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Rumours of the demise of the esteemed organ of truth and justice that is The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle are as premature as rumours of the demise of my king size courgette.

Sure, it took a bit of a battering the other day (courgette, not the Chronicle) but both still stand proud and mighty; both equally respected as they are eagerly awaited once a fortnight.

Recent conversations around the town have led to some doubt about the future of The Chronicle. Wivenhoe is built upon rumour and assumptions. If you were to dig a big hole at the foot of Black Buoy Hill, you’d find buried away some of the many myths that have been doing the rounds over the centuries, usually after an afternoon spent boozing away.

Is there a Roman bath along Bath Street? Is Bowie the *shhh* secret headliner for May Fair? Has the Chronicle chronicled local life around these parts for the very last time?

Two out of three ‘aint bad, my lovelies…

And so with a rusty squeak of the old letterbox, and a cheerful smile from Scoop as he wanders off into some magical Wivenhoe kingdom for dreamers and journos: it’s only the May 2011 edition of The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Hurrah!

As is now customary on m’blog, I don’t give a blind man’s buff about those buggers down the road at Brightlingsea. Nice enough folk ‘n all that, but as ever, start yer own b****y hyperlocal blog, Comrades.

And so a turning of the grubby newsprint, and we’re straight in with all the local news and scandal that is fit to print about Wivenhoe. How about starting with The Local Election Results?

Oh Lordy.

Except there wasn’t any seismic change in the local political landscape in the May elections that have just passed. Smiling Councillor Steve Ford continues to smile away down at the Quay, doing his #workingforwivenhoe red flag waving. His Comrade in the Colchester coalition (cripes) - the young man about town Councillor Mark Cory - kept his LibDem seat up at the Cross.

Wivenhoe Town Council meanwhile is left with two spanners short of a full toolbox, with two new Councillors needed for co-option to complete the full quota of thirteen.

Scoop reports:

“At Wivenhoe, Steve Ford, Labour, comfortably retained the town’s Quay ward, securing 1,279 votes, more than double that of his nearest rival, the Conservative candidate Mercedes Mussard [ACE name.]

Waving the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play, Scoop adds:

“It was an exceptionally good achievement by this particularly active Labour candidate, once described by the Deputy Prime Minister Harriet Harman during one of her visits as being one of the hardest working local councillors in the region.”

Hear, hear (to the hardest working, and not in praise of the fragrant Hattie. Phew.)

But don’t just look at little Wivenhoe; nope - move up the map and towards the bigger picture of the Cross. The Chronicle reports:

“Across much of the country there were dismal results for the Liberal Democrats, but in the Wivenhoe Cross ward, Mark Cory, the young 23 year old candidate [easy, ladies] helped to stem the tide against his party, retaining the seat with the support of 673 votes.”

It of course helped the cause of the “young” Cllr Cory (what is this - a Grace Brothers sitcom?) that the #workingforwivenhoe red flag flying comrades pretty much deserted the locals during the campaign, concentrating on the campus instead.

Whoops.

To complete the local political picture, the Chronicle lead concludes:

“There was no election for places on Wivenhoe Town Council as only ten candidates stood for the thirteen available seats.”

It was actually eleven candidates, but then that simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play probably got lost down a back seat at The Greyhound.

Passing over all the Brightlingsea puff, and then on p.2 we come across:

Art and Poetry in the Trenches.

Walk it like you talk it, Comrades:

“A one day course entitled Art and Poetry in the Trenches, presented by Graham Slimming and Colin Padgett, will be run by the WEA in Wivenhoe next month. This course will be held on 11th June at the Congregational Hall, from 10:30am to 4pm.”

Janice Allen on 824470 secures you a booking.

My eyes were momentarily fixed upon the big blueness that is the advert for Brightlingsea Open Air Swimming Pool as the p.3 pin up. I am historically a man suited to an outdoor aquatic lifestyle. Fifteen summers have been spent swimming in unheated lidos.

I spent one spring afternoon walking past the Brightlingsea Open-Air Pool / oversized duck pond, and thought, nah - that’s no pool, my friends: that’s a large hole in the ground with a bit of a drainage situation.

There’s Plenty of Entertainment at the May Fair [*cough* Bowie] is the p.4 headline. It’s pretty much a run through of the May Fair Committee press release, covering the fact that a rather ace line up including Ady Johnson (see) local lad Lou Terry (MUST see) Cav OK (pals) and Housework (hardest working band in, um, Sunny Colch) will all be helping you to get tired and emotional at the KGV, come Bank Holiday Monday.

Pages 10 and 11 cover a couple of lovely, lovely local stories, which although haven’t been picked up the nationals, they certainly represent the charm and quality in which the Chronicle is so respected for locally.

Hearing Dogs for Deaf People… is all about the Hearing Day Centre which runs a weekly hearing clinic at the lovely Wivenhoe Eyecare. The target of £5,000 has just been reached to help sponsor a hearing dog:

“The centre has been raising funds over several years for Hearing Dogs for Deaf People, through donations from its clients, and larger events such as golf days.”

Meanwhile, Deans’ Nursery and Garden Centre Celebrates Fifty Years of Trading pretty much Tells It Like It Is in the headline for a story with a very proud local Wivenhoe history:

“In the late 1950s two young brothers, having just completed a horticultural course at the Writtle Agricultural College near Chelmsford, started to grow outdoor tomatoes in Wivenhoe. The brothers, Anthony and Steve Dean, son of the Wivenhoe GP, the late Dr William Dean, ran this modest enterprise behind the old cemetery just off Belle View Road.”

The business is now based on the Harwich Road at Great Bromley. It is managed by Sarah Dean, the granddaughter of Dr Dean. It may be a puff piece of advertorial, but it’s a lovely read in The Chronicle, rightfully celebrating half a century of trading from a local business.

An Afternoon Upstairs with Martin Newell on p.12 once again tells you all you need to know. With locally baked cakes being promised upstairs at The Greyhound on the afternoon of 11th June, tickets are selling like… hot cakes. Seriously - get yourself down to the Bookshop for a £4 bargain.

Wivenhoe’s Funny Farm for this Thursday (26th) gets a plug on p.15.

“Headliner is the outrageous Californian comic Scott Capurro, familiar to watchers of 8 out of 10 cats. MC will be Wivenhoe’s very own [and most splendid] Hazel Humphreys. The show starts at the Cricket Club at 8pm with £6 on the door.”

And finally…

Mrs. Ackroyd at the Wivenhoe Folk Club.

Cripes.

“On 2nd June, Wivenhoe Folk Club are hosting Mrs. Ackroyd as their main guests. Mrs. Ackroyd is a band, not a person.”

Blimey.

It is this type of bonkers news in brief that separates the wheat from the chaff, and also separates the exceedingly splendid Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle from some of the crap that gets pushed our way via the nationals.

The Chronicle may be in rude health, but that’s a fine position in which to preach from.

The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is distributed free amongst local households. Additional copies are 25p from local newsagents.

To the Town Council Office on Monday evening for the first formal meeting of the new Wivenhoe Town Council administration. With four new Councillors sitting around the top table, the pub pecking order etiquette was observed for the seating arrangements:

“Oooh - you can’t sit there, m’ lovely. That’s old Alfie’s seat.”

But old Alfie [MADE UP NAME] is no longer with us, so dip yer bread, young blood.

I strategically took up my place sitting right by the door. You never know when you might want to make an early exist to watch #nffc’s season implode yet again.

Whoops.

Elsewhere around the chamber of fun and it was pleasing to see that all seats in the public gallery were taken. I say ‘public gallery,’ but I of course means the liberal (steady) scattering of chairs around the perimeter of the room.

Was an anarchic late spring Wivenhoe revolution uprising in the air? Um, nope - just the rightly proud family and friends coming along to support the new administration.

D-mob happy and ready to take a well-deserved back seat, Mr Mayor apologised for the non-appearance of the Lady Mayor (impending music duties - that’s fine, Madam) and then listened to a glowing eulogy from Councillor Needham, praising the civic year just passed:

“We made a wonderful decision twelve months ago to elect Councillor Sinclair as our Town Mayor.”

A bottle of something slightly stronger than the Adam’s Ale on the top table was handed over, which will hopefully be sufficient to see Councillor Sinclair through those long Wivenhoe winter nights. A bouquet then followed for the music making Lady Mayor.

It’s a rank old world, this business of local politics - now take up yer seat, kind Sir, back at the opposite end of the table.

In a game of grandee musical chairs, Councillor Needham then took up his place at the top of the table, and the formal handing over of the chains and the Mr Mayor title took place. I have a feeling that the “We made a wonderful decision…” speech will deservedly played out again this time next year.

Continuing the procession of politico titles, behind every great man there has to be a great woman. The new Mr Mayor has two - blimey.

With the (new) Lady Mayor also looking resplendent in the gallery, it was soon time to endorse Councillor Kraft as the new Deputy Mayor for the duration of the political calendar.

A local Wivenhoe league system of sorts is in place, to decide who gets to rise (and fall) with the civic chain. It is almost on par with the election of a new Pope, with the high and mighty having to come to an agreement to endorse a candidate.

It wasn’t quite smoke signals wafting down the High Street and high jinks and rejoicing all the way down to the Rose and Crown, but a three endorsements, one against and “a number of abstentions…” completed the process.

Civic duties complete, back to Civvy Street and the complexes of Town Council business. It is around this point in the evening when a young (ish) blogger usually loses the plot and fails to follow the thread.

I tried to keep up with the constitutional discussion about the Community Working Party, but to be honest, my mind (and iPhone) was elsewhere. Two quick first half goals for Swansea and I trust none of the esteemed Councillors noticed the whispered profanities that almost delayed the important business of the Community Working Party.

As I understand (actually, I don’t) and the issue here was one of adopting a new way of working with committees, chairs and communication. It wasn’t quite as severe as Forest going in 2-0 down at half time (seriously,) but the Town Clerk did interject with:

“What is being proposed is not a valid procedure and I would like this minuted please.”

Blimey.

For the record I also DIDN’T swear in the Council chamber when the second Swansea goal went in, but I wouldn’t mind if that was minuted.

With the WTC constitution changing in June (I think) Councillor Kraft raised concern that three committees are currently without Chairs, following the introduction of a new administration.

Straight off the subs bench and the abundance of new local political talent within Wivenhoe soon served as a stopgap. I don’t suppose any of the four new Bright Young Things of WTC could play up front for Forest whilst they are at it?

As with all new organisations, roles and responsibilities need to be carefully laid out. What followed was a shuffling of the WTC pack, and the allocation of representation on various local and civic organisations. Ah - but who is the joker in the pack, Comrades?

The Colchester Association of Local Councillors role went to Councillor Lodge; Civic Protection was taken by Councillor Needham. Our Public Transport Representative remains the good Peter Kay, Community Safety is covered once again by Councillor Lodge and Councillor Needham will continue his good relations with WivSoc.

Wearing his nautical hat and Councillor Sinclair will represent WTC on the Colne Estuary Partnership. The Wivenhoe Housing Trust will have the fine company of Councillor Needham, the District Board and Facilities Trust role fell to Councillor Lodge, Councillor Kraft sticks with NAP and Wivenhoe in Bloom will have the green-fingered representation from Councillor Richards.

This was very much a putting your house in order meeting for the new administration. Subscriptions were up for renewal next. I thought that the ever keen and eager WivSoc had the tin rattling down to a fine art, what with a door knock and a kindly “pay up, pal” request earlier in the month.

WTC agreed to renew the following subscriptions:

The Essex Association of Local Councillors - £824 per annum - ouch! In return, Mr Mayor stated that WTC gains many official documentation templates that are most useful.

One would hope so, at just under a grand.

Essex Fields and Trusts - £35 pa

The Institute of Crematorium Management - £90 pa (deadly silence…)

The Society of Local Council Clerks - £120 pa

Essex Regional Employers - £130 pa

Direct Information Service (nope, me neither…) £90 pa

Community Management Association - £116 pa. This is the body that grants a licence to enable the running of the Community Mini Bus.

The Council for the Protection of Rural Essex - £29 pa (I wonder which side they bat for as the Environment Agency continues to vandalise our locality?)

The Council for National Allotments - £25 pa and

The Friends of Historic Essex - £10 pa.

Not a great deal of overall expenditure, but there are a lot of local bodies that are making money out of local government. Meanwhile, the Association of Nerdy North Essex Semi-Politico Local Bloggers is about to go back in the red, Comrades - and I’m not talking metaphorical, either.

The minutes for the Annual Town Meeting were then adopted. A lengthy discussion followed about Section 106 money, what it means and why it is important. My understanding is that it is essentially the classic local authority you scratch my back argument: yep, you can build yer mega superstore, but give our community a brown envelope stuffed full of grubby fivers first.

For administrative, political and possibly hyperlocal territorial reasons, the dosh for Wivenhoe is split between the Quay and the Cross. The former obviously benefited greatly with the Cook’s redevelopment 106 money; the latter looks like coming out rather nicely after the University has finished making a mess of Wivenhoe Park with the Knowledge Gateway nice little earner. WTC is in favour of being able to distribute this money WHEREVER it sees fit in the town.

Reports from local political representatives followed. Councillor Julie Young, the Colchester Representative on Essex County Council spoke first.

“I am now no longer the only Labour member at ECC - we have formed a group with the election of another Labour member. I have taken up the position of the Leader of the Labour group.”

Cripes, Comrade: We are all equal, but some are more equal than others, etc.

The hard-working Councillor Young updated with plans for a public footpath leading from Broadfields towards the Football Club:

“This is now the third highest Highways priory in all of Essex. It will be a slow process, but discussions are already in place with the landowner. I am happy to report that relations between the Trust and the Football Club are now much better. The Football Club is welcoming a group of disabled young adults into the clubhouse to use the space as a social area.

Other items updated by Councillor Young included the building of a shelter for students waiting for the Colne bus, congratulating the 20 students volunteers from the University who took part in a recent litter pick, and the promise to look at the faded zebra crossing at The Cross - a point that was raised by a resident at the Annual Town Meeting.

Councillor Young then risked the wrath of the entire Tendring Peninsula by bringing up the Clingoe Hill and the disruption that the Knowledge Gateway is about to bring:

“We are still unsure when the roadworks will begin. It is hoped that these will be completed by the start of the new academic year, which indicates that they should be imminent.”

The newly re-elected Councillor Steve Ford, one of Wivenhoe Quay’s representative at Colchester Borough Council, then addressed the chamber:

“I personally take the Mayor Making process very seriously. Wivenhoe is very lucky in consistently having excellent candidates to fill this role.”

With the past month (and more) spent on the stump, Councillor Ford had little political content to add, although he did remark:

“I thought that my election campaign was going to be dramatic, but it wasn’t so, as it turned out…”

Ouch.

The #workingforwivenhoe fine fella did update on the planning update for nine flats along Rectory Road:

“I have concerns over parking and draining, and have raised these with the Council. The Planning officers agree, and this application will now be heard in front of the Committee.

Valley Road to Bobbit’s Way continues to suffer from potholes and more serious infrastructure damage. I will keep on reminding Highways of this.”

A quick race through the various WTC committee reports, although being a new administration, there was little to report back on. A new picnic bench has been installed in the wood, to replace the one that was sadly vandalised.

Likewise a bench has now been placed on the sea wall, looking out to Rowhedge (although why anyone would want to sit down and actually look out towards Rowhedge is beyond me.)

Councillor Sinclair then reminded WTC about the official confirmation received regarding the continued vandalism of our unique local environment by the Environment Agency:

“We have heard that this work will now be ongoing, with the diggers arriving sometime over the next two weeks. I am sure that our phones will be ringing and WTC will have plenty of complaints from residents.

The work by the EA is an approved policy - all we can do as a council is to refer any complaints to the official literature that we have received.”

Mr Mayor added:

“The EA knows what it is doing.”

Here’s hoping…

A quick refresh of the iPhone, and yep - Forest were still trailing 2-0. Time for a pick me up - time to conclude the first meeting of the new administration with news of what Mr Mayor has planned during his Wivenhoe civic year:

“A tea party (July) Wivenhoe’s Got Talent (cripes - February) and a Tramp’s Supper (come as you are - October.)”

Civic representation is promised at all three events. The tea party sounds charming; Wivenhoe’s Got Talent equally excites and worries me. The Tramp’s Supper is tailor made for many folk around these parts.

Perfect.

To the William Loveless Hall on Wednesday evening for a hot date with @AnnaJCowen.

Cripes.

I told the girl that I had secured tickets for a performance that involves bling, envelopes stuffed full of cash being handed over and a back row seat. I didn’t disappoint.

The Annual Town Meeting of Wivenhoe Town Council starred the most magnificent Mr Mayor all chained up and handing over cheques to the recipients of the Mayor’s Charity. The back row seat lived up to its billing - you don’t know who yer asking political questions of, once the sun starts to set over Wivenhoe.

And so this was THE hot civic ticket for the evening. I say ticket, but any Tom, Dick or Harry strolling in off the High Street could have gained access. I did see a Tom and a Harry. As for Dick?

Steady, Jase. Steady.

We all love the Loveless Hall (right?) but Mr Mayor did his best to demolish it with a swing of the civic hammer to herald the start of the formal meeting. Everyone’s favourite town council hall was pretty much full, with an impressive turn out to witness local Wivenhoe democracy.

Mr Mayor delivered his formal speech, outlining the highs and lows of his civic year:

“We have broken away from the norm this year by staging a number of new social events. This has been a most interesting year where I have met some really lovely people. Working with the schools and the University must be top of my personal list.”

Ever humble, Mr Mayor added:

“My failures have been in chasing Highways for salt during the cold snap. Jim and Andy, the Council groundsmen, put in an extra mile. We hope to be pro-active as a Council, should such bad weather return to Wivenhoe.”

Paying tribute to the retiring litter picker Ray Smith, Mr Mayor spoke glowingly of the role that Ray has played in the local community. A presentation took place, with a bottle of brandy, an engraved brandy glass and an engraved spade handed over.

Best hold on to that Ray - you may just need this when WTC is next called upon to be pro-active…

Andrew Clairborn from Anglia Ruskin University was then invited to explain more about some of the architectural designs in place around the Loveless Hall. Students on the urban planning course have been visiting Wivenhoe, looking for ideas to create a civic centre on the land that covers the Loveless Hall, the old police houses and the Town Council Offices:

“The brief is for our students to understand the social fabric of Wivenhoe. Every student comments on what a fantastic place this must be to live. One student was short-listed with her designs, leading to a Whitehall reception.”

Councillor Fran Richards addressed the meeting, putting in a call to arms for plans for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee next summer:

“We don’t want this to be a WTC led event - we want to involve the whole community.”

I’m not exactly one for a right Royal knees up, but celebrating the Establishment nuptials a few weeks back at a Wivenhoe Town FC beer festival almost turned me into a flag waver. More of the same please.

The distribution of the Mayor’s Charity Fund followed. It was truly ace to see representation from all walks of Wivenhoe life, all deserving, all working for a better Wivenhoe.

I fired up my trusty F717, perched down at the front of the stage and handed over the official notepad duties to @AnnaJCowen. With firm instructions to “scribble down every group name,” we didn’t get off to a good start when the girl replied “what?”

We are almost approaching hearing aid enhancement for the poor girl, and so apologies if some of the deserving groups have been missed off the list:

East Anglia Children’s Hospice, St Helena Hospice, Parachute Regiment Afghanistan Trust, The Over 60′s Club (membership form for @AnnaJCowen, please?) Age Concern Luncheon Club, Helping Hands, St Mary’s Church, Wivenhoe Methodist Church, Wivenhoe Congregational Church, St Michael’s Church (I think that’s all bases covered…) Transition Town Wivenhoe (hurrah!) Wivenhoe Folk Club, Wivenhoe Ferry Committee, Wivenhoe Town Regatta, Wivenhoe May Fair Committee, Wivenhoe in Bloom, Wivenhoe Co-operative Community Board, Colne Community Music Exchange, Millfields School, Broomgrove School, Avenue Playgroup, the Wivenhoe Free School, Wivenhoe Swingers Society [um, you sure about this one?] Wivenhoe Toddlers Group. Scout and Guides Association, The Hub (hurrah! hurrah!) Educational Aid for Children in Africa, Wivenhoe Sporting Facilities Trust, Wivenhoe Junior Badminton, Wivenhoe Junior Cricket Club and Wivenhoe Junior Sailing Club.

Phew.

And relax.

Pretty much all organisations were represented on the night, and if they weren’t, it was because they had group activities taking place. A blogger who is bored of London can bugger off out towards the North Essex estuary wilds, and then find such a diverse range of groups and activities that the temptation is to say: woh - where to start?

Um, back to London?

‘fraid not, Comrades…

Over £3,000 in total was distributed by Mr Mayor. There are even some coins left in the civic cap for the incoming Mr Mayor, thanks to a very generous donation from the Wivenhoe Youth Theatre, which sadly folded earlier in the year.

With the meet ‘n greet handshakes and cheesy photos filed away, time for the formal business end of the meeting; time for a swift half across the road over at The Greyhound.

Only joking.

The minutes from the 2010 meeting were approved and then the Annual Report and Financial Statement were up for discussion. Both are essential bedtime reading. Both seemed inappropriate for back row consumption whilst out on a hot date with @AnnaJCowen. Best left for the bedroom, luv.

With no formal resolutions, questions were opened up to the floor. I almost put up my hand by instinct, and came out with my annual “why do I have to pay TWICE to swim in Lambeth owned pools?”

Whoops.

Wrong Borough, Comrade.

Q: Any news on the new surgery?

A: We are expecting a final decision within the next month. We are ready to go, and if we are given the money, work can start tomorrow.

Wow.

Q: What of the empty police houses? *cough* @asset_transfer…

A: We understand that these WILL be sold. WTC has expressed an interest, but we have to look at the long-term logistics. How do we furnish the loan? Do we have the support of all residents? We are waiting to hear the final asking price.

Q: Cars are still speeding down Station Road. The road is also falling apart. Will speed bumps be put in place?

A: No.

Q: On behalf of Neighbourhood Watch, are there any WTC plans to adopt the Considerate Parking scheme that is already in place in Brightlingsea?

A: [from Councillor Penny Kraft] I have already answered this question at the last Neighbourhood Watch meeting that you chaired.

Ouch.

As previously blogged, WTC won’t be adopting the Considerate Parking scheme. Residents cause the problems in Brightlingsea and it is relatively easy to administer. Commuters are the problem in Wivenhoe - WTC doesn’t know who it is dealing with.

Q: Any plans for 41 Acres behind the cricket club?

A: This plot of land has now been sold. A small amount can be built upon. We are watching this closely.

Q: Can you extend the skateboard park?

A: We have been approached by the elder skateboarders who have now outgrown the existing facility. There is a wish list, should funds be free. The skate park is high up on the agenda.

Q: What the chuffers is happening with the Engine Shed?

Oh Lordy.

A: It doesn’t belong to WTC and so we have little power. There is the very real danger that the building will collapse. Network Rail has wrapped up the building to try and preserve it. This is as far as we can get from them.

Q: What of disable access at the station?

A: No further updates…

Q: The zebra crossing up by The Cross is fading.

A: We will take a look at this [plus helpful interjection by the helpful Councillor Young of Essex County Council.]

Speaking of the big boys and girls (some more bigger than others) and Mr Mayor formally congratulated Councillor Steve Ford (Labour, Quay ward) on his re-election to Colchester Borough Council, as well as Councillor Mark Corey (LibDems, Cross ward.)

One loud round of applause, one loud (ish) round of applause.

The new Town Councillors were then introduced (helloooo!) following the lack of election with not enough names stepping forward. Mr Mayor then paid a very warm tribute to the various retiring Town Councillors.

Hear, hear.

We were reminded that Wivenhoe is a very apolitical community, with our elected (or not, as the case may be…) representatives very much working for Wivenhoe (geddin there!) rather than the petty tribalism of party politics.

This warmed my heart, and the bosom of @AnnaJCowen, as we shared a bag of chips from Papa’s on the way home.

That time once again: time to elect a new set of councillors to Wivenhoe Town Council.

Cripes.

Except it’s not. With an increased workload and a subsequent increase from the traditional eleven officers to thirteen, only eleven names have thrown their hat into the political ring and stepped forward for civic service.

Which leaves Wivenhoe with a coronation of councillors, rather than being held to account at the ballot box. Anywhere else and this might be a bit of an issue. But here in Wivenhoe there is very much the consensus that the unpaid councillors carry out a rather fine job, pretty much in a non-party political manner as well.

And so representing WTC for the next four years, please step forward: Jennifer Campbell, Ian Endean, Kay Hall, Penny Kraft, Neil Lodge, Bob Needham, Kevin Read, Fran Richards, Brian Sinclair, Albey Stinson and Andrea Vaughan.

It is expected that Councillor Needham will wear the civic chain as Mr Mayor (hurrah!) for the next twelve months. It’s a mighty tough act to follow on from Councillor Sinclair, but I’m sure that yer man is up for the challenge.

It is great to see some new faces sitting around the top table, as well as the experience of some of the returning officers. Congratulations all on stepping forward for what has to be said once again - UNPAID civic service.

As the Pop Genius of this Parish so rightfully points out in the excellent A Prospect of Wivenhoe:

“The WTC of recent times has always been rather nice and approachable. It chiefly comprises of people who know the worth of the place and love living here. Sometimes there are cock ups… it would be unusual if there were not. At other times – when not hamstrung by the far larger Borough Council – our Councillors do genuinely good and valuable work, much of it behind the scenes.”

And so what happens now with the remaining two unfilled vacancies? Being co-opted is an option - anyone who wants to take on the responsibility of being a councillor can come forward, and the new administration can agree to this.

It’s not a perfect system of democracy, but it may just flush out some talent that was maybe weary of the possible pitfalls of a local election process. I’m sitting firmly on my hands, Comrades.

Meanwhile, what of the big boys and girls of Colchester Borough Council? Anyone settling down for a quiet evening in front of Eastenders of late may have been disturbed by some gunning rosette wearing types, demanding to kiss the first born in the house and pose for a photo opportunity. I think @AnnaJCowen secretly rather enjoyed her rather wet slap around the lips.

Yep - the serious business of electing a couple of new borough councillors for Wivenhoe is well underway. Keep your eye on the prize at all times. Which in Wivenhoe means one seat in the Cross ward, and one seat down in the Quay.

CBC runs the weird election by thirds protocol for political office. Rather than elect the entire chamber en mass, a third of the councillors are left to do the doorstop thing each year.

Knock, knock, knocking around Wivenhoe of late have been Mark Cory (defending his current LibDem seat - um, good luck, fella…) Berthold Lausen (Green) Mo Metcalf-Fisher (Conservative) and Ashley Rudge (Labour.)

Down in the Quay ward and current sitting Councillor Steve Ford (Labour) is up against Sam McKay (LibDems) Sandra Moog (Green) and Mercedes Mussard (Conservative.)

There are some ACE names in there, and ones which will no doubt entertain me as I enter the polling booth, even before I start to think about where to put the cross.

Now then - who wants to explain to me what the chuffers AV is all about and whether I should really be arsed?

Like I said - I’m sitting on my hands, Comrades.