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And so there you are, sitting in the Wivenhoe Town Council chamber, trying to suck your way through as many of the civic freebie Murray Mints as possible, and Mr Mayor suddenly lavishes deserved praised on the Brightlingsea and Wivenhoe Chronicle.

Half an hour later and you are back at base, Murray Mints statched away in your mouth like a squirrel smuggling nuts back to the nest and whaddya know - it’s only a copy of the Esteemed Organ of Truth and Justice waiting for you on the doorstep.

That Scoop must be psychic I tell you. PSYCHIC.

Confirmation comes our way via The Chronicle that the previously trailed green waste collection, run by Eastern Waste Disposal, has now got the green light. Green light - hilarious, huh?

Company Launches Green Waste Collection

“One of the region’s leading recycling specialists, EWD, will be launching a green waste collection service covering Brightlingsea, Wivenhoe and villages in north east Essex during the next few days.”

And who can claim the deserved credit for convincing EWD to run the scheme? Why, the fine man that is Scoop and The Chronicle of course:

“The decision to launch this new venture follows a huge response from readers of The Chronicle, which was publicised last month. Almost 300 readers contacted the company, and Danny Carter, Director of EWD said: they were all very positive about the new service, and as a direct result of the response we received from The Chronicle, we have decided to go ahead with the green waste collection.”

Hyperlocal works, Comrades.

Further funding details are delivered. Delivered - hilarious, hilarious, huh?

“The cost per bag is £2, and there is a minimum order of ten bags. The price includes the delivery of the empty bags, and collection of the full bags from the customer’s address.”

Which all makes for something to sing and dance about. Well, certainly sing, anyway. Did someone mention Gilbert and Sullivan?

“In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a modern Major-General.”

Or something…

“The Wivenhoe Gilbert and Sullivan Society returns to its roots next month with the production of Ruddigore at the William Loveless Hall [where else?] The story is set in a small waterfront village…”

Hang on.

You’ll be telling us it contains references to tired and emotional local lovers of alcohol next.

The production of Ruddigore will run from 13th to 17th March, with performances starting at 7:30pm. Tickets are on sale at the Premier Store and the High Street Post Office.

If putting on the black fishnets, shaking a leg and looking rather saucy as you enter the glittering stage of the William Loveless Hall is your type of thing, then read on. Women may be interested as well.

The Mayoral Variety Performance

“Wivenhoe Town Mayor, Robert Needham is producing the Mayoral Variety Performance at the William Loveless Hall on Friday 24th February. Tickets are now on sale, and the show, which will be under the direction of the talented artiste Shane Diggens, will comprise a diverse and colourful range of acts performed by Wivenhoe based artistes.”

Sounds just like a Wivenhoe Town Council meeting to be honest.

“Admission is by ticket, just £5, £1 for under 15′s, and they are available from Wivenhoe Town Council - 822864.”

Break a leg. Or even a mop, apparently…

Not so saucy, but equally entertaining is the Wivenhoe Folk Club. The only fishnets that you will thankfully find here are probably fishnets. And yep - I mean fishnets…

“On Thursday 1st March, Wivenhoe Folk Club will welcome back Mike Nicholson as their main guest artiste. He is described by the organisers of the Folk Club as having a wonderful, mellow baritone voice, and he sings a wide range of songs.”

The Folk Club meets at The Flag, with an 8pm start, £6 admission. Which would have probably read a whole lot sexier if you put on a mellow, baritone voice. Gents as well.

The high praise that came from high office at WTC is featured on p.4:

Town Council to Purchase Former Police Station

“Wivenhoe Town Council, with grant assistance, looks set to purchase the former police station, police houses and their garden during the next few weeks. Owned by the Essex Police Authority, the site is in a central position in the town, and adjoins the William Loveless Hall and land that is already owned by WTC.”

In a rare editorial stance by Scoop, yer man is bang on the money when he adds:

“Unquestionably the town councillors are involved are to be congratulated over this very positive action which is likely to lead to new community facilities. It will also prevent any insensitive development of the site by commercial organisations.”

Hear, hear.

As Mayor Needham no doubt said around the civic table on Monday evening…

Helen Chambers [hellooo!] pens a wonderful review of the Wivenhoe Pantomime on p.10:

“The Wivenhoe Pantomime lived up to the high standard that we have come to expect. Putting on a show like this is very much a team effort.”

A loving obituary appears for Brian Green, covering his many achievements in the town including running his own business, work for the Mayor’s Charity, running the Teddy Bear’s Picnic and starting the annual crabbing competition.

And finally the Wivenhoe Funny Farm gets a mention on p.15, reminding readers that the best value Thursday night ticket in town once again takes place on 23rd February. Which also happens to be the date that this blog post displays.

Comic timing. And all delivered with a mouth stuffed full of WTC Murray Mints.

Well I never.