onionbagblog

Another fortnight, another Lambeth Life. Oh Lordy. But wait - what’s this? It’s only ‘London’s biggest non-daily newspaper.’ Blimey.

I was always taught at school that it’s not big and it’s not clever to, um, use the word biggest. But then that’s local politicians for you, ever keen to reduce everything down to a wily measuring competition.

As for the newspaper angle - are you sure, fellas? The dictionary definition of a newspaper states:

“A publication issued at regular and usually close intervals, esp. daily or weekly, and commonly containing news, comment, features, and advertising.”

As we have already established, Lambeth Life is fortnightly (for now.) It contains comment camouflaged as council news, the features refer to any spaced out mid ’90s DJ passing through the Rotten Borough and as for the advertising? *ahem* self-sufficient. Sort of.

But about that fortnightly print cycle of our favourite local authority information news sheet: those nasty ConDems are about to do something as horrid as place objective editorial control on all council propaganda rags, and limit the publication cycle to four times a year.

Hurrah! The rotters.

“The government will confirm a crackdown on council-funded newspapers and magazines this week as it seeks to protect media groups which claim they cost them readers and advertising revenue.

Eric Pickles, the communities and local government secretary, will announce new guidelines ahead of the Conservative party conference this weekend that will effectively ban councils from using taxpayers’ money to produce free papers and magazines, MediaGuardian.co.uk can reveal.”

Interesting. Very interesting. Tell me more, my meeja Graun luvvies…

“Under the new rules, it is understood councils will only be allowed to publish free titles four times a year. They will also have to remove any content which appears to praise the council or endorse the quality of its local services, including quotes from local residents.”

Which basically leads to the conclusion that Lambeth Life is f***ed. Take away the “content which appears to praise the council or endorse the quality of its local services,” and all you are left with is a shabby cut and paste interview with Fat Boy Slim every fortnight.

But perhaps the real problem that those nasty ConDem proposals present to the chest beating @LambethLabour publication is where the chuffers to place those statutory local authority adverts?

Reading about a temporary road closure to Piss Alley, SW2, may not be the most riveting editorial piece of copy, but this kind of communication carries legal obligations for any legally obliging local authority.

Dig a little deeper and you find the real raison d’etre for Lambeth Life existing is to satisfy a tit for tat agenda setting war with the seedy @SthLondonPress.

Oh Lordy.

The sex ads that appear in the family newspaper are given as the reason for not pushing local authority wonger the way of the @SthLondonPress pimps. The little bit of local bother between @LambethLabour and @SthLondonPress is of course nothing but a sideshow, and a particularly ugly one at that.

But anyway - this is debate for another time, and probably not around these parts either.

Phew.

And so Lambeth Life lands on my SW8 doormat for a final time, and what do I find on the front cover?

Setting the Lambeth Standard

“Today marks the launch of Lambeth Council’s new service standards that describe the level of service you can expect when you contact the council.”

Which all sounds well and good, especially so when the local authority is looking to lose 400 members of staff in just the first round of local authority redundancies.

I do hope that the hard working staff at @lambeth_council aren’t put up as the scapegoats for the failure to reach this much-lauded Lambeth Standard. Many of the frontline staff are superb - my recent visit to the Parking Department may have left me low on wallet, but I was uplifted in the level of service that was provided.

Nope - the Lambeth Standard (stop sniggering) needs a top down approach if any genuine levels of excellence are to be achieved. A good starting point might be to give a crash course to certain local Councillors, regarding the pledge to:

“Treat you as an individual with dignity, fairness, courtesy and respect at all times.”

Cripes.

“If you send us an email or write to us, we will: aim to acknowledge your correspondence within two working days.”

Which most certainly wasn’t the response I received in relation to the formal complaint regarding Councillor Davie of Thornton ward. My submission to the Standards Committee wasn’t acknowledged for a full seven days, and even then it took extra effort from me to get the due legal process to be observed.

But yeah - the formal complaint is now in place…

All this talk of quarterly publications, the removal of council endorsing content and the Lambeth Standard, leaves you longing to actually get yer grubby mitts on a publication with a picture of grinning local politician to take the p*** out of.

Ah, lookey here - let’s turn to Page 3 of Lambeth Life:

Petition to save Triangle Adventure Playground Underway

“More than 1,000 people have signed a petition calling for the council to rethink plans to close an adventure playground to make way for a school expansion.”

The farce of forcing the Triangle to close to make way for extra car parking space at Archbishop Tennison, just as the BSF fund has been denied, has been well documented elsewhere. It makes you wonder what the *real* reason is for @LambethLabour wanting to cut a kiddies playground.

“Parents and children from the Triangle Adventure Playground have been collecting signatures for the petition, and handed it over to the Council Deputy Leader Jackie Meldrum last month.”

Hang on - the Council’s Deputy Leader? Where was the Head Boy when the kids came a knocking? @cllrstevereed had already agreed a diary date to receive the petition from the children of Ashmole Primary School on September 16th. The appointment had been made via local MP Kate Hoey, who was also present on the Town Hall steps to greet the Glorious Leader.

The working day of a council leader is no doubt a busy one (#lambethcoop meetings, disciplinary hearings, random 3am tweeting sessions) but the blanking of the kids from Ashmole ranks as pretty poor. For Lambeth Life to put up the stooge of Councillor Meldrum, tells you all you need to know about “council endorsing content.”

What we need, Comrades, is a Freedom Vs Censorship debate. And whaddya know - with absolutely no sense of irony, Lambeth Life delivers with a centre page spread on:

Only in the Rotten Borough…

That’s Life, suckers!

See ya, um…

*sigh*

I really will miss the great Giovani, Luigi and the lovely, lovely Di Lieto olive bread.

There’s been some strange goings on with the good @cllrstevereed’s twitter stream of late - and I’m not talking about just the content, either. I personally haven’t been blocked from reading the micro thoughts of our local council Leader, but a level of screening does appear to be in place.

If I’m logged in under my own @Jason_Cobb account, then I get an empty page of thoughts radiating from the mind of @cllrstevereed. Sign out however, and I get the Full Monty.

Blimey.

But what of the content, Comrade?

The early bird catches the early worm, and it seems that @cllrstevereed had an awful lot on his mind during the early hours of Tuesday morning. Posting shortly after 3:30 am, the following question was posed:

It’s rather decent of @cllrstevereed to engage in some debate with the fine @kevindcraig - they are both members of the same political party, after all. Perhaps taking this conversation behind the closed doors of the local constituency meetings might have been a better idea though.

You may remember how @kevindcraig is the Secretary of the Vauxhall Constituency Labour Party. A Stop Kev campaign was put in place by a squeaky clean (and recently newly elected) Lambeth councillor, to try and remove @kevindcraig from his post earlier in the year.

The thinking was unsettle Kev, unsettle Kate Hoey, the sitting MP for Vauxhall. That leaves a huge gap to fill in local politics, with the added glamour of the national stage in which to strut your stuff as well.

Keep your eye on the prize at all times, Comrade.

The campaign from the right of @LambethLabour failed of course. Lambeth Town Hall may be nothing but a heard of Nu Labour sheep, but the local activists around the wards are actually quite, um, active.

And so with @kevindcraig democratically elected alongside Kate Hoey, it seems strange that further unsettling seems to be taking place online - and at 3:30 in the morning as well.

Oh Lordy.

Dare we mention the D word? @cllrstevereed certainly did to the Secretary of the Vauxhall CLP.

Unity seems to be the buzzword for the Comrades up in Manchester this week. Time to settle old scores and to come together to fight the nasty ConDem cuts collectively.

Meanwhile, back to @cllrstevereed’s early morning online ramblings, and we find:

Calling a fellow party member in the same borough a “Tory sympathiser” isn’t going to do much to heal those huge wounds within @LambethLabour. Come the cold light of day, and @cllrstevereed was asking:

Hoey’s record on voting for gay rights in the House is indeed open to interpretation. But once again, it seems a strange question for the Leader of a local authority to be posing on a (semi) pubic online social media site.

And so the Stop Kev campaign is about to be, um, started once again.

Now there’s… co-operation for you, Comrades.

I was left in a peculiar position at the London Neighbourhoods Online Unconference, held at the offices of Ofcom on Saturday. On the very same day that the Stockwell Festival was being staged, plus the Lambeth Archives Open Day, here I was, flying the online flag for Sunny Stockwell, just as I enter single digit days ahead of the Great Escape.

The Unconference itself wasn’t so much Talk About Local, but looking ahead to how #hyperlocals can help one other. I have new personal and professional challenges ahead of me. Meeting up with skilled #hyperlocal enthusiasts, and only good could come out of the collaboration and conversation.

The day itself was positioned perfectly as a move away from debate towards dialogue. I still have some reservations about the merits of an Unconference; essentially there is no agenda - you set it yourself.

Around one hundred or so #hyperlocals assembled early on Saturday morning with a stunning view looking upstream along the Thames from Southwark Bridge. The panoramic proved to be the inspiration, and fifteen minutes later, a shared agenda for workshops was put in place.

I chipped in with the slightly mischievous: Local authorities, local media and #hyperlocals: conflict or collaboration?

This viewpoint obviously depends on precisely where your own #hyperlocal is positioned. Sitting here in Sunny Stockwell right now, and sadly the outlook is one of conflict.

A local authority back peddling to try and gain control of the local agenda, and a local newspaper that seemingly turns a blind eye to the sock puppeting style of the lead attack dog journo towards local blogs. This was a dialogue that I wanted to share with other London bloggers, to find out if Lambeth is unique in putting in place such high levels of suspicion.

The session itself became slightly confused. It appeared to crossover with a pre-planned Q & A with the very good @foodiesarah, who is responsible for the #hyperlocal network of sites at The Guardian.

The local authority element got mislaid, but instead we shared ideas about the relationship between bloggers and BIG (ish) media. It would have been decent if representation was here from BIG (ish) media, but with @SthLondonPress taking seven days to publish print copy online, and even a year to update a blog, (blimey) then I’m sure our family newspaper friends had better things to be doing.

The question was posed: are #hyperlocals the enemy? A spontaneous YES! resonated around the room. This *isn’t* by choice, but with the complete failure of BIG (ish) media around these parts to collaborate with the passionate informal network of local news junkies on the ground, this is often how it feels.

An excellent point was made in that media and life overlap. This is a proposition that BIG (ish) media can’t handle. The old linear model of reporting is still a one-way conversation, and the very pace of #hyperlocal life simply can’t translate to the painful process of publishing news content either offline, or even online by the BIG boys.

The collaboration element to the session proved to be the most contentious. @foodiesarah urged all #hyperlcoals to invoice, whenever BIG (ish) media lift our stories. It’s a fine principle to uphold, but the reality is that most of us can’t be arsed to file an invoice to a faceless organisation, and then wait around for a month for a poxy payment. You simply get on, do your thing and find new stories.

This theme then developed into a debate about what alternative form of payment could be accepted, if this collaboration could ever work. Most in the room favoured online links as a form of currency.

#hyperlocals do whatever it is that they do, not for the dosh, but for the sharing and collaboration, plus the passion for their own #hyperlocal news patch. We have stories to tell that BIG (ish) media are too lazy to look out for. Ultimately it is about getting these stories heard.

The value of a link is priceless in terms of gaining momentum. If BIG (ish) media is going to persist and keep on lifting our copy, the very least they could do is to link back to the original. This raises your ranking within Google, and ultimately allows those #hyperlocal news stories to find a voice that BIG (ish) media ignore.

The second session that I attended was all about Finding an Editorial Voice and How to Run a Campaign. This developed more into a debate about moderation - which was nice. It was very useful though for a possible project in the pipeline post the Great Escape.

My contribution was that I don’t believe that anyone deliberately decides to find an editorial voice, or even put in place a campaign. Put crudely - you just do it. #hyperlocals react to what they see around them. Any campaign, formal or otherwise, is simply what follows next.

I shared my experience regarding the bonkers 5am licence for Kelly’s just off the Clap’ham Road. I didn’t realise that I was caught up in the middle of a campaign until I started to become the central point for emails between local residents, councillors and the local police.

I made the point that the most valued contribution that #hyperlocals can make towards a campaign is simply getting the story out there. This was always my sole intention with the bonkers 5am licence. What followed is that m’blog somehow became the online space in which offline action was co-ordinated.

Making Connections and Linking London was a session led by mattfromlondon and @Londonist. Having demoed Londonist during the lunch break, Matt was interested in hearing how the Londonist network can engage the many London #hyperlocals.

I personally veer away from any collective form of blogging. I feel uncomfortable with the “we think…” editorial style. *I* think, which is all part of the process for me in offering one opinion on a #hyperlocal news patch.

I suggested to Matt that Ken Vs Boris will be key for @Londonist. I came up with the idea of actively recruiting a Ken flag waver and a Boris flag waver. This isn’t going to be an objective contest in which to report from the #hyperlcal hustings. Opinions matter out there. The collective “we” will be weakened compared to the singular “I.”

The final session I attended sounded intriguing: How Does #bigsociety Fit into #hyperlocal?

My observation was that #bigsociety, its #lambethcoop little brother and #hyperlocal, all share the common theme of having no dosh. The point was made that politicians don’t seem to recognise that #hyperlocals get things fixed, *without* any initial co-operation from politicians. In my micro patch and blogging about Palfrey Place, or the bonkers 5am licence has led to real action on the ground.

I offered up the point that you should see the story through to the conclusion. It may be a pain to keep on going back over old ground, but online context (and links) are everything. It has led me to understand the complete process that is still rumbling around the botched @LambethLabour email hack, not to mention the continued Streatham Hub strife. Sadly I won’t be around for the next decade to see the Streatham saga through to an end game.

Safer Neighbourhood Panels were mentioned as an example of how #bigsociety and #lambethcoop are doomed to fail. At best, a dozen people turn up at a SNP each month. This is a meeting that truly empowers the local community - you get to set the targets for your local police for each quarter.

If such apathy takes place at such a key decision making process, then you can see how I fail to get excited about #lambethcoop and the empty rhetoric of Power to the People. We elect (and pay) politicians to make these decisions for us.

And that was just about yer lot. An incredibly demanding day, but an excess of ideas and enthusiasm for me to take away for the next challenge. The Many Voices model worked rather well, and led to some genuine collaboration.

But in a day of shared conversations, co-operation and planning, it was perhaps apt that a singular tweet, tagged with the #lno10 hashtag, probably summed up best the London Neighbourhoods Online Unconference:

“If you want to get something done set up network, slow it down, set up an organisation.”

Many thanks to Networked Neighbourhoods for organising such a worthwhile event. Let’s build upon this optimism.

Not content with making libellous allegations towards, um, me, that a “whites-only Olde English village is more up to your standards,” [sic] @LambethLabour’s latest complete tool, Councillor Ed Davie of Thornton ward, is now going about his business by trying to brush under the carpet some of the fallout from the continued unexplained suspension of Councillor Abrams of Vassall ward.

The chest beating @LambethLabour website “welcomed back” Councillor Abrams with a news story that sought to steal back the agenda from the botched email sting allegations made against @LambethLabour Leader @cllrstevereed..

No mention was made in the blog post of the charge made against Councillor Abrams that he leaked sensitive information to @SthLondonPress. That’s probably because he didn’t - the popular local figure managed to see straight through the email sting, and laughed it off as just another dirty tricks campaign from the right of the party.

But with the four month period of sitting on the @LambethLabour naughty step now complete, how to solve the problem of Readmitting Kingsley? It is a problem all of the making of the Nu Labour twonks within @LambethLabour, and no surprises that they have managed to botch up this political act up as well.

Many activists within the party were unhappy about the authoritarian wording of the original blog post. Calls were made for it to either reflect more accurately the exact details of the events leading up to the suspension, or if that proved to be too uncomfortable, then just delete the blog entry altogether.

An edit has now taken place, but not after much prolonged debate and further fallout behind the scenes. The new posting declares with no sense or irony, or even embarrassment that:

“Chair of the Labour group Ed Davie, secretary Jennifer Brathewaite and chief whip Jack Hopkins officially welcomed Councillor Abrams back to the group at a meeting on September 20 at the town hall.

Councillor Davie said: I am very happy to welcome Kingsley back to the group and we fully endorse London Region’s view that he should play a full and constructive part in the Labour group and council.”

Cripes, Comrade.

That’s some welcome back handshake - behind the scenes and many leading figures within the @LambethLabour group are being emailed by Councillor Davie, briefing against Councillor Abrams and trying to offer *ahem* a ‘different interpretation‘ of the events as understood by many activists locally within the party.

This really should be the end of the very messy little spot of local bother that @LambethLabour has forced upon itself. But the continued wriggling by the Nu Labour twonks in the party is making a conclusion difficult to reach.

It is a classic case of put up, or shut up - where is the actual evidence that Councillor Abrams leaked information to the South London Press? You need to look towards the allegation that @lambeth_council Leader Steve Reed ordered the hacking of Councillor Abrams’ email account, to understand properly the reasons as to why the suspension has never properly been explained to the electorate.

Seek and you will find…

Overlooking the slight kafuffle in the comments below regarding the “whites-only” [sic 'n *sigh* 'n complaint lodged to the Standards Committee] move to the ‘Hoe, but, yeah, the boxes are packed and all we need now is somewhere to park the removal van, come the grand day of the Great Escape.

Job’s a good ‘un - especially so if you are @lambeth_council (“we’re on your side…“) and can trouser almost £200 for allowing a resident to park a van directly outside the property in which they own.

Cripes.

Yep, I accept that we are moving out of what is a busy, built up urban environment, but blimey - just short of two hundred notes so that nice Mr Pickfords can pull up for a couple of hours one morning?

A look around the multi-layers of the @lambeth_council website, and I found that I needed to apply for the suspension of a parking bay. A visitor’s permit may be cheap at half the price at around a tenner a time, but the last thing I want on D-Day is for that nice Mr Pickfords to turn up and find that there is no space for him to park.

The deal then involves giving seven working days notice to the Parking department, a £60 admin charge (isn’t there always….) and £40 per parking bay suspension. Turns out we need three bays.

Like I said - job’s a good ‘un, but I still fail to see exactly how the Parking department at @lambeth_council is running at a loss in these days of austerity and cuts.

As for the return leg? A quick call to Colchester Borough Council (um, helloooo, btw…), and I gave an explanation of my where and how to park dilemma.

“I’m sorry?” came the reply from the wilds of deepest Essex. “You’re phoning to find out if you need permission to park a van outside a property that you own? Aww - no need for that, love.”

Park ‘n ride.

Park ‘n ride, all the way, baby.

Sirens and police helicopters.

The struggle to engage with people in a meaningful and shared co-existence.

Crappy local media.

The tawdriness of the West End, the supposed showpiece of London.

Not knowing anything about North London.

The disguising of the traditional class structure, with crude wealth replacing the means of production.

Cycling along Park Lane.

Bulls******s.

The lack of respect for our shared surroundings. Fly tipping, spitting and urinating outside my house.

The price of general amenities around town, and the blatant belief that just because you are in central London, charging £2 plus for a cup of tea is somehow justifiable.

The restrictions of the river. The Thames IS London, and should be opened up for us all to enjoy and explore. Being unable to walk from East to West in your city, unrestricted, should be a right.

Self-styled creative types, with no evidence of creativity, but a passion for talking about themselves.

Falling asleep on the tube and waking up in the hellhole that is Morden.

The SW8 street drinkers, nutters and con artists.

The defining of the individual by their work status, and not by what skills they can add to the community.

The lack of integration of the transport network.

Fat, cockney plumbers.

The crap that builds up along London roads whenever it rains, ruining the inner workings of my bicycles.

People that SHOUT for no reason.

People that confuse car horns for front door bells.

Being stuck in traffic on a crowded bus, on a steamy hot afternoon.

The ugliness of the outer architecture.

The pockets of extreme poverty, with gated affluent dwellings within walking distance.

The realisation that politicians will never resolve the problem of the four towering chimney’s of Battersea.

The Ali G language, adopted by suburban Yoof.

Not knowing who I live next door to.

Incompetent local politicians, more concerned with their career than the genuine needs of the local community.

The Northern Line.

The 37 bus route.

Being told in Lambeth Life each fortnight how brilliant our local council is, by… our self-proclaimed brilliant local council.

Chicken wing shops and nail bars on every South London street corner.

Watching rubbish football teams.

Bike thief scum. Especially the little s**** that then sell on their loot around Brick Lane on a Sunday morning.

Trying to live the Love Me I’m a Liberal metropolitan lifestyle, but finding that my morals are being shifted further to the right by the behaviour of the very people around me I should be taking pity on.

The price of milk in my corner shop.

Local ice hockey and basketball being spoilt for me by petty, political in-fighting.

Junkyard neighbours.

Negativity from those around me.

The madness of SW8 meaning not being able to sleep with the windows open during the summer months.

The perpetual disgusting nature of the changing rooms at Brixton Rec.

The lottery of having to hire an electrician, plumber, or gas man, and not knowing about the quality of service when compared to the cost.

NOISE.