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“Every day three trumpet calls from the theatres on the Bankside, then songs would float over the thatch and roll across the water and make my work sweet.”

To the Wooden O! …on Friday afternoon for some Nu Jacobean Romp. Nope - it’s not a new musical genre involving codpieces and lutes, but the new production at Shakespeare’s Globe of Gabriel.

What is great about the Globe season is that it gives the company the scope to experiment and leave the Bard on the bench mid-summer. Presenting a new play within the context of the Globe surrounds also allows the audience to take a step back from Shakespeare’s big hitters.

Gabriel is a new piece of writing by Samuel Adamson. The production is directed by Dominic Dromgoole, the overall Artistic Director down at Bankside. Three hours of death, deception and blow jobs follow. You get the impression that yer man Dom is out to have some fun.

There are many comparisons with The Golden Ass, a similar vanity project that allowed Mark Rylance to have the complete run of the old wooden stage and… make a glorious ass of himself. Gabriel is an incredibly busy production. The sizable company doubles up in roles; plots overlap, and so do the love juices from male to female - and vice versa.

Tasty.

Gabriel takes the accession of William and Mary to the throne in 1689 as the starting point for the coregency comedy knockabout. The true King however is the trumpet, an instrument that is worshipped throughout the play and defines the fate of the main players as the music takes hold.

The history of the late 16th Century is something that was missing from my own CSE History syllabus. Oral Sex and full frontal nudities was a common Friday afternoon scene at The Globe. Sadly these didn’t feature in my dull as ditchwater contemporary double history.

Trumpets and strumpets aside, Henry Purcell is the other main character for Gabriel. Expect the great maestro doesn’t make an appearance.

Bloody musicians.

Every act however is carried out with the motivation of wanting a musical association with the great man. Even the blow job scene makes great play of making sure that the organ is making a sweet sound as the puckered lips are hitting all the right notes.

Did I mention that a Jacobean lady is also a receiver, as well as a giver?

Talk about blowing your own trumpet, etc.

Prince William is cast as a petulant little runt with “the head of a Titan but the body of a dwarf.”

Ouch.

An entire scene is dedicated to the measuring of the head of the young Prince ahead of a new wig being woven. That’s not something that you see on Emmerdale most weekday nights.

The Transpontine crossing over to the wrong side of the river generates some great comedy moments. The lead Waterman takes on the role of a London cabbie.

“You never guess who I had in the back of my boat the other week. Gawblimeyguv, etc.”

Meanwhile the most sexually repressed little weasel in the production looked like my least favourite local politician. Art imitating reality, and all the world’s a stage for you to act out your Third Way SEXLESS twaddle, Comrade.

I’m still not entirely sure what the overall plot in Gabriel was all about. It touched on many issues including feminism, class war and the power of music. There were perhaps too many strands to try and link together come the traditional Jacobean jig at the close.

A nice touch was a head nod to the Mechanicals from Dream, a parallel production that is also incorporated into the 2013 Season of Plenty.

And that is perhaps the best compliment for Gabriel. It wasn’t written with the pace and exceptional plot and characters that we get from Shakespeare. But it certainly didn’t feel out of place as part of the Season of Plenty.

Shakespeare was a dirty bugger at heart. Gabriel celebrates this in a contemporary production that is tight, doesn’t drag on for too long and ends with an encore.

A bit like my last blow job.

Ooooh.