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To The Station on Friday evening, and with sunshine in abundance, as well as an ambulance for cover (clever, Jase) it can only mean one thing: the pre-Regatta Wivenhoe Pram Race.

Oh Lordy.

The premise is that teams of mother and child are pushed around the boozers down towards the bottom of the town, sampling the fine ale and taking in the lovely Quayside view on a late summer’s evening whilst quaffing.

The reality of course is a rather messy affair. Half pints were necked, trolleys almost became de-wheeled along West Quay and a quite stunning pair of fishnets tights (nice, Madam. VERY nice) felt the full force of the pram Race rough and tumble.

A decent crowd greeted the start of the race outside The Station. The event was THE hot ticket in town - even hotter than a return ticket for the No. 61 bus, which had a few problems negotiating the station roundabout, such was the size of the Pram Race spectators.

Three teams contested the 2011 event. Not one to get all hyperlocal on your mother and baby bad ass, but two teams were Wivenhoe locals, and one was a bussed in ringer late entry.

Straight off the train, straight into the Station and then a compulsory Pram Race conscription for the two good humoured out of town chaps. Bets were being placed as to when our two visitors would first get lost on route.

Shortly after 7:15, and the grand countdown kicked in the start of the race. Or rather it kicked in the first half pint of the Station’s finest. Prams were boarded and West Street was next up en route.

Another swift half along West Quay, and then the crowds had gathered outside the Rose and Crown, midway point in the race. I could now see the logic in dressing up and running the risk of pre-Regatta injury - at least mother and child managed to get served speedily in the Rose and Crown.

No time for a top up, but another mad trolley dash up Black Buoy Hill, and then the glory of the sprint finish and another swift half. Phew. You needed a hyperlocal sense of cartography just to keep up with all the action.

And whaddya know - the two out of towners only went and stole the glory. I blame the Wivenhoe booze mentality for slowing the locals down.

This was a bonkers, but equally enjoyable start to the Regatta weekend. Well done to the three teams for stepping forward, especially so the ringers who made a number of new friends over the course of the evening.

There was a semi-serious side, in that a wandering crowd of local folk came out and did something of a mini-Wivenhoe run. Supporting local boozers has to be a good thing, especially so given the news I heard at the Black Buoy a lot later in the evening.

But a man can’t go wrong with fishnets and booze. It rather suited the ladies as well.

For a town that has many dark tales to tell all about black magic, here’s something slightly more uplifting heading our way over the May Fair weekend: Urban Magic by Lee Moss is heading our way, to liven up the streets of the town with some magical performance throughout the Bank Holiday.

Alfie, the finest barber in Wivenhoe, is bringing Lee down to Wivenhoe over the May Fair weekend to try out some of his urban magic skills with the locals. Black Buoy Hill isn’t exactly the urban environment of Brixton, but it will be interesting to see the reaction that Lee is able to achieve.

Lee describes his art as:

“A unique and contemporary twist to magic, leaving even the most sceptical of people picking their jaws up from the floor.”

Which is more or less the scene that you can see at closing time at The Station on any given weekend night.

The last time I was involved in a local card school it involved half a bottle of whiskey, sexual politics and a sore head (and the rest) the following morning.

Ace, etc.

Rumours of the demise of the esteemed organ of truth and justice that is The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle are as premature as rumours of the demise of my king size courgette.

Sure, it took a bit of a battering the other day (courgette, not the Chronicle) but both still stand proud and mighty; both equally respected as they are eagerly awaited once a fortnight.

Recent conversations around the town have led to some doubt about the future of The Chronicle. Wivenhoe is built upon rumour and assumptions. If you were to dig a big hole at the foot of Black Buoy Hill, you’d find buried away some of the many myths that have been doing the rounds over the centuries, usually after an afternoon spent boozing away.

Is there a Roman bath along Bath Street? Is Bowie the *shhh* secret headliner for May Fair? Has the Chronicle chronicled local life around these parts for the very last time?

Two out of three ‘aint bad, my lovelies…

And so with a rusty squeak of the old letterbox, and a cheerful smile from Scoop as he wanders off into some magical Wivenhoe kingdom for dreamers and journos: it’s only the May 2011 edition of The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Hurrah!

As is now customary on m’blog, I don’t give a blind man’s buff about those buggers down the road at Brightlingsea. Nice enough folk ‘n all that, but as ever, start yer own b****y hyperlocal blog, Comrades.

And so a turning of the grubby newsprint, and we’re straight in with all the local news and scandal that is fit to print about Wivenhoe. How about starting with The Local Election Results?

Oh Lordy.

Except there wasn’t any seismic change in the local political landscape in the May elections that have just passed. Smiling Councillor Steve Ford continues to smile away down at the Quay, doing his #workingforwivenhoe red flag waving. His Comrade in the Colchester coalition (cripes) - the young man about town Councillor Mark Cory - kept his LibDem seat up at the Cross.

Wivenhoe Town Council meanwhile is left with two spanners short of a full toolbox, with two new Councillors needed for co-option to complete the full quota of thirteen.

Scoop reports:

“At Wivenhoe, Steve Ford, Labour, comfortably retained the town’s Quay ward, securing 1,279 votes, more than double that of his nearest rival, the Conservative candidate Mercedes Mussard [ACE name.]

Waving the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play, Scoop adds:

“It was an exceptionally good achievement by this particularly active Labour candidate, once described by the Deputy Prime Minister Harriet Harman during one of her visits as being one of the hardest working local councillors in the region.”

Hear, hear (to the hardest working, and not in praise of the fragrant Hattie. Phew.)

But don’t just look at little Wivenhoe; nope - move up the map and towards the bigger picture of the Cross. The Chronicle reports:

“Across much of the country there were dismal results for the Liberal Democrats, but in the Wivenhoe Cross ward, Mark Cory, the young 23 year old candidate [easy, ladies] helped to stem the tide against his party, retaining the seat with the support of 673 votes.”

It of course helped the cause of the “young” Cllr Cory (what is this - a Grace Brothers sitcom?) that the #workingforwivenhoe red flag flying comrades pretty much deserted the locals during the campaign, concentrating on the campus instead.

Whoops.

To complete the local political picture, the Chronicle lead concludes:

“There was no election for places on Wivenhoe Town Council as only ten candidates stood for the thirteen available seats.”

It was actually eleven candidates, but then that simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play probably got lost down a back seat at The Greyhound.

Passing over all the Brightlingsea puff, and then on p.2 we come across:

Art and Poetry in the Trenches.

Walk it like you talk it, Comrades:

“A one day course entitled Art and Poetry in the Trenches, presented by Graham Slimming and Colin Padgett, will be run by the WEA in Wivenhoe next month. This course will be held on 11th June at the Congregational Hall, from 10:30am to 4pm.”

Janice Allen on 824470 secures you a booking.

My eyes were momentarily fixed upon the big blueness that is the advert for Brightlingsea Open Air Swimming Pool as the p.3 pin up. I am historically a man suited to an outdoor aquatic lifestyle. Fifteen summers have been spent swimming in unheated lidos.

I spent one spring afternoon walking past the Brightlingsea Open-Air Pool / oversized duck pond, and thought, nah - that’s no pool, my friends: that’s a large hole in the ground with a bit of a drainage situation.

There’s Plenty of Entertainment at the May Fair [*cough* Bowie] is the p.4 headline. It’s pretty much a run through of the May Fair Committee press release, covering the fact that a rather ace line up including Ady Johnson (see) local lad Lou Terry (MUST see) Cav OK (pals) and Housework (hardest working band in, um, Sunny Colch) will all be helping you to get tired and emotional at the KGV, come Bank Holiday Monday.

Pages 10 and 11 cover a couple of lovely, lovely local stories, which although haven’t been picked up the nationals, they certainly represent the charm and quality in which the Chronicle is so respected for locally.

Hearing Dogs for Deaf People… is all about the Hearing Day Centre which runs a weekly hearing clinic at the lovely Wivenhoe Eyecare. The target of £5,000 has just been reached to help sponsor a hearing dog:

“The centre has been raising funds over several years for Hearing Dogs for Deaf People, through donations from its clients, and larger events such as golf days.”

Meanwhile, Deans’ Nursery and Garden Centre Celebrates Fifty Years of Trading pretty much Tells It Like It Is in the headline for a story with a very proud local Wivenhoe history:

“In the late 1950s two young brothers, having just completed a horticultural course at the Writtle Agricultural College near Chelmsford, started to grow outdoor tomatoes in Wivenhoe. The brothers, Anthony and Steve Dean, son of the Wivenhoe GP, the late Dr William Dean, ran this modest enterprise behind the old cemetery just off Belle View Road.”

The business is now based on the Harwich Road at Great Bromley. It is managed by Sarah Dean, the granddaughter of Dr Dean. It may be a puff piece of advertorial, but it’s a lovely read in The Chronicle, rightfully celebrating half a century of trading from a local business.

An Afternoon Upstairs with Martin Newell on p.12 once again tells you all you need to know. With locally baked cakes being promised upstairs at The Greyhound on the afternoon of 11th June, tickets are selling like… hot cakes. Seriously - get yourself down to the Bookshop for a £4 bargain.

Wivenhoe’s Funny Farm for this Thursday (26th) gets a plug on p.15.

“Headliner is the outrageous Californian comic Scott Capurro, familiar to watchers of 8 out of 10 cats. MC will be Wivenhoe’s very own [and most splendid] Hazel Humphreys. The show starts at the Cricket Club at 8pm with £6 on the door.”

And finally…

Mrs. Ackroyd at the Wivenhoe Folk Club.

Cripes.

“On 2nd June, Wivenhoe Folk Club are hosting Mrs. Ackroyd as their main guests. Mrs. Ackroyd is a band, not a person.”

Blimey.

It is this type of bonkers news in brief that separates the wheat from the chaff, and also separates the exceedingly splendid Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle from some of the crap that gets pushed our way via the nationals.

The Chronicle may be in rude health, but that’s a fine position in which to preach from.

The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is distributed free amongst local households. Additional copies are 25p from local newsagents.

Slightly off the pace with this one, but blimey - it’s only The Wivenhoe Society Newsletter, Winter 2011.

Hurrah!

You wait a whole month for one esteemed local publication packed full of intrigue and developments, and then along come three all at once. The Chronicle, the Town Council Newsletter and now WivSoc.

What I like about Wivenhoe and the #hyperlocal media within is that there is broadly a consensus. Sure, issues such as the clogged up Clingoe Hill are going to divide (or even unite) but The Chronicle, the Town Council and WivSoc are concerned with the same positive agenda, and offering similar pragmatic solutions.

But first of all - how about a picture showing some men waving handkerchiefs and skipping around Black Buoy Hill?

Blimey.

The front pic for WivSoc this Winter features the wonderful Boxing Day Morris Men of Colchester, entertaining the boozers of the Black Buoy. Or maybe it was the other way round?

Moving on, and the Message from the Chair - the good Tom Roberts - reads as a call to arms for more local support of WivSoc:

“Our committee is much smaller than it should be. In short, we need more of our large membership to volunteer to help run the Society or it will cease to function.”

A good starting point would be to attend the AGM at The Nottage on 30th March. Get a feel for the fine work being undertaken, and then think about what you have to offer Wivenhoe, rather than what Wivenhoe can offer you as some great world leader no doubt once said.

The Chair’s introduction piece then addresses planning. The proposal to build one 3-bedroom, three 4-bedroom and four 5-bedroom houses at Ten Acres takes on a rational approach. The WivSoc view is one of pragmatism, recognising:

“Your average developer would have applied for - and probably got - permission to build a far greater number of homes on the site, but this plan is very sensitive to the site and minimises the loss of trees.”

A “great disappointment” is observed at the plan to build nine houses on the patch of grass in front of the undertakers (cripes) on Rectory Road, with the “bland design” being noted.

Tellingly (and wisely) the Chair concludes:

“It is odd that we can increase the population fourfold, with all that implies in vastly increased council tax revenue, yet when it is finally acknowledged that a new health centre is needed, the funding is not there to buy residential land for it, so it has to go on agricultural land on the edge of the town!”

Jane Black that adds her considerable experience in where and how to comment upon planning applications within Wivenhoe. Your first port of call should be over here… Similar advice was recently given in the Town Council Newsletter.

The excellent Annual Wine Tasting evening, held at the Congregational Hall last November, is then given a write up by the good Dave Harrison. Memories are slightly hazy; there’s logic in documenting your life online, dontcha know…

The WivSoc Post-Christmas Party also gets a short piece (perhaps *too* small, given the grand nature of the evening at the Loveless Hall.) Many thanks to Jean Coverley for the excellent food, as well as showing good editorial judgement in not publishing a picture of some dodgy bloke wearing a pair of braces.

The Uni_of_Essex Knowledge Gateway is then given over to some background reading, with the piece being written before the rather ‘lively’ local meeting down at The Nottage. I hear a whisper that the meeting has made the front page of the next issue of Wivenhoe News (um, blessed by local media, aren’t we?)

Councillor Robert Needham has penned a moving piece all about Wivenhoe’s Men of Trafalgar. This is a wonderful piece of local research, and is certainly worthy of a read [happy to re-publish online, if an electronic copy comes my way...]

Looking Forward to Spring Flowers is all about, um, looking forward to spring flowers. Hurrah! Aren’t we all?

“Wivenhoe in Bloom have successfully planted over 3,000 crocuses in the greensward on either side of Rosabelle Avenue and by the bus stop on the High Street, as well as 500 scilla in the boats outside the William Loveless Hall, on the corner of De Vere Lane and other sites in the village.”

Cripes.

Better luck with the budding than I have had with my 70 dodgy daffodil bulbs from B & Q.

The ace Off the Rails writes a piece on p.8, all about the Vintage Mobile Cinema Bus at the station on 6th February. If you’re reading this whilst the online ink is still fresh, then you may just make the cinematic spectacular.

The Parish Paths Partnership updates with news of recent work, including finance woes from both local and national government, and speculation that this project would be just perfect for the #bigsociety.

Some young charlatan around town waffles on overleaf, all about Introducing the Wivenhoe Forum.

Oh Lordy.

We’ve just past the fifty-membership mark. If you sign up over here, then I promise to think seriously about taking part in the Boxing Day Morris Dancing come next Christmas.

The good folk of Transition Town Wivenhoe report back from the excellent work currently in progress to obtain a twenty-five year lease for the Station Master’s House from Network Rail. The Town Council puts in a call for ideas to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and then that lot over at the Brightlingsea Society also get a big up.

And finally…

Save the most important until last: Membership of the Wivenhoe Society is £8 for a family or couple (love the idea of encouraging courting…) or £5 for a single person. Reduced rates of £6 and £3 for those without an income.

It’s not all about membership and joining however. This is just the first step to having an active role in the way local issues are handled around Wivenhoe. The social scene is rather wonderful as well.

Disclaimer: I am a member of the Wivenhoe Society, although not a committee member. All views expressed within this blog post are mine alone, and not that of the committee, or the Society in general.

To the Black Buoy on Boxing Day lunchtime for a bonkers, but equally brilliant event that can best be described as only in Wivenhoe…

Yep - the traditional Boxing Day appearance of the fine men from the Colchester Morris Dancing troupe were hitting their sticks and shaking their handkerchiefs. It takes a certain amount of Dutch courage to place bells on the end of your boots. No surprise that most of that courage was booze related.

This was an ace afternoon with a splendid crowd of hungover Wivenhoe locals turning out to chase the hair of the dog. Adults looked slightly uneasy as the call came for any volunteers; kids were bemused, and even Colchester MP Bob Russell took some Christmas time out from attacking the coalition to support the Morris Men of his constituency.

Cripes.

I’m not quite sure of the deeper significance of Morris dancing, although I was reliably informed that there is an undercurrent of male fertility with all that shaking of your big stick in the air. I covered up the eyes of the fragrant @AnnaJCowen when a giant dog came sniffing around.

The Colchester Morris Men wrapped up on Black Buoy Hill shortly after 1pm, and then continued the recruitment drive with the lure of mulled wine.

“We’re looking for some young blood,” I was told. “Weekly Friday night rehearsals - we’re a very social lot.”

This I wasn’t disputing, but I fear that the dancing may clash with my *ahem* bell ringing ambitions.

Blimey.

Many thanks to the Colchester Morris Men, as well as the Black Buoy for what was a brisk day of business. We returned to the boozer later in the evening, to find some hardened Boxing Day revellers still toasting the season.

Quite a song and dance.

*facebook viewers – video embedded on m’blog over here…*

Plus: more on the Boxing Day Morris Men of Wivenhoe over here.