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How to solve a problem like Streatham Hub? Preferably by keeping local politicians and corporate paymasters out of the whole process. That was pretty much the conclusion come the end of @ChukaUmunna‘s first People’s Question Time, held in the Labour MP’s Streatham constituency on Thursday evening.

The Hub is a headline writer’s gift that keeps on giving. At any one time over the past ten years, stories of mismanagement have surfaced out of SW16.

The latest entry log states that @lambeth_council has now admitted that “plans will not move forward” for the temporary swimming pool in Streatham, and Tesco stating that “Lambeth Council has compromised in choosing Pope’s Road as a site for the temporary ice rink.”

Cripes.

The Hub saga story so far…

In a classic you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours scenario, the corporate superstore was granted planning permission in Streatham, in return for building a new leisure centre and a new ice rink. So far, so good.

The trouble is that this was almost ten years ago. The scheme is filled with as much uncertainty a decade later as it was back in the day. The timeline up until 2010 has included Tesco holding all the cards and threatening to walk away unless an increased floor space was granted, the closure (and failure to re-open) of Streatham Leisure Centre and the continued search for a temporary ice rink in Streatham.

Ah yes – about that Streatham Brixton temporary ice rink. It is the “continuity of ice” clause in the original planning document that led the good @ChukaUmunna to hold this current crisis meeting.

Essentially Tesco has to provide an ice pad at all times in Streatham. This was fine with the original agreement, which involved constructing the brand new rink on the Hub site, and then knocking down the old barn.

The corporate paymaster became impatient however, and wanted to bulldoze the site with one great big swing of the wrecking ball. Meanwhile @lambeth_council was left looking rather silly, searching around for a suitable site in an urban borough to place a whopping great big temporary ice pad.

The packed assembly hall at Dunraven School on Thursday night was unanimous in rejecting @lambeth_council’s current plan to shift Streatham Ice Rink down the A23 to Pope’s Road Car Park in Brixton.

This has emerged as the U-turn choice from the @LambethLabour cabinet, after the whole community united against the bonkers plan to place the ice pad on Streatham Common.

“This is a highly emotive issue,” admitted @ChukaUmunna at the start of the People’s Question Time. “There is a perception in the community that residents have been held in the dark over recent months.”

Sandra Fryer, representing the council as the Divisional Director of Strategies and Partnerships stated:

“We have been working with Tesco since March on the location. Streatham Common had processing issues [eh?] – it would have taken us longer than we wanted to place the rink here. There were also technical issues. It wasn’t clear where the power source would come from.”

You would have hoped that before rubber-stamping the Streatham Common site back in March, cabinet would have had the foresight to address basic issues such as where the power for the ice pad was going to come from.

A solution is available, slightly closer to home than the Pope’s Road compromise.

“We also looked at a site on Streatham High Road,” admitted Fryer. “Tesco have a budget however, and weren’t able to progress with this option.”

And so it seems that Pope’s Road became the preferred location on account of @lambeth_council already owning the site. Two birds can be killed with one stone, by demolishing the structurally unsafe council car park, and then plonking the ice pad there instead.

The fear for the Streatham skating and hockey community however is that Pope’s Road becomes permanent, and the south end of the borough loses one of it’s most historic and cultural sites of interest forever.

Having skipped the previous Streatham Hub public meeting, it was decent for the corporate paymaster to turn up this time. Mike Kissman, the UK Corporate Affairs Manager for Tesco, told the meeting:

“Running an ice rink is not something that we have a great deal of experience in.”

Best learn on the job then, Mr Corporate Affairs Man. Tesco will be financing the temporary pad and is expected to either manage the facility itself, or put in place a management team that is capable of the job.

Questions then followed from the floor.

“The plans for Streatham Hub have chopped and changed so much, what guarantees can you give this meeting that this won’t happen again?”

Apt timing for the fashionably late arrival of Councillor Florence Nosegbe, the Cabinet Member for Culture, Sport and the Olympics:

“We own Pope’s Road – we can control the process. It will be easier for the council to move forward.”

Tesco’s Kissman added:

“Time is the issue for Tesco.”

You can bet it is. Every week that Tesco hasn’t got a superstore open in Streatham is a week where the competitors along the High Road are rubbing their hands and lining their tills. Plus it’s, ahem, a little late in the day for Tesco to be complaining about the Hub timeline after a decade of dithering.

A speaker from the floor came back to the location of the temporary rink, and picked up on the point why Pope’s Road has been chosen, rather than the High Road location:

“With annual profits recently revealed, plus with the planned increased of 20,000 extra floor space at Streatham, Tesco is not exactly light of wallet right now. Why can’t the company pay to finance the staging of the temporary rink along the High Road?”

This question achieved the loudest applause of the evening, if not the most adequate of answers:

“We have been through difficult times,” said Kissman. “We are still here. We are an organisation, and not a local authority.”

Which all rather begs the question who is actually controlling leisure in Lambeth? The local authority that is reliant upon the private capital to finance the schemes, or the private capital paymaster that won’t be accountable?

Jimmy Gardner from the Streatham Chiefs Ice Hockey team then made an impassioned speech:

“We had a show of hands this week. If Streatham Ice Rink moves to Pope’s Road then my club will fold. This then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy – there is no demand for ice hockey in Streatham, and so there is no need to build a rink back in SW16.”

“Why won’t you work with other local councils?” asked another question. “If Lambeth Council actually spoke to the likes of the neighbouring Merton Council, you might actually find a site closer to home.”

Other observations from the floor centred on the Brixton location, with accusations that “the Lambeth cabinet is not visible in Streatham. Everything has to be Brixton based.”

The meeting then moved on to discuss dimensions – dimensions of the temporary ice pad and dimensions of possible parking space at Pope’s Road.

Councillor Nosegbe confirmed that the temporary pad will be 56m x 26m in dimension – a size smaller than a standard hockey pad, and a space that is unsuitable for figure skating, as the mother of a Streatham skater pointed out.

The @LambethLabour Councillor also confirmed that there is the “possibility” of parking for twenty spaces at Pope’s Road. The average hockey team benches twenty-five players.

Finally we came on to the Elephant in the Streatham meeting road – swimming.

Oh Lordy.

With all the focus on the temporary ice pad, swimming has been overlooked in Streatham. Swimming has been overlooked in all of Lambeth over the past four years, if truth be told.

Whereas ice time had a continuity clause in the Hub deal, swimming has historically not been treated to this privilege. This is probably because @lambeth_council wasn’t expecting to close Streatham Leisure Centre late last year, without an alternative plan in place.

Councillor Nosegbe said:

“I recognise that there has been an under-investment in the pool. We don’t have the funds for a temporary arrangement in Streatham. We won’t be going forward with this.”

Where all of this leaves the @LambethLabour election manifesto pledge of “free swimming for every resident” is somewhat uncertain right now.

A final question pondered: “What will happen at the cabinet meeting on Monday night?”

The implication within the question was whether or not Councillor Nosegbe would report back to her @LambethLabour friends on the strength of feeling against the Pope’s Road compromise that is currently being felt within Streatham.

The reality of course is that the @LambethLabour cabinet will have a friendly chit chat on Monday evening, and the temporary ice pad will be agreed to be put in place at Pope’s Road in under half an hour after the meeting has commenced.

The real question however is will the Pope’s Road rink ever actually open, and more importantly, will @ChukaUmunna still be holding his People’s Question Time in five, ten years time, still pondering the Streatham Hub question?

The cabinet paper for the @lambeth_council cabinet meeting on July 26th has been published, and whadya know – Streatham Ice Rink is Brixton bound.

Blimey.

As *cough* revealed over here last month:

“This report sets out the progress since March and in particular recommends that the temporary ice rink to be located on the former car park site at Pope’s Road, Brixton.”

And so it would seem that the permanent temporary ice pad at Streatham is making its way down Brixton Hill, and positioning itself on the derelict Pope’s Road car park after all. Hurrah for the continuity of ice clause, pity the poor sods trying to earn a living at Brixton Market.

The Pope’s Road compromise is probably the best outcome out of a no win situation. With all the power to run leisure in Streatham long since sold away to a corporate superstore, @LambethLabour has been left to *sell* the idea of the compromise to the Little People.

The relief will be that the temporary ice rink won’t be plonked on Streatham Common, as seemed to be the non-negotiable stance taken by cabinet, only as recently as March of this year.

The fear for the Streatham skaters and hockey players is that Pope’s Road will become permanent. Tesco will have no reason to finance a permanent pad back up in SW16, and a historic cultural facility will be lost in Streatham forever.

Pope’s Road makes ‘strategic sense’ [urgh] in being next door to Brixton Rec. Don’t rule out the bonkers idea of changing facilities for skaters and hockey players being placed in some shoebox of a corner tucked away at the back of the Rec.

Some issues still remain over the Pope’s Road rink. In true Rotten Borough style, concerns have been raised in the cabinet paper regarding, um, car-parking provision at the former car park.

See what they have done there?

“Linked to the above would be the ability for users, particularly families to be able to access some dedicated parking, pick up and drop off points and to access taxis to ensure safe and convenient access for users.”

Doh!

One step forward, two steps back.

Shifting a major part of the local economy in Streatham down to Brixton needn’t have been necessary if @LambethLabour had actually had the balls to stand up to Tesco in the first place. The original agreement was for Tesco to knock down the old SW16 barn first, build the brand new ice and leisure facilities, and only then on completion, planning permission would be granted for the superstore.

But Tesco soon took control of the timeline and changed the priority to retail, rather than community leisure facilities. This of course fits in perfectly with the private provision of all services that is favoured by the right wing @LambethLabour cabinet. The end result is the transference of power in Streatham from the local authority to a major corporate power.

But wait – what of the temporary dry sport [urgh] and *shhh* swimming facilities back up in Streatham? These too were promised back in March, as part of the political bending over backwards by @LambethLabour to keep Tesco on board.

The cabinet paper for July appears to mothball the idea of swimming returning to Streatham in a temporary capacity, stating:

“The March Cabinet report gave details of the provision a 25m x 12m six lane temporary swimming pool and associated facilities. The report also highlighted the considerable footprint such a pool and its housing would require. The only available sites in the Streatham area for such a facility is identical to those identified for the temporary ice rink and present all of the same difficulties and issues.

In addition there is no budget provision for the cost of purchase and or lease for such a facility and the net cost to the council would still require a subsidy of at least £14 per user. No further action has been taken pending a decision from Cabinet on if a further report detailing the financial implications is required and on whether and when public consultation should commence.”

This appears to be yet another classic @LambethLabour approach to totally overlooking the provision of swimming in the Rotten Borough.

Meanwhile, Tesco has the corporate cheek (and power) to demand a further increased floor space in return for financing the scheme. An extra 40% was rubber stamped by @LambethLabour to save face back in March. Now it seems that a further 20,000 square foot is required if the scheme is to progress:

“Tesco has developed proposals for an additional 20,000 sq ft of retail floor space to be contained within the approved store in the form of a mezzanine [urgh] floor. It is envisaged that this additional floor space will provide space for non-food retail goods.”

All of the above bumbling has led to the Streatham Hub timeline being delayed once again. The back slapping that took place at cabinet back in March concluded with a pledge for the new ice rink, swimming pool and dry sports facilities to be completed by Q4 2012.

The cabinet paper for July lets slip that Q3 2013 is now the current target. And so yeah – Streatham will remain without any sports facilities as the Olympics takes pride of place across town in 2012.

Cabinet will be rubber stamp the proposals at 7pm on 26th July in Room 8. Speaking rights for *ahem* citizens are extremely limited. If you want to have your say on the continued confusion surrounding Streatham Hub, then a better bet is to attend that nice @ChukaUmunna‘s People’s Question Time, taking place on 22nd July at Dunraven School.

Oh, go on then – one more time…

Oh dear. Here we go again. Just as the second heat wave of mid-summer is set to hit South London over the weekend and whaddya know – @BrockwellLido is bloody CLOSED. Again.

This is turning out to be a major corporate cock up for Fusion down in SE24. It’s a repeat of that familiar theme of “chlorine issues.” I make this the fifth occasion this summer that Fusion has proved to be [steady] unfit for purpose.

The awarding of the twenty-five year lease to pimp out the pool on behalf of @lambeth_council appeared to have safety checks built in. It was crucial that a reliable ‘preferred partner’ was selected to take on the huge social responsibility of managing the stewardship of a much loved community facility within South London.

Those meet ‘n greet the bidders sessions back at the Town Hall during February 2003 contained many false promises made by Fusion. The corporate leisure company took on the lido lease with a commitment to maintain the unique ambience and atmosphere established during the Paddy and Casey @BrockwellLido Golden Years.

The stuffy corporate image has slowly, slowly become all pervasive around the poolside. It manifests itself with the removal of the street art put in place by Paddy and Casey, the appearance of corporate branding, and yes, the physical divide between lido lovers and lido café restaurant diners – a wooden fence has actually appeared of late, keeping the riff raff of swimmers away from the café restaurant.

This is the least of the worries within our lido community – we now just want a bloody pool that is open each morning for our daily swim.

Let us not forget that Casey also pitched in with his proposal to run the lido some seven years ago. Another figure worth remembering is that the lido didn’t suffer a single “chlorine issue” in that run of twelve glorious @BrockwellLido Golden Days.

In a year when shutting swimming pools has been something of a recurring theme around these parts, the five closures (and counting) this summer @BrockwellLido have to be viewed in perspective.

It is the inconvenience that hits you the hardest – dragging your backside to Brockwell Park early morning, only to find that Fusion has messed up once again only spoils the routine and rhythm of your day.

Bloody Brixton Rec it is then…

Refunds have been promised by Fusion for the five days that have been missed so far this summer. I’m still waiting to see any return in my bank account.

And so if it’s not the “chlorine issues” that gets you @BrockwellLido then it’s possibly the break-ins (two so far this summer.)

Failing that then it’s the complete incompetence of Fusion as a corporate company to understand exactly what is required to manage a local facility that quite simply *is* the South London summer for folk around here.

Something is seriously wrong with the corporate management of @BrockwellLido. Fusion is currently three years into a twenty-five year lease to manage the SE24 community facility, after @lambeth_councill washed all responsibility from managing (and financially supporting) the historic art deco pool.

Following a promising start to the Fusion years (helped along by the considerable experience of Brockwell Lido Users) it now seems that the current management team at Brockwell Lido simply isn’t up to the job.

The pool has been closed four times in the past month because of “chlorine related” incidents, as well as suffering two overnight break-ins, the latest of which has been brushed over on the Fusion corporate website.

The “chlorine imbalance” may have been a factor for forcing the pool to close late on Monday evening, but the police cordon and forensic coppers that greeted early morning lido lovers earlier in the day, suggested something slightly more sinister.

At the base of the current problems with @BrockwellLido is the inexperience of the current management team. Former Site Manager, Jeremy Lake, left to join rivals Greenwich Leisure Limited, just before the start of the current season. Paul Maier, the Operations Manager, soon followed this departure.

Both previous employees were exceptional at their job. They combined the necessary business running of the lido with the laid back, meet ‘n greet customer service that such a unique facility requires.

It seems that little handover was left to the current lido management team, leading to the current situation where such basics as keeping the pool operational, are failing with an increased frequency.

In twelve years of the glorious lido Golden Days under the management of the much loved local pairing of Paddy and Casey, the pool didn’t suffer one similar incident. The team of highly experienced lifeguards recruited at the time, boosted not only the safety, but also the ethos that the lido generated.

Staff from this Golden Day period are still around. They love the lido so much that they still swim within the unique pool. This is the type of experience and management of the facility that Fusion can’t ignore not to be tapping into.

With a pool engineer optimistic of a lido re-opening on Wednesday 30th June, only one half of the current crisis that is developing at the lido will have been solved by Fusion. Security is also a pressing matter, and one that the company seems unable to currently control.

A fellow lido lover writes:

“Yet again tonight [Monday] there was a mini-rave in the Lido car park, with 20-30 people dancing to music in their cars. At 10pm, when the gym closes, they were successfully moved from the car park and the gates locked by staff in hi-vis vests.

They congregated outside, shouting and smashing glass. Twenty minutes later, the hi-vis staff let out a large dark car – perhaps a manager? – and its exit onto the road was blocked. Eventually a large police van and two police cars arrived and the dark car was able to get out, but one man was sat on its bonnet, preventing it from driving off further.

He was apprehended by the police and escorted into their van and the driver interviewed. Eventually, most of the people drifted away and the police left, but more than an hour later, at 11.14pm, there is still a small rowdy group at the gate, and I, as is well known, need my beauty sleep.

For the security of the Park and the Lido, it is important that this gate is locked at 10pm weekdays and 9pm weekends. One wants youth to have its fling, but this car park is not the ideal venue for a rave.”

And so assuming that @BrockwellLido can actually be operated by Fusion as a functioning, chlorine safe swimming environment, plus here’s hoping that the current security issues can be resolved by both Fusion and the police, then hopefully we will have our lido back.

Ah, not quite. There is the small matter of the Lido Cafe, which although I totally love and support, as well as offering a very high standard of food for diners, there is the sad feeling amongst the lido users that we are not part of this project.

The Cafe is not accessible for pool users during busy days. You have to physically leave the building, and then enter the separate Lido Cafe entrance. Meanwhile, non-lido users are given access to the best view in South London (pool, swimmers, sunbathers) yet the swimmers and sunbathers have sadly been excluded.

This once again goes against the entire lido ethos that was established during the Golden Days of Brockwell Lido. It doesn’t matter who you are or what your status is – everyone is equal and welcome all around the lido.

Following fifteen summers of swimming in SE24 I was optimistic that my final season was going to go out on a high. It’s still practically impossible to leave the place without a huge grin on your face, but slowly, slowly, the magic of Brockwell Lido seems to be disappearing.

*Tuesday 29th, 10:00 update*

The pool remians closed. The receptionist is telling users that “we are hopeful of being open sometime tomorrow [Wednesday.]”

Very, very poor, Fusion.

Meanwhile, the lido website seems to be explaining the whole situation in terms of a “technical problem,” rather than the police incident that closed the pool on Monday morning:

“A technical problem in the small hours of Monday morning has been cited the cause for closure. We have our pool engineers on site from Tuesday morning at 7am and we will do everything possible to ensure that the pool is back in operation.”

Which is all very strange, seeing as though the place was cordoned off by coppers on Monday morning. The reality is a combination of a break-in and the return on the ongoing chlroine situation. Both incidents are only related in terms of a corporate cock up from Fusion.

*Monday 28th, 19:00 update*

The pool has remained closed all day. The police completed their investigations, but sadly the lido was unable to re-open once again because of a “chemical imbalance.”

*sigh*

If it’s not the chlorine that is closing Brockwell Lido then it is the local idiots who fail to understand the concept of community. It was heartbreaking to cycle to SE24 for the daily dip on Monday morning, only to find a police cordon and a closed lido.

It seems that a break-in took place during the early hours, clearing out the lido reception of cash from the night before. Any form of communication to customers from Fusion has sadly been lacking in recent weeks. It took a bizarre head nodding / shaking game with an off-message lifeguard, to try and work out why our lido was closed for the fourth time this month.

“Is this another chlorine bodge job?”

Head shake.

“Has someone broken in?”

Head nod.

“Has there been a poolside injury?”

Head shake.

“Was theft involved?”

Nod, nod, nod.

It’s not the first time that this has happened – the exact same situation took place only a fortnight ago following another Scorchio South London weekend of al fresco swimming. I hope that lessons were learnt first time round from Fusion, and the takings from the weekend weren’t left overnight on the premises.

The ease of access to the lido during the early hours appears to be down to no formal security in place regarding the car park games. With the Park Rangers closing the park at sunset, a word of mouth agreement is in place with @lambeth_council, allowing Fusion staff to lock the Dulwich Road gate after the gym closes at 10pm.

This only works well if the Fusion staff actually remember to lock the gates, come closing time for the lido gym.

Whoops.

Recent nights have seen a build up in the car park during the early hours, which High Court Judges would no doubt describe as a “rave.” Young folk gather around their cars, play loud music which omits a high frequency of beats per minute and… dance.

The rotters.

But this also leaves the lido highly exposed to abuse. The ornate metallic lido sign long since went missing from the front of the building. Last summer saw the closure of the lido when the early lifeguard opened up, only to find some fool had lobbed glass bottles over the lido wall.

Many lido lovers have been annoyed in recent weeks over the increase in security for pool users. Bag searches are in place, an activity that goes totally against the laid back ethos of lido life. It’s a shame the same level of security isn’t in place to keep away genuine trouble makers from the lido.

With the head nod / shake game over, I mounted the Moulton and pondered yet another morning of misery down at Brixton Rec. Back in SW9 and the morning swim lived up to the low expectations I had placed upon it.

Timing my birthday suit moment to coincide with the weekly swim from the lovely kids in one of the schools I work in didn’t help my cause. The appearance of the legendary Nostril Man – the swimmer who empties the contents of his nose after each length in the same style as a Premier League footballer – only added to my indoor indisposition.

It has got to the stage now where the policy of pimping out public pools to two private contractors is actually starting to pay off for me. With a Fusion lido membership and a GLL Swim London membership for Brixton, at least I’ve got all bases covered when it comes to finding somewhere to swim in Lambeth each morning.

Meanwhile, the lovely lido continues the slow decline of trust between users and management. It is testing the levels of human patience to conjure up any feelings of contempt associated with such an amazing community facility. Fusion’s poor corporate management of the project is sadly pushing many lido lovers to feel frustration towards the future of the facility.

When is a free swim not a free swim? When the coalition government is used as an excuse by @LambethLabour not to continue with the local election pledge it made less than two months ago.

Ah yes – it’s a return to an old family favourite around these parts – that @LambethLabour election pledge of “free swimming for every resident.”

*sigh*

Almost two months after @LambethLabour was returned to power, has anyone actually managed a free swim at any of the borough swimming pools Brixton Rec yet?

Nope, me neither.

I appreciate that for pledges to become policy takes some time. What is not acceptable however is to make political capital out of a pledge, just because you don’t like what the ConDem coalition is doing up the road in Westminster.

We’ve seen this already in the Rotten Borough, with the mixed message being sent out regarding the school Academies debate (bad locally, but we’re still going to build one…) It now seems that swimming has become caught up in the political point scoring as well.

The axing of free swimming for under-16s and over-60s in the ConDem budget was a typical free market move. Pay to play etc, and sod the healthy benefits that are often needed by this demographic.

But the national ConDem swinging of the leisure axe has absolutely nothing to do with the local election pledge made by @LambethLabour less than two months ago.

Free swimming for every resident is free swimming for every resident. Simple. No ConDem opt-outs were made in the manifesto. The choice was clear for Lambeth residents – vote for @LambethLabour and free swimming will be rolled out.

Not so now it seems.

Already @LambethLabour councillors are starting to show signs of using the ConDem budget as the get out clause, rather than be held to account.

If manifesto pledges are dependent upon a higher power, then what’s the point in making them in the first place? You may as well live in fantasy Lambeth La La Land, promise the most ridiculous piece of local legislation, and then retract it whenever the electorate decides not to vote in your Westminster pals on a national level.

Keeping it local, and I’m still paying twice for my daily swim – once with Fusion for @BrockwellLido, and once again with Greenwich Leisure Limited for my Brixton Rec membership. Both pools are owned by @lambeth_council, but the pimping out model of public services means that residents get fleeced twice.

And so yeah, Councillor Bigham – free swimming for every resident? This blame game is starting to sound a little lame.

This piece was first published on Londonist, and appears (slightly) dated.

Brockwell Lido has offered outdoor swimming to South Londoners for seventy three summers, although sadly not consecutive, with four years missed during the early 90′s as part of a Lambeth Council cost cutting exercise. I am proud to be entering my fifteenth season as a swimmer down in SE24, and one that for personal reasons, sadly may also be my last.

The 1937 Grade II listed pool provides locals with a 50 yard unheated (hurrah!) stretch in which to swim, as well as a state of the art modern gym, housed away in a refurbishment that was completed three summers ago.

The awarding of a twenty-five year lease from Lambeth Council to Fusion, has been the savior of Brockwell Lido. The gym makes money all year round, enabling al fresco swimmers to enjoy lido life for the six months of the year when South London hits a heat wave.

Ah, yes – about that current South London heatwave…

The Happiest Day of the Year in South London was the morning after the general election. If the election results weren’t enough to give you a kick up the backside, then the tepid twelve degrees temperature on the first morning of the pool being open made diving in a personal political act.

The anticipation of meeting up once again with the lovely lido community is the inspiration to drag your aching body down to Brockwell Park at 6:30 in the morning. It almost made the months of misery spent bemoaning Brixton Rec seem bearable.

As ever, you’ve done the hard part by being in the park. Once you are poolside, then you are going to swim. With a wetsuit hugging my toned torso (steady) what could go wrong?

A great leap of faith into the deep end, and I had forgotten how the Happiest Day of the Year also leads to your head exploding, should you make the silly mistake of forgetting your bright pink swimming cap.

Bugger.

Halfway down the first length and I panicked. The arms and legs were functioning, but the head had long since lost circulation. I started to see things on the other side of the pool that all rational thought tells you simply don’t exist.

That wasn’t *really* a naked female swimmer, was it?

I persevered, and after five minutes of a frantic freestyle motion, my conscious existence soon returned to my well being. I looked above as a flock of geese passed overhead, observing my every motion, and I then broke out into a great big underwater smile that will probably remain all the way until the season closer come October.

A return to the heated changing rooms was a welcome respite. The continual blasting out of Radio Twaddle on the internal sound system is something that I, and other early morning swimmers, could well do without.

But a minor gripe in what has signaled the start of six months of early morning swimming and grinning down at the lovely lido. By the time I had showered and put back in place my three layers of clothing, I was just about able to walk in a straight line once again.

These will gradually be shed, one by one, over the coming weeks, along with the wetsuit as I acclimatise back into the routine of daily lido life.

The lovely Lido Cafe was open for the Breakfast Club, and the public art project from local artists Gethin and Myles, was proudly on display in the basin of the pool for those brave enough to take a dip. Memories of lido life from local users have been lovingly painted around the perimeter of the pool, as a statement of some form of private underwater reading club.

Expect the pool temperature to rise to around twenty degrees come mid-June, peaking at a positively Mediterranean twenty-five degrees by July. Best keep the wetsuit ready from here onwards…

A lido swim doesn’t come cheap at £5.20 per adult. This is a figure calculated more in line with the traditional lido ethos of having a swim, and then arseing about poolside for the rest of the day. Season tickets at £150 represent far better value for money.

The lido community is set to truly take off this season, finally having a functioning lido cafe upon which events can be arranged. Brothers Daniel and Duncan not only provide poolside refreshments, but also high class cuisine and an entertainment schedule during the evenings.

So yeah, fifteen years of putting the lengths in at the lido, and fifteen summers ‘wasted’ by sitting around the poolside doing bugger all.

Golden Days I tell you, Golden Days.