onionbagblog

A new term up at the University of Essex - and whaddya know, a new season at the lovely Lakeside Theatre and the Arts on 5 schedule. It’s not just a slight distraction that is being offered up to the future world leaders as they prepare for their exams either.

The Lakeside is something of a lost treasure at Wivenhoe Park, open to all around Sunny Colch and the surrounds, and offering something of a halfway house between the two spectrums of @firstsite and the Mercury Theatre. But not in geographic terms, obviously…

Here are a few highlights from the Arts on 5 summer season. It’s the usual high standard and mix of touring productions, exhibitions and student involvement.

Seeking Beyond the Surface running from 25th April until 26th May takes a look at… what we take a look out each morning as we lather up the shaving foam:

Look in a mirror and one thing’s true, what we see is not who we are.(Richard Bach)

Seeking Beyond the Surface explores reflections, distortions and mirroring in the work of five international contemporary artists. Each artist focuses on the body, offering ways of exploring human presence, made inconsistent and hard to grasp by the reflective surface itself.

Is that a blackhead I see before me?

Blimey.

There is a Curator’s Lunchtime Tour taking place on 3rd May. Booking is required, but admission is FREE.

Keeping with the invex theme [or is it convex? I never too vain to take any notice...] and Mirror Mirror on 13th May offers up a family friendly appreciation of all the reflective interest:

“Explore reflection and create your own mirror masterpiece.”

Derek Walcott in Conversation on 28th April is just that:

“Nobel Laureate Derek Walcott reads from and discusses his work with award-winning poet and lecturer in the LiFTS’s Centre for Creative Writing Glyn Maxwell.”

And the reason for inviting the esteemed Nobel Laureate to Wivenhoe Park? Did someone say Pantomime? As we approach mid-summer?

Well I never:

“Lakeside Theatre and the Department of Literature, Film and Theatre Studies, University of Essex are proud to announce a brand new production of Nobel Laureate Derek Walcott’s play Pantomime, directed by the poet himself as part of a two week residency at the University.

Set in Tobago in the wake of the Caribbean republic’s establishment, an English Hotel Manager desperately prepares the entertainment at his slapdash establishment. His big idea Robinson Crusoe - The Pantomime! underwhelms his Tobagan waiter and pushes their relationship to a crisis which transcends the pantomime at hand.”

Pantomime will be performed on campus from 3rd - 5th May.

We Hope That You’re Happy (Why Would We Lie?)

Nope - I really Hope That You’re Happy (Why Would We Lie?) is the title of the next production rolling on to the splendour of the stage at The Lakeside:

“Jess is stuck. Her lifelong friend, Chris, can’t help. The others are out getting wasted. And the world is falling apart. Luckily they have a cooler full of beer, a goofy rapport and a sincere desire to make you, the audience, happy.

A flat-out and unhinged performance about trying to connect to each other, We Hope That You’re Happy (Why Would We Lie?) is a hilarious examination of tuned-in delusional consumers in a hyper-communicative world.”

I hope that you can catch We Hope That You’re Happy (Why Would We Lie?) on 12th May. And nope - I’m not making this up.

Much magic however when the rolling slopes and aquatic background that inspired Constable back in the day [blimey] becomes the setting for A Midsummer’s Night Dream.

Hurrah!

“Set in a secluded glade in idyllic Wivenhoe Park; see Shakespeare’s popular romantic comedy performed at sunset in a perfect natural environment.

The show is just 3 minutes from Lakeside Theatre so bring your cushion, relax on the grass and let our host of timeless characters weave their magic amongst the beautiful scenery and resident wildlife.”

17th - 18th May is when Shakespeare’s masterpiece on mistaken identity, a belief in the fairy world and a man called Bottom will be on offer up on campus.

I’m not talking about those undergraduate exam answers, either.

The Lakeside.

Luuurvely.

Questions that I would be asking of any candidates standing in the Wivenhoe Quay ward for the Colchester Borough Council elections taking place on 3rd May, *should* they ever get round to doing the door knocking thing:

1. Do you support the aims of the Wivenhoe Community Trust in making available the St John’s Ambulance Hall along Chapel Road a community facility? Please put your name formally on the record to either support or oppose this plan. If the project is opposed by you, what use would you like to see for the old chapel instead?

2. Do you agree to the *possible* compromise that is being ‘suggested‘ with regards the University’s multi-storey car park? Would you be happy to see the structure being built, with the *possible* compromise deal of the University funding a cycle track between the town and campus, just so the car park isn’t opposed by the CBC Planning Committee?

3. What is the best pint in the town, and in which pub?

The answer to one of these questions would seriously influence my vote. Hearing hyperlocal voices commenting on the national political agenda is a catastrophic turn off, Comrades.

If you don’t get round to the door knocking thing, then confirmation from any of the candidates would be most welcome in the comments box below…

Knockety knock.

Decent weather.

If you were a man of the free market then you’d be tempted to dress it up as a drought, and not as a gross oversight of the corporate mismanagement of the water supply.

Hey hoe.

And so not much Great Outdoors action of late. I was sunbathing on Clacton Pier this time last year, Comrades.

Which can all leave you feeling slightly blue, longing for those Golden Estuary blue skies [steady] - I didn’t spend a weekend installing a back garden hammock, just to see it be turned overnight into a giant water collection container.

Anyone want an endless supply of water for the lawn?

Y’know what we need? A recycle of some previous hit and miss blog post photos, packaged together with some soothing early summer choons [Weekend, End of the Affair, seeing as though you ask] and then presented as the latest trial effort for the multi-media slideshow online twaddle thing.

Yes – that’s what we need.

Still debating the $40 licence fee.

If only my water bill wasn’t so high…

And so there you are, tap, tap, tapping away at the keyboard until three in the morning all about the imminent meeting of the esteemed Colchester Borough Council Planning Committee and whaddya know - one of the Big Three items on the agenda is withdrawn.

Woh!

Our friends up on campus at the University of Essex have only gone and pulled the multi-storey car park application that was due to be heard this Thursday. Fear not fans of “iconic design through simplicity” - I understand [ah, *that* phrase...] that this is only a slight sabbatical ahead of a second submission of the same planning application.

So why now?

Well…

You have to look at the bigger picture; you have to look around at the continued development of Wivenhoe Park. You have to look at going down to B & Q and buying a bloody great big back scratcher ahead of the next game of charades with the esteemed members of the Colchester Borough Council Planning Committee.

Yep - these are expansive (and expensive) times for the University. As well as the multi-storey car park application still being very much alive, the University wants to build further accommodation down by the muddy banks of the Colne at the Hythe, a new Business School, as well as the continued development of the Knowledge Gateway [urgh.]

All of these projects bring in extra finances to the Ivory Towers [you sure?] of the Legoland on campus. All of them also bring in extra traffic. Which brings us back to the car park…

I understand [yeah, yeah] that a classic piece of real politik back scratching is currently taking place. It is so delicate that both sides are still sitting in the iron bathtub, B & Q brush firmly in hand and a dirty resin starting to form around the top of the bath tin.

Don’t let that bath water go cold, now Comrades.

Transport is the key, as is a compromise. Details have yet to be finalised, but what the Great God of Sunny Colch Education takes away from the Planning Committee, it resubmits in a few weeks with the added gift of *cough* alternative transport thrown into the equation to appease the non-car lobby.

Is that cryptic enough for you?

I’m under an oath of online secrecy so as not to spill the beans. Or even the Section 106 wonga.

On yer bike…

A cursory look over the shoulder of the esteemed Planning Officers that support the Planning Committee at Colchester Borough Council, and whaddya know - the Big Three of Sunny Colch Planning are only lined up to be considered when the Committee next meets on April 26th.

We say the Big Three - we don’t mean three of the Committee members. No Siree, nope, not around here…

And it’s actually the Big Two, plus a slight whopper of a hyper hyperlocal issue of contention, for any readers that live over in the Wivenhoe side of our patch.

Let’s start off with the first of the Big Two, both of which involve our friends up on campus at the University of Essex. These BIG planning issues of late usually do.

Planning app 120109 proposes the erection [stop it] of a higher education and training facility comprising 5,550 metres of D1 floor space including ancillary facilities with associated car parking and landscaping.

Sounds kina sexy, huh?

What is actually being proposed in a new business unit up at the University:

“Under this planning application, permission is sought for the erection of a new building to house the University of Essex Business School.”

What appears to be the slight sticking point is that this project IS NOT officially part of the Knowledge Gateway, the building project that continues to grow day by day, all the way down as far as the muddy banks of the Colne.

The confusion is with the Essex Business School and the similar ethos of University income being generated by the Knowledge Gateway. It’s like Asda wanting to build a superstore on the site of @firstsite and calling it a slight extension of the proposed Vineyard shopping development.

Whoops.

The description offered up to the Planning Committee by the University boasts of:

“The scheme submitted for determination proposes the erection of a new modern three-storey structure (stepping down to two storeys at the entrance) that would take a crescent-type shape, together with some ancillary lecture theatre accommodation, contained within.”

Nearby Wivenhoe Town Council ‘aint buying it. The written response states:

“Although an exciting and innovative proposal, the Town Council considers that the parking provision for this facility is inadequate and expressed concern that this building was being built on a current car park, thereby presenting the reason for the multi-storey car park.”

Ahh - clever. See what WTC has done there? It has pre-empted the second of the Big Two planning apps, by saying that taking away car parking provision for the Business School will lead to an extra parking demand.

What’s one to do?

Hey! How about building a brand new multi-story car park along Boundary Road?

Blimey.

The recommendation from the apolitical Planning Officers at CBC is:

“It is considered that a planning permission for the proposed development may be granted in this case, subject to the imposition of conditions.”

Which brings us to:

“The construction of multi-deck car park above existing surface level car park; creation of new access to car park from Boundary Road to include taxi drop-off / pick-up area and relocation of existing compactor.”

Essentially this is a new car park for the increase in car traffic that the University is generating. This application has been called in by Cllr Manning of Wivenhoe Cross ward, who also sits on the Planning Committee, plus is also up for re-election in the Cross in a couple of weeks…

Cllr Manning makes the similar point as put up by WTC:

“This application should be considered in relation to the other University application for the relocation of the Essex Business School.”

In other words, what came first - the car park or the creation for the demand of the car park?

Clever lot, these academics…

Our friends form the University try and sell the car park app by dressing it up as:

“The approach to the design has been to create an iconic design through simplicity rather than complexity and the Colchester BC officers desire to see a building which exhibits a high degree of architectural integrity and logic has been taken on board.”

It’s all about bumper-to-bumper cars, stooopid.

Fighting talk once again from WTC, who are rather concerned about the increase in traffic that such a car park will bring to their hyperlocal patch:

“This Proposal fails to comply with the requirements as set out in the CBC LDF. It does not comply with the transport statement. It will affect an overload on traffic routes, produce congestion on roads and have the effect of a reduction in the University’s support of the use of buses, which in term may cause a very good public transport system to be reduced, or even lost.

The proposal is placed in an ancient park, damaging the amenity value of historic parkland depicted in John Constable’s painting, contrary to policy DP1 that states that developments should respect or enhance the landscape and other assets that contribute positively to the site and surrounding area. The visual impact of this proposal will be overbearing and present a monstrosity in a once beautiful place.

The proposal encourages car use. The University should instead be promoting cycling, as per their 1995 strategy in which their future plans were to reduce dependency on car usage by promoting cycling and installing a railway halt.

Wivenhoe has reached saturation point with car usage. Its roads are gridlocked and car parking spaces are extremely limited. This car park will encourage yet more car use.

In conclusion, the additional car parking provision proposed under this planning application is not objected to in principle. However, the scheme as put forward for Members determination does not achieve a standard of design that is considered necessary for this location. Furthermore, it is considered that the building would appear cramped in this setting due to its proximity to the existing sports hall building.”

So that’s a thumbs down from WTC then.

As for the apolitcal Planning Officers from CBC?

“In conclusion, the additional car parking provision proposed under this planning application is not objected to in principle. However, the scheme as put forward for Members determination does not achieve a standard of design that is considered necessary for this location”

Right idea, wrong location.

Which the same could be said of the not so big final part of the Big Three Planning trilogy that wil be debated en mass [oh yes] at Colchester Town Hall on Thursday evening: St John’s Ambulance Hall in Wivenhoe.

Oh Lordy.

Locals will be aware of the controversy that this particular app has generated. Being proposed is the demolition of a Victorian Methodist Chapel and the construction of a private pottery studio. A similar application was rejected in October of last year. This new application has been put forward in the context of the Wivenhoe Community Trust to take on the management of the existing building for community use.

It’s *ahem* slightly complicated, and probably not best to blog too much about it…

The apolitical Planning Officer’s of CBC are recommending this time that the demolition and new building be granted.

So that’s yer Big Three of Sunny Colch Planning for Thursday evening. The esteemed members of the CBC Planning Committee meet at 6pm in the Town Hall. This is an open meeting. It’s not exactly the most rock ‘n roll way that you can spend a Thursday night out in Sunny Colch, but it is certainly revealing in seeing how these very hyperlocal decisions are reached.

Now there’s a plan…

Y’know what we need to get us through this miserable North Essex estuary wilds weather? The Esteemed Organ of Truth and Justice to bring us some sunshine and happiness.

Yes. That’s what we need.

Careful what you wish for, Comrades.

Yep - it’s only The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Blimey.

Being careful what they wish for (and hopefully using the type of skilled judgment usually reserved for selecting a new Pope) is:

Wivenhoe’s Forthcoming Elections on the front page.

It’s not a game of pin the tail on the donkey, dontcha know.

Um, you sure?

“Four political parties will be contesting each of the two Wivenhoe seats at the forthcoming Colchester Borough Council elections.”

The full runners and riders are available over here. Blindfolds at the ready, and a trip to the William Loveless Hall [where else?] on the 3rd May beckons.

Flick over to p.2 and we find:

Successful Drugs Raid at Wivenhoe

…which is not something that you read everyday. At least it’s not Unsuccessful Drugs Raid at Wivenhoe:

“Essex Police carried out a successful drugs raid at an industrial unit in Wivenhoe. More than 170 cannabis plants were discovered when officers raided the property in the Avenue, opposite the Co-op.”

Cripes.

That explains the empty Pringles aisle over at the Co-op of late.

For those of you that have yet to succumb to the trance like state of inner conscience and spiritual enlightenment that a cup of extra strong Coca before bedtime brings, your full attention is required on p.10 for the Wivenhoe Town Council Annual Report for the Year Ending 31 March 2012.

Um, anyone got anything to seduce the pain?

Yep, that time of year again. That time when Mr Mayor reflects on what has been achieved around the town over the past twelve months, looks ahead to what work is still required, and then very kindly hands out brown envelopes stuffed full of wonga (actually cheques) for some very deserving causes around Wivenhoe.

For the record, the Annual Town Meeting takes place on 9th May with a 7:30pm start at the William Loveless Hall [where else?] As well as distributing funds raised from the fine Mayor’s Charity Fund, the meeting is also the opportunity to discuss any specific points and to consider any resolutions.

It is also something of a hit and miss blog post picture opportunity waiting to happen.

The Esteemed Organ of Truth and Justice kindly carries the complete Annual Report. To condense it would be to give a disservice to all that has been achieved over the past twelve months.

But hey hoe, let’s give it a go…

“With six new members injecting fresh ideas and enthusiasm, the Town Council continues being very busy and proactive in its outlook and not just reacting to events as they unfold.”

The loss of £16,000 annually in the Parish Grant from Colchester Borough Council is mentioned. Those at the bottom of the political food chain often end up being the most hungry. The purchase of the two police houses by WTC is explained as costing £5 per household per year.

Planning matters covers the St John’s Ambulance Hall, which seems to never disappear, and the University’s plan for a multi-tier car park, which doesn’t look like it will even get to the lift off stage.

Caution is drawn towards the new National Planning Policy, which seems to favour commercial developers over communities. The Working for Wivenhoe agreement that all four borough councillors have signed up to pledges to use Section 106 funds throughout the town.

Cook’s Shipyard is addressed with:

“Concerns with regards the access road and aesthetics of the dwellings…”

Bit late for that now.

Elsewhere and Wivenhoe in Bloom, cemeteries, salting of the roads, the Co-op zebra crossing, fly-posting on telegraph poles, the Joan Hickson blue plaque, the William Loveless Hall [new gents toilets ahoy!] the Jubilee / Wildlife Garden, the refurbishment of the Colne Barrier, WAGA [show 8th September] the new health centre [happening] the launch of the new WTC website [oooh] and the good ‘ol Communty Bus.

Quite a year, quite a lot achieved.

The doom and gloom crowd will no doubt still find some dog pooh to go PAH at. Hey! Here’s a suggestion: why not step forward with solutions, rather than continued criticism?

The Wivenhoe Annual Town Meeting on 9th May is an open meeting.

Speaking of the William Loveless Hall [where else?] and Mr Mule offers a charming review of Ruddigore, recently performed by the Wivenhoe Gilbert and Sullivan Society:

“It is not high art. Nor does it attempt to make any deeply meaningful points. It’s cheerful, in other words. A number of singers shone: Pip Bradstock, Fiona Morris and Hilary Brunning.”

Comparisons are then made with the Rolling Stones’ much maligned Goats Head Soup album from ’73, which is not something that you are likely to read in a Sunday Times review.

Splendid stuff.

As is the overview of the work carried out by Wivenhoe Helping Hands on p.14:

“In April 2010, a group of Wivenhoe residents got together to start Wivenhoe Helping Hands, a voluntary service which assists local folk of all ages. The enthusiastic initial response has been maintained, the first 20 volunteers have been augmented and now we have over 40.”

It is this hyperlocal approach to helping hands [capped down] that separates Wivenhoe apart from many other towns. Essentially it is a touchy feely social services form of assistance that is being offered -but without all the red tape and busy body interference. Volunteers are always required. 07834 452 764 should see you through.

Ex-Iron Maiden guitarist Dennis Stratton’s gig this weekend at the William Loveless Hall [BLIMEY] gets the big up treatment on p.15:

“The 70 year old Mr Mayor is a firm fan of the rock guitarist and will be wearing his Iron Maiden T-shirt for the concert.”

Well I never.

A 3pm start on Saturday 21st with tickets costing a fiver. Air guitars a bonus. Bring your own.

The Funny Farm gig on the 26th April gets a much deserved plug on p.15, and then that’s pretty much yer lot this month from the Esteemed Organ of Truth and Justice.

Is it still raining outside?

Nah.

The healing power of The Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle has cleared up any lingering dark clouds of doubt and left a ray of optimism floating throughout the town.

Interesting drugs story…

HONK!

Now hear this…

Want to get your fingernails grubby and show a little community goodwill at the same time?

Course you do.

Which is why you should be stepping forward to lend any spare time that you may have at the weekend to help out the good folk of Transition Town Wivenhoe with the transformation of a barren patch of land into a community garden.

Currently an unexciting scrub, the location that we are talking about is beside the Montessori and the KGV playing field. Ownership is with Wivenhoe Town Council. An agreement has been reached to transform this land into a live, growing community garden.

What are needed this weekend are Wivenhoe folk with wellies (‘aint gonna rain, oh no…) to come along for any period of time between 10am - 4pm on either Saturday or Sunday. We’re not talking a Titchmarsh regimental planting and pruning of the pansies, but just a bit of good old fashioned digging for victory.

The project is part of the Jubilee Garden, or Wildlife Garden, depending on whom you talk to…

Either way, the aims are the same - to create a community space in the centre of the town. Wivenhoe Town Council has secured significant funding. It has even led to a debate around the council chamber about as to how best protect the beetles.

Blimey.

It is to the credit of WTC that the project is now being partnered by TTW, who are able to lend their time and enthusiasm to help make the Jubilee / Wildlife Garden a success. The aim is for a legacy for the town, linked in with the planned KGV celebrations for Brenda over at the KGV over Jubilee weekend.

You can email John for me information over here.

Plus: Can you dig it? It may have been estuary wilds weather out there earlier, but it didn’t stop Wivenhoe in Bloom from planting and sewing very early on Wednesday morning in the flowerbeds up by The Cross.

From small things, great things grow.

Get digging…