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To the Town Council Offices on Monday evening for an eve of Solstice pagan sacrifice, aka as a Wivenhoe Town Council monthly meeting. Peace, love and understanding were in the estuary air, and so was a Conservative Borough Councillor.

Cripes.

Suited and booted (me, not the Conservative Borough Councillor) and arriving fashionably late as ever, it was standing room only around the top civic table. I perched my backside strategically on the edge of the Press table, sitting on the fence and waiting to hear all about parking problems and dog pooh.

Eleven fine members of the public were left scrambling for seats for THE hot ticket in town that night. Bell ringing practice in Wivenhoe is on Wednesdays, Comrades.

Joining the Little People was a rare and welcome appearance from LibDem Councillor Manning of the Cross ward, Conservative Councillor Quarrie of the Quay and the ever present, ever smiling Councillor Ford, Labour’s red flag waving #workingforwivenhoe Comrade also from the Quay.

It’s not quite Never the Twain, but the political hot potato that was on everyone’s lips was when the chuffers will the Borough Councillors get it on with the Town Councillors?

Concern has been expressed by the UNPAID Town Councillors that communication with the big boys and girls of the Borough is not flowing quite as frequently as perhaps it should.

With Section 106 wonga floating around in Wivenhoe - a classic you scratch my back brown envelope time - the Town Councillors want to make sure that Borough Councillors are singing from the same St Mary’s Wivenhoe hymn sheet.

“Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always.”

And whilst yer at it, let’s chuck some cash from the Cook’s payback fund on a much needed new zebra crossing outside of the Co-op, Comrades.

It’s a fun filled life being a Borough Councillor. Sacrifices have to be made, and we’re not talking about the Solstice shindig on the muddy banks of the Colne either. Friday night has been put aside as a possible timeslot when Never the Twain will divvy up the local dosh.

Phew, rock ‘n roll.

A bit of local admin, and then we were straight in with Reports from the Borough and County Councillors.

It’s all about accountability, I tell ya…

Councillor Young, Labour’s representative on Essex County Council (seriously) was unavailable, but had kindly submitted a written report:

“New ways of working with Highways should make it easier for 20mph zones to be introduced around both schools in Wivenhoe. I have been in constant dialogue with Tracy Chapman, the Highways advisor on this.”

Hurrah!

Hang on - Tracy Chapman? 20mph? Talk about a Fast Car, etc.

Sticking with the #workingforwivenhoe Comrades, and Councillor Ford of the Quay was next to address the meeting:

“I called in the planning application for Rectory Hill. I was unhappy with the visibility of the approach, and the drainage. Highways are happy with the visibility, and I have been advised that the drainage concerns are a civil matter.

My concern about the limited parking space was upheld. The developer has hastily added in four extra parking spaces. The planning application has now been passed.”

Up towards the Cross ward and our two LibDem representatives have also been busy with congestion. A rare absence from Councillor Cory (pressing matters on the Policy Panel) but a written submission instead:

“I have been pressing the University about fixing a date for the Clingoe Hill closure ahead of the start of the Knowledge Gateway development. This has now been moved to the start of the summer holidays, to try and limit the congestion. I still expect we will have one - two weeks of aggravation.”

And then some.

Defying the #workingforwivenhoe election period claims that *ahem* “no LibDems are in Wivenhoe,” the Love Me I’m a Liberal lot then had safety in numbers with Councillor Manning of the Cross ward offering up his report to the Town Council:

“I am now sitting on the Planning Committee at Colchester Borough Council. NOTHING will get through.”

Cripes.

“I also have a new notebook to keep track of all the potholes that continue to appear.”

Yeah, and possibly a pitch to become a Glum Councillor as well.

Fine work, though fella.

It’s not quite a case of shuffling the deckchairs on the Titanic, but Conservative Councillor Quarrie of the Quay reported:

“I have been moved off Planning and now sit on Licensing.”

Which must be bad news for the 24/7 nightclub that I had planned for the Quay.

“Parking around the Cook’s development remains a key issue. The road has yet to be adopted by the County Council, which causes problems when we are trying to police it.”

Eight years and counting, my good Councillor…

Also giving cause for concern is the re-routing of the 74 bus route. Peter Kay, the Public Transport Representative explained how First Group, the current franchise operator, has sneakily slipped in a new route, which completely bypasses the town, turning off for Clacton instead.

“How ridiculous,” commented Councillor Kraft. She wasn’t alone in her observations and a polite, but purposeful letter is probably being penned from WTC right now.

The concern is that the move has been poorly advertised. Yoof may catch the bus, expecting a journey into Wivenhoe. With the sudden turn off, they could be out of town and out of funds as they speed off for an impromptu away day at the seaside.

A lengthy conversation then followed about the 20mph zone along the railway bridge at the bottom of the town. I became completely lost; I wasn’t alone.

Speaking in relation to transport matters, Peter Kay then posed the question:

“What does Wivenhoe Town Council propose to do about the annual nonsense that is the Wivenhoe May Fair?”

Cripes.

Awkward.

Having had this curveball thrown at him from across the civic chamber, Mayor Needham composed himself and offered up the reply that the May Fair Committee are working with WTC on future solutions.

Moving on…

Perhaps a bit of Planning to get the party back on track? Former Councillors Liddy and Purdey have been granted special powers (oooh!) to continue the fine work that they have started in representing WTC when it comes to all things Cook’s.

As for that old family favourite of the planned new Wivenhoe Surgery? Councillor Lodge updated with news that the deal is “far from dead.” The PCT has put the plan to the Doctor’s at the old surgery to see if they want to move forward.

Having a pre-defined national NHS policy as a framework in which to make these decisions would be nice.

Hey hoe.

In WTC Personnel news - THIS JUST IN: New litter picker James has impressed so much that he has been awarded a permanent position after the successful completion of his trial.

Hurrah!

Handling the aftermath of May Fair must have been a stern test, and one that James handled magnificently.

Onto the best bit - the Best Value Committee (aka secretly as the pre-WTC prepping meet where the real Council business is decided - behind closes doors - or so the suggestion has been made to me…)

Anyone been to Stanway of late? Apart from offering up a most splendid jazz club, my knowledge of our Colchester near neighbours is somewhat limited. This is all about to change, with WTC proposing to adopt the Stanway system of committees for local governance. The buggers better have the ACE Working Woods Party.

Back to Wivenhoe however, and in a turkeys voting for Christmas move, WTC agreed unanimously to foot the bill to pay for Mayoral badges for ex-Mayor’s.

Mmm…

It’s a badge of honour, and probably on balance one that is a worthy memento for the UNPAID work of Wivenhoe Town Councillors during their hectic year of civil service.

A slight shuffle along the press bench, and it was here that I made my strategic switch to *shhh* the Conservative hot seat.

Cripes.

All the best parties finally kick into action as the night closes in, and as the public chamber emptied and m’Conservative friend departed to ponder why Wivenhoe still hasn’t got a new surgery under the inspiring leadership of the Coalition, I played musical chairs.

Mr Mayor updated WTC about his activities, in what has been a very busy first month in office:

“I have attended sixteen formal events in the past month. The highlights included visiting Wivenhoe Youth Hub [ditto] the parade of the 16 Air Assault Brigade through Colchester, the opening of the *shhh* Quiet Garden at Broomgove Shcool and the Helping Hands AGM.”

Pleased to report that Helping Hands appears to be in sound financial hands, thanks to some very generous donations locally.

Five points then came out of the Community Safety feedback:

(i) Inconsiderate parking remains an issue (even though WTC, after taking police advice, decided not to implement a considerate parking scheme within the town…)

(ii) The local crime figures are low. A slight increase in burglary however has been recorded. The police have suggested that this is possibly a local gang, with laptops and TV’s being the main items going missing.

(iii) Traffic routes to Cook’s Shipyard have deviated.

Eh?

It appears that companies that don’t take the designated route down Valley Road are in danger of losing their contracts. Keep yer eyes peeled around *cough* Queens Road, Comrades.

(iv) Ball games by the Medway are showing some signs for concerns. Elder kids are getting slightly enthusiastic, with the balls entering into the road.

(v) And finally Speed Watch - this is now being rolled out during the school run hours, with a focus upon Bobbitt’s Way and Elmstead Road.

A brief break for the passing around the chamber of the official civic spearmints (receipts available for inspection on request) and then whaddya know - apt timing and Finance.

Quotes are being sourced for a possible asbestos survey for the William Loveless Hall toilets. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it, etc.

In Correspondence news and an appeal for support from WTC for the emerging Radio Wivenhoe group has been received. This is not necessarily financial, but an endorsement.

Granted, with Mr Mayor proudly declaring:

“This is a positive feature for Wivenhoe. It is an aid for further communication and helps to promote the town. We earnestly support Radio Wivenhoe.”

Splendid.

Someone should sign that man up for a guest spot on Wiv Chat.

Oh, hang on…

A rallying call then went out for players to take part in the annual Town Cricket Match on the evening of 13th July at Rectory Road. The official civic quotation that came out on the evening is:

“WE WANT TO WACK THEM.”

Cripes.

Any Other Business?

With the Ten Acres development looking likely to start soon, a new access road will be in place within Wivenhoe. Peter Hill has formally suggested naming this in memory of Dr Ted Palmer.

Plus no WTC meeting can be complete without the perennial Engine Shed rumour.

HONK!!!!

Massive rumour alert: minuted, but not necessarily economical with the truth, the continual pub gossip of the old Engine Shed being bought up by a developer wrapped up the meeting.

Any views?

A stunned silence filled the chamber.

Time for that pagan sacrifice in the Network Rail car park, Comrades?

To The Nottage once again on Wednesday evening for a committee meeting with the lovely WivSoc folk. With the smell of yacht varnish in the barn below being mixed up with the aroma of booze from the Rose and Crown along the Quay, this was something of a Wivenhoe moment.

There is always a sense of great history in entering the Nottage. You feel that you are truly experiencing something of Wivenhoe’s past - and hopefully the future, with WivSoc pushing forward a positive agenda for the town.

Of course you could always replicate the experience by brewing yacht beer and drinking it in your garden shed on a Wednesday evening once a month. But that would mean that you would miss the WivSoc stories. These blog posts don’t write themselves, y’know…

As ever, a varied agenda of the serious and trivial was in store. Off the Rails was up first. A request for assistance has been made by the local arts groups that is responsible for putting in place public art at Wivenhoe Station.

Off the Rails has been officially adopted by Network Rail as the organisation in which to promote art along the platforms. The potential problem is that Off the Rails may be ace at art, but has little experience of organising. WivSoc has been asked for advice.

Although not really coming under the WivSoc remit, it was agreed that conversations with Off the Rails should continue, with a view to helping the group become more self-sufficient. Another suggestion was to steer Off the Rails with the recent moves to re-start the legendary Wivenhoe Arts Club.

I’m not quite sure how this happened, but the debate then somehow let drop that the Station Master’s House has had something of a roof falling in on the world moment: THE ROOF REALLY HAS FALLEN IN, apparently, with the first floor coming crashing down.

Whoops.

Exactly where this leaves the fine Transition Town Wivenhoe and the ambitious (and ace) plans to turn the building into a sustainable community centre remains to be seen. TTW has a war chest of community goodwill, but sadly not a blank cheque to re-build Wivenhoe.

Sticking with matters fiscal, and it seems that WivSoc has saved the UK economy.

Cripes.

Recent changes in tax and insurance law means that the Chancellor has been presented with an extra £3.10 to help reduce the deficit.

We’re all in this together, Comrades.

Planning looked at the proposed development of nine new properties along Rectory Road. I still don’t quite get this ‘development’ terminology; it seems to suggest moving forward, an advancement, a development, if you will. But what if the development [urgh] is actually a step back?

They usually are…

Record Road has been previously submitted, and then withdrawn. It is now back in the hands of Colchester Borough Council. WivSoc has no formal objection, apart from a passing comment on the access road planned. A letter is being drawn up to put this point across. Town planning speak for re-wording of the phrase “jolly nasty design” were then discussed.

It is at this stage in the development (aha!) that it is perhaps worth reminding folk of the recent changes in the CBC planning application process. New applications will by-pass the Committee and go straight to council officers, UNLESS two formal objections are made. These need to be put in place through your local CBC ward councillor.

A hop, skip and a jump down Rectory Road, via an afternoon bender at the Rose and Crown (steady) and we’re at Cook’s. We’re also at the point that no WivSoc committee meeting would be complete without: the development [urgh, urgh] of the old shipyard.

A diligent spot on the CBC database by our esteemed Queen of Planning, and it seems that a variance in use has been put forward for the commercial developments along from the Quay.

The units were originally intended for commercial use for home workers as a business unit. The suggestion now is that they will be able to open up on Sundays and Bank Holidays, and also have the option to serve refreshments outdoors.

With On the Corner (nee the Corner House) now focussing on the evening economy, having one more place to purchase coffee in Wivenhoe during the daytime has to be seen as something worth welcoming.

Keeping with the public space theme, it seems that the old St John’s Ambulance building has become embroiled in a bit of a local tug of law. Time to repeat my personal mantra of not commenting in public on private planning applications. Still holding out for that nightclub at the bottom of the garden…

With Moving Image finding funding problems for the long-term purchase of the building, a local artist is interested in taking over St John’s for studio space. This includes the possibility of opening up for exhibitions.

*Some* members of Wivenhoe Town Council though are unhappy with this move. They see the building as one of the few remaining possibilities to keep it as a shared community resource. Booking a public venue in Wivenhoe is becoming increasingly difficult. *Some* members of WTC would like to keep all options open.

I wouldn’t stretch it out as far as calling it a rival bid, but a second group is in the running to try and restore the building for community use. A figure of £25,000 has been quoted to carry out repairs. It appears that the second group already has this capital.

I’m not ruling out a *ahem* THIRD bid, should my application for the nightclub in the back garden be turned down.

Keeping it social and the WivSoc is genuinely overjoyed with the tremendous success of the recent riverbank clean up. This was the most successful yet, with 80 volunteers turning up on a Sunday morning to help make the Colne a little bit cleaner.

The results are there to see - a tidal litter free stretch, all the way down to the Hythe. WivSoc was particularly happy to see young volunteers from the Hub and the Scouts and Guides coming out to help.

Cleaning up the Colne has become something of uniting community issue (or maybe not…) with some lovely plans to stretch out across the other side and involve our friends from Rowhedge.

It has been suggested that WivSoc twins future clean ups with the Rowhedge lot. We can even wave to one another from the other side. I know which half of the great divide I’d wager has the greater amount of mess to clean up.

Other social news includes a welcome return of the WivSoc wine tasting evening, taking place this year on the 18th November at the Congregational Hall. Our friends from the Co-op are once again very kindly providing the booze.

Chin chin.

But try and keep it sober - here comes that nice Mr Mayor with his formal report from the recent WTC meeting. I say formal, but the Dress Down Wednesday and affable approach of our civic leader, kept it all rather light-hearted.

A fair few serious issues however:

The proposed new Health Centre behind the Fire Station has seen considerable movement in recent weeks. As previously reported, Mr Mayor has held a meeting with the PCT, leaving Councillor Sinclair:

“More positive than at any stage before.”

Basically the PTC wants a decision imminently, ahead of the proposed national government shake-up of the NHS. A meeting of the Executive is being held next month, where a final decision is expected to be made.

Mr Mayor reported that the site itself is now ready for construction. The last remaining planning hurdle (a stray tree root) has now been resolved. Slight cynicism though from some sections of WivSoc, with mumblings of we’ve been here before…

Mr Mayor then spoke of his personal quest to:

“Bang a few heads together to try and get some co-operation from our local councillors.”

Cripes.

Not in the literal sense of course, but with currently two LibDems, One Tory and one Labour councillor, Mr Mayor is concerned that possible Section 106 funds coming out of the Knowledge Gateway might get lost in the political fog of tribal party politics.

The Cross ward has been singled out as being in most urgent need of new funds. A hit list of possible projects has been drawn up by WTC. I’d personally like to see a tag team-wrestling contest featuring all four councillors.

Purchasing the old police station houses is also a current priority for Mr Mayor:

“Most town councillors are on board with the concept. There is a feeling that this is a one-off opportunity to keep these under public use. We dare not let go of them.”

The police apparently quoted a figure of £400,000 four years ago, although WTC holds strong that this was never put forward in writing. It is expected that a similar figure will remain the market value today.

Which is slightly steep for a local town council that has just had a significant funding cut from the paymasters of CBC. The plan is to approach the Municipal Loan Board, and then rent out the properties to service the loan.

We finished off with My Mayor updating on the #hyperlocal political process:

“We have four new councillors, and four retiring councillors - which leaves us two short of our quota. I would have LOVED for this to have gone to election - it would have done WTC a world of good.”

I still reckon mud wrestling is the way to go, Comrades.

See ya next month…

Wivsoc - Disclaimer: I am a member of the Wivenhoe Society, although not a committee member. All views expressed within this blog post are mine alone, and not that of the committee, or the Society in general.

There’s nothing like the Notice of Annual Town Meeting from Wivenhoe Town Council to get the heart rate pumping as you skip along the High Street and go about your morning errands.

Oh Lordy.

“All residents are invited to the Town Meeting that will be held in the William Loveless Hall on Wednesday 11th May, 2011 at 7:30pm.”

Wouldn’t it be ace if ALL 10,000 residents of Wivenhoe were to turn up at the Loveless on the evening of the 11th? Whaddya reckon the first item agenda would be? Ah, that old chestnut of time to build a new town hall…

Rest easy, Comrades:

“The following is the agenda for the evening:

1. Distribution of Mayor’s Charity Fund.

2. Minutes of the last annual meeting.

3. To receive the annual report of the Town Council and financial statement.

4. To discuss any specific points which residents which to raise.

5. To consider any resolutions which may be proposed.”

4 and 5 could be lively. I’m looking to point 6 - booze in the back room of The Greyhound. I trust the retiring Mr Mayor can stretch to a round for the 10,000 townsfolk.

Resolutions need to be formally submitted before Tuesday 3rd May, addressed to the Town Clerk at the Council Offices.

The Annual Report itself makes for interesting reading - if your definition of interesting incorporates Planning, Policing and Town Council Public Access. I’m sure there’s a Wivenhoe based crime thriller just waiting to be penned along these themes.

Reading between the small print (and there is a hell of a lot of detail) and it seems that financially this has been a successful year for the Town Council. Cuts are coming, we all know that. This isn’t the place to lay the macro political blame game.

Wivenhoe however seems well placed for the economic challenges that will no doubt be presented to the new WTC administration when it sits down for the first meeting in the chamber next month.

“In view of the current economic climate, the current Town Council continues to be committed to maintaining the current level of services to local residents, and this year in particular is delighted to say that it has managed this and also kept the precept below average, despite a 50% reduction in the Parish Grant.

This is mainly due to careful husbandry and grant sourcing. The Town Council’s policy to fund major improvements by grants will continue in the same vein over future years.”

And hurrah for that - you can’t go wrong with a bit of careful husbandry on the domestic front.

The reports outlines ongoing developments at Cooks (concerns) Millfields Open Space (granted) Cemeteries (dog pooh) Highways (potholes) Street Cleaning (Ray retires) the Hub (successful) Play Areas (vandalism) the William Loveless Hall (new lady loos) Diamond Jubilee (apathy) Christmas Lights (what a turn on) Wivenhoe Woods (sea wall vandalism) Allotments (thriving) New Health Centre (stagnating) Policing (station closed) Safety (crime falling) Communication (helloooo!) Munty Bus (new cam-belt, natch) Mayor’s Charity (£3k - ace) Finance (£55ish per resident) and Public Access (do come to meetings.)

Phew. And relax.

For more meat on the bone (steady) then I’d suggest an evening at the Loveless Hall on 11th May.

A creak of the old letterbox, a scared (and crazed) cat runs for cover and whaddya know - it’s only the latest copy of the esteemed Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Blimey.

As I’m now an adopted son of *shhh* Brightlingsea, then I feel that I ought to bang on about all the fine news stories that the good Scoop Scarpenter has been seeking out concerning our friends at the other end of the B1207.

But bugger to that. An evening with WTC was sufficient for the finer detail this week. Apologies to m’Brightlingsea bro’s and sisters - I’m skipping straight to the heart of the matter and making the most of the Wivenhoe half of Scoop’s news patch.

Which in reality means thumbing through to p.7 and The Hub - a Welcoming Venue for Young People:

“An awareness evening was held recently at the Hub, formally the Wivenhoe Youth Centre, highlighting the diverse amenities available at this venue for young people.”

Hurrah!

“Amenities at the centre include a coffee bar, floodlit basketball and football, pool, darts, DJ mixing desk, air hockey, 32 inch TV screen and two laptops.”

The Hub is indeed a major success story for Wivenhoe. Any volunteers would be warmly welcomed…

You wait for one Wivenhoe story in the Chronicle, and then just as an extra slice of birthday cake settles you down in the rocking chair (seriously) for the afternoon, along come two on the same page.

p.7 continues with: Town Meets Gown:

“The Mayor and Mayoress of Wivenhoe, Brian and Jan Sinclair, accompanied by Dilly Meyer, International Academy Skills Centre Manager at the University of Essex, welcomed 30 students and 40 local residents to a social evening at the William Loveless Hall [where else...]“

My Mayor has done a great deal for the Town and Gown delicate balancing act during his period of civic service. He somehow pulled off the rather remarkable negotiating skills of giving a stern telling off to the Estate Manager regarding the Knowledge Gateway road closure farce, yet still managed to end up passing on the goodwill of the town towards the University..

Similarly in persuading the ‘youthful high spirits’ of some students out on the Wivenhoe Run to apologise to local publicans and residents, before welcoming them back into Wivenhoe for more booze.

Blimey.

Councillor Steve Ford writes on p.10 more about the 20mph Zones in Wivenhoe:

“The majority of people in Wivenhoe know that a 20mph speed zone is going to be introduced in the area below the railway bridge. What many people do not know is that Colchester Borough Council has agreed, in principle, to look at the introduction of 20mph zones in all residential areas.”

Tellingly, the Cllr concluded by adding:

“Extensive consultation and engagement with the community of Colchester needs time and some monies, which in this present economic climate, is not yet available.”

Here’s hoping that when the wonga is finally freed up, whatever administration is currently sitting at the Town Hall won’t forget to carry out the consultation.

There’s little argument against 20′s plenty (although a guarded effort was attempted to derail it at Monday’s WTC meeting.) It makes sense in lower Wivenhoe, with only Station Road being a possible problem area to enforce.

A brief mention of the AGM of the Workers Education Association on 4th April at the Methodist Hall, as well as a heads up for WivSoc’s riverbank clean up at 10am on the 10th then follows.

And then we’re into the Wivenhoe arty territory, which holds far more editorial entertainment. Helen Chambers‘ review of Jack and the Beanstalk is bang on the money, when stating:

“Brian Ford’s script was very witty and clever, and I admired Matt Linley’s direction. Sarah Rout, as Silly Billy, gave a flawless performance. Hazel Humphreys (Jack) has stand-up comedy credentials.”

Talking of seamless comedy timing: Wivenhoe’s Very Own Comedy Club adds on p.13:

“Wil Hodgson will be performing at Wivenhoe’s very own comedy club, the Funny Farm. The club night will be held on 31st March at the Cricket Club.”

Oklahoma! gets a brief plug, as does the Colne Community College Choir’s concert at the Congregational Hall on the 2nd April. Local artist Annie Bielecka exhibition at the Red Lion Bookshop in Colchester also gets a mention.

Which all leaves us with the snappy Chronicle headline on p.15 of: New Facial Aesthetics Centre is Officially Opened by Town’s Mayor.

Cripes.

“A new local business, the Wivenhoe Faceplace, was officially opened by the Mayor of Wivenhoe. The new venture is a facial aesthetics centre, specialising in rejuvenating anti-wrinkle injections, dermal fillers, lip enhancements and tooth whitening.”

I couldn’t possibly comment on the potential for customers within Wivenhoe. I can pass comment however on Mr Mayor’s fine stance in supporting the business. As explained to WTC on Monday evening:

“Faceplace very kindly donated a £200 voucher for the Mayor’s Charity Auction. I am happy to support any business that helps to raise money locally.”

Hear, hear.

Must dash - time to moisturise.

The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is distributed free amongst local households. Additional copies are 25p from local newsagents.

To the Town Council Offices on Monday evening for the monthly meeting of our friends from Wivenhoe Town Council. I say “friends” in complete sincerity - I don’t see Mr Speaker welcoming people into the Public Gallery at Westminster with a beaming smile and the offer of glacier mint.

Nine of our good Councillor’s were present around the top table on Monday, with a Civic suited, booted and blinged up Mr Mayor chairing the meeting. Three members of the public were also present, which has to be encouraging for local accountability and political access.

Essex County Councillor Julie Young spoke first, updating WTC on her recent work as Colchester’s representative at a county level. Traffic has once again been a priority, with speeding levels around Wivenhoe being a concern for local residents.

Rectory Road keeps on cropping up, along with the approach to Broomgrove School. Cllr Young has asked the police to intervene, whenever local residents raise the issue. A pilot study of the 20′s Plenty initiative has been undertaken. Cllr Young is chasing this up, with a view to rolling it our along the non-residential streets around Wivenhoe.

Keeping with the transport theme, Cllr Young then updated WTC over the issue of a footpath approach to the football club along Elmstead Road. Funding is in place for further investigation, with possible money for the implementation of the project being made available in April.

Those glacier mints then came in handy, when through *shhh* gritted teeth, Cllr Young bigged up Dave’s #bigsociety. Funding for around £50k (not so big then…) may be available for Colchester and Tendring. Individual grants of around £500 to kick-start #hyperlocal community projects within Wivenhoe could be up for grabs.

You call it #bigsociety, we call it Community Initiative - Cllr Young then outlined her track record on delivering with similar schemes locally, pointing out improvements to the skateboard park and new nets for the football pitches at KGV.

Inspiring Ideas is the name of a new initiative from Essex County Council. They like their positive lexicology, these politico types. I would suggest that if you have an idea that isn’t inspiring, then you probably shouldn’t even be thinking in the first place.

The good Cllr Young rightfully pointed out that Wivenhoe is full of inspiring ideas anyway. It is hoped that the countywide scheme will be able to improve communities at a local level.

Good idea, that…

Finally Cllr Young praised the wonderful folk of Wivenhoe Moving Image, and explained how she has helped out the independent community cinema to become a key holder at the Phillip Road Centre, as well as resolving extra access issues to allow increased screenings.

Questions to our council rep followed. WTC Cllr Kraft asked if Cllr Young would like to test out the new toilets that have just been completed at the William Loveless Hall.

Steady the buffers; and the bowels.

Next up on his feet for a bit of political stand up was the ever-entertaining Cllr Steve Ford, the Colchester Borough Council representative for the Quay ward. The good Cllr Ford could appear at a stand up comedy gig, and still raise a smile telling some right ripping yarns all about potholes.

Oh - hang on…

It is the working bain of any local councillor, and yep, potholes are once again particularly heavy on the mind of Cllr Ford. Park Road and “a whooper” (blimey) along Rebow Road have recently been reported by Cllr Ford.

An insider perspective on the 20′s Plenty scheme then followed, with Cllr Ford giving an insight into the chairing an all-party CBC committee. Unlike Cllr Ford, I’ll get straight to the punch line - CBC supports the idea of the scheme throughout the borough, but is looking at funding to carry out a consultation.

Boom boom.

High praise then followed for the Wivenhoe Gilbert and Sullivan Society and their recent performance of Oklahoma! at the William Loveless Hall. Cllr Ford described the production as “fantastic,” in a move which many saw as a possible angling for the warm-up spot next year.

Cllr Ford explained the more serious matter of a recent tricky planning application for the Royal British Legion down at the Quay. This was granted by CBC, allowing much needed improvements to the historic old building, but with strong objections to the current owner of Dickie and Dennis’ old house.

Cllr Ford was pleased to report that a resolution of sorts was achieved, proving that when handled diplomatically, planning can work for the benefit of the community.

New planning laws are about to be introduced. Cllr Ford asked WTC how best to publicise these within the town. Not read the most recent WTC Newsletter, Cllr Ford? Tsk tsk.

With the agenda racing through the chamber with all the speed of the 9:23 passing through Paget Road, we were then back on to WTC matters. The meeting then became slightly clouded for the untrained eyes and ears.

Talk turned towards internal admin matters, relating to communication with a transport officer. It all started off rather innocently, and then somehow the conversation became embroiled with private internal emails, with WTC deciding to debate the issue (whatever the issue was) once the public gallery had been cleared.

Mmm…

Moving on - time for the individual WTC committees to report back. It is only when you witness the scope and responsibilities of the unpaid WTC councillors that you realise how much work and effort goes into the job. No financial reward is on offer, and often little thanks come the way of the councillors.

Cllr Liddy led with Planning. Unfortunately talk once again turned towards updating the Cllr’s behind closed doors, with “legal matters and solicitor letters and meetings” being mentioned.

I have no more to add.

The new health centre is still plodding along with nothing new to report. The meeting heard how internal changes are currently being put in place at the current health centre, suggesting that the professionals involved aren’t planning for a positive outcome any time soon.

Finance and Admin reported back with rare praise from a member of the public in the manner in which WTC is dealing with the harsh reality of a significant cut in local authority funding. Sticking with balancing the books and the Best Value committee stated that Wivenhoe Youth Hub, the May Fair and Wivenhoe in Bloom are all expected to stay within the allocated budget.

Nothing to report on the Working Party and Estates, apart from a request from the wonderfully named Essex Stragglers to use Wivenhoe Wood for a mid-summer event on the evening of the 30th June. I’ve no idea what the Essex Stragglers actually do, but I’d wager that around chucking out time on the 30th June, I could well qualify for membership.

The next agenda item was everyone’s favourite of the Wivenhoe Woodwork Party. Mr Mayor reported that the group has been attending to Ferry Marsh after the recent clean up (yeah, right…)

On to more positive matters and it’s only the Wivenhoe Community Mini Bus - hurrah! In what became something of a surreal discussion, Mr Mayor updated on how the current vehicle serves our needs perfectly. With only 51,000 miles on the clock (that’s a lot of running around Wivenhoe,) the bus is working well with no need for an update.

We then entered into Maureen’s Driving School territory, with a driving test theory style discussion all about parking and avoiding bollards.

Blimey.

The Youth Facilities Working Party reported on the current provision, and how the focus is now turning towards the top of the town and the need to fill any gaps in the services available for our young folk. The ace Youth Council has been invited into the council chamber next week to hold session.

Sticking with the civic responsibility theme, Mr Mayor then replied to that standard Westminster question of asking what the chuffers the leader has been doing since the session last met.

Rather than respond with the jaded “I have been having meetings with my ministerial colleagues,” Mr Mayor proved the point that life in Wivenhoe has a far greater WOW! factor than living in Westminster:

“On Tuesday I visited the Youth Club which is going from strength to strength. I organised and attended the Mayor’s Civic Ball, raising money for the Mayor’s charity. I have witnessed the work being carried out at Broomgrove around Fair Trade. I went to the Colchester Mayor’s Civic event, where I was surrounded by bling. I have met with the bursary fund at the University. I am proud to announce that we will be funding five students next year. I have met with Wivenhoe Helping Hands, I attended the dedication of Major Tom Burt’s memorial and I thoroughly enjoyed Oklahoma!”

Cripes. Somebody pour that man a stiff G & T. Or even offer him another Civic glacier mint.

Meanwhile, Mr Mayor was then on the back foot, offering up an explanation as to why he was seen to be formally opening a botox and teeth whitening clinic.

Sucking in his cheeks, and with his best cheesy grin, Mr Mayor offered up the excellent answer of being offered a £200 gift certificate to auction off at the Mayor’s Charity Ball.

Job’s a good ‘un.

Talk also turned toward Mr Mayor’s alternative ball. For those fearing a mass Goth invasion of the William Loveless Hall with pints of cherry brandy and cider being consumed by men wearing clogs and eyeliner - relax…

The alt ball is for those who perhaps don’t appreciate the formalities of the black tie event. Planning is underway with an esteemed local promoter. I hear *shhh* that the Loveless Hall is being transformed into The Cavern with a 60′s style event being staged.

With no pause even for a quick Twist and Shout, it was soon time for the Town Clerk to report back to WTC. The first spring cutting of the grass has taken place at the KGV and the churchyard. The ladies loos at the Loveless Hall are complete. Budgets are up to date as we approach the end of the financial year.

Mr Mayor emphasised the versatility of our local ground staff, who one day may be mowing the KGV, whilst another they might be called upon the more sombre task of being asked to dig a grave.

It was confirmed that the official opening of the new police station up at the, um, fire station, will take lace on Saturday 26th March. The new building won’t allow access to the public (the old building very rarely had residents turning up anyway…) apart from on the open day itself. Something of a misnomer, but great to be given open access for the launch day.

New Business debate was centred on the request from St Mary’s to organise and stage a Church Ale event in September. This is essentially a medieval style pageant. Planning is required for various road closures, with permission asked to start off the procession from the KGV.

The discussion focussed on the cost of closing the roads, as well as the insurance and safety of the public, with events such as archery being proposed. The ever-helpful Cllr Needham offered clarification, explaining how the weapons were spiked poles, and the professional group involved have their own insurance.

Phew.

Ah, but who will be asked to be the Lord and Lady of the Manor in the procession? Ah, that will fall to the incumbent Mayor or Mayoress, whoever that may be following the impending WTC elections.

Speaking of which - nominations open for anyone wishing to stand as a Wivenhoe Town Councillor on 28th March, with a final deadline of midday on 4th April. It would be cruel to point out that April Fool’s Day also falls within this period…

Papers were shuffled around the table and a few nervy eyes darted back and forth within the chamber. Beware the Ides of March, my good councillors…

[public] meeting closed at 8:40.