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To the Town Council Offices on Monday evening for an eve of Solstice pagan sacrifice, aka as a Wivenhoe Town Council monthly meeting. Peace, love and understanding were in the estuary air, and so was a Conservative Borough Councillor.

Cripes.

Suited and booted (me, not the Conservative Borough Councillor) and arriving fashionably late as ever, it was standing room only around the top civic table. I perched my backside strategically on the edge of the Press table, sitting on the fence and waiting to hear all about parking problems and dog pooh.

Eleven fine members of the public were left scrambling for seats for THE hot ticket in town that night. Bell ringing practice in Wivenhoe is on Wednesdays, Comrades.

Joining the Little People was a rare and welcome appearance from LibDem Councillor Manning of the Cross ward, Conservative Councillor Quarrie of the Quay and the ever present, ever smiling Councillor Ford, Labour’s red flag waving #workingforwivenhoe Comrade also from the Quay.

It’s not quite Never the Twain, but the political hot potato that was on everyone’s lips was when the chuffers will the Borough Councillors get it on with the Town Councillors?

Concern has been expressed by the UNPAID Town Councillors that communication with the big boys and girls of the Borough is not flowing quite as frequently as perhaps it should.

With Section 106 wonga floating around in Wivenhoe - a classic you scratch my back brown envelope time - the Town Councillors want to make sure that Borough Councillors are singing from the same St Mary’s Wivenhoe hymn sheet.

“Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always.”

And whilst yer at it, let’s chuck some cash from the Cook’s payback fund on a much needed new zebra crossing outside of the Co-op, Comrades.

It’s a fun filled life being a Borough Councillor. Sacrifices have to be made, and we’re not talking about the Solstice shindig on the muddy banks of the Colne either. Friday night has been put aside as a possible timeslot when Never the Twain will divvy up the local dosh.

Phew, rock ‘n roll.

A bit of local admin, and then we were straight in with Reports from the Borough and County Councillors.

It’s all about accountability, I tell ya…

Councillor Young, Labour’s representative on Essex County Council (seriously) was unavailable, but had kindly submitted a written report:

“New ways of working with Highways should make it easier for 20mph zones to be introduced around both schools in Wivenhoe. I have been in constant dialogue with Tracy Chapman, the Highways advisor on this.”

Hurrah!

Hang on - Tracy Chapman? 20mph? Talk about a Fast Car, etc.

Sticking with the #workingforwivenhoe Comrades, and Councillor Ford of the Quay was next to address the meeting:

“I called in the planning application for Rectory Hill. I was unhappy with the visibility of the approach, and the drainage. Highways are happy with the visibility, and I have been advised that the drainage concerns are a civil matter.

My concern about the limited parking space was upheld. The developer has hastily added in four extra parking spaces. The planning application has now been passed.”

Up towards the Cross ward and our two LibDem representatives have also been busy with congestion. A rare absence from Councillor Cory (pressing matters on the Policy Panel) but a written submission instead:

“I have been pressing the University about fixing a date for the Clingoe Hill closure ahead of the start of the Knowledge Gateway development. This has now been moved to the start of the summer holidays, to try and limit the congestion. I still expect we will have one - two weeks of aggravation.”

And then some.

Defying the #workingforwivenhoe election period claims that *ahem* “no LibDems are in Wivenhoe,” the Love Me I’m a Liberal lot then had safety in numbers with Councillor Manning of the Cross ward offering up his report to the Town Council:

“I am now sitting on the Planning Committee at Colchester Borough Council. NOTHING will get through.”

Cripes.

“I also have a new notebook to keep track of all the potholes that continue to appear.”

Yeah, and possibly a pitch to become a Glum Councillor as well.

Fine work, though fella.

It’s not quite a case of shuffling the deckchairs on the Titanic, but Conservative Councillor Quarrie of the Quay reported:

“I have been moved off Planning and now sit on Licensing.”

Which must be bad news for the 24/7 nightclub that I had planned for the Quay.

“Parking around the Cook’s development remains a key issue. The road has yet to be adopted by the County Council, which causes problems when we are trying to police it.”

Eight years and counting, my good Councillor…

Also giving cause for concern is the re-routing of the 74 bus route. Peter Kay, the Public Transport Representative explained how First Group, the current franchise operator, has sneakily slipped in a new route, which completely bypasses the town, turning off for Clacton instead.

“How ridiculous,” commented Councillor Kraft. She wasn’t alone in her observations and a polite, but purposeful letter is probably being penned from WTC right now.

The concern is that the move has been poorly advertised. Yoof may catch the bus, expecting a journey into Wivenhoe. With the sudden turn off, they could be out of town and out of funds as they speed off for an impromptu away day at the seaside.

A lengthy conversation then followed about the 20mph zone along the railway bridge at the bottom of the town. I became completely lost; I wasn’t alone.

Speaking in relation to transport matters, Peter Kay then posed the question:

“What does Wivenhoe Town Council propose to do about the annual nonsense that is the Wivenhoe May Fair?”

Cripes.

Awkward.

Having had this curveball thrown at him from across the civic chamber, Mayor Needham composed himself and offered up the reply that the May Fair Committee are working with WTC on future solutions.

Moving on…

Perhaps a bit of Planning to get the party back on track? Former Councillors Liddy and Purdey have been granted special powers (oooh!) to continue the fine work that they have started in representing WTC when it comes to all things Cook’s.

As for that old family favourite of the planned new Wivenhoe Surgery? Councillor Lodge updated with news that the deal is “far from dead.” The PCT has put the plan to the Doctor’s at the old surgery to see if they want to move forward.

Having a pre-defined national NHS policy as a framework in which to make these decisions would be nice.

Hey hoe.

In WTC Personnel news - THIS JUST IN: New litter picker James has impressed so much that he has been awarded a permanent position after the successful completion of his trial.

Hurrah!

Handling the aftermath of May Fair must have been a stern test, and one that James handled magnificently.

Onto the best bit - the Best Value Committee (aka secretly as the pre-WTC prepping meet where the real Council business is decided - behind closes doors - or so the suggestion has been made to me…)

Anyone been to Stanway of late? Apart from offering up a most splendid jazz club, my knowledge of our Colchester near neighbours is somewhat limited. This is all about to change, with WTC proposing to adopt the Stanway system of committees for local governance. The buggers better have the ACE Working Woods Party.

Back to Wivenhoe however, and in a turkeys voting for Christmas move, WTC agreed unanimously to foot the bill to pay for Mayoral badges for ex-Mayor’s.

Mmm…

It’s a badge of honour, and probably on balance one that is a worthy memento for the UNPAID work of Wivenhoe Town Councillors during their hectic year of civil service.

A slight shuffle along the press bench, and it was here that I made my strategic switch to *shhh* the Conservative hot seat.

Cripes.

All the best parties finally kick into action as the night closes in, and as the public chamber emptied and m’Conservative friend departed to ponder why Wivenhoe still hasn’t got a new surgery under the inspiring leadership of the Coalition, I played musical chairs.

Mr Mayor updated WTC about his activities, in what has been a very busy first month in office:

“I have attended sixteen formal events in the past month. The highlights included visiting Wivenhoe Youth Hub [ditto] the parade of the 16 Air Assault Brigade through Colchester, the opening of the *shhh* Quiet Garden at Broomgove Shcool and the Helping Hands AGM.”

Pleased to report that Helping Hands appears to be in sound financial hands, thanks to some very generous donations locally.

Five points then came out of the Community Safety feedback:

(i) Inconsiderate parking remains an issue (even though WTC, after taking police advice, decided not to implement a considerate parking scheme within the town…)

(ii) The local crime figures are low. A slight increase in burglary however has been recorded. The police have suggested that this is possibly a local gang, with laptops and TV’s being the main items going missing.

(iii) Traffic routes to Cook’s Shipyard have deviated.

Eh?

It appears that companies that don’t take the designated route down Valley Road are in danger of losing their contracts. Keep yer eyes peeled around *cough* Queens Road, Comrades.

(iv) Ball games by the Medway are showing some signs for concerns. Elder kids are getting slightly enthusiastic, with the balls entering into the road.

(v) And finally Speed Watch - this is now being rolled out during the school run hours, with a focus upon Bobbitt’s Way and Elmstead Road.

A brief break for the passing around the chamber of the official civic spearmints (receipts available for inspection on request) and then whaddya know - apt timing and Finance.

Quotes are being sourced for a possible asbestos survey for the William Loveless Hall toilets. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it, etc.

In Correspondence news and an appeal for support from WTC for the emerging Radio Wivenhoe group has been received. This is not necessarily financial, but an endorsement.

Granted, with Mr Mayor proudly declaring:

“This is a positive feature for Wivenhoe. It is an aid for further communication and helps to promote the town. We earnestly support Radio Wivenhoe.”

Splendid.

Someone should sign that man up for a guest spot on Wiv Chat.

Oh, hang on…

A rallying call then went out for players to take part in the annual Town Cricket Match on the evening of 13th July at Rectory Road. The official civic quotation that came out on the evening is:

“WE WANT TO WACK THEM.”

Cripes.

Any Other Business?

With the Ten Acres development looking likely to start soon, a new access road will be in place within Wivenhoe. Peter Hill has formally suggested naming this in memory of Dr Ted Palmer.

Plus no WTC meeting can be complete without the perennial Engine Shed rumour.

HONK!!!!

Massive rumour alert: minuted, but not necessarily economical with the truth, the continual pub gossip of the old Engine Shed being bought up by a developer wrapped up the meeting.

Any views?

A stunned silence filled the chamber.

Time for that pagan sacrifice in the Network Rail car park, Comrades?

When Saturday Comes and all you want to do with your Wivenhoe weekend is to read the papers in bed, take an afternoon wander down to the Quay and then stumble out of The Station sometime before the National Lottery winners are announced.

No chance.

To the Farmer’s Market! …was the rallying call to kick start the weekend for @AnnaJCowen and I. The Congregational Hall had the usual fine local produce on sale, as well as some charming conversations with traders who like to talk, rather than concentrate on the hard sell.

We didn’t come out with a wicker basket brimming with North Essex country fare, but a rucksack stuffed full of sausage meat and beetroot. These will come in handy, believe me.

The Wivenhoe Community Safety Neighbourhood Watch Group also had representation. It’s good to be a local busy body etc, but don’t have nightmares. The recent police crime map for this area in April may look a little alarming, but out of the eleven incidents of violent crime, only four were reported in Wivenhoe, with the remaining seven coming from our friends over in Rowhedge.

must.pay.a.trip.to.rowhedge.later.in.the.day

But first off, how about keeping up the busy body theme and poking yer face around local garages?

Blimey.

Nope, it’s not a new obsessive architectural peccadillo that is affecting the North Essex estuary, but the Grand Garage Trail kindly organised by the good folk of St Mary’s Church.

Hurrah!

Originally started by Cansdale and Ross under the Wivenhoe Braderie banner two years ago, the Grand Garage Trail is now a glorified car boot sale taking place around the town.

Maps were purchased the day before, and then much like the splendid Open Gardens of last month, we wandered around Wivenhoe and were welcomed into the properties of various folk around the town.

The event was as broad and as bonkers as you wanted it to be. Many garages were doing great business in re-selling on children’s toys that have been outgrown. Local art also featured heavily. I was disappointed in not being able to walk away with the underground safe on sale along the High Street.

It all got a little lost as we wandered into the Loveless Hall by mistake - often the best way to wander into the Loveless Hall - and found that we had strayed into a separate sale organised by the Colchester Twins Club.

Double cripes.

Cake was on hand to calm us down, and to give us a kick up the backside to take on the remaining Grand Garage Trail down towards the Quay.

A quick chat at Curiosity, and we reflected on the quality of the stock sold within. But time and tide wait for no Grand Garage Trailers, and as we exited left along Station Road, we saw that the legendary Grand Garage dinghy has been bought, and was already being prepared for a launch at the Rowhedge Regatta later in the day.

No worries.

The girl and I made up for our nautical loss with some lovely bargains of our own. A pair of panniers, a darts board, a kitchen chair and a chopping board (free from Builder Mark, natch) - all clocked in at precisely £10.

The panniers in particular were quite a find - the conversation that followed was priceless. It seems that I’m not alone with my Moulton collection within Wivenhoe.

The town undoubtedly has many talents, but topping the list for me is the claim to fame of the chap I purchased the panniers off - he only test rode the original Moultons back in the day.

Chapeau!

Seedy exchanges followed, with an ill met by iPhone fading light presentation of the bonkers multi-coloured Moulton. I’ve still to actually ride the machine around the town. @AnnaJCowen reckons that even the ‘homosexual meets the beast‘ hybrid of the design is a little risqué, even for Wivenhoe.

Was that the day done, Comrades?

Nope - we’ve barely started. Booze had yet to feature, and there’s nothing I like more than a Wivenhoe lunchtime tipple whilst admiring quality local artwork and enjoying local conversations.

To the Wivenhoe Gallery! …etc for the opening of the Spanish Paintings exhibition by local artists Michael and Julia. Running for two weeks down at the Wivenhoe Business Centre, the rich Mediterranean landscapes are most certainly worthy of a visit.

The love of the Spanish culture came across in the artwork, and the conversation that followed with Michael and Julia. I pressed them on the possibilities for their future muse, and was pleased to hear that Wivenhoe landscape painting is certainly a work in progress.

With my lunchtime muse of red wine having fired me up, I was ready to stand on the edge of the Quay, survey the Rose and Crown customers and gaze out with a glazed over eye across the estuary and declare:

“To Rowhedge!”

Oh Lordy.

The fighting talk of the red plonk has sunk many a galleon, but not the Wivenhoe and Rowhedge Ferry. This was Regatta Day for that other lot on the opposite banks of the Colne. It only seemed polite to turn up and see how our near neighbours can put on a party.

We weren’t alone in our Wivenhoe wanderings. It seemed that half of the town had pitched up at either The Anchor or The Albion, observing the sea crafts of differing sizes sail past. There was always the possibility of some riverside rubbernecking as a particularly graceful smack came close to cutting up a kayak.

Whoops.

Crabbing, as ever, was incredibly popular. The hit and miss weather seemed to fit perfectly with the Dark Side theme. With the waters of the Colne disappearing faster than my pint of Kent Best, concern soon turned towards how the chuffers we could get back to base.

No one wants to be stranded in Rowhedge on a Saturday evening, but the Kent Best booze was making a decent job of damage limitation. A catch up with the fine @Colchester101 - whoops there goes another pier, whoops there goes another pint of beer, etc.

Anything that Wivenhoe can do, Rowhedge of course likes to think that it can do better. We don’t like to talk about *shhh* the May Fair police helicopter, and I’m sure Rowhedge folk were a little weary of the chopper action overhead on Saturday.

I’m not usually one to deal with rumours (oh no, not me, Sireee…) but talk did turn to the possible return of the random Rowhedge tired and emotional swimmer.

Oh Lordy.

One thing that Rowhedge definitely does do better than Wivenhoe is to assemble together a group of local males who then tug away on a large rope in tandem.

“We’re from Wivenhoe - we drink beer, not pull rope” was the rallying cry that was later rolled out to justify the slip slidin’ spectacle of the Wivenhoe Tug of War team.

The Rowhedge chaps may be great at tugging away, but no so brilliant on the booze front. Chundering quayside just ahead of the grand Tug of War final is not quite dignified estuary etiquette, Sir.

With the estuary water now looking as limp as the Wivenhoe tug of war team effort (said the poncey bloke watching from the sidelines…) contingency plans were needed for the Great Escape.

Cometh the hour, cometh the good @Colchester101, who kindly drove us all the way down to the Hythe, and then back up Clingoe Hill once again. There was to be one more surprise waiting for us back at base - a new houseguest staying in the shed.

Meowww.

Moving Image was on our Saturday evening radar. Ever one to keep it local, the screening of Fishtank was trumped by a lovely, lovely hyperlocal invite to… go round next door for an evening of games and booze.

Brilliant!

And so just another quiet Wivenhoe weekend, you say?

Wivenhoe - you are wearing me out. But you wear it out oh so well.

Full flickr stream over here.

And so it seems that the Wivenhoe Secret Millionaire, the mystery Mr X who wanted to donate £1.4m to help improve Broad Lane, has taken his ball and gone back home.

And who can blame him?

@TheGazette is reporting that the anonymous benefactor has put his generous offer “on hold because of residents’ apathy.”

Oh Lordy. Where to start here?

I’m always weary of anonymous benefactors. I’m not doubting the existence of Mr X’s millions, but for Wivenhoe residents to return the goodwill and show something other than apathy, then something more tangible needed to be put in place.

What exactly were we supposed to be backing in the first place?

There has been a huge time investment behind the scenes by the incredibly hard-working team that somehow manages to keep Wivenhoe Town FC punching above its weight. To understand how this enthusiasm has been met with such a wall of apathy in the town is not easy to understand.

I would argue that Mr X should have been more transparent to Wivenhoe locals. £1.4m is an incredibly generous donation. To dangle it in front of the town - but without any quantitative means to demonstrate the level of support in return - was clearly a mistake.

“The benefactor wanted to see if there was a will from the community,” was the only means in which to measure our interest. This was the message that came out of the packed public meeting held at the William Loveless Hall back in October.

Parameters should have been put in place that would pass the requirements of Mr X. What level of will exactly was he looking for in Wivenhoe? Pub gossip that this was a good idea? Some form of formal show of support? One thousand folk turning up to a community football match open day?

I personally have been very positive about the scheme ever since that first meeting back in October. But apart from bangin’ on about it on m’blog, or trying to navigate and make sense of the broadlanefuture.com website, I’m not entirely sure what other avenues were available for me to register my interest.

The publicity and PR has sadly been lost. Yep, we’re a sleepy estuary town, but it doesn’t mean that we are off the Essex news radar - witness the the screaming headlines that the May Fair non-story was able to generate.

The Chronicle rightly led with Mr X after the first meeting, but where to next to show your support? A follow up meeting was promised by the end of the year. Christmas came and went, and apart from a presence at the St Mary’s Christmas lights turn on, it appears that Broad Lane Future disappeared.

May Fair of course would have been the main calendar event in which Wivenhoe locals could register a show of support for Mr X. I was rather tired and emotional for most of the afternoon, but I didn’t see or hear anything about Broad Lane Future during my lost wanderings.

The broadlanefuture.com website itself sadly made it difficult to put across any positive show of support. When you are eventually able to find some meaningful content, it’s not exactly acting as a flag waver for Broad Lane Future:

“What kind of a website is this where there is only voting on what developments you want?

What about all the people who live on Elmstead Road who DO NOT WANT ANY DEVELOPMENT as we are well and truly sick and tired of traffic racing along this road and do not want to see ANY development taking place.”

Ouch.

Maybe the grand scheme of a possible swimming pool, a multi-use gym and a community centre etc was just too… broad for Broad Lane. Is it really what the community wants up at the top end of the town? The project hasn’t exactly been the word on the street, something that Mr X had hoped to hear after the first headlines appeared.

With the University offering a recently refurbished gym right next door, I would argue that all that is really needed in Wivenhoe is a swimming pool. Which is the exact same conversation I remember having back in 1990 during my first appearance around these parts…

Which is all such a shame because the space up at Broad Lane has plenty of potential, not to mention the unquestionable goodwill of those that are currently putting in a great deal of time and effort. The Society for Children Affected with Neurological Symptoms is now using the clubhouse during the week as a social base in which to meet.

Meanwhile:

“Some plans for the site were in the pipeline, including allotments, with a £50,000 grant application going to Essex County Council’s Big Society Fund.”

Ah - there’s no such thing as society, just… #bigsociety.

Blimey.

Is it too late for Wivenhoe to try and convince Mr X that Broad Lane has a future? Does Broad Lane have a future without Mr X? What might that be, and how the chuffers do we actually put across our views?

All questions, no answers I’m afraid.

A weekend downpour of Biblical proportions, which can only mean that it’s time for the summer publication of Wivenhoe News.

Blimey.

Sea Defences Saga Flows On is the lead story.

See what they’ve done there?

“There has been much anger and dismay caused by the stripping of vegetation from the seawalls in Wivenhoe alongside our tidal river, both downstream and upstream from the flood barrier.”

The bad science justification that was bungled out by the Environment Agency is also re-published, as is a very kind plug for *cough* the Wivenhoe Forum thread.

What’s new here is the offer by the Natural England - the spineless body that rubber stamped the destruction - to re-plant 5,000 “compensatory trees” - you break our legs and we say thank you when you offer us crutches.

Eight hundred and fifty have been put aside for the North Essex estuary. Don’t go getting your digging spades out just yet, Comrades:

“In the Colne Estuary they [Natural England] have provided 850 small tress to Brightlingsea Town Council for a site to the east of the town.”

If you stand at White House Beach on a clear estuary morning, and then squint out over the water with one eye closed, you may just be able to see the benefits of the trees bestowed upon our beloved Brothers in Brightlingsea.

Cheers.

No worries. What we need is a smiling picture of a lovely local lady to add some cheer to the sea defence doom:

“Workers of Wivenhoe - Shelia Scammell, Lollipop Lady.”

Lovely.

Wivenhoe May Fair 2011 gets the p.2 treatment, in something of an after the Lord Mayor’s Show airing. Time to move on, time to plan and time to restore May Fair as a community event for 2012.

Speaking of Mayor’s, Cllr Sinclair is captured in one of his final acts of civic duty in what has been a busy year. The Guide’s Wedding Party is all part of wearing the Wivenhoe civic chains.

But it’s not all about the Brownies or Girl Guides. On a more serious note, there is a plea on p.2 for a new Scout Leader for Wivenhoe:

“Let’s not beat about the bush: twenty youngsters, full of energy and enthusiasm [and then some] raring to take up the opportunity offered by the Scouting movement.”

This is a BIG role that really needs filling. The Wivenhoe News editorial on p.3 plays with similar themes:

“Off the Rails seems to be looking for pretty much a whole new team, the Wivenhoe Society is limping along with no Secretary and a very small committee, the WEA has been without a Chair for a year and is about to lose its Secretary.

One of the things that you often here in praise of Wivenhoe is ‘there’s so much going on here.’ Well folks - things only happen because people organise them.”

Wise word, but maybe it is a reflection of the work / life balance? There are only so many hours in the day and bills still need to be paid. It’s no secret that I have had to severely cut back on my out of hour’s unpaid activity of late.

On a more lighter note and any news article that contains the phrase: “superb French folk music, played on hurdy-gurdies [geddin there!] and bagpipes” has to be a winner. The Town Meets Gown event gets a mention on p.3.

Dr Philippa Hawley and Halcyon Palmer pen a simply superb local historical account on the various Wivenhoe surgeries dating back over the past Century. It is apt timing, what with the STOP / START / STOP farce of the new Wivenhoe surgery by the Fire Station continuing to stall.

I’m not going to re-publish any of the copy here - this article is worthy of your purchase of Wivenhoe News alone. More of the same please.

The Two Ronnies of Wivenhoe local politics, Cyril Liddy and Dave Purdey, are given the It’s Goodbye From Me, and It’s Goodbye From Him headline.

With sixteen and eight years respectively serving as unpaid Town Councillors, both Cyril and Dave are rightfully given a short column to say a fond farewell.

Of sorts…

Along with Sheila Scammell and her lovely Lollipop Lady tales on p.8, Alison Kent also carries an ACE interview with Ray the Rubbish, the retiring litter picker of Wivenhoe:

“I think you should try to keep the front of your property clean, like the old days. Have pride in where you live.”

Hear, hear.

I didn’t realise that the job was only fourteen hours a week - Ray has seemed to be ever-present during my short stay here. Good luck to James, Ray’s replacement.

Aquatic matters are the concern on p.11. Lifeboat Week gets a deserved plug, as does the Wivenhoe branch of the Royal British Legion:

“Remembrance is a very large part of the Legion’s ethos. Those who attend the Legion Wednesday evenings will know that those who have given their lives in Afghanistan and other places in the service of their nation are individually remembered.”

The building fund for the Legion has been boosted by a donation of over £2,000 from the Boxing Day walk staged by WORC. £690 was also raised at the ACE fireworks display. October 29th is already in the calendar for one of the best nights that Wivenhoe is able to offer.

Next door but one at The Nottage and there is a plug for Water Marks - the Summer Exhibition, featuring local artists Alison Stockmarr, Barbara Peirson and Pru Green.

The exhibition is open on Sundays from 2pm - 5pm until 11th September, and on Regatta Day on 23rd July. It is VERY good. There’s a blog post already being lined up…

Speaking of the Regatta, Wivenhoe News reports:

“There will be the usual wacky races and about thirty stalls and a brass band. The pram race will take place on 22nd July.”

Wivenhoe Youth Hub continues to grow and develop new ideas and partnerships. Page 12 updates with reports on the gig at the Philip Road Centre by local band Rising Soul, a go-karting event organised with Brightlingsea’s 4Youth (reckon we got the better name…) as well as the ACE archery and rowing evening.

What is rather humbling about The Hub is that those involved offer so much more back into the community. There was a considerable presence at the WivSoc riverbank clean up, help offered at May Fair, as well as support for the Crabbing Competition next month down by the Quay.

Likewise good news coming out of the ADP Theatre School:

“Angie Diggens has booked the Colchester Charter Hall for a show with her Wivenhoe students, combining the best of her last two shows at Clacton.”

Saturday 25th June at 7:30pm, £12 a ticket, details on 282020.

Helen Chambers writes a review of the Gilbert and Sullivan Society production of Oklahoma! at the Loveless Hall:

“The singing was faultless, the whole cast strong and talented.”

And keeping with the Wivenhoe artistic feel, Andy Brooke writes a well-deserved homage to Moving Image:

“It’s great to see people you know in the audience and have a genuine community atmosphere, rather than renting a DVD at home.”

Further details of the Moving Image summer schedule are up on m’blog over here.

The rock ‘n roll rollicking rollercoaster ride that is Radio Wivenhoe (blimey) get a plug on p.14, as does a call for “journalists, bloggers and poets” for Off the Rails. The Wivenhoe Poetry Prize looks forward to the 2011 results as part of the poetrywivenhoe evening at The Greyhound on the 23rd June. Meanwhile a new University of the Third Age art group is starting at the Loveless Hall on 14th September.

All ‘appening - all ‘appening I tell ya.

The good folk of Wivenhoe Bookshop have an entire page to plug future activity, such is the depth of the programme that is on offer. Too much to condense into a throwaway blog paragraph - my suggestion would be to head to the Bookshop for a perusal and a polite chat.

Or even access the new Wivenhoe Bookshop @audioboo account.

Blimey.

Fine work, ladies, mighty fine work.

Open Gardens on p.16 is caught between the publishing deadline and the sheer splendour that was the most splendid event this spring. It remains the highlight to date of My Year in Wivenhoe - wonderful, wonderful community spirit and pleasure.

Keeping it green fingered and Wivenhoe Bloom explain a little more about the brilliant use of dead space on the Wivenhoe Triangle that is overlooked by the Co-op, the opticians and Jardine:

“The site belongs to Highways - it’s classed as a verge - but WTC has a licence to plant. Jardine has contributed a very generous donation of £250 towards the cost of materials and plants.”

I have no shame in plugging local businesses that put something back into the community. An excellent gesture and kind contribution, Cristian. Jolly good work, Jardine.

The Parish Paths Partnership column penned by Helen Evans on p.16 puffs out a huge PHEW after finding out that Essex County Council continues to support the hyperlocal initiative.

Three Wivenhoe rights of way have been worked on by P3 to day: the side of Broomgrove Schools, the back of the houses in Broome Grove and the path along the top of the sea wall - you might have already heard about the latter…

So successful is the Wivenhoe P3 project that the group has now become a roving project. It is the A-Team of parish paths partnerships. If you have a problem with some overgrown bramble around the North Essex estuary, this crack team of cleaners should be first on your To Call list.

Cripes.

The joyous news coming out of p.17 and the WAGA update is:

“Spring is finally here.”

Hurrah!

Mayor Needham (woh!) explains more about the recent Beating the Bounds walk around Wivenhoe:

“The tradition of beating the bounds came from a time when no one, except the rich, could leave the parish without permission. It was a method of ensuring that local youngsters knew the limits of their parish.

It involved choir boys, the Parish Clerk and clergymen, leaving from the church armed with wands or sticks.”

Splendid. Soft lot, nowadays. The tradition was restored on 5th June this year. No young child was hurt in reviving this most excellent local tradition.

Wivenhoe bird watcher supreme Richard Allen explains very helpfully the difference between swifts, swallows and martins on p.18. Recent local sightings include:

“Nightingales have arrived in good numbers with a particularly vocal bird near the railway underpass along the Trail. Butterflies have enjoyed the good early weather.”

The ever-observant @AnnaJCowen (blimey) has also spotted a Jay along the Trail.

It all gets rather saucy at the foot of p.18 with Spoons, Spurtles and Spatulas.

Oh Lordy.

“Members of the Wivenhoe Woods Working Party recently attended a day’s course in green woodworking. Instruction was given on how to turn wood on a pole lathe and make spoons and other utensils using knives and a shave horse.”

Phew.

A Personal View of Transition Town Wivenhoe by the good Bob Mehew on p.19:

“I considered Wivenhoe a good place for a Transition Town: strong community spirit; a great awareness of climate change, environmental and sustainability issues; a willingness to get involved, to learn, to educate, to participate.”

TTW continues to grow and innovate. Wivenhoe is all the better for it.

The Wivenhoe Townscape Forum (*not* the Wivenhoe Forum…) gets a deserved article on p. 19:

“There is much in Wivenhoe of historic interest. There are 73 buildings in the town which are included in the English Heritage list of buildings of national interest.

The local list of historic assets is being carried out with the support of WTC and WivSoc, in order to list some of the best historical features of Wivenhoe which have not yet been recognised so that they do not become forgotten in the huge amount of new building and development.”

Bill Ellis writes a brilliant personal account of life at Cook’s Shipyard when the order books were full, with comparisons of the modern day site. Photos of the new jetty accompany this on p.22.

We return to the seawall clearance on p.24 with Peter Kennedy, the esteemed Editor of Wivenhoe News, explaining the depth of debate that this has delivered:

“We have received many pages of emails and submissions, and I shall attempt some sort of overview.”

A summary of comments and complaints follow. The consensus is that the Environment Agency has been crap at communication.

Fine work then from Wivenhoe News, which has put some direct Q’s to the EA, and received some rather direct answers:

“Q: Were any badgers found during the Wivenhoe work?

A: No - there were no badgers found for the Wivenhoe work.

Q: Are any of the proposed sites for compensatory replanting located in the Wivenhoe area?

A: No. Wivenhoe Marsh has found to be unsuitable.”

That’s what happens when you rip the entire natural habitat out, fellas.

Whoops.

The Surgery Saga Grinds On is the p.25 message from Bernard Jenkin, MP. Nothing to do with your national coalition NHS policy, I trust, Sir?

To be fair to the MP for Harwich and North Essex, our Conservative colleague airs a sense of frustration over the continued delay:

“The Government’s decision to review its health legislation raises the immediate concern that the new Wivenhoe GP surgery will be beset by even more uncertainty. There is no case for this. There is no excuse for further delays, and I have made this clear to the CE of the PCT.”

Speaking of the impact of coalition policies on a hyperlocal level, p.26 explains more about the £9k (!!!!) tuition fees that @Uni_of_Essex proposes to introduce.

Some PR fluff from the University is then re-printed. Twenty-one summers ago and I was fishing around for a University place. £9k (or the inflationary equivalent) would have put me off considerably. I wouldn’t have heard of Wivenhoe. I wouldn’t have moved here.

Oh how fickle is the Invisible Hand that pushes and prongs us through the life’s great adventures.

Blimey.

Town and Gown fiscal relations are restored with news of the £2,200 raised at November’s dinner at the Nottage, and now handed over as a bursary to five grateful local Wivenhoe students.

Broomgrove Infants updates on p.28 with reports of the Royal Wedding celebrations; Broomgrove Juniors explain more about the Outside / In project with Slack Space in Colchester.

Celebrations also at Millfields - a fond farewell to Angela Eglington after twenty-five years of teaching, as well as the school’s very own 30th birthday.

WivSoc rightfully reflects on the success of the riverbank clean up, with seventy volunteers stepping forward to help clean up the Colne. The sad winding up of the Wivenhoe Youth Theatre is lamented, with more positive news coming from the Colne School Choir’s recent performance in Wivenhoe.

Councillor Sinclair reflects upon his past year of civic service wearing the gold chain on p.30:

“I would have like to have seen a healthy election this year as we are entitled to 13 Councillors. Sadly there were only eleven candidates, hence no WTC election.”

Plus:

“A planning application has been lodged to demolish the St John Ambulance Hall for replacement with a privately owned project. I am part of a project to save the building. A group of people have come together, with funds, to keep it as a usable community facility.”

Mayor Needham writes on p.30 about the challenges that lay ahead for his administration:

“The proposed medical centre, a future for the former police station; reaching a satisfactory conclusion to the planning gains associated with the Cook’s Yard development and keeping an eye on the gains that maybe derived from any further development.”

The local politicos were caught cold ahead of publication deadlines. Columns from Essex County Councillor Julie Young, Colchester Borough Councillors Steve Ford and Mark Cory, were all penned before the re-election of the latter two.

Great fun to watch from the sidelines, mind.

On the sporting front and Wivenhoe Tennis Club has a call for new members; Andrew Nightingale, the Chair of the Wivenhoe and District Sporting Facilities Trust is also asking for help - financial help - for Broad Lane. Anymore updates on the mystery Mr X and his millions?

And to finish on some hyperlocal happiness - Wivenhoe Helping Hands publishes a rather humble piece, explaining more about the volunteer work of this organisation and how it is genuinely helping folk around the town.

Wivenhoe News is sold at the Co-op, Crossways, the Post Office, Bryans Newsagents and the lovely Wivenhoe Bookshop.

To the William Loveless Hall on Wednesday evening for a hot date with @AnnaJCowen.

Cripes.

I told the girl that I had secured tickets for a performance that involves bling, envelopes stuffed full of cash being handed over and a back row seat. I didn’t disappoint.

The Annual Town Meeting of Wivenhoe Town Council starred the most magnificent Mr Mayor all chained up and handing over cheques to the recipients of the Mayor’s Charity. The back row seat lived up to its billing - you don’t know who yer asking political questions of, once the sun starts to set over Wivenhoe.

And so this was THE hot civic ticket for the evening. I say ticket, but any Tom, Dick or Harry strolling in off the High Street could have gained access. I did see a Tom and a Harry. As for Dick?

Steady, Jase. Steady.

We all love the Loveless Hall (right?) but Mr Mayor did his best to demolish it with a swing of the civic hammer to herald the start of the formal meeting. Everyone’s favourite town council hall was pretty much full, with an impressive turn out to witness local Wivenhoe democracy.

Mr Mayor delivered his formal speech, outlining the highs and lows of his civic year:

“We have broken away from the norm this year by staging a number of new social events. This has been a most interesting year where I have met some really lovely people. Working with the schools and the University must be top of my personal list.”

Ever humble, Mr Mayor added:

“My failures have been in chasing Highways for salt during the cold snap. Jim and Andy, the Council groundsmen, put in an extra mile. We hope to be pro-active as a Council, should such bad weather return to Wivenhoe.”

Paying tribute to the retiring litter picker Ray Smith, Mr Mayor spoke glowingly of the role that Ray has played in the local community. A presentation took place, with a bottle of brandy, an engraved brandy glass and an engraved spade handed over.

Best hold on to that Ray - you may just need this when WTC is next called upon to be pro-active…

Andrew Clairborn from Anglia Ruskin University was then invited to explain more about some of the architectural designs in place around the Loveless Hall. Students on the urban planning course have been visiting Wivenhoe, looking for ideas to create a civic centre on the land that covers the Loveless Hall, the old police houses and the Town Council Offices:

“The brief is for our students to understand the social fabric of Wivenhoe. Every student comments on what a fantastic place this must be to live. One student was short-listed with her designs, leading to a Whitehall reception.”

Councillor Fran Richards addressed the meeting, putting in a call to arms for plans for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee next summer:

“We don’t want this to be a WTC led event - we want to involve the whole community.”

I’m not exactly one for a right Royal knees up, but celebrating the Establishment nuptials a few weeks back at a Wivenhoe Town FC beer festival almost turned me into a flag waver. More of the same please.

The distribution of the Mayor’s Charity Fund followed. It was truly ace to see representation from all walks of Wivenhoe life, all deserving, all working for a better Wivenhoe.

I fired up my trusty F717, perched down at the front of the stage and handed over the official notepad duties to @AnnaJCowen. With firm instructions to “scribble down every group name,” we didn’t get off to a good start when the girl replied “what?”

We are almost approaching hearing aid enhancement for the poor girl, and so apologies if some of the deserving groups have been missed off the list:

East Anglia Children’s Hospice, St Helena Hospice, Parachute Regiment Afghanistan Trust, The Over 60′s Club (membership form for @AnnaJCowen, please?) Age Concern Luncheon Club, Helping Hands, St Mary’s Church, Wivenhoe Methodist Church, Wivenhoe Congregational Church, St Michael’s Church (I think that’s all bases covered…) Transition Town Wivenhoe (hurrah!) Wivenhoe Folk Club, Wivenhoe Ferry Committee, Wivenhoe Town Regatta, Wivenhoe May Fair Committee, Wivenhoe in Bloom, Wivenhoe Co-operative Community Board, Colne Community Music Exchange, Millfields School, Broomgrove School, Avenue Playgroup, the Wivenhoe Free School, Wivenhoe Swingers Society [um, you sure about this one?] Wivenhoe Toddlers Group. Scout and Guides Association, The Hub (hurrah! hurrah!) Educational Aid for Children in Africa, Wivenhoe Sporting Facilities Trust, Wivenhoe Junior Badminton, Wivenhoe Junior Cricket Club and Wivenhoe Junior Sailing Club.

Phew.

And relax.

Pretty much all organisations were represented on the night, and if they weren’t, it was because they had group activities taking place. A blogger who is bored of London can bugger off out towards the North Essex estuary wilds, and then find such a diverse range of groups and activities that the temptation is to say: woh - where to start?

Um, back to London?

‘fraid not, Comrades…

Over £3,000 in total was distributed by Mr Mayor. There are even some coins left in the civic cap for the incoming Mr Mayor, thanks to a very generous donation from the Wivenhoe Youth Theatre, which sadly folded earlier in the year.

With the meet ‘n greet handshakes and cheesy photos filed away, time for the formal business end of the meeting; time for a swift half across the road over at The Greyhound.

Only joking.

The minutes from the 2010 meeting were approved and then the Annual Report and Financial Statement were up for discussion. Both are essential bedtime reading. Both seemed inappropriate for back row consumption whilst out on a hot date with @AnnaJCowen. Best left for the bedroom, luv.

With no formal resolutions, questions were opened up to the floor. I almost put up my hand by instinct, and came out with my annual “why do I have to pay TWICE to swim in Lambeth owned pools?”

Whoops.

Wrong Borough, Comrade.

Q: Any news on the new surgery?

A: We are expecting a final decision within the next month. We are ready to go, and if we are given the money, work can start tomorrow.

Wow.

Q: What of the empty police houses? *cough* @asset_transfer…

A: We understand that these WILL be sold. WTC has expressed an interest, but we have to look at the long-term logistics. How do we furnish the loan? Do we have the support of all residents? We are waiting to hear the final asking price.

Q: Cars are still speeding down Station Road. The road is also falling apart. Will speed bumps be put in place?

A: No.

Q: On behalf of Neighbourhood Watch, are there any WTC plans to adopt the Considerate Parking scheme that is already in place in Brightlingsea?

A: [from Councillor Penny Kraft] I have already answered this question at the last Neighbourhood Watch meeting that you chaired.

Ouch.

As previously blogged, WTC won’t be adopting the Considerate Parking scheme. Residents cause the problems in Brightlingsea and it is relatively easy to administer. Commuters are the problem in Wivenhoe - WTC doesn’t know who it is dealing with.

Q: Any plans for 41 Acres behind the cricket club?

A: This plot of land has now been sold. A small amount can be built upon. We are watching this closely.

Q: Can you extend the skateboard park?

A: We have been approached by the elder skateboarders who have now outgrown the existing facility. There is a wish list, should funds be free. The skate park is high up on the agenda.

Q: What the chuffers is happening with the Engine Shed?

Oh Lordy.

A: It doesn’t belong to WTC and so we have little power. There is the very real danger that the building will collapse. Network Rail has wrapped up the building to try and preserve it. This is as far as we can get from them.

Q: What of disable access at the station?

A: No further updates…

Q: The zebra crossing up by The Cross is fading.

A: We will take a look at this [plus helpful interjection by the helpful Councillor Young of Essex County Council.]

Speaking of the big boys and girls (some more bigger than others) and Mr Mayor formally congratulated Councillor Steve Ford (Labour, Quay ward) on his re-election to Colchester Borough Council, as well as Councillor Mark Corey (LibDems, Cross ward.)

One loud round of applause, one loud (ish) round of applause.

The new Town Councillors were then introduced (helloooo!) following the lack of election with not enough names stepping forward. Mr Mayor then paid a very warm tribute to the various retiring Town Councillors.

Hear, hear.

We were reminded that Wivenhoe is a very apolitical community, with our elected (or not, as the case may be…) representatives very much working for Wivenhoe (geddin there!) rather than the petty tribalism of party politics.

This warmed my heart, and the bosom of @AnnaJCowen, as we shared a bag of chips from Papa’s on the way home.

The votes have been counted and the results for the two Wivenhoe wards in the Colchester Borough Council local elections are as follows:

Wivenhoe Quay: Labour 1279, Conservative 573, Greens 217, LibDems 172.

Congratulations to Labour’s Councillor Steve Ford for holding his seat. He has increased his majority from a nail biting two votes back in 2007, to 702 this time round.

It’s a similar as you were situation up at The Cross ward:

Wivenhoe Cross: LibDems 673, Labour 303, Conservative 244, Greens 93.

Well done to LibDem Councillor Mark Cory for also holding onto his seat with an increased majority, despite the Labour spin of “increasing the vote by 250%.”

I personally have some concerns that the campaigning in the Cross ward is played out on campus, with the residents of Wivenhoe often overlooked. But that’s an argument for another day, Comrades…

Meanwhile, back to #hyperlocal matters and Wivenhoe Town Council is actively trying to co-opt two other Councillors. With eleven names stepping forward for the thirteen vacancies, two more seats are now open for co-option.

A good starting point for any would be Town Councillor wanting to observe local democracy would be to attend the annual Town Council Meeting taking place on 11th May at the Loveless Hall, starting at 7:30pm.

To the Town Council Office on Monday evening for the final meeting of Wivenhoe Town Council - nope, we’re not about to surrender citizenship to the impending city status of Colchester - there’s some serious spunk inside the folk of Wivenhoe, and then some, Comrades…

But with the ballot box looming (or not…) then this was the final farewell for the current administration. It was to be a meeting where the words “emotional“, “cowslips” and “bottoms” would all appear in the official minutes.

Blimey.

Chomping at the bit and ready for the off (and the electoral door knocking) was LibDem Councillor Cory, representing the folk of Wivenhoe Cross at Colchester Borough Council. The good councillor had very kindly given up his evening of ear bending to update WTC with recent #hyperlocal matters around his patch.

“Dog fouling behind Chainee Road has been a problem. Wivenhoe Town Council helped to re-surface this recently. Sadly some dog walkers are not so respectful.”

Rather than finger point, I rather like Cllr Cory’s approach in accentuating the positives here:

“The solution has been to approach the nearby Broomgrove School and ask if the children would like to help to make No Dog Fouling signs to put up.”

Did someone say B-b-b-b-b-big society?

Blimey.

Alternatively I feel duty bound to remind you that the charming Pet Shop Girls down at Wivenhoe Pets supply dog poop bags.

Other Cross issues from Cllr Cory included drainage problems around Broomgrove (sorted) potholes (reported) and the possibility of introducing streetlights at the Elmstead Road / Brightlingsea Road junction by the football club.

A cheeky grin and a smile towards the top table, and then the good councillor reminded WTC that he was up for re-election, and he hoped to continue the pothole and dog pooh conversation next month.

Safety in numbers, etc and so next up it was fellow LibDem colleague Councillor Manning, also of the Cross, also providing an update.

“I’ll keep this very short - I have been making sure that residents in my ward have enough black bin liners.”

Bravo.

One would hope that there is a little more meat on the bone, so to speak, in some of the election literature heading our way over the coming weeks

Peter Kay, the Public Transport Representative, then filed his report. There is the possibility of the 61 and 62 bus timetable changing in the afternoons from September through until the end of winter. This is to take into account increased public transport use during this period.

Speeding through the agenda faster than a juggernaut down Valley Road (steady) and next we were on to Planning. The lease issue continues to dominate the ongoing Cook’s Shipyard business. Progress is slow.

Something slightly more positive however when it comes to the much delayed new Health Centre for Wivenhoe. Mr Mayor updated WTC that he has held a meeting with the PCT this week, amid growing concerns that national government NHS policy changes may have a serious impact on the future of health provision in Wivenhoe - all in a non-party political sense, of course.

The outcome is something extremely positive:

“We are gathering momentum over this issue. After much delay over this project, we are hopeful of having a definitive answer in May. All is not lost and it even looks rather positive.”

That’s something to tell the electorate on the doorstep, and with immaculate timing, it was back to the day job, and back to the door knocking from our good LibDem Councillor friends.

Um, good luck with that one, fellas.

The Personnel Committee confirmed that Ray, Wivenhoe’s Litter Picker Supreme, has now formally retired. A much-deserved formal presentation will take place at the Annual Town Meeting next month.

Meanwhile, we have a replacement in James, who has already been busy going about his business. Mr Mayor is extremely happy with the appointment, and encouraged that we weren’t short on applicants for the post.

A lengthy debate then followed all about the Best Value Committee. This *isn’t* about umm-ing and ahh-ing over the price of a Pot Noodle at the Co-op, but as the name suggests, how WTC can make the most of the little dosh that comes our way.

As ever, I became slightly lost in the finer detail. The allocation of Section 106 funding was at the core, and with perfect time, Colchester Borough Council is about to introduce some training in how to understand 106 arrangements.

Sign me up now, Comrades.

But back to the finer mechanics of Best Value. The discussion continued, with great debate about definitions within the WTC constitution. Words such as “emotion” were erased, and “code of conduct” inserted instead. There was even an on the record “bloody hell!” moment, but one wouldn’t expect to see this appear within the WTC letter of the law.

You say tomatoe, I say tomato, etc. Actually, I say can we move on please?

Bloody hell, etc.

Never one to stick to the formalities of the agenda (and hurrah for that,) and a fashionably late appearance from the good Councillor Steve Ford, Labour’s representative in the Quay ward, then lit up the Council chamber.

Councillor Ford played it cool, not wanting to talk about potholes and dog pooh, but simply taking the time out from the election stump to thank and praise the work of the retiring Wivenhoe Town Concillors.

Some very honest and humble words were spoken about Councillors Iacovou, Fox and Liddy, the latter of which is stepping down from UNPAID civic service after sixteen years in the chamber.

Sweet. Now back to yer #workingforwivenhoe, Comrade.

Working Party Reports then followed. Any party that involves work is usually one that I would give a wide berth - a bit like the Wivenhoe Community Mini Bus, which has been experiencing a few navigational malfunctions with some drivers. Rest easy, Comrades - the verges causing the minor traffic woes have now been trimmed.

Speaking of minor gardening mishaps, Mr Mayor reported that an official complaint has been received by a resident about the premature cutting of the cowslips in the cemetery, before they had the chance to bloom. You may smirk, my friends, but such issues have been known to bring down governments.

The Wivenhoe Wood Working Party (or www.p for the cool kids by the Co-op) extended an open invite for any local folk who want to find out what the WTC group with the BEST name actually gets up to. There is an Open Day on 15th May, meeting by the picnic benches in the wood.

www.p <3 lol, as we like to say wit da yoof.

Speaking of which, the Youth Facilities Working Party perhaps provided the most controversial moment of the meeting. It is a sign of the economic times when WTC is considering future funding arrangements for the ACE Hub down at the Philip Road Centre.

No need to run for office on a Yoof ticket just yet - simply that WTC would like to see the balance books of the group, ahead of awarding a further £1,000 annual contribution to help support the Hub.

It makes economic, if not social sense. The overall aim of the Hub is to be self-sufficient. The initial grant was just that - a means to an end. It now seems that the end may be closer than was first thought. One to watch for the budget review in the autumn…

Members’ Individual Reports included a humble, honest and glowing tribute from Mr Mayor towards the three councillors that are stepping down. Mr Mayor also updated the meeting with his civic engagements over the last month - EIGHT events have been attended by the nice man with the bling. That’s an awful lot of Mr Sheen to account for in the town budget.

I believe the children are our future, treat them well and let them lead the way, etc… Mr Mayor highlighted the recent Colne Fusion concert at the Congregational Hall, the Youth Council visit to the chamber and a visit to the nature garden at Broomgrove as his personal best bits from the past month.

Community Safety and Police Matters (replacing the old Neighborhood Watch Scheme) offered feedback on the recent move of our local police team to the fire station. There is slight concern about contact details. A mobile number is available (07966 197245) as well as a non-emergency contact line on 0300 333 4444. WTC resolved to help publicise these more.

As for the recent NAP meeting? I refer my honourable colleagues to the blog post blah blah blah…

The good Town Clerk reported on the town council business of one burial grant being approved, the second grass cutting in the cemetery (watch out for those cowslips - whoops) and the brilliant news that the bumblebee springer in the KGV has been given a new head.

Blimey.

“Caution needs to be exercised” when it comes to Finance. There is a “substantial surplus” in the WTC coffers, with a recommendation to re-assess the budgets that were cut at the start of the financial year. £3,000 will soon be needed for urgent chapel repairs; a matching figure is being put aside as an emergency legal fighting fund. Presumably the two aren’t linked.

Letters of Correspondence to WTC included a rather sad update that the Wivenhoe Youth Theatre has been wound up. After sixteen years of working with young folk around the town, recruitment has become something of a problem.

It’s not that Wivenhoe is short on young theatrical talent - witness the booming ADP Theatre, and the fine talent on show in the Pantomime - it is simply that many other local groups now offer a similar service.

Mr Mayor personally pledged to write a letter of thanks to those involved in keeping the Youth Theatre running, and congratulating them on what has been achieved within the town.

A notice of the Annual Town Meeting was formally read out. Wednesday 11th May in the Loveless Hall is THE social event of the year. Or something. It certainly is for Mr Mayor, who came as close as is constitutionally possible in asking for a cross party whip. Shirt and ties would be nice as well.

Highways confirmed that the 20mph speed limit for lower Wivenhoe would be formally adopted by Essex County Council on 25th July. A new bus shelter is now in place outside Cedric’s. Civic pride was taken in announcing that it can “accommodate four bottoms.” That all depends on the size of bottom, surely…

Never mind the length, feel the thickness.

Which in a round about way brings us back to the final meeting of this administration. WTC is a few sandwiches short of a picnic hamper - only eleven names have stepped forward for civic duty, leaving two co-opted vacancies.

The role of a Town Councillor is unpaid, but you do get to enjoy the civic bowl of sweets that is passed around the chamber once a month.

Humbug!

The good news story coming out of the Philip Road Centre is that Moving Image, the independent community cinema for Wivenhoe, is now a key holder. When it comes to local government and policy twonk type talk, terms like key holder and stakeholder etc are often part of the garbled Third Way of working.

Not so here in Wivenhoe - Moving Image is a key holder; the group physically holds a key for the Philip Road Centre.

Hurrah!

This should make the setting up and transformation of the centre into a state of the art cinematic experience (steady) a lot smoother on film nights. A spring and summer programme is currently being put together.

But it’s not all about lower Wivenhoe for Moving Image. The programme of parallel screenings up amongst the splendour of the Lakeside Theatre at the University has just been announced.

The fascinating theme of Futura Dystopia isn’t something that you’re likely to experience at the Co-op on a Monday morning, but it should make for a worthy experience within the post-modern (steady) surrounds of Square 5.

The schedule itself is a cracking run of futuristic films: Metropolis (16th May) Blade Runner [or Bladder Runner - arf] (23rd May) Monsters (13th June) and Children of Men (20th June.)

All films start at 7:30pm.

Back towards the town and it was fantastic to see that the recent Sunday afternoon screening of Bugs Life was fully booked for the showing at the William Loveless Hall.

Maybe this is an apt time to remind folk about the benefits of Moving Image membership?

“Annual membership of Moving Image will be £5.00 for 2010/11. Tickets will be £3.00 for members. Non-members will be able to buy tickets for £4.00 to include £1.00 guest membership. Tickets for under-16s will be £2.00 when family films are being screened.”

Sounds like something that you should be a stakeholder in.

There’s nothing like the Notice of Annual Town Meeting from Wivenhoe Town Council to get the heart rate pumping as you skip along the High Street and go about your morning errands.

Oh Lordy.

“All residents are invited to the Town Meeting that will be held in the William Loveless Hall on Wednesday 11th May, 2011 at 7:30pm.”

Wouldn’t it be ace if ALL 10,000 residents of Wivenhoe were to turn up at the Loveless on the evening of the 11th? Whaddya reckon the first item agenda would be? Ah, that old chestnut of time to build a new town hall…

Rest easy, Comrades:

“The following is the agenda for the evening:

1. Distribution of Mayor’s Charity Fund.

2. Minutes of the last annual meeting.

3. To receive the annual report of the Town Council and financial statement.

4. To discuss any specific points which residents which to raise.

5. To consider any resolutions which may be proposed.”

4 and 5 could be lively. I’m looking to point 6 - booze in the back room of The Greyhound. I trust the retiring Mr Mayor can stretch to a round for the 10,000 townsfolk.

Resolutions need to be formally submitted before Tuesday 3rd May, addressed to the Town Clerk at the Council Offices.

The Annual Report itself makes for interesting reading - if your definition of interesting incorporates Planning, Policing and Town Council Public Access. I’m sure there’s a Wivenhoe based crime thriller just waiting to be penned along these themes.

Reading between the small print (and there is a hell of a lot of detail) and it seems that financially this has been a successful year for the Town Council. Cuts are coming, we all know that. This isn’t the place to lay the macro political blame game.

Wivenhoe however seems well placed for the economic challenges that will no doubt be presented to the new WTC administration when it sits down for the first meeting in the chamber next month.

“In view of the current economic climate, the current Town Council continues to be committed to maintaining the current level of services to local residents, and this year in particular is delighted to say that it has managed this and also kept the precept below average, despite a 50% reduction in the Parish Grant.

This is mainly due to careful husbandry and grant sourcing. The Town Council’s policy to fund major improvements by grants will continue in the same vein over future years.”

And hurrah for that - you can’t go wrong with a bit of careful husbandry on the domestic front.

The reports outlines ongoing developments at Cooks (concerns) Millfields Open Space (granted) Cemeteries (dog pooh) Highways (potholes) Street Cleaning (Ray retires) the Hub (successful) Play Areas (vandalism) the William Loveless Hall (new lady loos) Diamond Jubilee (apathy) Christmas Lights (what a turn on) Wivenhoe Woods (sea wall vandalism) Allotments (thriving) New Health Centre (stagnating) Policing (station closed) Safety (crime falling) Communication (helloooo!) Munty Bus (new cam-belt, natch) Mayor’s Charity (£3k - ace) Finance (£55ish per resident) and Public Access (do come to meetings.)

Phew. And relax.

For more meat on the bone (steady) then I’d suggest an evening at the Loveless Hall on 11th May.

A creak of the old letterbox, a scared (and crazed) cat runs for cover and whaddya know - it’s only the latest copy of the esteemed Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Blimey.

As I’m now an adopted son of *shhh* Brightlingsea, then I feel that I ought to bang on about all the fine news stories that the good Scoop Scarpenter has been seeking out concerning our friends at the other end of the B1207.

But bugger to that. An evening with WTC was sufficient for the finer detail this week. Apologies to m’Brightlingsea bro’s and sisters - I’m skipping straight to the heart of the matter and making the most of the Wivenhoe half of Scoop’s news patch.

Which in reality means thumbing through to p.7 and The Hub - a Welcoming Venue for Young People:

“An awareness evening was held recently at the Hub, formally the Wivenhoe Youth Centre, highlighting the diverse amenities available at this venue for young people.”

Hurrah!

“Amenities at the centre include a coffee bar, floodlit basketball and football, pool, darts, DJ mixing desk, air hockey, 32 inch TV screen and two laptops.”

The Hub is indeed a major success story for Wivenhoe. Any volunteers would be warmly welcomed…

You wait for one Wivenhoe story in the Chronicle, and then just as an extra slice of birthday cake settles you down in the rocking chair (seriously) for the afternoon, along come two on the same page.

p.7 continues with: Town Meets Gown:

“The Mayor and Mayoress of Wivenhoe, Brian and Jan Sinclair, accompanied by Dilly Meyer, International Academy Skills Centre Manager at the University of Essex, welcomed 30 students and 40 local residents to a social evening at the William Loveless Hall [where else...]“

My Mayor has done a great deal for the Town and Gown delicate balancing act during his period of civic service. He somehow pulled off the rather remarkable negotiating skills of giving a stern telling off to the Estate Manager regarding the Knowledge Gateway road closure farce, yet still managed to end up passing on the goodwill of the town towards the University..

Similarly in persuading the ‘youthful high spirits’ of some students out on the Wivenhoe Run to apologise to local publicans and residents, before welcoming them back into Wivenhoe for more booze.

Blimey.

Councillor Steve Ford writes on p.10 more about the 20mph Zones in Wivenhoe:

“The majority of people in Wivenhoe know that a 20mph speed zone is going to be introduced in the area below the railway bridge. What many people do not know is that Colchester Borough Council has agreed, in principle, to look at the introduction of 20mph zones in all residential areas.”

Tellingly, the Cllr concluded by adding:

“Extensive consultation and engagement with the community of Colchester needs time and some monies, which in this present economic climate, is not yet available.”

Here’s hoping that when the wonga is finally freed up, whatever administration is currently sitting at the Town Hall won’t forget to carry out the consultation.

There’s little argument against 20′s plenty (although a guarded effort was attempted to derail it at Monday’s WTC meeting.) It makes sense in lower Wivenhoe, with only Station Road being a possible problem area to enforce.

A brief mention of the AGM of the Workers Education Association on 4th April at the Methodist Hall, as well as a heads up for WivSoc’s riverbank clean up at 10am on the 10th then follows.

And then we’re into the Wivenhoe arty territory, which holds far more editorial entertainment. Helen Chambers‘ review of Jack and the Beanstalk is bang on the money, when stating:

“Brian Ford’s script was very witty and clever, and I admired Matt Linley’s direction. Sarah Rout, as Silly Billy, gave a flawless performance. Hazel Humphreys (Jack) has stand-up comedy credentials.”

Talking of seamless comedy timing: Wivenhoe’s Very Own Comedy Club adds on p.13:

“Wil Hodgson will be performing at Wivenhoe’s very own comedy club, the Funny Farm. The club night will be held on 31st March at the Cricket Club.”

Oklahoma! gets a brief plug, as does the Colne Community College Choir’s concert at the Congregational Hall on the 2nd April. Local artist Annie Bielecka exhibition at the Red Lion Bookshop in Colchester also gets a mention.

Which all leaves us with the snappy Chronicle headline on p.15 of: New Facial Aesthetics Centre is Officially Opened by Town’s Mayor.

Cripes.

“A new local business, the Wivenhoe Faceplace, was officially opened by the Mayor of Wivenhoe. The new venture is a facial aesthetics centre, specialising in rejuvenating anti-wrinkle injections, dermal fillers, lip enhancements and tooth whitening.”

I couldn’t possibly comment on the potential for customers within Wivenhoe. I can pass comment however on Mr Mayor’s fine stance in supporting the business. As explained to WTC on Monday evening:

“Faceplace very kindly donated a £200 voucher for the Mayor’s Charity Auction. I am happy to support any business that helps to raise money locally.”

Hear, hear.

Must dash - time to moisturise.

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