onionbagblog

“Do you live in the borough of Lambeth? Do you find yourself in a daily struggle to control the bubbling rage that seeps from beneath your very pores, causing you to erupt in an incandescent torrent at the slightest provocation?

A cocktail of low employment (just 67% of adults are in a job), poor health, drugs, and population density, means that Lambeth is the angriest place in the country.”

Now read on…

I wonder what the correlation is with this map?

Heads up @se1.

Anger is an energy.

With limited opportunities available to swim in public pools in Lambeth, I thought I would attempt to uncover the other options available within the borough boundaries in which to swim. You would be surprised to know as to how many swimming pools there are in Lambeth. You just have to know where to look for them, or even whom to ask.

I’ve not set out to offer an exhaustive list. This is only the start. I was going to start a Help Me Investigate topic to try and collaborate the crowd sourcing. It’s a fine online tool that @paulbradshaw and others have established.

But given that I blog mainly about (i) swimming and (ii) South London, I thought perhaps this would be a better place to start.

And so my mission is to map the hidden (and perhaps lost) swimming pools of South London. I hope you are able to join me in the search, by offering assistance in the comments below.

This *isn’t* a historical or political quest; I want to share the options that are available to swimmers in the borough whilst our friends @lambeth_council attempt to save their leisure policy from complete meltdown. I found it ironic though to discover that I actually live in a specific part of the borough with the highest concentration of swimming pools.

The very essence of the search is going to be that most pools are private. Paying for a private swim in Lambeth is now no longer a crime against your political conscious (arf.) The privatisation of the public pools has already seen to this.

There’s some hidden treasures buried away in the borough (and on the map) such as the strip of pool at Tudor Court at the back of Brixton Hill, and the *shhh* private family pool just down from Streatham Common. Accessing the Google Maps via the satellite view will open up a whole new world of South London swimming pool snooping.

There are also some heartbreaking cases of previous botched Lambeth Council leisure policies, such as the filling in of the Kennington Park Lido during the late 1980’s.

Lessons to be learnt, swimming pools to be found. Please feel free to add any other suggestions. The count is currently on twelve fifteen sixteen – a pool a day for a fortnight would be my ultimate South London swimming fantasy.

The first person to put a pin on The Rookery at Streatham Common as a swimming location gets a dunking in the temporary pool whenever / if our friends @lambeth_council get round to building it.

Heads up @se1, @dominiccampbell and @lambethcpcg for assistance in pool hunt.

Ah, so this is the <irony>real</irony> reason that are friends from @lambeth_council are so busy closing leisure centres all around the Rotten Borough: to fleece customers for the joining fee each time they are forced to become a swimming refugee elsewhere.

You may remember how I was asked to pay a £10 hidden cost when I tried to transfer my GLL Lambeth membership to a wider Swim London membership. I could see that the leisure policy of Lambeth Labour was in meltdown, and for the same monthly £26 payment, I wanted other options.

A bit of behind the scenes work from the lovely GLL management, and my £10 online membership was refunded. Rightly so, seeing as though I had already paid to join (join what?) when I first purchased my GLL Lambeth membership.

Fast forward to this week, and for the first time since the privatisation of leisure in Lambeth, I was able to see the nice man from the GLL membership office during the daytime at Brixton Rec.

We were reassured at the Clap’ham Users Forum to signal the end of swimming in SW4 that all memberships would be automatically transferred over. I wasn’t too concerned at the time. My Swim London membership is valid at all GLL pools throughout London, and I had indeed used it up at Oasis and London Fields.

But then once I became a Clap’ham refugee, my card failed to swipe early each morning. It was a mild irritant at first, but then given the 7am opening time, the lovely smiling receptionist and I came to an agreement.

That agreement was to take up the issue in the membership office at The Rec. Seeing as though kicking out time for public swimming in SW9 is 9am, and the membership office isn’t open until 9:30, this wasn’t exactly practical.

Until half term week that is, where I took the opportunity to sort out my non-swipeable card.

“Your membership has expired,” said the GLL membership chap. “You’ll have to pay £10 to renew it.”

Eh? Where the chuffers did that one come from?

There was more…

“You’ll only be able to swim at Brixton.”

Overlooking the minor issue that there isn’t actually anywhere else in the Rotten Borough where I can swim right now, I would rather like the option of swimming up at Oasis or London Fields. My membership is called Swim London, not Swim Brixton (But Only Between the Hours of 7-9am.)

I was extremely confused, and so it seems was yer man from GLL. It turns out that my original Swim London membership was linked to Clap’ham Pool. For some unknown reason, the swimmers of SW4 were given the status to be able to swim anywhere. Maybe GLL knew what was coming all along with the Streatham and Clap’ham closures?

Highly unlikely. A more sensible analysis is simply the confusion that crept in at GLL, following the pimping out of leisure by our friends at @lambeth_council. No one is entirely sure right now which particular swimming packages exist, and exactly where and when you can use them.

It’s all about the swimming, isn’t it?

I can’t get angry with the lovely smiling GLL receptionist at 7am each morning (she really is rather lovely.) Likewise I can’t get angry with the other GLL staff on the ground at the Rec, who always stop and make a point of filling me in with the political pressures they are operating under. GLL management are also rather decent, and go out of their way to contact me over any woes I have with my membership.

The real reason for the complete meltdown of leisure in the Rotten Borough comes when the party in powers allows *anyone* but itself to take responsibility for leisure provision.

Tesco, the Cathedral Group, GLL – *anyone* but @lambeth_council itself. I think this is called a *shhh* cooperative form of local government.

Once again it took some online intervention from the lovely GLL management to resolve the issue. I have very kindly been given a free month of membership to make up for the inconvenience, which makes for all of the above moaning seem slightly over the top.

GLL is proving to be very decent at managing a near on impossible situation that it has inherited with the provision of leisure in Lambeth. Staff from the shop floor up to the management have made the most out of a very difficult situation.

To be fair, the Cabinet Member for Culture and Communities was also rather helpful in offering assistance (and apologies) online.

I was peeved though at being asked to pay a joining fee that I have already paid twice. Imagine if the 5,000 daily users at The Rec are also peeved? That’s a lot of political muscle to exercise out there.

Another day, another leisure story coming out of the Rotten Borough. Are you getting bored of these yet? Only another three months to go until polling day…

Speaking of which – pity poor old @ChukaUmunna, the Labour parliamentary candidate for St Reatham. Chuka is replacing the Blair arsewipe Keith Hill.

Having trousered an old boys network nice little earner with his new position on the board of Lambeth Living (pimped out Council housing stock,) Keith Hill was hopeful of handing over his healthy majority to the new Chuka on the block. At least that was the plan.

With an overall majority of 7,466 back in the 2005 general election, the current poster boy of Nu Labour should be sitting on a safe local seat. Ah, but events dear boy, events. Or to be more specific, local events.

With May 6th set in stone as the date for the local elections, it looks like yer man Chuka could also be asking the good people of SW16 to fast track him to Westminster on the very same day.

But wait! What’s this? There’s been a spot of local bother with the Labour party in Lambeth. You may have read about it over here, here and here (you get the idea…)

Lambeth Labour has let down the electorate in St Reatham by closing down the leisure centre. It’s all very well asking people to put their faith in the ‘Barack Obama for Britain‘ (stop sniggering) but when Barack Chuka is aligned to the very same party that has shut St Reatham leisure centre, then poor old Chuka could become a cropper.

Yeah yeah, just the usual ramblings of a loose cannon leftie that has lost all faith in the right wing administration in La La Lambeth Land. Same old same.

Um, nope; actually not:

“The current situation regarding leisure provision here is clearly unsatisfactory.”

Cripes. It comes to something when the parliamentary candidate has to apologise for the political apathy of his own local party on the ground. I bet those St Reatham Labour Party whist drive evenings are a laugh a minute.

“The fact is that the Council administration has not invested enough in the pool for a long time, and they should all be big enough to admit as much.”

Blimey. This is the point I tried to put across to Labour Councillor Nigel Haselden during our recent podcast. Although the good Councillor was charming company, he certainly wasn’t “big enough to admit as much.”

In fact he tried to spin out the “success story” of leisure in Lambeth, and was even “alarmed” at my observations that Labour has lost control of leisure in the Rotten Borough to the private sector.

Best ‘ave a word with Barack Chuka…

Having pulled at the heartstrings by spurting out some twaddle about how important St Reatham leisure centre has been to him as a local, Chuka then advises the electorate where to go swimming instead (clue: it’s not in Lambeth but over in the Borough of Bromley. B****y Bromley!)

The timing of the latest press release from Chuka is to coincide with the public meeting called to discuss the failure of the St Reatham Hub project. We can’t even do meetings on time in Lambeth – the original date of 3rd February was put back seven days so that Lambeth Council “will be able to be clearer about its position.”

We’ve waited seven years for the Hub, what’s another seven days between friends? The meeting will now take place on Wednesday 10 February, 7pm at Hideaway. Here’s hoping Lambeth Council leader @cllrstevereed shows up to answer to the “unsatisfactory” claims made by the man who defeated him to land the St Reatham parliamentary candidacy.

Day 16 of the Privatisation of Leisure in the Rotten Borough, and are the new arrangements at Brixton Rec starting to bed down?

Are they b*****ks.

Swim London members were given assurances at the Users Forum to announce the closure of Clap’ham Pool that all GLL membership cards would be transferable. Simply swipe your card at Brixton, and Bob’s yer uncle.

But I haven’t got an uncle called Bob. I haven’t even got an Aunty called Robert, either.

If the 7 – 9am only swimming in SW9 wasn’t bad enough, we now have to suffer the daily embarrassment of being branded a Clap’ham refugee. I arrive bright and early (very early) in Brixton, full of anticipation of my barcode card being swiped.

“Could you try again, please, Sir?”

“Oh, let’s swipe it a little slower.”

“One more time, please, Sir. Sir? Sir…?“

The Brixton Rec smiling receptionists are doing their best under very trying circumstances. The closure both of Clap’ham and St Reatham pools by Labour led Lambeth Council, has led to all Lambeth swimmers now competing for a slot in the two hour time frame in SW9 each morning.

But how b***y difficult can it be to update the GLL records, and update my card, as promised at the Clap’ham Users Closure Forum? That’s the whole point of a Swim LONDON membership, surly? Your card is transferable across all GLL sites. I was certainly led to believe this when I was stung with the hidden costs during the generic online signing up process.

Tuesday morning saw a new twist to the farce of the early morning leisure failure. Three receptionists smiling away, and not a single customer. Cripes – a quick swipe or three and I should be in the pool before chucking out time at 9am.

But nope – I was asked instead to use the fast checkout machine at the side of the reception. I’ve every sympathy for the lovely GLL smiling ladies – the self-service machine is similar to the scab labour sets ups that are on the increase in supermarkets.

My Swim London card has yet to work on a single day since the Privatisation of Leisure by Lambeth Council, and so I was weary of the new approach.

“Don’t worry, Sir. It will be fine.”

And so I swiped, swiped, and swiped again. If at first you don’t succeed, bugger off back to bed and admit defeat. The free market has won, and you might as well turn into a lard arse, rather than try and use your local leisure facilities.

I continued of course, and asked once again for my details to be updated.

“How do we know who you are?”

I would have thought that you have got enough data on me already, seeing as though the direct debit still comes out of my bank account each month.

“Could Sir please try and resolve this membership issue at our Member’s Office?”

“Sure, what time does the office open?”

“9:30.”

Chucking out time at Brixton Rec is 9am. Swimming in a sea of fools.

Rejoice! Hang the bunting outside Lambeth Town Hall! I’ve found the mythical fool’s gold here in La La Lambeth Land. Lucky me. Looks like the leisure “success story” than Labour Councillor Nigel Haselden was trying to spin out to me last week can be found right here on my doorstep.

Fresh off the printing press, and the latest issue of ‘information newssheet’ Lambeth Life leads with the good news story of a “12m long temporary pool” being loaned out to the disused Lilian Baylis old school site in Kennington.

Well slap me in the face with a wet pair of Speedos and force me to have a cold shower with the entire Labour led Lambeth cabinet.

Cripes.

I knew our good friends at @lambeth_council wouldn’t let us down. The good Councillor Haselden stressed that he was “alarmed at my observations” that the leisure policy in Lambeth has failed the electorate.

I thought I was being objective in my observations. Streatham and Clap’ham pools are both shut, and Brixton is the only place in the Rotten Borough where Lambeth residents can now swim (but only between 7-9am, and with no recognised changing room.)

But nope. Looks like the two-month loan of a Lego swimming pool in Lambeth is the success story I’ve been searching for. Councillor Haselden mocked the idea of a temporary pool after we had finished recording our podcast. Seems like his Labour colleague Rachel Heywood, Cabinet Member for Culture and Communities, hadn’t informed her colleague of the Kennington paddling pool.

Any swim is a good swim, but twelve metres is just poxy. A kick off from one side of the temporary structure and then you’ve touched down at the other end. With the local election looming, it’s this exact form of panic-driven policies that has come to be the legacy of the current administration.

Whatever next? Tents at Brockwell Park to cover up the £1m spunked up the wall to housing consultants during a six-month period last year? Something wicked this way comes. It’s called a ballot paper and so best make sure that temporary arrangements are in place, to see us through until May.

It is with apt timing that Lambeth Life has decided to share the leisure “success” story on the exact same day that the Audit Commission took the spineless decision to allow local authorities to continue to publish this blatant form of political propaganda.

A front-page picture led splash (aha!) in Lambeth Life, yet diddly squat mention of the closure of the three main pools in the Borough. I’m surprised that my Lambeth Life delivery boy doesn’t actually knock on the door wearing a big red rosette, grinning like a buffoon and asking to kiss a baby before leaving me with the latest Lambeth Labour endorsed literature.

Oh, and top marks for the use of kids swimming in the La La Lambeth Land Lego Pool for the picture. Once again it has been conveniently forgotten that the current administration pulled down the 25m pool at Stockwell Park High School, despite concerns from local Labour MP Kate Tally Hoey. It really is saying something if it takes the fragrant Tally Hoey to tick of an administration for cutting public services.

And so the good people of Lambeth are left with a temporary Lego pool in the Rotten Borough, and a local election looming. Leisure shouldn’t be a political hot potato; it should be something that any local authority supports and funds, aware of the wider benefits to the local community.

The electorate can see the privatisation of leisure in Lambeth by the Labour administration as evidence where priorities lay for the current party in power. Knee jerk policies as the election looms are always the sure sign of a party that is sinking. Even in a poxy 12m temporary Lego pool.

Pathetic.

If it’s the evening of the best football match of the season, then it must mean that I draw the short straw and cycle off for a Full Council Meeting at Lambeth Town Hall. An own goal, a possible red card and even the suggestion of a streaker – and that was just in the Council chamber.

Cripes.

You need the patience of a Saint to sit through all the twaddle and posturing that takes place within local government. The good @mayoroflambeth fortunately has this attribute. His charisma alone chaired the meeting. How else to make the voting of twenty-one motions at the close seem worth sitting through?

The main thrust midweek in Lambeth was a themed debate on the current state of Health Inequalities in Lambeth. A serious subject that requires serious debate and commentary. I think we just about got there.

Lambeth Primary Care Trust (it use to be called the NHS back in the day) was represented by its Chief Executive Kevin Barton and a selection of his colleagues. I bumped into one of the PCT representatives as I stalked a backroom corridor before the meeting.

“Do you know where the main chamber is?” I politely enquired.

“What on earth would you want to go in there for?,” came the reply.

Being quizzed by our democratically elected representatives from the Left Right and the further Right was obviously not on the radar for the fine PCT representative. I had her down as a closet Villa fan.

I soon settled with the rest of the Little People, looking down on the great den of democracy. Actually there was around a dozen or so of us in the public gallery. It wasn’t exactly standing room only down in the chamber either, with a number of empty seats from our fine upstanding councillors.

Down to business, and actually a half-decent debate. The Green Party’s Councillor Thackray made an important point about the provision for HIV prevention and care in Lambeth. Yer man Mr Barton gave the chamber a cold reality check with talk of “smarter, more imaginative ways to meet the expected deficit.” I think he was talking about allowing the free market into the Rotten Borough.

“Resources will be squeezed” over the next decade, with even talk of a “financial tsunami.” Blimey. I bet some knobber mentions the ‘elephant in the room’ next, I pondered, as I flicked around my iPhone for the latest football score.

“Can we talk about the elephant in the room?” enquired a Labour member. She wasn’t referring to leisure, either.

Ah, leisure in the Rotten Borough. My leisure, other people’s pleasure. Labour’s @cllr_robbins made the connection between increased leisure provision and preventative health care. He didn’t mention that his administration has just shut all three swimming pools in the Rotten Borough.

The Love Me I’m a Liberal lot took issue with some of the figures contained within the health report. One in five people in Lambeth live in Sunny Stockwell, apparently. Sunny side of the street, ‘n all that.

“Stockwell is a beautiful place,” observed the good Labour Councillor @imogenwalker. It most certainly is, but now is not the time to be complacent.

There was also the observation by Labour’s @CllrMarkBennett that residents in his St Reatham South ward live longer than the average national age. Woh. Way to go St Reatham South.

This is genuinely encouraging and positive news. I just can’t help but think that the blue rinse brigade down in SW16 are getting a little bored of Countdown, what with no leisure centre or library in their patch to help pass away the afternoon.

Exit stage left of our friends from Lambeth PCT, enter stage right Punch ‘n Judy. The second half of the session was put aside for Q & A’s. This is where the local politicians like to rehearse their skills at being the big boys as they plot their political careers towards Westminster.

Ambition is a wonderful trait. It needs to be focussed however, and not played out at the detriment for local people living in one of the most deprived boroughs in the country.

My plague on both houses moment came when it came down to a bloody Tory to defend leisure in Lambeth. Has it really come to this? A right wing Labour administration that is being made to look foolish by the party of privatisation?

What followed was an astonishing speech from Labour councillor Rachel Heywood, the Cabinet Member for Culture and Communities. It was a red rag moment that Wayne Rooney would have been proud of – if he could find a leisure centre in Lambeth that is still open, that is.

Councillor Heywood stated that she was “not embarrassed” about the abject failure of Lambeth Labour’s leisure policy. It was a very different approach from the good Councillor, compared to the touchy, feely ‘concern’ that was shown when I spoke with her about leisure from a user’s perspective, some forty-eight hours earlier.

A murmur of “Keep Clap’ham Swimming” came from the opposition benches. I wasn’t quite sure of Council chamber protocol, but I missed the moment to throw down from the public gallery my goggles in disgust.

Hey hoe. All was not lost. I was inspired by Labour councillor @QueenFlo, who praised the work of Space Makers and #brixvill down in SW9 over the past few weeks. Fellow Labour Councillor @jkazantzis confirmed that Space Makers have been invited back to Lambeth, with talk of St Reatham and Norwood benefiting from use of empty commercial space. They should have a field day in St Reatham.

Sticking with St Reatham and Labour’s Lib Peck, Cabinet Member for Housing and Regeneration, was asked by the LibDems about the failed St Reatham Hub project. Two very precise and very worthwhile questions were raised:

(i) Can the Councillor give assurances that all existing leisure facilities in Streatham will have a home once [if?] the hub project is complete, and

(ii) Can the Councillor confirm that St Reatham Ice Rink will remain open until a new facility is built?

Councillor Lib Peck answered the questions by hiding behind the lame protection of “commercial confidentiality.” Looks like Tesco’s has got Labour Lambeth right by the balls. Assuming there are any left, that is.

And that was just about yer lot. All that remained was the voting on twenty-one motions. Not everyone sat through the entire debate, but the boys seemed to know which buttons to press anyway.

Long live democracy. Only in the Rotten Borough.