onionbagblog

It’s been a day of trimming and taking control. An early morning haircut, and then the cropping back experience repeated later in the day on my plum tree. One still has a set of thinning roots, whilst the other is now no longer able to reproduce.

Close shave, etc.

The cutting back of both your scalp and saplings is a reminder of the vitality that still exists within. Four weeks is what it takes for what is left of my hair to spoil a passport photo. The plum tree meanwhile just got too big for its garden boots, bossing around the much-maligned magnolia and restricting further growth.

This patch ‘aint big enough for the both of us.

I muttered something similar underneath my breath as the barber attempted some polite conversation about foreign holidays.

“My plums are ripe.”

“Would Sir like something for the weekend?”

It’s a never-ending fight against future growth for hair and herbaceous green sprouts. I should be grateful that singular strands of hair still attempt to make an appearance in a one-inch square patch. I almost wish they would bugger off and do a Bobby Charlton.

A head shave is only a short-term solution. You need to tackle the root of the cause, which is why I paid for the charming Plum Man to come round and give me a good seeing to. An hour later and the plum tree was but a patch of soil. That would make a nice spot for the ever-growing magnolia, I thought.

The Barber and Mr Plum were both very generous with their prices. It does dig away though at the helplessness of having to pay to prevent something from continuing the life cycle.

I’ve attempted a DIY approach on both fronts before. My hair looked like an impotent plum tree that had just lost its load, whilst the prunus looked like it had lost a fight with my previous barber.

And so freshly shorn of an ever-balding bonce, I shall take to wearing headwear around town for the next fortnight or so. The strands will soon start shooting up once again and I can but lust over the price of hair gel at Boots.

The plum tree has been pulled up, poisoned and then pissed over by the mad cat. Betcha it shoots up faster than what is left of my failing fringe.

There’s talk of trimming the bush down below over the weekend.

Anyone know a good man / woman to recommend?