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Rumours of the demise of the esteemed organ of truth and justice that is The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle are as premature as rumours of the demise of my king size courgette.

Sure, it took a bit of a battering the other day (courgette, not the Chronicle) but both still stand proud and mighty; both equally respected as they are eagerly awaited once a fortnight.

Recent conversations around the town have led to some doubt about the future of The Chronicle. Wivenhoe is built upon rumour and assumptions. If you were to dig a big hole at the foot of Black Buoy Hill, you’d find buried away some of the many myths that have been doing the rounds over the centuries, usually after an afternoon spent boozing away.

Is there a Roman bath along Bath Street? Is Bowie the *shhh* secret headliner for May Fair? Has the Chronicle chronicled local life around these parts for the very last time?

Two out of three ‘aint bad, my lovelies…

And so with a rusty squeak of the old letterbox, and a cheerful smile from Scoop as he wanders off into some magical Wivenhoe kingdom for dreamers and journos: it’s only the May 2011 edition of The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Hurrah!

As is now customary on m’blog, I don’t give a blind man’s buff about those buggers down the road at Brightlingsea. Nice enough folk ‘n all that, but as ever, start yer own b****y hyperlocal blog, Comrades.

And so a turning of the grubby newsprint, and we’re straight in with all the local news and scandal that is fit to print about Wivenhoe. How about starting with The Local Election Results?

Oh Lordy.

Except there wasn’t any seismic change in the local political landscape in the May elections that have just passed. Smiling Councillor Steve Ford continues to smile away down at the Quay, doing his #workingforwivenhoe red flag waving. His Comrade in the Colchester coalition (cripes) - the young man about town Councillor Mark Cory - kept his LibDem seat up at the Cross.

Wivenhoe Town Council meanwhile is left with two spanners short of a full toolbox, with two new Councillors needed for co-option to complete the full quota of thirteen.

Scoop reports:

“At Wivenhoe, Steve Ford, Labour, comfortably retained the town’s Quay ward, securing 1,279 votes, more than double that of his nearest rival, the Conservative candidate Mercedes Mussard [ACE name.]

Waving the simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play, Scoop adds:

“It was an exceptionally good achievement by this particularly active Labour candidate, once described by the Deputy Prime Minister Harriet Harman during one of her visits as being one of the hardest working local councillors in the region.”

Hear, hear (to the hardest working, and not in praise of the fragrant Hattie. Phew.)

But don’t just look at little Wivenhoe; nope - move up the map and towards the bigger picture of the Cross. The Chronicle reports:

“Across much of the country there were dismal results for the Liberal Democrats, but in the Wivenhoe Cross ward, Mark Cory, the young 23 year old candidate [easy, ladies] helped to stem the tide against his party, retaining the seat with the support of 673 votes.”

It of course helped the cause of the “young” Cllr Cory (what is this - a Grace Brothers sitcom?) that the #workingforwivenhoe red flag flying comrades pretty much deserted the locals during the campaign, concentrating on the campus instead.

Whoops.

To complete the local political picture, the Chronicle lead concludes:

“There was no election for places on Wivenhoe Town Council as only ten candidates stood for the thirteen available seats.”

It was actually eleven candidates, but then that simple sword of truth and the trusty shield of British fair play probably got lost down a back seat at The Greyhound.

Passing over all the Brightlingsea puff, and then on p.2 we come across:

Art and Poetry in the Trenches.

Walk it like you talk it, Comrades:

“A one day course entitled Art and Poetry in the Trenches, presented by Graham Slimming and Colin Padgett, will be run by the WEA in Wivenhoe next month. This course will be held on 11th June at the Congregational Hall, from 10:30am to 4pm.”

Janice Allen on 824470 secures you a booking.

My eyes were momentarily fixed upon the big blueness that is the advert for Brightlingsea Open Air Swimming Pool as the p.3 pin up. I am historically a man suited to an outdoor aquatic lifestyle. Fifteen summers have been spent swimming in unheated lidos.

I spent one spring afternoon walking past the Brightlingsea Open-Air Pool / oversized duck pond, and thought, nah - that’s no pool, my friends: that’s a large hole in the ground with a bit of a drainage situation.

There’s Plenty of Entertainment at the May Fair [*cough* Bowie] is the p.4 headline. It’s pretty much a run through of the May Fair Committee press release, covering the fact that a rather ace line up including Ady Johnson (see) local lad Lou Terry (MUST see) Cav OK (pals) and Housework (hardest working band in, um, Sunny Colch) will all be helping you to get tired and emotional at the KGV, come Bank Holiday Monday.

Pages 10 and 11 cover a couple of lovely, lovely local stories, which although haven’t been picked up the nationals, they certainly represent the charm and quality in which the Chronicle is so respected for locally.

Hearing Dogs for Deaf People… is all about the Hearing Day Centre which runs a weekly hearing clinic at the lovely Wivenhoe Eyecare. The target of £5,000 has just been reached to help sponsor a hearing dog:

“The centre has been raising funds over several years for Hearing Dogs for Deaf People, through donations from its clients, and larger events such as golf days.”

Meanwhile, Deans’ Nursery and Garden Centre Celebrates Fifty Years of Trading pretty much Tells It Like It Is in the headline for a story with a very proud local Wivenhoe history:

“In the late 1950s two young brothers, having just completed a horticultural course at the Writtle Agricultural College near Chelmsford, started to grow outdoor tomatoes in Wivenhoe. The brothers, Anthony and Steve Dean, son of the Wivenhoe GP, the late Dr William Dean, ran this modest enterprise behind the old cemetery just off Belle View Road.”

The business is now based on the Harwich Road at Great Bromley. It is managed by Sarah Dean, the granddaughter of Dr Dean. It may be a puff piece of advertorial, but it’s a lovely read in The Chronicle, rightfully celebrating half a century of trading from a local business.

An Afternoon Upstairs with Martin Newell on p.12 once again tells you all you need to know. With locally baked cakes being promised upstairs at The Greyhound on the afternoon of 11th June, tickets are selling like… hot cakes. Seriously - get yourself down to the Bookshop for a £4 bargain.

Wivenhoe’s Funny Farm for this Thursday (26th) gets a plug on p.15.

“Headliner is the outrageous Californian comic Scott Capurro, familiar to watchers of 8 out of 10 cats. MC will be Wivenhoe’s very own [and most splendid] Hazel Humphreys. The show starts at the Cricket Club at 8pm with £6 on the door.”

And finally…

Mrs. Ackroyd at the Wivenhoe Folk Club.

Cripes.

“On 2nd June, Wivenhoe Folk Club are hosting Mrs. Ackroyd as their main guests. Mrs. Ackroyd is a band, not a person.”

Blimey.

It is this type of bonkers news in brief that separates the wheat from the chaff, and also separates the exceedingly splendid Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle from some of the crap that gets pushed our way via the nationals.

The Chronicle may be in rude health, but that’s a fine position in which to preach from.

The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle is distributed free amongst local households. Additional copies are 25p from local newsagents.

That time once again: time to elect a new set of councillors to Wivenhoe Town Council.

Cripes.

Except it’s not. With an increased workload and a subsequent increase from the traditional eleven officers to thirteen, only eleven names have thrown their hat into the political ring and stepped forward for civic service.

Which leaves Wivenhoe with a coronation of councillors, rather than being held to account at the ballot box. Anywhere else and this might be a bit of an issue. But here in Wivenhoe there is very much the consensus that the unpaid councillors carry out a rather fine job, pretty much in a non-party political manner as well.

And so representing WTC for the next four years, please step forward: Jennifer Campbell, Ian Endean, Kay Hall, Penny Kraft, Neil Lodge, Bob Needham, Kevin Read, Fran Richards, Brian Sinclair, Albey Stinson and Andrea Vaughan.

It is expected that Councillor Needham will wear the civic chain as Mr Mayor (hurrah!) for the next twelve months. It’s a mighty tough act to follow on from Councillor Sinclair, but I’m sure that yer man is up for the challenge.

It is great to see some new faces sitting around the top table, as well as the experience of some of the returning officers. Congratulations all on stepping forward for what has to be said once again - UNPAID civic service.

As the Pop Genius of this Parish so rightfully points out in the excellent A Prospect of Wivenhoe:

“The WTC of recent times has always been rather nice and approachable. It chiefly comprises of people who know the worth of the place and love living here. Sometimes there are cock ups… it would be unusual if there were not. At other times – when not hamstrung by the far larger Borough Council – our Councillors do genuinely good and valuable work, much of it behind the scenes.”

And so what happens now with the remaining two unfilled vacancies? Being co-opted is an option - anyone who wants to take on the responsibility of being a councillor can come forward, and the new administration can agree to this.

It’s not a perfect system of democracy, but it may just flush out some talent that was maybe weary of the possible pitfalls of a local election process. I’m sitting firmly on my hands, Comrades.

Meanwhile, what of the big boys and girls of Colchester Borough Council? Anyone settling down for a quiet evening in front of Eastenders of late may have been disturbed by some gunning rosette wearing types, demanding to kiss the first born in the house and pose for a photo opportunity. I think @AnnaJCowen secretly rather enjoyed her rather wet slap around the lips.

Yep - the serious business of electing a couple of new borough councillors for Wivenhoe is well underway. Keep your eye on the prize at all times. Which in Wivenhoe means one seat in the Cross ward, and one seat down in the Quay.

CBC runs the weird election by thirds protocol for political office. Rather than elect the entire chamber en mass, a third of the councillors are left to do the doorstop thing each year.

Knock, knock, knocking around Wivenhoe of late have been Mark Cory (defending his current LibDem seat - um, good luck, fella…) Berthold Lausen (Green) Mo Metcalf-Fisher (Conservative) and Ashley Rudge (Labour.)

Down in the Quay ward and current sitting Councillor Steve Ford (Labour) is up against Sam McKay (LibDems) Sandra Moog (Green) and Mercedes Mussard (Conservative.)

There are some ACE names in there, and ones which will no doubt entertain me as I enter the polling booth, even before I start to think about where to put the cross.

Now then - who wants to explain to me what the chuffers AV is all about and whether I should really be arsed?

Like I said - I’m sitting on my hands, Comrades.