The @BrockwellLido close of season coincides this summer with the arrival of the Great Escape. With the lido shutters now pulled firmly shut, the bag packing can start in earnest as I seek to find a new outdoor swimming experience somewhere deep within the wilds of North Essex.

When @AnnaJCowen and I sat down some eighteen months ago to compile a list of Reasons to Stay in London, my plus column consisted of a solitary entry: Brockwell Lido. Cricket almost got a look in, as did track cycling at Herne Hill. Replacing cricket is relative; I’m too crocked now to compete seriously at le velo.

It was the absolute love of @BrockwellLido that *almost* kept me in South London. You can’t survive on the last of the summer wine forever, and a lido lifestyle can be a miserable ball and chain to be shackled with during those dark winter months.

But how to say goodbye to an activity that has been at the centre of my South London #hyperlocal universe for the past fifteen summers?

My love affair with the lido started almost as soon as we first moved into South London during the summer of ’95. I kept on hearing about this mythical outdoor pool during my first few weeks in Brixton. A weekend run around Brockwell Park led me to the formal introduction. We’ve had an intimate relationship ever since.

The start of May until the end of September have been put aside for the past fifteen years as Lido Days. It is an addiction that means my working day is not complete unless I have indulged. Breaking the Brockwell habit is going to come at a high cost.

The attraction is mainly physical, partly emotional. I embrace the freshness of the water washing over me each morning in an almost ritualistic manner, providing clarity and perspective for the working day ahead.

The lido has become my thinking place in South London. Most of my major life decisions have been made here in an environment where I am truly clear of any outside distraction or influence. Ironically, the decision to leave South London was made whilst under the cool waters of Lake Brockwell.

Starting your morning with a gentile introduction, albeit a rather physically brutal and mentally bruising experience, leaves you with positive thoughts that remain throughout the day. Colleagues have long since stopped asking me why I am grinning insanely at 9am.

Catching the dancing rays of the sun as they reflect down on to the pool basin is better than any sterile, soulless Brixton Rec indoor swimming experience. Seeing a flock of geese provide you with a personal flyover is an added bonus.

The lido is MY lido. This is a claim that every other lido swimmer would also no doubt make. It can also be yours if you choose it to be. The experience and routine of the daily dip becomes a highly personalised one. You are in complete control of your own immediate environment. No one can touch you [um, not quite true] and anything is achievable.

I feel that I know every physical feature of the pool, from where the uneven white edges around the perimeter start to crack, down to the gradual tethering of the shallow end and the exact spot where you need to raise your knees to prevent grazing on the pool basin.

I can judge with my eyes closed (and usually they are) the precise point where my feet need to make contact as I push off from the deep end as I turn around to do it all again. I swim blind – not in the literal sense, although the pool is home to a number of sight-impaired swimmers.

I have seen many weird and wonderful sights down by the waters of Lake Brockwell over the years. The bonkers underwater hoover, the official Hold Yer Breath Underwater National Championships, and even having to share my lido experience with some model submarines that tried to dive bomb me in the deep end. That’s not something you see every day down at Brixton Rec.

But perhaps the weirdest experience is that of my fellow lido swimmers. All lovely, all totally bonkers. It is the defining feature of someone who chooses to swim outdoors in a water temperature that your body wants to resist, but your mind wants you to indulge in.

My favourite lido moments are the extremes – falling asleep in the suntrap terrace on a South London scorcher of an afternoon, or swimming in the rain mid-September and being the single custodian of the waters of Lake Brockwell. The mid-winter Brockwell Icicles experience takes this crazed approach to aquatic hedonism a stage further.

The building itself may change, but the ambience remains. I was alarmed over the architectural vandalism that the winter 2006 re-build by Fusion proposed. The demolition of an art deco wall, and then replacing it with a full on body pump style gym, could have killed off Brockwell Lido for me.

Somehow the smoke and mirrors trick has managed to hide away the dirty business of the gym bunnies. What goes on behind that wall we don’t talk about, but at least it brings in the money for Fusion, and guarantees a future for the lido.

Remarkably the unique lido ambience is still more or less in place after the most significant building works in the pool’s seventy-year history. This is a place of community, a place to meet people and a place to escape the nearby madness of the city.

It is this companionship that I treasure the most. Seeing fellow swimmers for the first time in the season is always a diary date to look forward to. Saying farewell at the end of September only reminds you of the winter misery months to come. I confess to slipping out quietly on Sunday, not wanting to cause a scene, not wanting to blubber on my final Brockwell Lido day.

And so where to now? Nearby Colchester has the new Garrison pool (fitness swimming) and Leisure World (wave machine hell.) I’m hoping to continue the outdoor aquatic lifestyle, by finding my own personal space downstream in the Colne estuary.

Perhaps this will be the biggest personal legacy that @BrockwellLido leaves upon me. Outdoor swimming is the purest form in which to participate. But to participate effectively, you need companionship. The unique collision of an art deco building in South London with a collective of crazed outdoor aquatic types, is going to be simply irreplaceable.

I regret that I am not going to be around for the BLU AGM next month. It is a social highlight of the lido season, and provides me with my annual opportunity to ask why I should have to pay twice to swim in pools owned by @lambeth_council. Fifteen years of swimming, and I still haven’t heard a satisfactory answer.

But anyway: come on in – the water’s… Brrrrr.

There is something unique about my #hyperlocal patch of South London in that it is fortunate to throw up a higher number of local blogs than probably anywhere else in London. It is no coincidence that a large amount of local online dialogue is spent discussing the failures of @lambeth_council.

Collective contempt breeds community *shhh* co-operation, which is perhaps why this area is so rich in local blogs. But it’s not all about incompetent local authority bureaucracy. Sometimes there is a booze call to arms, and the online becomes the offline.

Which is exactly what happened on Thursday evening at the Wheatsheaf, when the wonderful @AndrewOrange of the Tradescant patch pitched in with the perfect idea of organising an SW8 (ish) Battle of the Blogs in the form of a pub quiz.

Contrary to continued claims from the snipers, this informal network of bloggers has been operating independently over the past few years. Offline acquaintances have been rare. We all tend to cover the same stories coming out of the Rotten Borough, but that is more due to duty than conspiracy.

The Battle of the Blogs served as a brilliant opportunity to put a name to that dodgy twitter profile picture, hit the booze and then laugh at some of the antics of @lambeth_council that we have all been following of late.

I arrived at The Wheatsheaf not really knowing what to expect, but was totally blown away by many of the online names that had come out to compete, and to wish a farewell to @AnnaJCowen and I ahead of the Great Escape.

The scene in the main bar ahead of the quiz was like a Who’s Who of Lambeth activism. There was no representation from @LambethLabour, although to be fair, @imogenwalker had civic Licensing duties. @labourstockwell sent a very kind apology.

It was great to catch up with John Hare once again, whom I spent a charming afternoon with back in May, learning all about the dirty tricks campaign put in place by @LambethLabour over in Herne Hill. With May 6th now behind us, John tried his very best on the night to out me as a Lambeth Green. Close, but no cigar, my friend. Not yet, anyway,

To my great surprise, my fave local Lambeth activist also turned up. I was given the complete rundown of the Battle of Vassall Ward, and only wish now that I was around longer to see this particular #hyperlocal problem be played out in full.

And then just when you think that you have heard it all in the Rotten Borough, I was tipped off about a truly outrageous local story that looks like it will blow up big time. Following, but not participating, in the Lambeth online dialogue via my RSS feeds is going to pass away those long, rural winter evenings.

As for the quiz itself? Well, the #hyperlocal news round compiled by the good @AndrewOrange was testing, and it is with some shame that my non SW8 team ringer, @Darryl1974 did the business for Team Lambeth Shite (although I did pitch in with the answer of “he voted @LambethLabour” to the question: what crime did the last person to be executed at Kennington Gallows commit?)

Overall and Team Lambeth Shite faired slightly better than the inspiration behind the name; the Luscious Lurkers were diligent and asked some probing questions (but didn’t get many answers.) Hold the front page – @StockwellNews ran away with the Battle of the SW8 Blogs winner’s award.

And so a huge thanks to both @AndrewOrange and The Wheatsheaf for accommodating us. @mazlaws, @markvauxhall, @garethwyn and, um, @AnnaJCowen all did Team Lambeth Shite proud as well.

It was fitting that as I left a #hyperlocal pub quiz, I still managed to get lost in walking the short distance back to my SW8 base. Whoops. Even more fitting that the Wheatsheaf hung a picture painted nearby to the Hoe.

There will always be a small part of South London that will be forever Wivenhoe, and in return, I’m sure that there will always be a small part of Wivenhoe that will keep on flying the flag for South London.

I was always taught at school that it’s not big and it’s not clever to, um, use the word biggest. But then that’s local politicians for you, ever keen to reduce everything down to a wily measuring competition.

As for the newspaper angle – are you sure, fellas? The dictionary definition of a newspaper states:

“A publication issued at regular and usually close intervals, esp. daily or weekly, and commonly containing news, comment, features, and advertising.”

As we have already established, Lambeth Life is fortnightly (for now.) It contains comment camouflaged as council news, the features refer to any spaced out mid ’90s DJ passing through the Rotten Borough and as for the advertising? *ahem* self-sufficient. Sort of.

But about that fortnightly print cycle of our favourite local authority information news sheet: those nasty ConDems are about to do something as horrid as place objective editorial control on all council propaganda rags, and limit the publication cycle to four times a year.

Hurrah! The rotters.

“The government will confirm a crackdown on council-funded newspapers and magazines this week as it seeks to protect media groups which claim they cost them readers and advertising revenue.

Eric Pickles, the communities and local government secretary, will announce new guidelines ahead of the Conservative party conference this weekend that will effectively ban councils from using taxpayers’ money to produce free papers and magazines, MediaGuardian.co.uk can reveal.”

Interesting. Very interesting. Tell me more, my meeja Graun luvvies…

“Under the new rules, it is understood councils will only be allowed to publish free titles four times a year. They will also have to remove any content which appears to praise the council or endorse the quality of its local services, including quotes from local residents.”

Which basically leads to the conclusion that Lambeth Life is f***ed. Take away the “content which appears to praise the council or endorse the quality of its local services,” and all you are left with is a shabby cut and paste interview with Fat Boy Slim every fortnight.

But perhaps the real problem that those nasty ConDem proposals present to the chest beating @LambethLabour publication is where the chuffers to place those statutory local authority adverts?

Reading about a temporary road closure to Piss Alley, SW2, may not be the most riveting editorial piece of copy, but this kind of communication carries legal obligations for any legally obliging local authority.

Dig a little deeper and you find the real raison d’etre for Lambeth Life existing is to satisfy a tit for tat agenda setting war with the seedy @SthLondonPress.

Oh Lordy.

The sex ads that appear in the family newspaper are given as the reason for not pushing local authority wonger the way of the @SthLondonPress pimps. The little bit of local bother between @LambethLabour and @SthLondonPress is of course nothing but a sideshow, and a particularly ugly one at that.

But anyway – this is debate for another time, and probably not around these parts either.

Phew.

And so Lambeth Life lands on my SW8 doormat for a final time, and what do I find on the front cover?

Setting the Lambeth Standard

“Today marks the launch of Lambeth Council’s new service standards that describe the level of service you can expect when you contact the council.”

Which all sounds well and good, especially so when the local authority is looking to lose 400 members of staff in just the first round of local authority redundancies.

I do hope that the hard working staff at @lambeth_council aren’t put up as the scapegoats for the failure to reach this much-lauded Lambeth Standard. Many of the frontline staff are superb – my recent visit to the Parking Department may have left me low on wallet, but I was uplifted in the level of service that was provided.

Nope – the Lambeth Standard (stop sniggering) needs a top down approach if any genuine levels of excellence are to be achieved. A good starting point might be to give a crash course to certain local Councillors, regarding the pledge to:

“Treat you as an individual with dignity, fairness, courtesy and respect at all times.”

Cripes.

“If you send us an email or write to us, we will: aim to acknowledge your correspondence within two working days.”

Which most certainly wasn’t the response I received in relation to the formal complaint regarding Councillor Davie of Thornton ward. My submission to the Standards Committee wasn’t acknowledged for a full seven days, and even then it took extra effort from me to get the due legal process to be observed.

But yeah – the formal complaint is now in place…

All this talk of quarterly publications, the removal of council endorsing content and the Lambeth Standard, leaves you longing to actually get yer grubby mitts on a publication with a picture of grinning local politician to take the p*** out of.

Ah, lookey here – let’s turn to Page 3 of Lambeth Life:

Petition to save Triangle Adventure Playground Underway

“More than 1,000 people have signed a petition calling for the council to rethink plans to close an adventure playground to make way for a school expansion.”

The farce of forcing the Triangle to close to make way for extra car parking space at Archbishop Tennison, just as the BSF fund has been denied, has been well documented elsewhere. It makes you wonder what the *real* reason is for @LambethLabour wanting to cut a kiddies playground.

“Parents and children from the Triangle Adventure Playground have been collecting signatures for the petition, and handed it over to the Council Deputy Leader Jackie Meldrum last month.”

Hang on – the Council’s Deputy Leader? Where was the Head Boy when the kids came a knocking? @cllrstevereed had already agreed a diary date to receive the petition from the children of Ashmole Primary School on September 16th. The appointment had been made via local MP Kate Hoey, who was also present on the Town Hall steps to greet the Glorious Leader.

The working day of a council leader is no doubt a busy one (#lambethcoop meetings, disciplinary hearings, random 3am tweeting sessions) but the blanking of the kids from Ashmole ranks as pretty poor. For Lambeth Life to put up the stooge of Councillor Meldrum, tells you all you need to know about “council endorsing content.”

What we need, Comrades, is a Freedom Vs Censorship debate. And whaddya know – with absolutely no sense of irony, Lambeth Life delivers with a centre page spread on:

Only in the Rotten Borough…

That’s Life, suckers!

See ya, um…

I really will miss the great Giovani, Luigi and the lovely, lovely Di Lieto olive bread.

If I’m logged in under my own @Jason_Cobb account, then I get an empty page of thoughts radiating from the mind of @cllrstevereed. Sign out however, and I get the Full Monty.

Blimey.

But what of the content, Comrade?

The early bird catches the early worm, and it seems that @cllrstevereed had an awful lot on his mind during the early hours of Tuesday morning. Posting shortly after 3:30 am, the following question was posed:

It’s rather decent of @cllrstevereed to engage in some debate with the fine @kevindcraig – they are both members of the same political party, after all. Perhaps taking this conversation behind the closed doors of the local constituency meetings might have been a better idea though.

You may remember how @kevindcraig is the Secretary of the Vauxhall Constituency Labour Party. A Stop Kev campaign was put in place by a squeaky clean (and recently newly elected) Lambeth councillor, to try and remove @kevindcraig from his post earlier in the year.

The thinking was unsettle Kev, unsettle Kate Hoey, the sitting MP for Vauxhall. That leaves a huge gap to fill in local politics, with the added glamour of the national stage in which to strut your stuff as well.

Keep your eye on the prize at all times, Comrade.

The campaign from the right of @LambethLabour failed of course. Lambeth Town Hall may be nothing but a heard of Nu Labour sheep, but the local activists around the wards are actually quite, um, active.

And so with @kevindcraig democratically elected alongside Kate Hoey, it seems strange that further unsettling seems to be taking place online – and at 3:30 in the morning as well.

Oh Lordy.

Dare we mention the D word? @cllrstevereed certainly did to the Secretary of the Vauxhall CLP.

Unity seems to be the buzzword for the Comrades up in Manchester this week. Time to settle old scores and to come together to fight the nasty ConDem cuts collectively.

Meanwhile, back to @cllrstevereed’s early morning online ramblings, and we find:

Calling a fellow party member in the same borough a “Tory sympathiser” isn’t going to do much to heal those huge wounds within @LambethLabour. Come the cold light of day, and @cllrstevereed was asking:

Hoey’s record on voting for gay rights in the House is indeed open to interpretation. But once again, it seems a strange question for the Leader of a local authority to be posing on a (semi) pubic online social media site.

And so the Stop Kev campaign is about to be, um, started once again.

Now there’s… co-operation for you, Comrades.

The Unconference itself wasn’t so much Talk About Local, but looking ahead to how #hyperlocals can help one other. I have new personal and professional challenges ahead of me. Meeting up with skilled #hyperlocal enthusiasts, and only good could come out of the collaboration and conversation.

The day itself was positioned perfectly as a move away from debate towards dialogue. I still have some reservations about the merits of an Unconference; essentially there is no agenda – you set it yourself.

Around one hundred or so #hyperlocals assembled early on Saturday morning with a stunning view looking upstream along the Thames from Southwark Bridge. The panoramic proved to be the inspiration, and fifteen minutes later, a shared agenda for workshops was put in place.

I chipped in with the slightly mischievous: Local authorities, local media and #hyperlocals: conflict or collaboration?

This viewpoint obviously depends on precisely where your own #hyperlocal is positioned. Sitting here in Sunny Stockwell right now, and sadly the outlook is one of conflict.

A local authority back peddling to try and gain control of the local agenda, and a local newspaper that seemingly turns a blind eye to the sock puppeting style of the lead attack dog journo towards local blogs. This was a dialogue that I wanted to share with other London bloggers, to find out if Lambeth is unique in putting in place such high levels of suspicion.

The session itself became slightly confused. It appeared to crossover with a pre-planned Q & A with the very good @foodiesarah, who is responsible for the #hyperlocal network of sites at The Guardian.

The local authority element got mislaid, but instead we shared ideas about the relationship between bloggers and BIG (ish) media. It would have been decent if representation was here from BIG (ish) media, but with @SthLondonPress taking seven days to publish print copy online, and even a year to update a blog, (blimey) then I’m sure our family newspaper friends had better things to be doing.

The question was posed: are #hyperlocals the enemy? A spontaneous YES! resonated around the room. This *isn’t* by choice, but with the complete failure of BIG (ish) media around these parts to collaborate with the passionate informal network of local news junkies on the ground, this is often how it feels.

An excellent point was made in that media and life overlap. This is a proposition that BIG (ish) media can’t handle. The old linear model of reporting is still a one-way conversation, and the very pace of #hyperlocal life simply can’t translate to the painful process of publishing news content either offline, or even online by the BIG boys.

The collaboration element to the session proved to be the most contentious. @foodiesarah urged all #hyperlcoals to invoice, whenever BIG (ish) media lift our stories. It’s a fine principle to uphold, but the reality is that most of us can’t be arsed to file an invoice to a faceless organisation, and then wait around for a month for a poxy payment. You simply get on, do your thing and find new stories.

This theme then developed into a debate about what alternative form of payment could be accepted, if this collaboration could ever work. Most in the room favoured online links as a form of currency.

#hyperlocals do whatever it is that they do, not for the dosh, but for the sharing and collaboration, plus the passion for their own #hyperlocal news patch. We have stories to tell that BIG (ish) media are too lazy to look out for. Ultimately it is about getting these stories heard.

The value of a link is priceless in terms of gaining momentum. If BIG (ish) media is going to persist and keep on lifting our copy, the very least they could do is to link back to the original. This raises your ranking within Google, and ultimately allows those #hyperlocal news stories to find a voice that BIG (ish) media ignore.

The second session that I attended was all about Finding an Editorial Voice and How to Run a Campaign. This developed more into a debate about moderation – which was nice. It was very useful though for a possible project in the pipeline post the Great Escape.

My contribution was that I don’t believe that anyone deliberately decides to find an editorial voice, or even put in place a campaign. Put crudely – you just do it. #hyperlocals react to what they see around them. Any campaign, formal or otherwise, is simply what follows next.

I shared my experience regarding the bonkers 5am licence for Kelly’s just off the Clap’ham Road. I didn’t realise that I was caught up in the middle of a campaign until I started to become the central point for emails between local residents, councillors and the local police.

I made the point that the most valued contribution that #hyperlocals can make towards a campaign is simply getting the story out there. This was always my sole intention with the bonkers 5am licence. What followed is that m’blog somehow became the online space in which offline action was co-ordinated.

Making Connections and Linking London was a session led by mattfromlondon and @Londonist. Having demoed Londonist during the lunch break, Matt was interested in hearing how the Londonist network can engage the many London #hyperlocals.

I personally veer away from any collective form of blogging. I feel uncomfortable with the “we think…” editorial style. *I* think, which is all part of the process for me in offering one opinion on a #hyperlocal news patch.

I suggested to Matt that Ken Vs Boris will be key for @Londonist. I came up with the idea of actively recruiting a Ken flag waver and a Boris flag waver. This isn’t going to be an objective contest in which to report from the #hyperlcal hustings. Opinions matter out there. The collective “we” will be weakened compared to the singular “I.”

The final session I attended sounded intriguing: How Does #bigsociety Fit into #hyperlocal?

My observation was that #bigsociety, its #lambethcoop little brother and #hyperlocal, all share the common theme of having no dosh. The point was made that politicians don’t seem to recognise that #hyperlocals get things fixed, *without* any initial co-operation from politicians. In my micro patch and blogging about Palfrey Place, or the bonkers 5am licence has led to real action on the ground.

I offered up the point that you should see the story through to the conclusion. It may be a pain to keep on going back over old ground, but online context (and links) are everything. It has led me to understand the complete process that is still rumbling around the botched @LambethLabour email hack, not to mention the continued Streatham Hub strife. Sadly I won’t be around for the next decade to see the Streatham saga through to an end game.

Safer Neighbourhood Panels were mentioned as an example of how #bigsociety and #lambethcoop are doomed to fail. At best, a dozen people turn up at a SNP each month. This is a meeting that truly empowers the local community – you get to set the targets for your local police for each quarter.

If such apathy takes place at such a key decision making process, then you can see how I fail to get excited about #lambethcoop and the empty rhetoric of Power to the People. We elect (and pay) politicians to make these decisions for us.

And that was just about yer lot. An incredibly demanding day, but an excess of ideas and enthusiasm for me to take away for the next challenge. The Many Voices model worked rather well, and led to some genuine collaboration.

But in a day of shared conversations, co-operation and planning, it was perhaps apt that a singular tweet, tagged with the #lno10 hashtag, probably summed up best the London Neighbourhoods Online Unconference:

“If you want to get something done set up network, slow it down, set up an organisation.”

Many thanks to Networked Neighbourhoods for organising such a worthwhile event. Let’s build upon this optimism.

]]> http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/26/lno10-hyper-about-hyperlocals/feed/ 1 http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/25/readmitting-kingsley/ http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/25/readmitting-kingsley/#comments Fri, 24 Sep 2010 23:16:53 +0000 Jase http://onionbagblog.com/?p=3037 Not content with making libellous allegations towards, um, me, that a “whites-only Olde English village is more up to your standards,” [sic] @LambethLabour’s latest complete tool, Councillor Ed Davie of Thornton ward, is now going about his business by trying to brush under the carpet some of the fallout from the continued unexplained suspension of Councillor Abrams of Vassall ward.

The chest beating @LambethLabour website “welcomed back” Councillor Abrams with a news story that sought to steal back the agenda from the botched email sting allegations made against @LambethLabour Leader @cllrstevereed..

No mention was made in the blog post of the charge made against Councillor Abrams that he leaked sensitive information to @SthLondonPress. That’s probably because he didn’t – the popular local figure managed to see straight through the email sting, and laughed it off as just another dirty tricks campaign from the right of the party.

But with the four month period of sitting on the @LambethLabour naughty step now complete, how to solve the problem of Readmitting Kingsley? It is a problem all of the making of the Nu Labour twonks within @LambethLabour, and no surprises that they have managed to botch up this political act up as well.

Many activists within the party were unhappy about the authoritarian wording of the original blog post. Calls were made for it to either reflect more accurately the exact details of the events leading up to the suspension, or if that proved to be too uncomfortable, then just delete the blog entry altogether.

An edit has now taken place, but not after much prolonged debate and further fallout behind the scenes. The new posting declares with no sense or irony, or even embarrassment that:

“Chair of the Labour group Ed Davie, secretary Jennifer Brathewaite and chief whip Jack Hopkins officially welcomed Councillor Abrams back to the group at a meeting on September 20 at the town hall.

Councillor Davie said: I am very happy to welcome Kingsley back to the group and we fully endorse London Region’s view that he should play a full and constructive part in the Labour group and council.”

Cripes, Comrade.

That’s some welcome back handshake – behind the scenes and many leading figures within the @LambethLabour group are being emailed by Councillor Davie, briefing against Councillor Abrams and trying to offer *ahem* a ‘different interpretation‘ of the events as understood by many activists locally within the party.

This really should be the end of the very messy little spot of local bother that @LambethLabour has forced upon itself. But the continued wriggling by the Nu Labour twonks in the party is making a conclusion difficult to reach.

It is a classic case of put up, or shut up – where is the actual evidence that Councillor Abrams leaked information to the South London Press? You need to look towards the allegation that @lambeth_council Leader Steve Reed ordered the hacking of Councillor Abrams’ email account, to understand properly the reasons as to why the suspension has never properly been explained to the electorate.

Seek and you will find…

]]> http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/25/readmitting-kingsley/feed/ 0 http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/22/park-%e2%80%98n-ride/ http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/22/park-%e2%80%98n-ride/#comments Wed, 22 Sep 2010 17:50:08 +0000 Jase http://onionbagblog.com/?p=3030 Overlooking the slight kafuffle in the comments below regarding the “whites-only” [sic 'n *sigh* 'n complaint lodged to the Standards Committee] move to the ‘Hoe, but, yeah, the boxes are packed and all we need now is somewhere to park the removal van, come the grand day of the Great Escape.

Job’s a good ‘un – especially so if you are @lambeth_council (“we’re on your side…“) and can trouser almost £200 for allowing a resident to park a van directly outside the property in which they own.

Cripes.

Yep, I accept that we are moving out of what is a busy, built up urban environment, but blimey – just short of two hundred notes so that nice Mr Pickfords can pull up for a couple of hours one morning?

A look around the multi-layers of the @lambeth_council website, and I found that I needed to apply for the suspension of a parking bay. A visitor’s permit may be cheap at half the price at around a tenner a time, but the last thing I want on D-Day is for that nice Mr Pickfords to turn up and find that there is no space for him to park.

The deal then involves giving seven working days notice to the Parking department, a £60 admin charge (isn’t there always….) and £40 per parking bay suspension. Turns out we need three bays.

Like I said – job’s a good ‘un, but I still fail to see exactly how the Parking department at @lambeth_council is running at a loss in these days of austerity and cuts.

As for the return leg? A quick call to Colchester Borough Council (um, helloooo, btw…), and I gave an explanation of my where and how to park dilemma.

“I’m sorry?” came the reply from the wilds of deepest Essex. “You’re phoning to find out if you need permission to park a van outside a property that you own? Aww – no need for that, love.”

Park ‘n ride.

Park ‘n ride, all the way, baby.

]]> http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/22/park-%e2%80%98n-ride/feed/ 0 http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/22/things-that-i-wont-miss-about-london/ http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/22/things-that-i-wont-miss-about-london/#comments Wed, 22 Sep 2010 07:53:51 +0000 Jase http://onionbagblog.com/?p=3024 Sirens and police helicopters.

The struggle to engage with people in a meaningful and shared co-existence.

Crappy local media.

The tawdriness of the West End, the supposed showpiece of London.

Not knowing anything about North London.

The disguising of the traditional class structure, with crude wealth replacing the means of production.

Cycling along Park Lane.

Bulls******s.

The lack of respect for our shared surroundings. Fly tipping, spitting and urinating outside my house.

The price of general amenities around town, and the blatant belief that just because you are in central London, charging £2 plus for a cup of tea is somehow justifiable.

The restrictions of the river. The Thames IS London, and should be opened up for us all to enjoy and explore. Being unable to walk from East to West in your city, unrestricted, should be a right.

Self-styled creative types, with no evidence of creativity, but a passion for talking about themselves.

Falling asleep on the tube and waking up in the hellhole that is Morden.

The SW8 street drinkers, nutters and con artists.

The defining of the individual by their work status, and not by what skills they can add to the community.

The lack of integration of the transport network.

Fat, cockney plumbers.

The crap that builds up along London roads whenever it rains, ruining the inner workings of my bicycles.

People that SHOUT for no reason.

People that confuse car horns for front door bells.

Being stuck in traffic on a crowded bus, on a steamy hot afternoon.

The ugliness of the outer architecture.

The pockets of extreme poverty, with gated affluent dwellings within walking distance.

The realisation that politicians will never resolve the problem of the four towering chimney’s of Battersea.

The Ali G language, adopted by suburban Yoof.

Not knowing who I live next door to.

Incompetent local politicians, more concerned with their career than the genuine needs of the local community.

The Northern Line.

The 37 bus route.

Being told in Lambeth Life each fortnight how brilliant our local council is, by… our self-proclaimed brilliant local council.

Chicken wing shops and nail bars on every South London street corner.

Watching rubbish football teams.

Bike thief scum. Especially the little s**** that then sell on their loot around Brick Lane on a Sunday morning.

Trying to live the Love Me I’m a Liberal metropolitan lifestyle, but finding that my morals are being shifted further to the right by the behaviour of the very people around me I should be taking pity on.

The price of milk in my corner shop.

Local ice hockey and basketball being spoilt for me by petty, political in-fighting.

Junkyard neighbours.

Negativity from those around me.

The madness of SW8 meaning not being able to sleep with the windows open during the summer months.

The perpetual disgusting nature of the changing rooms at Brixton Rec.

The lottery of having to hire an electrician, plumber, or gas man, and not knowing about the quality of service when compared to the cost.

NOISE.

]]> http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/22/things-that-i-wont-miss-about-london/feed/ 19 http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/21/things-that-i-will-miss-about-london/ http://onionbagblog.com/2010/09/21/things-that-i-will-miss-about-london/#comments Tue, 21 Sep 2010 12:05:26 +0000 Jase http://onionbagblog.com/?p=3011 Everything about Brockwell Lido.

The magical open spaces of Brockwell Park and Clap’ham Common.

Procrastinating the entire summer away at The Oval.

Early Saturday morning starts, rolling out with the Dulwich Paragon.

Monthly conversations with Keef, the finest window cleaner in South London.

The bicycling community at Herne Hill velodrome.

The beauty of the inner architecture.

Bob’s Bikes, SE17 – the best bike mechanic in London.

The majestic splendour of Lord’s.

Climbing College Road on my way up towards Crystal Palace, or climbing Chalk Farm Road on my way up towards Hampstead Heath – a London bicyclist’s rites of passage.

The Secret Garden at Brockwell Park – *shhh*

Being able to find people, just like you, in such a large city.

Tuttle.

The smell of lavenders around SW8, radiating from Vauxhall Park.

99p shops.

Being able to find whatever you want from around the world, all within a three-mile radius.

Crossing the Thames, South to North, or North to South – always a pleasure.

Afternoon tea at Chumleigh Gardens.

Drunken Brixton nights out at High Does It Feel.

The intimacy and warmth of Shakespeare’s Globe.

The secret tunnels, rivers and societies.

The finest French stick and olive bread in South London, all baked right on my SW8 doorstep at Di Lietos, South Island Place.

Riding the escalator at Angel tube.

Bonkers Brixton Windmill.

Performing my own personal time trial, cycling down The Mall.

The challenge of the weekly WWSI photo shoot [R.I.P]

Curry Club at the Crown & Sceptre, Streatham South Circular.

My man Goran, the SW8 handyman whose business card informs me that he has ‘a licence to drill.’ Better believe it.

Buying up half the hardware on sale along Tottenham Court Road.

The patient manner of Rabia, my lovely dentist for the past fifteen years: “I know you’re not a very good patient, and so I’m going to knock you out and put you right under for the rest of the afternoon.”

The veggie buffet currie at Chapel Street Market, Islington, and confusing Eat As Much As You Like with Eat As Much As You Can.

Humming Waterloo Sunset in my head, each time I cycle between the Imax and Aldwych.

The view from the top tier of the member’s Pavilion at The Oval. The panoramic of the city stretches from Battersea across to St Paul’s.

The bonkers bicycling jumble sales held at Herne Hill Velodrome.

The Greenwich foor tunnel.

The view of the four towering chimney’s of Battersea.

Vauxhall City Farm.

The run of charity shops in Clap’ham from KFC down to Blockbusters.

Living in Little Porto, and partying with the crazy locals every two years when their team does rather well at a major football competition.

South London sun tans.

Sitting at the front and driving the DLR.

Living within walking distance of Brixton Academy, and feeling smug at having out-touted a tout, buying up a ticket for a fiver once the band are on stage.

The smell of the Thames.

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