onionbagblog

Never one to shy away from showcasing our local Wivenhoe talent and characters: it’s only Barnwell Bear.

Blimey!

With a huge heads up to Moira to for very kindly supplying these photographs (which I believe have already been published in the brilliant Wivenhoe News?) - here we have everyone’s favourite local independent toyshop mascot in his many different disguises.

Watching Barnwell change his wardrobe as the autumnal weeks of my first arrival in Wivenhoe soon became a snowy winter, was one of the highlights each morning as I cycled down towards the foot of the town.

It was a blog post waiting to happen - not to mention a don’t forget yer camera moment each morning, something which I never quite got organised enough to put in place.

A casual tweet (oh yes) and my inbox became full of Barnwell Bears.

Brilliant.

I’ve no idea where the name comes from, but I suspect Barnwell has some hyerlocal historical significance. I personally think that he bears (geddin there) an uncanny resemblance to a certain Wivenhoe Town Councillor…

Everyone has to have his or her favourite Barnwell look - mine is the bird watching estuary gent. I’ve heard pub talk of Barnwell appearing in full S & M gear around Valentine’s Day. The special safety word is probably Goldilocks.

Now would be apt timing to remind folk of the Wivenhoe Teddy Bear’s Picnic, taking place on the afternoon of 31st July at the KGV. Dubbed Mini-May Fair, here’s hoping that as much excitement is evident for the ankle biters as was experienced by their big brothers and sisters last month.

Plus a quick plug for Barnwell’s new neighbour, the delightful Divine Intervintage, located just across the alley from Jack in the Box. Selling a line of classic, retro and vintage clothes, I wish the new Wivenhoe business venture well.

Maybe Barnwell could be kitted out in a costume from next door? Cross dressing cuddly toys is just *sooo* Wivenhoe, dahhhling…

When Saturday Comes and all you want to do with your Wivenhoe weekend is to read the papers in bed, take an afternoon wander down to the Quay and then stumble out of The Station sometime before the National Lottery winners are announced.

No chance.

To the Farmer’s Market! …was the rallying call to kick start the weekend for @AnnaJCowen and I. The Congregational Hall had the usual fine local produce on sale, as well as some charming conversations with traders who like to talk, rather than concentrate on the hard sell.

We didn’t come out with a wicker basket brimming with North Essex country fare, but a rucksack stuffed full of sausage meat and beetroot. These will come in handy, believe me.

The Wivenhoe Community Safety Neighbourhood Watch Group also had representation. It’s good to be a local busy body etc, but don’t have nightmares. The recent police crime map for this area in April may look a little alarming, but out of the eleven incidents of violent crime, only four were reported in Wivenhoe, with the remaining seven coming from our friends over in Rowhedge.

must.pay.a.trip.to.rowhedge.later.in.the.day

But first off, how about keeping up the busy body theme and poking yer face around local garages?

Blimey.

Nope, it’s not a new obsessive architectural peccadillo that is affecting the North Essex estuary, but the Grand Garage Trail kindly organised by the good folk of St Mary’s Church.

Hurrah!

Originally started by Cansdale and Ross under the Wivenhoe Braderie banner two years ago, the Grand Garage Trail is now a glorified car boot sale taking place around the town.

Maps were purchased the day before, and then much like the splendid Open Gardens of last month, we wandered around Wivenhoe and were welcomed into the properties of various folk around the town.

The event was as broad and as bonkers as you wanted it to be. Many garages were doing great business in re-selling on children’s toys that have been outgrown. Local art also featured heavily. I was disappointed in not being able to walk away with the underground safe on sale along the High Street.

It all got a little lost as we wandered into the Loveless Hall by mistake - often the best way to wander into the Loveless Hall - and found that we had strayed into a separate sale organised by the Colchester Twins Club.

Double cripes.

Cake was on hand to calm us down, and to give us a kick up the backside to take on the remaining Grand Garage Trail down towards the Quay.

A quick chat at Curiosity, and we reflected on the quality of the stock sold within. But time and tide wait for no Grand Garage Trailers, and as we exited left along Station Road, we saw that the legendary Grand Garage dinghy has been bought, and was already being prepared for a launch at the Rowhedge Regatta later in the day.

No worries.

The girl and I made up for our nautical loss with some lovely bargains of our own. A pair of panniers, a darts board, a kitchen chair and a chopping board (free from Builder Mark, natch) - all clocked in at precisely £10.

The panniers in particular were quite a find - the conversation that followed was priceless. It seems that I’m not alone with my Moulton collection within Wivenhoe.

The town undoubtedly has many talents, but topping the list for me is the claim to fame of the chap I purchased the panniers off - he only test rode the original Moultons back in the day.

Chapeau!

Seedy exchanges followed, with an ill met by iPhone fading light presentation of the bonkers multi-coloured Moulton. I’ve still to actually ride the machine around the town. @AnnaJCowen reckons that even the ‘homosexual meets the beast‘ hybrid of the design is a little risqué, even for Wivenhoe.

Was that the day done, Comrades?

Nope - we’ve barely started. Booze had yet to feature, and there’s nothing I like more than a Wivenhoe lunchtime tipple whilst admiring quality local artwork and enjoying local conversations.

To the Wivenhoe Gallery! …etc for the opening of the Spanish Paintings exhibition by local artists Michael and Julia. Running for two weeks down at the Wivenhoe Business Centre, the rich Mediterranean landscapes are most certainly worthy of a visit.

The love of the Spanish culture came across in the artwork, and the conversation that followed with Michael and Julia. I pressed them on the possibilities for their future muse, and was pleased to hear that Wivenhoe landscape painting is certainly a work in progress.

With my lunchtime muse of red wine having fired me up, I was ready to stand on the edge of the Quay, survey the Rose and Crown customers and gaze out with a glazed over eye across the estuary and declare:

“To Rowhedge!”

Oh Lordy.

The fighting talk of the red plonk has sunk many a galleon, but not the Wivenhoe and Rowhedge Ferry. This was Regatta Day for that other lot on the opposite banks of the Colne. It only seemed polite to turn up and see how our near neighbours can put on a party.

We weren’t alone in our Wivenhoe wanderings. It seemed that half of the town had pitched up at either The Anchor or The Albion, observing the sea crafts of differing sizes sail past. There was always the possibility of some riverside rubbernecking as a particularly graceful smack came close to cutting up a kayak.

Whoops.

Crabbing, as ever, was incredibly popular. The hit and miss weather seemed to fit perfectly with the Dark Side theme. With the waters of the Colne disappearing faster than my pint of Kent Best, concern soon turned towards how the chuffers we could get back to base.

No one wants to be stranded in Rowhedge on a Saturday evening, but the Kent Best booze was making a decent job of damage limitation. A catch up with the fine @Colchester101 - whoops there goes another pier, whoops there goes another pint of beer, etc.

Anything that Wivenhoe can do, Rowhedge of course likes to think that it can do better. We don’t like to talk about *shhh* the May Fair police helicopter, and I’m sure Rowhedge folk were a little weary of the chopper action overhead on Saturday.

I’m not usually one to deal with rumours (oh no, not me, Sireee…) but talk did turn to the possible return of the random Rowhedge tired and emotional swimmer.

Oh Lordy.

One thing that Rowhedge definitely does do better than Wivenhoe is to assemble together a group of local males who then tug away on a large rope in tandem.

“We’re from Wivenhoe - we drink beer, not pull rope” was the rallying cry that was later rolled out to justify the slip slidin’ spectacle of the Wivenhoe Tug of War team.

The Rowhedge chaps may be great at tugging away, but no so brilliant on the booze front. Chundering quayside just ahead of the grand Tug of War final is not quite dignified estuary etiquette, Sir.

With the estuary water now looking as limp as the Wivenhoe tug of war team effort (said the poncey bloke watching from the sidelines…) contingency plans were needed for the Great Escape.

Cometh the hour, cometh the good @Colchester101, who kindly drove us all the way down to the Hythe, and then back up Clingoe Hill once again. There was to be one more surprise waiting for us back at base - a new houseguest staying in the shed.

Meowww.

Moving Image was on our Saturday evening radar. Ever one to keep it local, the screening of Fishtank was trumped by a lovely, lovely hyperlocal invite to… go round next door for an evening of games and booze.

Brilliant!

And so just another quiet Wivenhoe weekend, you say?

Wivenhoe - you are wearing me out. But you wear it out oh so well.

Full flickr stream over here.

To The Greyhound on Saturday for An Afternoon Upstairs with Martin Newell. This was billed as very much an experiment in using the magnificent space above the boozer during a rare Wivenhoe period of alcoholic abstinence.

I walked in shortly before 3pm to find a room full of middle-aged maidens, floored and legless on Mother’s Ruin, all waiting for someone to introduce Valium on tap.

Not quite, but the ambience of occasional afternoon boozers mixing with the tea sippers in the sedate space Upstairs at The Greyhound made for a heady concoction. All that was needed was a wordsmith, a tuneful fella - a linguist of love.

Ahhh…

Lookey, lookey here.

No one can accuse Mr Mule of not taking any creative chances. Putting on a part-poetry performance, part-serenading session - all served up with a rock ‘n roll rider of tea and homemade cakes - isn’t exactly the career route that has kept the Rolling Stones so stale for five decades.

For such a sleepy estuary town, time doesn’t stand still for Mr Mule. Why linger on the past when there are poems to be penned observing the changing social demographic of Wivenhoe? Well Done You! was spot on with the observations on social mobility.

We got off to a good start with Dead in the Barmaid’s Bed. For legal reasons I am duty bound to point out that there are five other licenced public houses within Wivenhoe.

With the catchphrase of “something to offend everyone”, Mr Mule didn’t disappoint. I like my entertainment to have an unpredictable edge; if it can include some of the filthiest jokes ever heard in North Essex, then all the better.

Helen of Troy - the Essex interpretation, showed that Mr Mule is as sharp and as relevant as ever with his take on contemporary Essex culture. The poems came to life in the live space - it’s all in the eyes, doncthaknow.

The booze break became a tea and cake break, and is certainly worthy of a blog post in itself. The very good @seelkram has been experimenting of late with a Wivenhoe based cake and bread business. Equipment has been purchased, the blending and baking has been perfected.

Catering for the afternoon event was the first real test of the new local venture. Battenberg’s, Victoria sponges, brownies, doughnuts, choux, madeleines and scones - the spread was sufficient to feed the entire wedding party kicking off down the High Street at St Mary’s.

The good news for Wivenhoe is that Mark (for he is @seelkram) is looking at slowly, slowly starting up a very personalised online baking business within the town. Bread and cakes can be made and delivered to order. The plan is to use an informal network of online and offline communication to build up a contact base.

And then with barely enough time to stroke your tummy and say “Woooohhhhh, that scone and cream came close to an altogether different type of creaming experience,” and there he was - yer man Mr Mule back holding fort, LIVE and direct in downtown Wivenhoe.

More music followed, with the very serious side to Martin coming across during the second half of the show. Home Counties Boy from The Greatest Living Englishman album is Mule’s New England. It is his defining moment and is a badge of honour describing whom he is, and what you are getting. I’ve been listening to it a lot of late.

The surprise resurrection of the Cleaners from Venus name on last year’s English Electric album also got an airing. The Queen and Me was strummed out with the perfect seasonal timing. The lament of Mr Mule waiting for his Knighthood sadly didn’t come in the Honour’s List earlier on Saturday morning.

Sir Bruce Forsyth and Sir Jimmy Saville impressions followed. My chocolate brownie almost made a repeat appearance as those eyes homed in to capture the comedy value.

And then a couple of hours after the first profanities of the afternoon were expressed, we ended on a similar expression, cheered by Mr Mule and his maverick ways.

Did it work? Most certainly. It made for a convenient excuse for not being back at base doing the hoovering. To fill the Upstairs area with some mischievous local entertainment on a Saturday afternoon is no mean feat.

More of the same please, Mr Mule.

You can download and donate towards English Electric over here. No record company cashed in on the making of this masterpiece. No one else is making music like this right now - not in Wivenhoe, and not really anywhere else in England.

Treasure him.

“Let’s pop out for a brief Saturday morning stroll,” was the suggestion. “There’s this Art on the Railings thing going off in the churchyard. We’ll be back before the first drinks break in the Test.”

Three hours later and we had missed the drinks break and luncheon. The tea interval at Lord’s was creeping up on us.

Cripes.

So yeah - you try and live yer nonsense running around urban lifestyle in little Wivenhoe, and once again you find that you simply have to go with the flow. This is no place for the cut fast and loose kid. Which is sort of why we moved here, Comrades.

Art on the Railings was simply ACE. The jangly 60′s pop of Mr Mule is always a joyous sound to welcome in your Saturday morning. A quick hat tip just as Rain (the song, not the weather) was welcoming Wivenhoe folk to Art on the Railings, and then we went about our wander.

It took @AnnaJCowen and I an hour and a half to complete one circuit of the graveyard - which was pretty good going considering the company we were keeping underfoot.

As well as all the artwork, crafts and cakes to consider, it was the many, many lovely conversations that put an end to our cricket watching ambitions back at base.

My own Wivenhoe experience is still incredibly limited. I move in circumscribed circles, and ones which usually involve alcohol. But it seemed that most of the folk that I have befriended over the past nine months had made their way down to Art on the Railings to start off their Saturday morning.

A great catch up with @papershed37, and the Brightlingsea Boy told me that although the sales had been worth his short trip to Wivenhoe, it wasn’t quite as busy as in previous years.

I was still impressed with the range and affordability of the artwork. We’re on the look out for a number of pieces (ooh - get you) to start off our local collection. No Dodds on sale on Saturday (still sourcing…) but we came very close to buying a lovely Quay print.

As the conversations followed, so did the time. We turned around to find that it was packing up time and the poor chap missed out on our sale, simply because @AnnaJCowen likes a bit of a chat.

Next time, fella.

It was great to see the May Fair folk having a very visible presence, and being open to talk with anyone about the actual facts that took place last weekend. The Art on the Railings demographic probably isn’t your typical May Fair mosher. The transparency of the group was greatly appreciated.

The truth is out there, Comrades.

And so shortly after 2pm, we exited back up the High Street, and finished as we started with more conversations with Mr Mule. The chap was on fine form, and full of optimism for the future of Radio Wivenhoe (open meeting on Tuesday night at The Greyhound, pop pals.)

We missed most of the cricket, but caught up on the far more important matter of local conversations.

Howzat?

Splendid.

Sunday evening in Wivenhoe: a bonkers film exploring Cardiff and Patagonia connections through the international language of screaming, chips “blessed by God” down by the Quay and then five lads from Wivenhoe who shook, um, the Station Hotel with some rock ‘n roll music.

Any old way you choose - it’s not exactly your typical Essex Bank Holiday experience.

Blimey.

To the Philip Road Centre first for a screening of Separado! as part of the Moving Image May Fair weekender schedule of films. The black out curtains just about survived the late afternoon sunshine streaming in from the High Street. Sadly my tired and emotional state from the night before didn’t as I battled with a back and forth head rocking motion and sleep deprivation.

Missing the odd stolen seconds here and there didn’t exactly aid me with the mad as a wet hen story about searching for your musical roots in deepest Patagonia. The plot centres on Gruf Rhyss of the Super Furries going in search of his long lost exiled wing of his Welsh family over in Argentina.

A “horse race that went wrong” in the 18th Century was the reason behind the exodus. The outcome is that there will always be a corner of South Wales somewhere in South America with a penchant for crazed pagan psychedelic music. Passing this message on in an old school hall in Wivenhoe on a Sunday evening somehow just about made artistic sense.

Music may be the food of love, but with an evening of booze to follow, it was that time of the evening when a young man in Wivenhoe goes in search of chips. With the pneumatic recovering houseguest for the weekend looking a little pale around the gills after an afternoon stretch out towards Alresford, we punched the air in celebration when strolling along East Street and found that Papa’s was still frying.

The conversation within is always lively and worthy of your loose change alone for the entertainment value. Never mix religion and politics, but mixing secular beliefs with a big fat saveloy seemed right of a Sunday evening.

Refueled and ready to rock, The Station Hotel was next on the set list. Dan, Daryl, Martin, Phil and Roddy were performing for one night only (actually there may be more to come…) The Beatles back catalogue with a Wivenhoe twist.

I wouldn’t go as far as calling it WivRock, but the punk take on the traditional standards seemed to fit the spirit of the occasion. Unofficially a May Fair warm up, The Station became Shea Stadium (seriously) with She Loves You through to Hey Jude being carried along on a wave of pre-May Fair anticipation and five pints of Carlsberg.

With the town about to change beyond all recognition for Bank Holiday Monday, this was a Wivenhoe moment, with many familiar faces welcoming the May Fair madness that is about to come.

The recovering pneumatic houseguest is as confused as he is enthused.

“Is this what you do every Sunday evening around these North Essex parts?”

Oh no - Antiques Roadshow, Evensong and half shandy in The Greyhound is my usual Sunday evening exuberance. That’s enough to make anyone look a little pale around the gills.

God knows what he’s gonna make of May Fair…

And so there I was, walking down the High Street, past the Philip Road Centre and pondering how Wivenhoe Youth Hub is progressing some four months after my first lovely, lovely visit. An opening up of the inbox back at base and whaddya know - it’s only an invite to catch up and see how the Hub continues to grow from strength to strength.

Ace.

The Hub has been building upon the success since the re-launch at the start of the year. The Tuesday evening sessions for the younger folk around the town remain incredibly successful. Thursday night is for Year 8 and upwards, with membership also growing over recent months.

Having visited on a Tuesday evening previously, I was keen to find out how Thursday nights are shaping up. A whirlwind tour took in archery, rowing, a BBQ, conversations, catching up with a Colchester Borough Councillor and having a firm, civic handshake from the ever present and newly installed Mr Mayor of Wivenhoe.

Woh.

Yep - the Hub is having something of heyday right now.

As well as the usual activities such as pool, computer games and outdoor sports, Thursday evening saw a visit from the Hub’s friends from the Essex Boys and Girls Club based at Chelmsford. Rowing and archery were on the agenda. Both proved to be incredibly popular.

With forty or so young folk turning up at The Hub on Tuesday evenings and thirty on Thursdays, the Hub is still keen to recruit more members. Local organiser and volunteer Michael Padmore told me that it is encouraging to see the Thursday night sessions grow, but he is keen to continue to expand the membership.

It’s all incredibly informal - there is a small admission charge on the door, and then you’re pretty much in. With a committed team of local adult volunteers, the Hub is a safe and relaxing environment for all that help to make it such a success. Extra adult volunteers are also always welcome, with the only skills needed being enthusiasm and agreeing to have a CRB check carried out.

Having spent half an hour or so as a relative stranger walking around, it was wonderful to see the level of acceptance and interest in what I was doing down at The Hub.

“Um, I’m being nosey, taking a few photos [CRB checked - four times over for the day jobs...] and looking for some volunteers to have a chat with and explain more about what precisely goes off down here at the Phillip Road Centre.”

I wasn’t short on candidates.

As touched upon in the audioboo above, it’s not all about computer games or kicking a football about. The Youth Council plays a very genuine role in helping to shape local decisions around the town. Credit must go to Wivenhoe Town Council for allowing this level of trust, but more importantly to the Youth Council members who are genuinely keen to help shape facilities for young folk around Wivenhoe.

Funding of course remains a constant struggle in these days of financial uncertainty. The retiring Mr Mayor very kindly handed over a generous donation to the Hub as part of his Charity Fund; Cllr Corey is also looking at new ways to obtain funding from Colchester Borough Council.

But the best support that the Hub can receive is simply to continue to grow. New members, new volunteers, new ideas. It may sound like some claptrap of a Third Way of political thinking, but once you have that critical mass of membership, it is difficult for any organisation to deny funding.

If you want to get involved with The Hub, then a good starting point for any interested adult volunteers would be to contact Michael over here. The junior and senior sessions take place on Tuesdays and Thursdays - simply turning up and introducing yourself should do the trick.

I look forward to following the continued growth of The Hub…

To the Town Council Office on Monday evening for the first formal meeting of the new Wivenhoe Town Council administration. With four new Councillors sitting around the top table, the pub pecking order etiquette was observed for the seating arrangements:

“Oooh - you can’t sit there, m’ lovely. That’s old Alfie’s seat.”

But old Alfie [MADE UP NAME] is no longer with us, so dip yer bread, young blood.

I strategically took up my place sitting right by the door. You never know when you might want to make an early exist to watch #nffc’s season implode yet again.

Whoops.

Elsewhere around the chamber of fun and it was pleasing to see that all seats in the public gallery were taken. I say ‘public gallery,’ but I of course means the liberal (steady) scattering of chairs around the perimeter of the room.

Was an anarchic late spring Wivenhoe revolution uprising in the air? Um, nope - just the rightly proud family and friends coming along to support the new administration.

D-mob happy and ready to take a well-deserved back seat, Mr Mayor apologised for the non-appearance of the Lady Mayor (impending music duties - that’s fine, Madam) and then listened to a glowing eulogy from Councillor Needham, praising the civic year just passed:

“We made a wonderful decision twelve months ago to elect Councillor Sinclair as our Town Mayor.”

A bottle of something slightly stronger than the Adam’s Ale on the top table was handed over, which will hopefully be sufficient to see Councillor Sinclair through those long Wivenhoe winter nights. A bouquet then followed for the music making Lady Mayor.

It’s a rank old world, this business of local politics - now take up yer seat, kind Sir, back at the opposite end of the table.

In a game of grandee musical chairs, Councillor Needham then took up his place at the top of the table, and the formal handing over of the chains and the Mr Mayor title took place. I have a feeling that the “We made a wonderful decision…” speech will deservedly played out again this time next year.

Continuing the procession of politico titles, behind every great man there has to be a great woman. The new Mr Mayor has two - blimey.

With the (new) Lady Mayor also looking resplendent in the gallery, it was soon time to endorse Councillor Kraft as the new Deputy Mayor for the duration of the political calendar.

A local Wivenhoe league system of sorts is in place, to decide who gets to rise (and fall) with the civic chain. It is almost on par with the election of a new Pope, with the high and mighty having to come to an agreement to endorse a candidate.

It wasn’t quite smoke signals wafting down the High Street and high jinks and rejoicing all the way down to the Rose and Crown, but a three endorsements, one against and “a number of abstentions…” completed the process.

Civic duties complete, back to Civvy Street and the complexes of Town Council business. It is around this point in the evening when a young (ish) blogger usually loses the plot and fails to follow the thread.

I tried to keep up with the constitutional discussion about the Community Working Party, but to be honest, my mind (and iPhone) was elsewhere. Two quick first half goals for Swansea and I trust none of the esteemed Councillors noticed the whispered profanities that almost delayed the important business of the Community Working Party.

As I understand (actually, I don’t) and the issue here was one of adopting a new way of working with committees, chairs and communication. It wasn’t quite as severe as Forest going in 2-0 down at half time (seriously,) but the Town Clerk did interject with:

“What is being proposed is not a valid procedure and I would like this minuted please.”

Blimey.

For the record I also DIDN’T swear in the Council chamber when the second Swansea goal went in, but I wouldn’t mind if that was minuted.

With the WTC constitution changing in June (I think) Councillor Kraft raised concern that three committees are currently without Chairs, following the introduction of a new administration.

Straight off the subs bench and the abundance of new local political talent within Wivenhoe soon served as a stopgap. I don’t suppose any of the four new Bright Young Things of WTC could play up front for Forest whilst they are at it?

As with all new organisations, roles and responsibilities need to be carefully laid out. What followed was a shuffling of the WTC pack, and the allocation of representation on various local and civic organisations. Ah - but who is the joker in the pack, Comrades?

The Colchester Association of Local Councillors role went to Councillor Lodge; Civic Protection was taken by Councillor Needham. Our Public Transport Representative remains the good Peter Kay, Community Safety is covered once again by Councillor Lodge and Councillor Needham will continue his good relations with WivSoc.

Wearing his nautical hat and Councillor Sinclair will represent WTC on the Colne Estuary Partnership. The Wivenhoe Housing Trust will have the fine company of Councillor Needham, the District Board and Facilities Trust role fell to Councillor Lodge, Councillor Kraft sticks with NAP and Wivenhoe in Bloom will have the green-fingered representation from Councillor Richards.

This was very much a putting your house in order meeting for the new administration. Subscriptions were up for renewal next. I thought that the ever keen and eager WivSoc had the tin rattling down to a fine art, what with a door knock and a kindly “pay up, pal” request earlier in the month.

WTC agreed to renew the following subscriptions:

The Essex Association of Local Councillors - £824 per annum - ouch! In return, Mr Mayor stated that WTC gains many official documentation templates that are most useful.

One would hope so, at just under a grand.

Essex Fields and Trusts - £35 pa

The Institute of Crematorium Management - £90 pa (deadly silence…)

The Society of Local Council Clerks - £120 pa

Essex Regional Employers - £130 pa

Direct Information Service (nope, me neither…) £90 pa

Community Management Association - £116 pa. This is the body that grants a licence to enable the running of the Community Mini Bus.

The Council for the Protection of Rural Essex - £29 pa (I wonder which side they bat for as the Environment Agency continues to vandalise our locality?)

The Council for National Allotments - £25 pa and

The Friends of Historic Essex - £10 pa.

Not a great deal of overall expenditure, but there are a lot of local bodies that are making money out of local government. Meanwhile, the Association of Nerdy North Essex Semi-Politico Local Bloggers is about to go back in the red, Comrades - and I’m not talking metaphorical, either.

The minutes for the Annual Town Meeting were then adopted. A lengthy discussion followed about Section 106 money, what it means and why it is important. My understanding is that it is essentially the classic local authority you scratch my back argument: yep, you can build yer mega superstore, but give our community a brown envelope stuffed full of grubby fivers first.

For administrative, political and possibly hyperlocal territorial reasons, the dosh for Wivenhoe is split between the Quay and the Cross. The former obviously benefited greatly with the Cook’s redevelopment 106 money; the latter looks like coming out rather nicely after the University has finished making a mess of Wivenhoe Park with the Knowledge Gateway nice little earner. WTC is in favour of being able to distribute this money WHEREVER it sees fit in the town.

Reports from local political representatives followed. Councillor Julie Young, the Colchester Representative on Essex County Council spoke first.

“I am now no longer the only Labour member at ECC - we have formed a group with the election of another Labour member. I have taken up the position of the Leader of the Labour group.”

Cripes, Comrade: We are all equal, but some are more equal than others, etc.

The hard-working Councillor Young updated with plans for a public footpath leading from Broadfields towards the Football Club:

“This is now the third highest Highways priory in all of Essex. It will be a slow process, but discussions are already in place with the landowner. I am happy to report that relations between the Trust and the Football Club are now much better. The Football Club is welcoming a group of disabled young adults into the clubhouse to use the space as a social area.

Other items updated by Councillor Young included the building of a shelter for students waiting for the Colne bus, congratulating the 20 students volunteers from the University who took part in a recent litter pick, and the promise to look at the faded zebra crossing at The Cross - a point that was raised by a resident at the Annual Town Meeting.

Councillor Young then risked the wrath of the entire Tendring Peninsula by bringing up the Clingoe Hill and the disruption that the Knowledge Gateway is about to bring:

“We are still unsure when the roadworks will begin. It is hoped that these will be completed by the start of the new academic year, which indicates that they should be imminent.”

The newly re-elected Councillor Steve Ford, one of Wivenhoe Quay’s representative at Colchester Borough Council, then addressed the chamber:

“I personally take the Mayor Making process very seriously. Wivenhoe is very lucky in consistently having excellent candidates to fill this role.”

With the past month (and more) spent on the stump, Councillor Ford had little political content to add, although he did remark:

“I thought that my election campaign was going to be dramatic, but it wasn’t so, as it turned out…”

Ouch.

The #workingforwivenhoe fine fella did update on the planning update for nine flats along Rectory Road:

“I have concerns over parking and draining, and have raised these with the Council. The Planning officers agree, and this application will now be heard in front of the Committee.

Valley Road to Bobbit’s Way continues to suffer from potholes and more serious infrastructure damage. I will keep on reminding Highways of this.”

A quick race through the various WTC committee reports, although being a new administration, there was little to report back on. A new picnic bench has been installed in the wood, to replace the one that was sadly vandalised.

Likewise a bench has now been placed on the sea wall, looking out to Rowhedge (although why anyone would want to sit down and actually look out towards Rowhedge is beyond me.)

Councillor Sinclair then reminded WTC about the official confirmation received regarding the continued vandalism of our unique local environment by the Environment Agency:

“We have heard that this work will now be ongoing, with the diggers arriving sometime over the next two weeks. I am sure that our phones will be ringing and WTC will have plenty of complaints from residents.

The work by the EA is an approved policy - all we can do as a council is to refer any complaints to the official literature that we have received.”

Mr Mayor added:

“The EA knows what it is doing.”

Here’s hoping…

A quick refresh of the iPhone, and yep - Forest were still trailing 2-0. Time for a pick me up - time to conclude the first meeting of the new administration with news of what Mr Mayor has planned during his Wivenhoe civic year:

“A tea party (July) Wivenhoe’s Got Talent (cripes - February) and a Tramp’s Supper (come as you are - October.)”

Civic representation is promised at all three events. The tea party sounds charming; Wivenhoe’s Got Talent equally excites and worries me. The Tramp’s Supper is tailor made for many folk around these parts.

Perfect.

To The Greyhound on Saturday evening for the second May Fair fundraiser of the month. The 3:30 - 11pm schedule was ambitious, not to mention the potential to get a little messy. With May Fair itself just two Wivenhoe weekends away, now is the time to start some serious liver training.

@AnnaJCowen and I opted for the Cup Final warm up back at base, predictably falling asleep, and then wobbling down the High Street still in a slumber-induced coma and in search of booze.

Just another late Saturday afternoon in Wivenhoe then.

The bass guitar was reverberating towards the top of Queens Road, with the beer garden at The Greyhound hosting the event. I trust that the good folk of the Queens Road Residents Association were in the mood for a party. Failing that, you could always decamp up to Park Road and have the music drowned out by the HGV’s that now detour along the Valley Road junction.

Steady, Jase. Steady…

Inside The Greyhound and any such hyper hyper hyperlocal community minor divisions were long since diminished. This was a genuine community attempt to raise some much need coffers for the May Fair kitty.

As with The Station event staged over the last Bank Holiday, the format was pretty straight forward: local bands and musicians strut their stuff on the stage, the buckets gets passed around and you contribute whatever you can afford before you pass out yourself.

Arriving fashionably late, sadly we missed the afternoon session (music, not booze) from Hurricane, featuring a certain Mr Martin Newell on bass guitar duties. No worries - a lovely catch up with the chap looking resplendent in a purple blazer and beret, and the Wivenhoe world was put to rights.

More of the same, please.

With 7:30 approaching and the scheduled start for the Moving Image screening next door at the Phillip Road Centre, I hope that the old school ska didn’t intrude too much to the Wivenhoe cinematic experience. We’re all in this together, Comrades - Moving Image will of course have a presence at the May Fair, working in co-operation with Transition Town Wivenhoe.

Some more traditional folk strumming followed; buckets were shaken, booze was drunk. I’m no great theoriser of basic scientific formula, but I’d wager that there is a definite correlation between dosh in the bucket and booze consumed.

We stayed around to watch a power trio (seriously) stomp through Jean Genie, turning Bowie’s lightweight glam pop pomp into a wonderful heavy horse of a re-working. It was at this stage of the evening that I switched from lager to the dark stuff. The evening took a heavy twist, just as Wivenhoe’s Bowie pillagers started to scream and bawl.

Like all good evenings should, we predictably ended up at The Station for recuperation. The eight-hour stretch at The Greyhound was a warm up for May Fair itself.

Lessons learnt ahead of the big day: comatisation should come after, and not before you set off; drink generously and give generously. Plus start off as many wild rumours as possible about the revival of Wivenhoe’s very own glam scene.

Guess who is making a very, VERY special guest secret appearance on the Main Stage this year?

It’s Gnome Laughing matter, I tell you…

To the William Loveless Hall on Wednesday evening for a hot date with @AnnaJCowen.

Cripes.

I told the girl that I had secured tickets for a performance that involves bling, envelopes stuffed full of cash being handed over and a back row seat. I didn’t disappoint.

The Annual Town Meeting of Wivenhoe Town Council starred the most magnificent Mr Mayor all chained up and handing over cheques to the recipients of the Mayor’s Charity. The back row seat lived up to its billing - you don’t know who yer asking political questions of, once the sun starts to set over Wivenhoe.

And so this was THE hot civic ticket for the evening. I say ticket, but any Tom, Dick or Harry strolling in off the High Street could have gained access. I did see a Tom and a Harry. As for Dick?

Steady, Jase. Steady.

We all love the Loveless Hall (right?) but Mr Mayor did his best to demolish it with a swing of the civic hammer to herald the start of the formal meeting. Everyone’s favourite town council hall was pretty much full, with an impressive turn out to witness local Wivenhoe democracy.

Mr Mayor delivered his formal speech, outlining the highs and lows of his civic year:

“We have broken away from the norm this year by staging a number of new social events. This has been a most interesting year where I have met some really lovely people. Working with the schools and the University must be top of my personal list.”

Ever humble, Mr Mayor added:

“My failures have been in chasing Highways for salt during the cold snap. Jim and Andy, the Council groundsmen, put in an extra mile. We hope to be pro-active as a Council, should such bad weather return to Wivenhoe.”

Paying tribute to the retiring litter picker Ray Smith, Mr Mayor spoke glowingly of the role that Ray has played in the local community. A presentation took place, with a bottle of brandy, an engraved brandy glass and an engraved spade handed over.

Best hold on to that Ray - you may just need this when WTC is next called upon to be pro-active…

Andrew Clairborn from Anglia Ruskin University was then invited to explain more about some of the architectural designs in place around the Loveless Hall. Students on the urban planning course have been visiting Wivenhoe, looking for ideas to create a civic centre on the land that covers the Loveless Hall, the old police houses and the Town Council Offices:

“The brief is for our students to understand the social fabric of Wivenhoe. Every student comments on what a fantastic place this must be to live. One student was short-listed with her designs, leading to a Whitehall reception.”

Councillor Fran Richards addressed the meeting, putting in a call to arms for plans for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee next summer:

“We don’t want this to be a WTC led event - we want to involve the whole community.”

I’m not exactly one for a right Royal knees up, but celebrating the Establishment nuptials a few weeks back at a Wivenhoe Town FC beer festival almost turned me into a flag waver. More of the same please.

The distribution of the Mayor’s Charity Fund followed. It was truly ace to see representation from all walks of Wivenhoe life, all deserving, all working for a better Wivenhoe.

I fired up my trusty F717, perched down at the front of the stage and handed over the official notepad duties to @AnnaJCowen. With firm instructions to “scribble down every group name,” we didn’t get off to a good start when the girl replied “what?”

We are almost approaching hearing aid enhancement for the poor girl, and so apologies if some of the deserving groups have been missed off the list:

East Anglia Children’s Hospice, St Helena Hospice, Parachute Regiment Afghanistan Trust, The Over 60′s Club (membership form for @AnnaJCowen, please?) Age Concern Luncheon Club, Helping Hands, St Mary’s Church, Wivenhoe Methodist Church, Wivenhoe Congregational Church, St Michael’s Church (I think that’s all bases covered…) Transition Town Wivenhoe (hurrah!) Wivenhoe Folk Club, Wivenhoe Ferry Committee, Wivenhoe Town Regatta, Wivenhoe May Fair Committee, Wivenhoe in Bloom, Wivenhoe Co-operative Community Board, Colne Community Music Exchange, Millfields School, Broomgrove School, Avenue Playgroup, the Wivenhoe Free School, Wivenhoe Swingers Society [um, you sure about this one?] Wivenhoe Toddlers Group. Scout and Guides Association, The Hub (hurrah! hurrah!) Educational Aid for Children in Africa, Wivenhoe Sporting Facilities Trust, Wivenhoe Junior Badminton, Wivenhoe Junior Cricket Club and Wivenhoe Junior Sailing Club.

Phew.

And relax.

Pretty much all organisations were represented on the night, and if they weren’t, it was because they had group activities taking place. A blogger who is bored of London can bugger off out towards the North Essex estuary wilds, and then find such a diverse range of groups and activities that the temptation is to say: woh - where to start?

Um, back to London?

‘fraid not, Comrades…

Over £3,000 in total was distributed by Mr Mayor. There are even some coins left in the civic cap for the incoming Mr Mayor, thanks to a very generous donation from the Wivenhoe Youth Theatre, which sadly folded earlier in the year.

With the meet ‘n greet handshakes and cheesy photos filed away, time for the formal business end of the meeting; time for a swift half across the road over at The Greyhound.

Only joking.

The minutes from the 2010 meeting were approved and then the Annual Report and Financial Statement were up for discussion. Both are essential bedtime reading. Both seemed inappropriate for back row consumption whilst out on a hot date with @AnnaJCowen. Best left for the bedroom, luv.

With no formal resolutions, questions were opened up to the floor. I almost put up my hand by instinct, and came out with my annual “why do I have to pay TWICE to swim in Lambeth owned pools?”

Whoops.

Wrong Borough, Comrade.

Q: Any news on the new surgery?

A: We are expecting a final decision within the next month. We are ready to go, and if we are given the money, work can start tomorrow.

Wow.

Q: What of the empty police houses? *cough* @asset_transfer…

A: We understand that these WILL be sold. WTC has expressed an interest, but we have to look at the long-term logistics. How do we furnish the loan? Do we have the support of all residents? We are waiting to hear the final asking price.

Q: Cars are still speeding down Station Road. The road is also falling apart. Will speed bumps be put in place?

A: No.

Q: On behalf of Neighbourhood Watch, are there any WTC plans to adopt the Considerate Parking scheme that is already in place in Brightlingsea?

A: [from Councillor Penny Kraft] I have already answered this question at the last Neighbourhood Watch meeting that you chaired.

Ouch.

As previously blogged, WTC won’t be adopting the Considerate Parking scheme. Residents cause the problems in Brightlingsea and it is relatively easy to administer. Commuters are the problem in Wivenhoe - WTC doesn’t know who it is dealing with.

Q: Any plans for 41 Acres behind the cricket club?

A: This plot of land has now been sold. A small amount can be built upon. We are watching this closely.

Q: Can you extend the skateboard park?

A: We have been approached by the elder skateboarders who have now outgrown the existing facility. There is a wish list, should funds be free. The skate park is high up on the agenda.

Q: What the chuffers is happening with the Engine Shed?

Oh Lordy.

A: It doesn’t belong to WTC and so we have little power. There is the very real danger that the building will collapse. Network Rail has wrapped up the building to try and preserve it. This is as far as we can get from them.

Q: What of disable access at the station?

A: No further updates…

Q: The zebra crossing up by The Cross is fading.

A: We will take a look at this [plus helpful interjection by the helpful Councillor Young of Essex County Council.]

Speaking of the big boys and girls (some more bigger than others) and Mr Mayor formally congratulated Councillor Steve Ford (Labour, Quay ward) on his re-election to Colchester Borough Council, as well as Councillor Mark Corey (LibDems, Cross ward.)

One loud round of applause, one loud (ish) round of applause.

The new Town Councillors were then introduced (helloooo!) following the lack of election with not enough names stepping forward. Mr Mayor then paid a very warm tribute to the various retiring Town Councillors.

Hear, hear.

We were reminded that Wivenhoe is a very apolitical community, with our elected (or not, as the case may be…) representatives very much working for Wivenhoe (geddin there!) rather than the petty tribalism of party politics.

This warmed my heart, and the bosom of @AnnaJCowen, as we shared a bag of chips from Papa’s on the way home.

Picture: My back garden. Blimey.

With spring springing early in Wivenhoe and that miserable estuary winter now long since forgotten, a young (ish) man’s thoughts turns towards green fingers and watching the legend that is Alan Titchmarsh on TV every night as RHS Chelsea approaches.

Cripes.

Actually, ever the keen to keep it local, Wivenhoe Open Gardens looks like it will be stealing the thunder from Titchmarsh and chums over the coming weeks. The weekend of 21st - 22nd May is when all the green and good of Wivenhoe is opened up.

I’ve even got a half-decent lawn that anyone come round for a look at if they are really bothered.

Blimey.

Twenty-eight gardens have so far signed up. I love the idea of sharing, and then hopefully inspiring. It has taken @AnnaJCowen and I twenty summers together (oh Lordy) to actually have garden ownership. I’m hoping Titchmarsh will be coming my way with a Gold Standard next summer.

The good folk from Open Gardens update with:

“There will be plants to buy at several of the gardens, and a stand-alone Plant Stall at 89 High Street. There will be displays of paintings and other artwork on show at some gardens, and there will be musical entertainment in three of the gardens from In Accord, acapella singers with a wide repertoire of songs and singing styles. Refreshments to sustain you on your way around the village will also be on sale.”

Entry tickets (£4, free admission for children) will be on sale from early May. They will be available from Rollo Estates, the Wivenhoe Bookshop, Bryan’s Newsagents in the High Street, and at Crossways Stores at The Cross. On the weekend itself, tickets may be bought at Toad Hall (16 Colchester Road) and at 89 High Street, and some of the gardens over the weekend. You will also get a free Programme when you buy your ticket.”

All profits will be divided between St Mary’s Church and the Wivenhoe Society. This year, the latter will be donating their share to Wivenhoe Helping Hands.

I seriously can’t wait; I’ve evened ironed my best Titchmarsh slacks and sports casual.