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Legend has it that to be a bona fide @BrockwellLido Icicle, you have to swim in the waters of Lake Brockwell for 365 days of a calendar year, and on one of those days, forge a path for your fellow bathers by breaking the ice with your bare hands.

The urban myth became reality at midday on the winter solstice around the icy waters of SE24. Fresh water swimming enthusiasts gathering for the third annual midwinter swim were greeted by a glacier pool more suited to curling than front crawl.

The initiation of the old Brockwell Icicles Swimming Club was in serious doubt for a short while. What would it take to cancel the event, I asked the lovely Jeremy, Fusion’s man on the ground. “Ice so thick that we can’t break it,” came the reply.

A bit of Brockwell improvisation later, and the hidden talent of a stepladder as an icebreaker soon paved the way for the fools and the folly that followed.

Brockwell was bloody cold on those sad, final days of the summer season (yeah, right…) back at the end of October. The onset of the winter chill has seen the water temperature hover around freezing point. What were those crazy ladies thinking of, when they turned up to Brockwell Park with nothing but their bikinis?

I came prepared for the endurance. A wetsuit and a bright pink day glow swimming hat - if I got into trouble having hit an iceberg, I wanted to make sure that at least my head was still visible.

A pre-swim briefing and a consent form signed (alcohol in the past twenty-four hours? Not me, Sir…) and it was time to get stripped off. By this stage and my body and mind was already in another dimension. This is one of the highlights of the year for me. I couldn’t wait to re-enter the water of what has been my official summer home for the past fifteen years.

Much like those balmy (and slightly tepid) summer days, you’ve overcome the main mental obstacle by simply turning up. Once you are by the waters edge, then yep - yer gonna swim - or even splash and splutter around like a big girl wearing a skimpy bikini.

I launched myself into a frantic front crawl. My body had no reaction. My mind experienced a head rush that no comparison with illegal substances combined with carnal pleasure could possibly compare to. Now wouldn’t have been a good time to experiment with illegal substances and carnal pleasures.

It was when I made it to the centre of the pool that I first started to panic. My path was blocked by huge chunks of ice that had survived the earlier stepladder purge. I was isolated, with solid and not liquid around me.

Eeek.

With a pair of goggles to protect my eyelids from freezing over, I dived down deep below the beautiful blue waters of Lake Brockwell, and found a gap within the ice in which to emerge. Still no reaction from my torso, but I was grinning with a smile as wide as the gap in the ice itself.

I wanted more, but by now, my body was physically incapable of continued movement. My toes were starting to lock, and I could feel the sensation rapidly moving upwards. Time to get out, time for some TLC @TheLidoCafe.

Cripes - that felt absolutely fantastic. I could cycle away from SE24, take on board as many illegal substances, and indulge in all the carnal pleasures fit for a King, knowing that I had achieved something with my day; I had achieved something with my week and even with my year. Anything is possible now.

We swim outdoors because we can. It’s as simple as that. So can you. Why be held hostage inside a soulless, sweaty indoor environment? The heated (sort of) lido at London Fields is open all year, and is a good place to start. Tooting and the lovely South London Swimming Club should be your next progression.

This is not a loner, isolated individual activity either. Sure, you do the swim for yourself, but the sense of community around Brockwell continues to grow. These are the people I spend half my year with, and so meeting up during the winter months to catch up on all the gossip has got to be worth the ice experience in itself.

With a donation made to the nearby Wheels for Wellbeing charity (recently the victim of a shocking arson attack,) all that was then left for me was to pick up my Brockwell Icicles badge, designed by a number of local artists and commissioned specifically for the midwinter swim.

The Brockwell Icicles initiation is now firmly established on the calendar of lido events. Hitting gold / ice with a genuine frozen pool experience added to the ocassion. Four months and counting before the Best Day of the Year in South London…

Francis Sidebottom, performing a puppet show on the stage at the heart of London’s glittering theatre land? Blimey.

Not quite. A Camden toilet venue may not have the same glamour of Shaftsbury Avenue, but the boy with the paper mache head was never Grade A celeb status anyway.

I last saw Frank at Glasto ’91. Adored by the inkies, our Francis had successfully cornered the market in Northern style cabaret, all performed on a bon tempi organ by a man with a pumpkin style head. It wasn’t a burgeoning scene, but it was highly original, all the same.

Frank seemed to have peaked around this period. The music world was changing. Old style DIY indie status was on the decline; the majors were muscling in on the cash.

How refreshing then to find in these days of manufactured chart wars, a sold out Monarch crowd turning out on a bitterly cold midwinter evening, to see a cardboard cut out puppet theatre.

Fantastic!

Any doubt over Frank’s showbiz status soon disappeared, once the sight of Pumpkin Boy descending from the top of the stairs at The Monarch became visible. Guided by a minder (not so much for security, more to do with the problems of being able to find the stage with a paper mache mask on,) Frank made a triumphant NW1 entrance.

The cult of Frank is built around comedy genius with a Northern ’80′s indie twist. Hit the North opened the show, with backing from Scritti Politti minus Green Frank’s Oh Blimey Big Band. The real identity of Mr Sidebottom remains a closely guided secret (sort of) but as keyboard player @rhodri confirmed to @funkturm and I during the interval, Pumpkin Boy may, or may not, be Green Gartside.

Blimey.

The run of mis-hits continued - Panic, Hey You Riot Policewoman and Zoo Scrapbook.

A brief break, and then it was time for the bizarre puppet pantomime. Predictably, anything involving Little Frank and his cardboard cut out girlfriend, Little Denise, was utter bobbins. But that’s kind of the appeal.

The bon tempi and banter continued, climaxing with Guess Who’s Been on Match of the Day?

And so some eighteen years since I last saw Francis Sidebottom, I departed into the bitter North London nigh time air, grinning with a smile that was almost perfect to be captured in paper mache form. Frank hasn’t aged over the years, and hopefully neither has the market for Northern style cabaret, all performed on a bon tempi organ by a man with a pumpkin style head.

You know it hasn’t, it really hasn’t.

Fantastic!

Sycophantic? Nope. Honest and genuine? Definitely. Maybe it is the time of year. To address the accusations that I am nothing but a Rotten Borough naysayer, I have nominated the Mayor of Lambeth in a Councillor of the Year Award.

@mayoroflambeth is an online evangelist, as well as a tireless offline campaigner. Here’s why I believe Councillor Christopher Wellbelove should win the Online Councillor of the Year award:

Councillor Wellbelove has raised the profile of Lambeth by successfully combining his online and offline activities. Both domains aren’t treated as separate environments by the Mayor of Lambeth - whilst at official events, he frequently tweets to raise interest in local groups in the online world. Likewise he is an online evangelist whilst out and about, encouraging online democracy and representation within the community.

It would be far too simple to simply state that Councillor Wellbelove blogs, tweets and updates his Facebook page. These are accepted as part of his civic duties. The extra value that Councillor Wellbelove adds to these tools is the willingness to engage with his constituents.

Tweets are answered personally, both outside of official duties, and even within the Council chamber! The Councillor’s Facebook page is an open resource for all within the borough. I was even granted the time to podcast a live audioboo interview.

The frequency that the Mayor’s blog is updated is testament not only to his incredible workload, but also his online evangelism. Once his year long term of office is complete, this will provide the perfect online archive for what has been a truly remarkable year in opening up the work of the Mayor in the borough.

Evidence of the power of using social media to harness online partnerships, can be found by one of the followers to Councillor Wellbelove’s Twitter feed - none other than the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

Of course it’s not a beauty content (although the residents of the Rotten Borough could have a far less photogenic Mr Mayor.) It’s all about results. @mayoroflambeth is achieving these in South London, frequently putting his fellow Labour members to shame.

An incredibly high standard has been set by Mr Mayor. Come April and the next incumbent will have a tough act to follow. Hopefully by then @mayoroflambeth will be able to remove his apolitical hat, and continue to represent his ward constituents in the same way he has represented the borough.

Ensuring the building of a new swimming pool in the Clap’ham Town ward would be a great start…

Inspired by the brilliant Robson Green Wild Swimming Adventure on ITV1 (blimey) this week? Feel ready for the Brockwell Icicles initiation ceremony? Fancy some ice skating instead?

Yep - that time of year again.

Come on in, the water’s…

If it’s two weeks before Christmas, then it must mean that a young blogger’s thoughts turn towards an @lambeth_council cabinet meeting in Brixton. Blimey.

The agenda didn’t seem too juicy - Service and Financial Planning (Draft Provisional Budget,) St Reatham Lodge Estate Conservation and the baffling Regeneration Delivery Vehicle (um, who is the Rotten Borough gonna get into bed with next.)

And then we came to the School Expansion Proposals on the agenda. Ah, this could get interesting. Having spent the day working in a Lambeth School, I was interested to find out what plans Labour led Lambeth Council have for the proposed new secondary school in the Rotten Borough.

The debate didn’t get off to a good start, when under claims from Councillor Paul McGlone that “a consululation has been carried out,” the response from the floor was one of “LIES! LIES! LIES!”

The discourse descended further with a truly jaw dropping revelation: the new secondary school in the Rotten Borough is to be sponsored by… Dulwich College.

Yep, that’s the fee paying, elitist Dulwich College across the Southwark border that has a track record of excluding kids from Lambeth. Data suggests that the admissions policy for black and Asian children ‘aint that great either.

The implication is that Lambeth Council has once again pimped out a core policy area. If you accept that sponsorship is a necessary evil within education (which is another argument in itself,) then at least you take the filthy lucre from an organisation that is aligned to the basic belief of education as a meritocracy.

Allowing Dulwich College to look squeaky clean by educating Lambeth kids, but not allowing them in the gated community of the rolling green fields of SE21, is the type of criticism that the national Nu Labour party has recently tried to use against Cameron’s Tory toffs.

How the hell then did La La Lambeth Land get in the situation where a Labour led council is pimping out education to an institution that positively encourages elitism?

“We are proud to work with a high performing institution such as Dulwich College,” boasted the good Councillor McGlone. At least that’s what I think he said. It was difficult to make out the rhetoric, drowned out by a genuine feeling of disbelief from the floor.

Of course the irony is that the ‘Dulwich College on the cheap’ school will probably trade under some ghastly Community College name. If you want a genuine community school, then let the community provide it. Which means local education provision, aka as a Comprehensive. The ‘C’ word has now been banished from the Nu Labour handbook though.

You get what you pay for of course. With termly fees of £4,524 per pupil, it’s a wonder that Dulwich College needs the extra dosh it’s going to trouser out of the Lambeth meal ticket.

Heard the one about the Herne Hill junction that is almost nearing completion? Following a blink and you’ll miss it consultation period, our friends @lambeth_council rail-roaded (quite literally) plans to concrete over a corner of the beautiful Brockwell Park, all in the name of extra car provision.

The issue divided the local SE21 community. The argument wasn’t as simple as Petrol Heads Vs Tree Huggers. Many worthy local businesses appreciate the beauty of the park, but they were in favour of the project, recognising that a better transport flow around the junction would lead to extra business.

Even the Herne Hill Society, a group that holds Brockwell Park dearly, supported the move. You can watch a video I shot with John Brunton, Chair of the Society, explaining the reasoning below.

I cycled past the Brockwell Park Junction this morning, to find the boarding that has hidden away the project over the past six months has now been removed.

Here Be (once) Green and Pleasant Land, reluctantly and rationally given way to a more sustainable local environment that will enable the smooth passage of the traffic?

Nope.

Here Be a Pedestrian Footpath, with a historic corner of Brockwell Park now lost forever, all for a more sturdy walking surface.

Where’s the road?

Um, am I missing something rather major here?

Lido Life Begins at… 80

Giggsy? Murray? Strauss? Nah. Highlight of Sports Personality, 2009, will be a lido loving pensioner lifting the Unsung Heroes award. Step doggy paddle forward 86 year-old Doreen Fitch, aka Mrs Tooting Lido. Doreen has been involved with the South London Swimming Club since the 1940′s, and has led two successful campaigns to keep the SW12 outdoor pool open. It’s the blueprint that has helped Brockwell Lido Users to become so influential. Oh how we could do with the passion and campaigning skills of Doreen, down in the Rotten Borough, right now.

Hyper Hyper Local Level

This is rather lovely. From the charming couple that brought you Stockwell Stories (I’m simply the shop front,) Bill and Jayne from around this manor have started blogging - and with real purpose as well. The couple are remarkable campaigners for local housing rights. Bill is currently the Chair of the Grantham Road Residents Association, holding Hyde Southbank Homes to account over recent lease hikes. A real purpose for the hyper local model.

And finally…

The South London / blogging / cycling / lido loving / @lambeth_council disliking xmas tweeup will be on… well, you decide. Dates between 20th - 23rd have been suggested. @Jason_Cobb for further dialogue.