenged participants. The role call of the incredibly talented ADP Theatre School, the Colne Bank School of Dancing and the G & S Society could each hold their own as a headline act.

This is no end of the pier Friday night freak show, either. Any show that is Directed by Shane Diggens suggests that the approach is nothing but professional. Add in the experience of Joan Gifford and the multi-talents of Hazel Humphries, and a fiver seems more the like the change you should be receiving from a £20 note.

All funds raised from the Mayoral Variety Show will go towards the Wivenhoe Mayor’s Fund. Money from the fund is distributed in May and goes to assist groups and societies in Wivenhoe with their community work.

HONK! Wanna know which Cllr’s will be putting on the face paint and kicking their legs in sequence?

Um, yeah. So do I…

To Abberton Reservoir! …mid-morning on Sunday to chase some birds. Back in the day and I would have been chasing birds and their bushes during the early hours of a Sunday morning, and all without the aid of a retractable telescope as well. Age and sensibility catches up with all the young dudes eventually.

The birding party of three arrived at the Reservoir and immediately waded right into a rival birding faction twitch off.

“Is this the meet up for the RSPB guided walk?”

…enquired Chief Birder.

Glares across the observation room, some mumblings about the “other lot” looking through their big lenses down the road, and then a polite reminder that the gathering of ladies and gents in sensible outdoor clothing were comparing notes under the banner of the fine folk of the Essex Wildlife Trust.

Whoops.

No worries. When in Abberton then observe the birding etiquette that is very kindly put in front of you. Which for mid-morning on Sunday was a very helpful conversation with a charming Essex Wildlife volunteer, who explained in great detail all about the incoming plans for Abberton.

Put simply, the basin is about to be topped up. Extensive construction work is almost complete, allowing a 58% volume of water to flow down from Norfolk. Which by my back of a bird watching guide calculations means that I can spend an extra four minutes and four seconds in the shower each morning shampooing the short ‘n curlies, seeing as though the basin of North Essex is about to deliver a new deep end.

The birding party of three was shown various before and after maps of Abberton. I was reassured to see a West End and East End marked up. Betcha the posh birds hang out West, whilst the seagull slappers flap their bingo wings out East. Phrases such as ‘higher ground’ and ‘boardwalk’ were discussed. You could even shoehorn some white boy soul soundtrack into the psychogeographic birding activity and make a West End musical out of it. Any old bearded tit could take the lead.

With Abberton before and after finished, it was time to hang out in the hides and talk all about birds. There is an unwritten etiquette whilst out birding that leads the conversation and what response is required. It’s a game of poker involving plovers and the like. Never show your hand and reveal the Ace up your tweed sleeves.

“Seen the Great Grey Shrike yet this morning?”

“Not yet – just the Short Ear Owl, I’m afraid.”

The Short Ear Owl may *or may not* have been an old branch nestling away in the grassland with a couple of burnt autumnal short leaves still decorating the top. It certainly moved in the breeze, and so got the tick on my list as a bird.

You need to know to know who is ruling the roost in the hide and treat them with the respect that they command. This is usually the chap with the largest scope. You know what they say about a fella with a particularly strong focal range…

My Magpie eyes were hungry for the prize, which was just as well, seeing as though a darting black and white blip blurred out of focus in my binoculars. A bird is a bird, as the phrase went back in the day when bushes were being chased. Any port in a storm.

“The Eagle has landed!”

…I declared, much to the astonishment of the two other birders in the fellowship of three.

“Really?”

…enquired the hide head honcho.

“Um, nope. I’ve just sat down mate.”

Whoops.

Little success was to follow. The big white duck turned out to be a swan; the children’s tree house that I praised turned out to be an owl’s hut. Crow was my only serious contribution to add to the whiteboard of spotted birds back at the Abberton base.

It took me a decade back in the day to perfect my bird in the hand and two in the bush routine during the early hours of a Sunday morning. The thrush has only just disappeared, so to speak. Give it another decade of birding down at Abberton and I’ll soon rise up the pecking order.