onionbagblog

Late Wednesday afternoon and a *cough* crack photographer was despatched to the splendour of the churchyard at St Mary’s for a photo shoot to help plug the Church Ale event taking place over the weekend of 17th - 18th September.

Church? Beer? Hang on…

It’s not quite what you think, Comrades. Although not the main theme, beer is involved. The Church Ale is also a very inclusive event for all in the town - don’t let any religious prejudices put you off from enjoying the magnificent programme that has been put together.

The most splendid Church Ale website itself is probably a good starting point to define what is planned:

“In Medieval times, Ales’ were held in support of many different causes: The church-ale, held to encourage parishioners to come and pay their tithes and so to help pay for the upkeep of the church building; the bride-ale, used to benefit a newly married couple; the clerk-ale, to support the impoverished curate.

What all these ales have in common is that they were communal drinking sessions to raise funds. It was also an opportunity to socialise, and contributed to the social solidarity of the community.”

So yeah - it’s about beer, but more importantly it’s also about socialising and helping to build a sense of community. It’s also about watching the newly installed Mayor Needham get garbed up in some Medieval robe and leading a procession through the town.

I’ll drink to that.

A tremendous amount of planning has already been entered into this event. Co-operation with both local schools is key, as the organisers try to make this a genuine community supported occasion.

As for the actual ale? The fine folk of the Sticklegs Brewery in nearby Elmstead Market have been extremely supportive. Having sampled the booze at the recent Greyhound beer festival, it has already registered on my radar for the weekend of 17th - 18th September.

No booze passed my lips in the churchyard at St Mary’s on Wednesday afternoon for the photo shoot - I’m saving myself for September, fellow believers.

Chin chin.

To the Town Council Offices on Monday evening for an eve of Solstice pagan sacrifice, aka as a Wivenhoe Town Council monthly meeting. Peace, love and understanding were in the estuary air, and so was a Conservative Borough Councillor.

Cripes.

Suited and booted (me, not the Conservative Borough Councillor) and arriving fashionably late as ever, it was standing room only around the top civic table. I perched my backside strategically on the edge of the Press table, sitting on the fence and waiting to hear all about parking problems and dog pooh.

Eleven fine members of the public were left scrambling for seats for THE hot ticket in town that night. Bell ringing practice in Wivenhoe is on Wednesdays, Comrades.

Joining the Little People was a rare and welcome appearance from LibDem Councillor Manning of the Cross ward, Conservative Councillor Quarrie of the Quay and the ever present, ever smiling Councillor Ford, Labour’s red flag waving #workingforwivenhoe Comrade also from the Quay.

It’s not quite Never the Twain, but the political hot potato that was on everyone’s lips was when the chuffers will the Borough Councillors get it on with the Town Councillors?

Concern has been expressed by the UNPAID Town Councillors that communication with the big boys and girls of the Borough is not flowing quite as frequently as perhaps it should.

With Section 106 wonga floating around in Wivenhoe - a classic you scratch my back brown envelope time - the Town Councillors want to make sure that Borough Councillors are singing from the same St Mary’s Wivenhoe hymn sheet.

“Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always.”

And whilst yer at it, let’s chuck some cash from the Cook’s payback fund on a much needed new zebra crossing outside of the Co-op, Comrades.

It’s a fun filled life being a Borough Councillor. Sacrifices have to be made, and we’re not talking about the Solstice shindig on the muddy banks of the Colne either. Friday night has been put aside as a possible timeslot when Never the Twain will divvy up the local dosh.

Phew, rock ‘n roll.

A bit of local admin, and then we were straight in with Reports from the Borough and County Councillors.

It’s all about accountability, I tell ya…

Councillor Young, Labour’s representative on Essex County Council (seriously) was unavailable, but had kindly submitted a written report:

“New ways of working with Highways should make it easier for 20mph zones to be introduced around both schools in Wivenhoe. I have been in constant dialogue with Tracy Chapman, the Highways advisor on this.”

Hurrah!

Hang on - Tracy Chapman? 20mph? Talk about a Fast Car, etc.

Sticking with the #workingforwivenhoe Comrades, and Councillor Ford of the Quay was next to address the meeting:

“I called in the planning application for Rectory Hill. I was unhappy with the visibility of the approach, and the drainage. Highways are happy with the visibility, and I have been advised that the drainage concerns are a civil matter.

My concern about the limited parking space was upheld. The developer has hastily added in four extra parking spaces. The planning application has now been passed.”

Up towards the Cross ward and our two LibDem representatives have also been busy with congestion. A rare absence from Councillor Cory (pressing matters on the Policy Panel) but a written submission instead:

“I have been pressing the University about fixing a date for the Clingoe Hill closure ahead of the start of the Knowledge Gateway development. This has now been moved to the start of the summer holidays, to try and limit the congestion. I still expect we will have one - two weeks of aggravation.”

And then some.

Defying the #workingforwivenhoe election period claims that *ahem* “no LibDems are in Wivenhoe,” the Love Me I’m a Liberal lot then had safety in numbers with Councillor Manning of the Cross ward offering up his report to the Town Council:

“I am now sitting on the Planning Committee at Colchester Borough Council. NOTHING will get through.”

Cripes.

“I also have a new notebook to keep track of all the potholes that continue to appear.”

Yeah, and possibly a pitch to become a Glum Councillor as well.

Fine work, though fella.

It’s not quite a case of shuffling the deckchairs on the Titanic, but Conservative Councillor Quarrie of the Quay reported:

“I have been moved off Planning and now sit on Licensing.”

Which must be bad news for the 24/7 nightclub that I had planned for the Quay.

“Parking around the Cook’s development remains a key issue. The road has yet to be adopted by the County Council, which causes problems when we are trying to police it.”

Eight years and counting, my good Councillor…

Also giving cause for concern is the re-routing of the 74 bus route. Peter Kay, the Public Transport Representative explained how First Group, the current franchise operator, has sneakily slipped in a new route, which completely bypasses the town, turning off for Clacton instead.

“How ridiculous,” commented Councillor Kraft. She wasn’t alone in her observations and a polite, but purposeful letter is probably being penned from WTC right now.

The concern is that the move has been poorly advertised. Yoof may catch the bus, expecting a journey into Wivenhoe. With the sudden turn off, they could be out of town and out of funds as they speed off for an impromptu away day at the seaside.

A lengthy conversation then followed about the 20mph zone along the railway bridge at the bottom of the town. I became completely lost; I wasn’t alone.

Speaking in relation to transport matters, Peter Kay then posed the question:

“What does Wivenhoe Town Council propose to do about the annual nonsense that is the Wivenhoe May Fair?”

Cripes.

Awkward.

Having had this curveball thrown at him from across the civic chamber, Mayor Needham composed himself and offered up the reply that the May Fair Committee are working with WTC on future solutions.

Moving on…

Perhaps a bit of Planning to get the party back on track? Former Councillors Liddy and Purdey have been granted special powers (oooh!) to continue the fine work that they have started in representing WTC when it comes to all things Cook’s.

As for that old family favourite of the planned new Wivenhoe Surgery? Councillor Lodge updated with news that the deal is “far from dead.” The PCT has put the plan to the Doctor’s at the old surgery to see if they want to move forward.

Having a pre-defined national NHS policy as a framework in which to make these decisions would be nice.

Hey hoe.

In WTC Personnel news - THIS JUST IN: New litter picker James has impressed so much that he has been awarded a permanent position after the successful completion of his trial.

Hurrah!

Handling the aftermath of May Fair must have been a stern test, and one that James handled magnificently.

Onto the best bit - the Best Value Committee (aka secretly as the pre-WTC prepping meet where the real Council business is decided - behind closes doors - or so the suggestion has been made to me…)

Anyone been to Stanway of late? Apart from offering up a most splendid jazz club, my knowledge of our Colchester near neighbours is somewhat limited. This is all about to change, with WTC proposing to adopt the Stanway system of committees for local governance. The buggers better have the ACE Working Woods Party.

Back to Wivenhoe however, and in a turkeys voting for Christmas move, WTC agreed unanimously to foot the bill to pay for Mayoral badges for ex-Mayor’s.

Mmm…

It’s a badge of honour, and probably on balance one that is a worthy memento for the UNPAID work of Wivenhoe Town Councillors during their hectic year of civil service.

A slight shuffle along the press bench, and it was here that I made my strategic switch to *shhh* the Conservative hot seat.

Cripes.

All the best parties finally kick into action as the night closes in, and as the public chamber emptied and m’Conservative friend departed to ponder why Wivenhoe still hasn’t got a new surgery under the inspiring leadership of the Coalition, I played musical chairs.

Mr Mayor updated WTC about his activities, in what has been a very busy first month in office:

“I have attended sixteen formal events in the past month. The highlights included visiting Wivenhoe Youth Hub [ditto] the parade of the 16 Air Assault Brigade through Colchester, the opening of the *shhh* Quiet Garden at Broomgove Shcool and the Helping Hands AGM.”

Pleased to report that Helping Hands appears to be in sound financial hands, thanks to some very generous donations locally.

Five points then came out of the Community Safety feedback:

(i) Inconsiderate parking remains an issue (even though WTC, after taking police advice, decided not to implement a considerate parking scheme within the town…)

(ii) The local crime figures are low. A slight increase in burglary however has been recorded. The police have suggested that this is possibly a local gang, with laptops and TV’s being the main items going missing.

(iii) Traffic routes to Cook’s Shipyard have deviated.

Eh?

It appears that companies that don’t take the designated route down Valley Road are in danger of losing their contracts. Keep yer eyes peeled around *cough* Queens Road, Comrades.

(iv) Ball games by the Medway are showing some signs for concerns. Elder kids are getting slightly enthusiastic, with the balls entering into the road.

(v) And finally Speed Watch - this is now being rolled out during the school run hours, with a focus upon Bobbitt’s Way and Elmstead Road.

A brief break for the passing around the chamber of the official civic spearmints (receipts available for inspection on request) and then whaddya know - apt timing and Finance.

Quotes are being sourced for a possible asbestos survey for the William Loveless Hall toilets. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it, etc.

In Correspondence news and an appeal for support from WTC for the emerging Radio Wivenhoe group has been received. This is not necessarily financial, but an endorsement.

Granted, with Mr Mayor proudly declaring:

“This is a positive feature for Wivenhoe. It is an aid for further communication and helps to promote the town. We earnestly support Radio Wivenhoe.”

Splendid.

Someone should sign that man up for a guest spot on Wiv Chat.

Oh, hang on…

A rallying call then went out for players to take part in the annual Town Cricket Match on the evening of 13th July at Rectory Road. The official civic quotation that came out on the evening is:

“WE WANT TO WACK THEM.”

Cripes.

Any Other Business?

With the Ten Acres development looking likely to start soon, a new access road will be in place within Wivenhoe. Peter Hill has formally suggested naming this in memory of Dr Ted Palmer.

Plus no WTC meeting can be complete without the perennial Engine Shed rumour.

HONK!!!!

Massive rumour alert: minuted, but not necessarily economical with the truth, the continual pub gossip of the old Engine Shed being bought up by a developer wrapped up the meeting.

Any views?

A stunned silence filled the chamber.

Time for that pagan sacrifice in the Network Rail car park, Comrades?

When Saturday Comes and all you want to do with your Wivenhoe weekend is to read the papers in bed, take an afternoon wander down to the Quay and then stumble out of The Station sometime before the National Lottery winners are announced.

No chance.

To the Farmer’s Market! …was the rallying call to kick start the weekend for @AnnaJCowen and I. The Congregational Hall had the usual fine local produce on sale, as well as some charming conversations with traders who like to talk, rather than concentrate on the hard sell.

We didn’t come out with a wicker basket brimming with North Essex country fare, but a rucksack stuffed full of sausage meat and beetroot. These will come in handy, believe me.

The Wivenhoe Community Safety Neighbourhood Watch Group also had representation. It’s good to be a local busy body etc, but don’t have nightmares. The recent police crime map for this area in April may look a little alarming, but out of the eleven incidents of violent crime, only four were reported in Wivenhoe, with the remaining seven coming from our friends over in Rowhedge.

must.pay.a.trip.to.rowhedge.later.in.the.day

But first off, how about keeping up the busy body theme and poking yer face around local garages?

Blimey.

Nope, it’s not a new obsessive architectural peccadillo that is affecting the North Essex estuary, but the Grand Garage Trail kindly organised by the good folk of St Mary’s Church.

Hurrah!

Originally started by Cansdale and Ross under the Wivenhoe Braderie banner two years ago, the Grand Garage Trail is now a glorified car boot sale taking place around the town.

Maps were purchased the day before, and then much like the splendid Open Gardens of last month, we wandered around Wivenhoe and were welcomed into the properties of various folk around the town.

The event was as broad and as bonkers as you wanted it to be. Many garages were doing great business in re-selling on children’s toys that have been outgrown. Local art also featured heavily. I was disappointed in not being able to walk away with the underground safe on sale along the High Street.

It all got a little lost as we wandered into the Loveless Hall by mistake - often the best way to wander into the Loveless Hall - and found that we had strayed into a separate sale organised by the Colchester Twins Club.

Double cripes.

Cake was on hand to calm us down, and to give us a kick up the backside to take on the remaining Grand Garage Trail down towards the Quay.

A quick chat at Curiosity, and we reflected on the quality of the stock sold within. But time and tide wait for no Grand Garage Trailers, and as we exited left along Station Road, we saw that the legendary Grand Garage dinghy has been bought, and was already being prepared for a launch at the Rowhedge Regatta later in the day.

No worries.

The girl and I made up for our nautical loss with some lovely bargains of our own. A pair of panniers, a darts board, a kitchen chair and a chopping board (free from Builder Mark, natch) - all clocked in at precisely £10.

The panniers in particular were quite a find - the conversation that followed was priceless. It seems that I’m not alone with my Moulton collection within Wivenhoe.

The town undoubtedly has many talents, but topping the list for me is the claim to fame of the chap I purchased the panniers off - he only test rode the original Moultons back in the day.

Chapeau!

Seedy exchanges followed, with an ill met by iPhone fading light presentation of the bonkers multi-coloured Moulton. I’ve still to actually ride the machine around the town. @AnnaJCowen reckons that even the ‘homosexual meets the beast‘ hybrid of the design is a little risqué, even for Wivenhoe.

Was that the day done, Comrades?

Nope - we’ve barely started. Booze had yet to feature, and there’s nothing I like more than a Wivenhoe lunchtime tipple whilst admiring quality local artwork and enjoying local conversations.

To the Wivenhoe Gallery! …etc for the opening of the Spanish Paintings exhibition by local artists Michael and Julia. Running for two weeks down at the Wivenhoe Business Centre, the rich Mediterranean landscapes are most certainly worthy of a visit.

The love of the Spanish culture came across in the artwork, and the conversation that followed with Michael and Julia. I pressed them on the possibilities for their future muse, and was pleased to hear that Wivenhoe landscape painting is certainly a work in progress.

With my lunchtime muse of red wine having fired me up, I was ready to stand on the edge of the Quay, survey the Rose and Crown customers and gaze out with a glazed over eye across the estuary and declare:

“To Rowhedge!”

Oh Lordy.

The fighting talk of the red plonk has sunk many a galleon, but not the Wivenhoe and Rowhedge Ferry. This was Regatta Day for that other lot on the opposite banks of the Colne. It only seemed polite to turn up and see how our near neighbours can put on a party.

We weren’t alone in our Wivenhoe wanderings. It seemed that half of the town had pitched up at either The Anchor or The Albion, observing the sea crafts of differing sizes sail past. There was always the possibility of some riverside rubbernecking as a particularly graceful smack came close to cutting up a kayak.

Whoops.

Crabbing, as ever, was incredibly popular. The hit and miss weather seemed to fit perfectly with the Dark Side theme. With the waters of the Colne disappearing faster than my pint of Kent Best, concern soon turned towards how the chuffers we could get back to base.

No one wants to be stranded in Rowhedge on a Saturday evening, but the Kent Best booze was making a decent job of damage limitation. A catch up with the fine @Colchester101 - whoops there goes another pier, whoops there goes another pint of beer, etc.

Anything that Wivenhoe can do, Rowhedge of course likes to think that it can do better. We don’t like to talk about *shhh* the May Fair police helicopter, and I’m sure Rowhedge folk were a little weary of the chopper action overhead on Saturday.

I’m not usually one to deal with rumours (oh no, not me, Sireee…) but talk did turn to the possible return of the random Rowhedge tired and emotional swimmer.

Oh Lordy.

One thing that Rowhedge definitely does do better than Wivenhoe is to assemble together a group of local males who then tug away on a large rope in tandem.

“We’re from Wivenhoe - we drink beer, not pull rope” was the rallying cry that was later rolled out to justify the slip slidin’ spectacle of the Wivenhoe Tug of War team.

The Rowhedge chaps may be great at tugging away, but no so brilliant on the booze front. Chundering quayside just ahead of the grand Tug of War final is not quite dignified estuary etiquette, Sir.

With the estuary water now looking as limp as the Wivenhoe tug of war team effort (said the poncey bloke watching from the sidelines…) contingency plans were needed for the Great Escape.

Cometh the hour, cometh the good @Colchester101, who kindly drove us all the way down to the Hythe, and then back up Clingoe Hill once again. There was to be one more surprise waiting for us back at base - a new houseguest staying in the shed.

Meowww.

Moving Image was on our Saturday evening radar. Ever one to keep it local, the screening of Fishtank was trumped by a lovely, lovely hyperlocal invite to… go round next door for an evening of games and booze.

Brilliant!

And so just another quiet Wivenhoe weekend, you say?

Wivenhoe - you are wearing me out. But you wear it out oh so well.

Full flickr stream over here.

And so it seems that the Wivenhoe Secret Millionaire, the mystery Mr X who wanted to donate £1.4m to help improve Broad Lane, has taken his ball and gone back home.

And who can blame him?

@TheGazette is reporting that the anonymous benefactor has put his generous offer “on hold because of residents’ apathy.”

Oh Lordy. Where to start here?

I’m always weary of anonymous benefactors. I’m not doubting the existence of Mr X’s millions, but for Wivenhoe residents to return the goodwill and show something other than apathy, then something more tangible needed to be put in place.

What exactly were we supposed to be backing in the first place?

There has been a huge time investment behind the scenes by the incredibly hard-working team that somehow manages to keep Wivenhoe Town FC punching above its weight. To understand how this enthusiasm has been met with such a wall of apathy in the town is not easy to understand.

I would argue that Mr X should have been more transparent to Wivenhoe locals. £1.4m is an incredibly generous donation. To dangle it in front of the town - but without any quantitative means to demonstrate the level of support in return - was clearly a mistake.

“The benefactor wanted to see if there was a will from the community,” was the only means in which to measure our interest. This was the message that came out of the packed public meeting held at the William Loveless Hall back in October.

Parameters should have been put in place that would pass the requirements of Mr X. What level of will exactly was he looking for in Wivenhoe? Pub gossip that this was a good idea? Some form of formal show of support? One thousand folk turning up to a community football match open day?

I personally have been very positive about the scheme ever since that first meeting back in October. But apart from bangin’ on about it on m’blog, or trying to navigate and make sense of the broadlanefuture.com website, I’m not entirely sure what other avenues were available for me to register my interest.

The publicity and PR has sadly been lost. Yep, we’re a sleepy estuary town, but it doesn’t mean that we are off the Essex news radar - witness the the screaming headlines that the May Fair non-story was able to generate.

The Chronicle rightly led with Mr X after the first meeting, but where to next to show your support? A follow up meeting was promised by the end of the year. Christmas came and went, and apart from a presence at the St Mary’s Christmas lights turn on, it appears that Broad Lane Future disappeared.

May Fair of course would have been the main calendar event in which Wivenhoe locals could register a show of support for Mr X. I was rather tired and emotional for most of the afternoon, but I didn’t see or hear anything about Broad Lane Future during my lost wanderings.

The broadlanefuture.com website itself sadly made it difficult to put across any positive show of support. When you are eventually able to find some meaningful content, it’s not exactly acting as a flag waver for Broad Lane Future:

“What kind of a website is this where there is only voting on what developments you want?

What about all the people who live on Elmstead Road who DO NOT WANT ANY DEVELOPMENT as we are well and truly sick and tired of traffic racing along this road and do not want to see ANY development taking place.”

Ouch.

Maybe the grand scheme of a possible swimming pool, a multi-use gym and a community centre etc was just too… broad for Broad Lane. Is it really what the community wants up at the top end of the town? The project hasn’t exactly been the word on the street, something that Mr X had hoped to hear after the first headlines appeared.

With the University offering a recently refurbished gym right next door, I would argue that all that is really needed in Wivenhoe is a swimming pool. Which is the exact same conversation I remember having back in 1990 during my first appearance around these parts…

Which is all such a shame because the space up at Broad Lane has plenty of potential, not to mention the unquestionable goodwill of those that are currently putting in a great deal of time and effort. The Society for Children Affected with Neurological Symptoms is now using the clubhouse during the week as a social base in which to meet.

Meanwhile:

“Some plans for the site were in the pipeline, including allotments, with a £50,000 grant application going to Essex County Council’s Big Society Fund.”

Ah - there’s no such thing as society, just… #bigsociety.

Blimey.

Is it too late for Wivenhoe to try and convince Mr X that Broad Lane has a future? Does Broad Lane have a future without Mr X? What might that be, and how the chuffers do we actually put across our views?

All questions, no answers I’m afraid.

To The Greyhound on Saturday for An Afternoon Upstairs with Martin Newell. This was billed as very much an experiment in using the magnificent space above the boozer during a rare Wivenhoe period of alcoholic abstinence.

I walked in shortly before 3pm to find a room full of middle-aged maidens, floored and legless on Mother’s Ruin, all waiting for someone to introduce Valium on tap.

Not quite, but the ambience of occasional afternoon boozers mixing with the tea sippers in the sedate space Upstairs at The Greyhound made for a heady concoction. All that was needed was a wordsmith, a tuneful fella - a linguist of love.

Ahhh…

Lookey, lookey here.

No one can accuse Mr Mule of not taking any creative chances. Putting on a part-poetry performance, part-serenading session - all served up with a rock ‘n roll rider of tea and homemade cakes - isn’t exactly the career route that has kept the Rolling Stones so stale for five decades.

For such a sleepy estuary town, time doesn’t stand still for Mr Mule. Why linger on the past when there are poems to be penned observing the changing social demographic of Wivenhoe? Well Done You! was spot on with the observations on social mobility.

We got off to a good start with Dead in the Barmaid’s Bed. For legal reasons I am duty bound to point out that there are five other licenced public houses within Wivenhoe.

With the catchphrase of “something to offend everyone”, Mr Mule didn’t disappoint. I like my entertainment to have an unpredictable edge; if it can include some of the filthiest jokes ever heard in North Essex, then all the better.

Helen of Troy - the Essex interpretation, showed that Mr Mule is as sharp and as relevant as ever with his take on contemporary Essex culture. The poems came to life in the live space - it’s all in the eyes, doncthaknow.

The booze break became a tea and cake break, and is certainly worthy of a blog post in itself. The very good @seelkram has been experimenting of late with a Wivenhoe based cake and bread business. Equipment has been purchased, the blending and baking has been perfected.

Catering for the afternoon event was the first real test of the new local venture. Battenberg’s, Victoria sponges, brownies, doughnuts, choux, madeleines and scones - the spread was sufficient to feed the entire wedding party kicking off down the High Street at St Mary’s.

The good news for Wivenhoe is that Mark (for he is @seelkram) is looking at slowly, slowly starting up a very personalised online baking business within the town. Bread and cakes can be made and delivered to order. The plan is to use an informal network of online and offline communication to build up a contact base.

And then with barely enough time to stroke your tummy and say “Woooohhhhh, that scone and cream came close to an altogether different type of creaming experience,” and there he was - yer man Mr Mule back holding fort, LIVE and direct in downtown Wivenhoe.

More music followed, with the very serious side to Martin coming across during the second half of the show. Home Counties Boy from The Greatest Living Englishman album is Mule’s New England. It is his defining moment and is a badge of honour describing whom he is, and what you are getting. I’ve been listening to it a lot of late.

The surprise resurrection of the Cleaners from Venus name on last year’s English Electric album also got an airing. The Queen and Me was strummed out with the perfect seasonal timing. The lament of Mr Mule waiting for his Knighthood sadly didn’t come in the Honour’s List earlier on Saturday morning.

Sir Bruce Forsyth and Sir Jimmy Saville impressions followed. My chocolate brownie almost made a repeat appearance as those eyes homed in to capture the comedy value.

And then a couple of hours after the first profanities of the afternoon were expressed, we ended on a similar expression, cheered by Mr Mule and his maverick ways.

Did it work? Most certainly. It made for a convenient excuse for not being back at base doing the hoovering. To fill the Upstairs area with some mischievous local entertainment on a Saturday afternoon is no mean feat.

More of the same please, Mr Mule.

You can download and donate towards English Electric over here. No record company cashed in on the making of this masterpiece. No one else is making music like this right now - not in Wivenhoe, and not really anywhere else in England.

Treasure him.

“Let’s pop out for a brief Saturday morning stroll,” was the suggestion. “There’s this Art on the Railings thing going off in the churchyard. We’ll be back before the first drinks break in the Test.”

Three hours later and we had missed the drinks break and luncheon. The tea interval at Lord’s was creeping up on us.

Cripes.

So yeah - you try and live yer nonsense running around urban lifestyle in little Wivenhoe, and once again you find that you simply have to go with the flow. This is no place for the cut fast and loose kid. Which is sort of why we moved here, Comrades.

Art on the Railings was simply ACE. The jangly 60′s pop of Mr Mule is always a joyous sound to welcome in your Saturday morning. A quick hat tip just as Rain (the song, not the weather) was welcoming Wivenhoe folk to Art on the Railings, and then we went about our wander.

It took @AnnaJCowen and I an hour and a half to complete one circuit of the graveyard - which was pretty good going considering the company we were keeping underfoot.

As well as all the artwork, crafts and cakes to consider, it was the many, many lovely conversations that put an end to our cricket watching ambitions back at base.

My own Wivenhoe experience is still incredibly limited. I move in circumscribed circles, and ones which usually involve alcohol. But it seemed that most of the folk that I have befriended over the past nine months had made their way down to Art on the Railings to start off their Saturday morning.

A great catch up with @papershed37, and the Brightlingsea Boy told me that although the sales had been worth his short trip to Wivenhoe, it wasn’t quite as busy as in previous years.

I was still impressed with the range and affordability of the artwork. We’re on the look out for a number of pieces (ooh - get you) to start off our local collection. No Dodds on sale on Saturday (still sourcing…) but we came very close to buying a lovely Quay print.

As the conversations followed, so did the time. We turned around to find that it was packing up time and the poor chap missed out on our sale, simply because @AnnaJCowen likes a bit of a chat.

Next time, fella.

It was great to see the May Fair folk having a very visible presence, and being open to talk with anyone about the actual facts that took place last weekend. The Art on the Railings demographic probably isn’t your typical May Fair mosher. The transparency of the group was greatly appreciated.

The truth is out there, Comrades.

And so shortly after 2pm, we exited back up the High Street, and finished as we started with more conversations with Mr Mule. The chap was on fine form, and full of optimism for the future of Radio Wivenhoe (open meeting on Tuesday night at The Greyhound, pop pals.)

We missed most of the cricket, but caught up on the far more important matter of local conversations.

Howzat?

Splendid.

Woh - where to start with Wivenhoe Open Gardens 2011? How about twenty-eight private gardens becoming public open spaces for the weekend, and Wivenhoe being transformed into a local treasure hunt?

Blimey.

Green fingered and green envied gardeners delighted in the form and forna. Was it really less than four months ago when the big freeze threatened to wipe out the local Wivenhoe habitat? Or maybe that was just the Environment Agency…

Anyway - the wonderfully produced programme is a good pointer when trying to unravel the splendour of Open Garden weekend:

“Another bitter winter arrived in Wivenhoe in December, burying our gardens under a thick blanket of snow. As it slowly disappeared, the effects of some of the coldest weather for many years became apparent.”

Yep - one tree down in the Park Road region. Whoops.

“Most gardens will probably have lost some tender specimens in the last two winters, but nature is very resilient. The bulbs may have been a little slow to start flowering this year, but the sudden flourish of crocuses and the following blaze of daffodils lifted the spirits.”

And then some. HONK!! LOOK!! I’ve grown a daffodil. I’ve grown a b****y daffodil! I’m still dining out on that achievement by the way.

“The sunshine and mild weather in April have brought such a rush of growth that it seems unbelievable that there was ever any doubt of our gardens’ reappearance.”

I confess to being a non-believer when the makeshift ice rink beyond the back door bedded down for a month. Three months later and who would have thought that topless sunbathing in Wivenhoe (him, not her) would be possible?

But anyway - what of the twenty eight local gardens of delight that very, very kindly allowed locals to parade around the pansies and poppies in what is unofficially being dubbed RHS Wivenhoe by some?

Much like the gardens of Wivenhoe itself, @AnnaJCowen and I took very different approaches. You need a system, a plan, and a strategy. I favoured a regimented approach that was planned with military precision. I like neatly trimmed herbaceous borders.

The girl wanted to wander lonely as a cloud, refreshing in the boozers en route and seeing where the day would take her. The girl likes getting her knees mucky in the long deep grass.

A compromise of sorts was established: we would start off at the Quay, and then take a random walk up towards the Cross, taking in any of the Open Gardens that appeared en route.

It was thirsty work to be honest, but the booze could wait. There was something of a beer festival rationale however in ticking off all the gardens that we managed to clock up.

On our travels and we took in a great depth of different styles and use of space. A selection of the relatively new gardens down by the West Quay development improvised superbly. South facing front gardens became vegetable patches, making the most of the limited land available.

Clifton Terrace was a highlight for many, judging by our conversations with fellow wanderers around Wivenhoe. The incredibly high steeping garden looking down above the railway line was ingenious in the use of layers. A series of stairs had effectively been put in place, making the garden manageable and most adorable.

At the other end (and extreme) of Clifton Terrace was the garden come Country Park. We spent half an hour walking from one end to the other in the magnificent and majestic setting. You haven’t got a garden kind Sir - you have a country estate.

On a practical level and it was useful to observe how similar plants are performing when compared to what we have planted back at base. We’re holding our own, so to speak: “You have the largest courgette in Wivenhoe,” as the girl later complemented me with as we sipped away on a stiff one in the back garden.

The pride that Wivenhoe folk take in their gardens, and the genuine love of sharing their achievements really was quite humbling. Open Gardens only works with a tremendous amount of trust in place. The guest books around the garden tables rightfully heaped praise and thanks on all of those participating.

Many of the gatherings became social spaces for the afternoon. The tea, cakes and soft drinks added to the occasion. I can proudly say that I have now sat in the lovely, lovely garden in the old Falcon and be served up with a drink by the equally lovely, lovely hosts.

The good @MrBoom shadowed our movements as we swapped tales and tips at different stages around the town. Strangers became acquaintances, acquaintances become friends. It’s also a great way to find your way around a town that has many hidden back roads that you wouldn’t normally have any need to visit.

With 5pm on Saturday signalling that Open Gardens was closed for the day, we made a last minute dash up to enjoy the garden and company of the newly installed Mr Mayor. A warm welcome and a drink was our reward.

And then it was back down the town, and reflecting on how most gardens actually take the physical form and characteristics of their owners. I pondered my prize courgette and felt rightly proud.

Many, many thanks to all the very kind participants who opened up their private gardens to the public over the weekend. This has been the highlight of our Year in Wivenhoe so far.

Thanks also to the joint organisers:

“Wivenhoe Open Gardens is organised jointly by St Mary’s Church and the Wivenhoe Society. All profits are shared between the Church and other Wivenhoe causes chosen by the Wivenhoe Society; this year the Society’s beneficiary is Wivenhoe Helping Hands, a new venture to spread assistance to people in need of the community’s help and consideration.”

Anyone wanna see my cracker of a courgette next year?

Full flickr set over here.

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With less than two weeks to go now before May Fair weekend, you can almost hear the bells ringing from St Mary’s to signal the hangover from hell as the big day (and morning after) approaches.

You can also see how Moving Image has put together a well themed mini May Fair fest of films to coincide with the Whitsun Bank Holiday hangover in the making over at the KGV.

It would have been so easy to play to the gallery and screen any old muso or festival film - but nope, Wivenhoe’s independent community cinema has very cleverly come up with a bill to match the Essex occasion.

The Runaways will be screened at the Philip Road Centre on Saturday 28th May:

“An in-your-face look at teenage life and the rock scene in the 1970′s starring Kirsten Stewart as the original riot grrrl Joan Jett. The movie serves up a sex’n'drugs’n'rock’n'roll biopic of The Runaways and their foul-mouthed Svengali, Kim Fowley.”

OK, so The Runaways may not have Made in Essex running through the celluloid, but I like to think that it captures something of the mood around these parts.

With the final portaloo hopefully having been put in place at the KGV on Sunday afternoon (it’s a dirty job…) then there should be enough time to relax ahead of all the May Day madness with a double bill at the Phillip Road centre once again:

“The first of Sunday’s fabulous double-bill is the wild and wacky Separado, a psychedelic-Welsh-Patagonian-road-music-movie with Super Furry Animals Gruff Rhyss almost out-Booshing the Boosh in this enjoyably quirky and thoroughly engaging music experience.

It follows his South American quest in search of Rene Griffiths, an obscure 1960s pop star who sang Welsh ballads in the style of an Argentinean cowboy.”

And then keeping it Essex and concluding the mini May Fair fest, Oil City Confidential will send you to bed on Sunday evening with an Essex boy wide smile on your face ahead of the fun and frolics to come:

“Julian Temple’s film about the world’s greatest local band, Dr Feelgood, reminds you why you love music and Essex equally. Fictional archive footage, stunning photography and beautifully composed interviews.”

Moving Image is selling a bargain price £8 ticket to cover the weekend. There will also be input from the independent community cinema on May Fair day itself, with a collaboration with Transition Town Wivenhoe and the Revolutionary Pedal Powered Cinema.

Now then - I did hear a Wivenhoe whisper that keeping with the May Fair themed run of films, The Man Who Fell to Earth and Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence may have a secret showing ahead of the *shhh* very special guest appearance come May Fair Monday…?

A decent turn out on Sunday morning for the bi-annual Wivenhoe Heritage Walk, organised by the good folk of the Wivenhoe Society. Sharp showers predated the 11am rendev vous at St Mary’s. By the time our brilliant Blue Badge guide Doreen Brimm had started the introductions, it was sunshine all the way for the next couple of hours.

The walk itself is part historical, part cultural, part plain gossip. Taking in a rough circular route heading down to The Station, along West Quay, up towards Anglesea Road and then finishing conveniently outside the Rose and Crown, buildings, characters and local myths make up the conversation.

It was all rather thirsty work, with most sentences being punctuated with “this building use to be a pub…” I was in need of a stiff drink when the good @Singyamatokun parted the wave of WivSoc walkers with a trail burning bike ride out towards Alresford.

Accompanying Doreen with extra-added local dialogue was John Stewart and a small selection of his truly wonderful historical photographs documenting Wivenhoe’s past.

Standing on the exact same spot and looking at an image from one hundred years earlier is quite a humbling experience. John will be staging an exhibition of these photographs at the Loveless Hall over the August Bank Holiday weekend.

This was the second time that @AnnaJCowen and I have completed the Heritage Walk. We weren’t alone in doubling up, with many other Sunday walkers sampling the experience for a second time, such is the level of detail added by Doreen.

It was great to finally meet up with @MrBoom, as well as other online and offline friends and acquaintances that made a point of coming over to say hello.

There is no denying the depth of historical interest in lower Wivenhoe, but I would also be interested in something similar towards the top of the town. The Cross itself has many tales to tell, taking in The Ropery, Toad Hall and some of the old farm houses out towards the University. These stories need telling and documenting, whilst local knowledge is still around to be shared.

We finished our WivSoc rambling aboard a boat, which was only appropriate after hearing many maritime stories throughout the morning. I wouldn’t suggest that modern day social history was being made, but it was mighty pleasant all the same.

See you again in six months time.

Picture: My back garden. Blimey.

With spring springing early in Wivenhoe and that miserable estuary winter now long since forgotten, a young (ish) man’s thoughts turns towards green fingers and watching the legend that is Alan Titchmarsh on TV every night as RHS Chelsea approaches.

Cripes.

Actually, ever the keen to keep it local, Wivenhoe Open Gardens looks like it will be stealing the thunder from Titchmarsh and chums over the coming weeks. The weekend of 21st - 22nd May is when all the green and good of Wivenhoe is opened up.

I’ve even got a half-decent lawn that anyone come round for a look at if they are really bothered.

Blimey.

Twenty-eight gardens have so far signed up. I love the idea of sharing, and then hopefully inspiring. It has taken @AnnaJCowen and I twenty summers together (oh Lordy) to actually have garden ownership. I’m hoping Titchmarsh will be coming my way with a Gold Standard next summer.

The good folk from Open Gardens update with:

“There will be plants to buy at several of the gardens, and a stand-alone Plant Stall at 89 High Street. There will be displays of paintings and other artwork on show at some gardens, and there will be musical entertainment in three of the gardens from In Accord, acapella singers with a wide repertoire of songs and singing styles. Refreshments to sustain you on your way around the village will also be on sale.”

Entry tickets (£4, free admission for children) will be on sale from early May. They will be available from Rollo Estates, the Wivenhoe Bookshop, Bryan’s Newsagents in the High Street, and at Crossways Stores at The Cross. On the weekend itself, tickets may be bought at Toad Hall (16 Colchester Road) and at 89 High Street, and some of the gardens over the weekend. You will also get a free Programme when you buy your ticket.”

All profits will be divided between St Mary’s Church and the Wivenhoe Society. This year, the latter will be donating their share to Wivenhoe Helping Hands.

I seriously can’t wait; I’ve evened ironed my best Titchmarsh slacks and sports casual.