Loathe Me I’m a Liberal

11 August 2010 » 1 Comment

What a strange and slightly obsessive blog post from @cllrstevereed. At a time when a Labour council (a LABOUR council!) is planning 400 local authority redundancies, the Leader of @lambeth_council decides instead to spew out 1,300+ words on his personal pet hate subject: LibDems.

Oh Lordy.

I think we’re all in agreement that the nasty ConDem cuts need fighting, but to then turn this situation around into a very clumsy piece of local electioneering (um when there’s no election on the horizon) seems to somewhat miss the point.

When times are tight, I want to hear words from a leader on how we can improve the lives of those around us, and not yet another obsessive piece trying to score political points. I want to know how our local authority is going to stand up and fight the ConDem cuts, and not read another blame shifting piece of twaddle, ever keen to demonise the opposition with the obsession that has come to characterise Nu Labour within the Rotten Borough.

The public purse is tight, and we need new ways of working together. This almost happened for about five minutes at the last full council meeting. The joint motion between @LambethLabour and @LambethLibdems (Lordy!) just about held in place, until both sides started to point score once again.

But wait! What’s this?

There is a chink in the Nu Labour armour which goes against all previous principles of cross-party co-operation (geddin there!) No surprises that it is taking place at a #hyperlocal level around my little patch of South London.

@cllrstevereed is keen to stress in his rant:

“The unwary support of left-leaning voters saved one Lib Dem seat in each of Oval, Clapham Common and Vassall wards, and three in Bishops [how generous of him!] With the loss of that left-leaning support and the unpopularity of the coalition government as the pain of their cuts becomes more apparent you can see the Lib Dems facing annihilation in Lambeth even assuming their party survives long enough to fight another election.”

Left, Right – careful Comrade, you’ll be spinning around in circles before we even reach election time again. It’s all about the local you see, something that the fine @janeinlondon / E Hants, Jack the Lad Hopkins and Councillor Brown, the lone LibDem, know all about.

Whereas @cllrstevereed is keen to try and force a split in the wards where his Nu Labour machine doesn’t have complete control, the local councillors themselves are simply going about their ward business and working together.

We have the very real threat here in the Oval of opportunists from outside of the borough creating a social nuisance with the proposed bonkers 5am alcohol and live music license for Kelly’s pub along the Claph’ham Road.

The response from the fine @janeinlondon / E Hants has to be rally locals (and LibDems) together, so that the community can resolve the issue collectively. It is this type of co-operation that will succeed, and not some crazy rant trying to bring disharmony within the borough.

Politics will be put aside this weekend as Labour and LibDem councillors will be working alongside locals to build resistance against the license. @cllrstevereed is more than welcome to join us to see how localism can truly work when you put aside your political neuroses.

“There is a real chance their Faustian pact could see the party splinter as the realities of power expose fissures in a party built on the easy opportunism of opposition rather than the realities of taking and defending decisions.”

Having taken ten minutes to digest this text book Nu Labour speak, I’m still not sure if our council leader is talking about his personal pet hate subject, or possibly even looking a little closer to home within his own ranks.

Time, Gentlemen

30 July 2010 » No Comments

Hey hoe – back to #hyper #hyper #hyperlocal matters around my micro patch of South London. Back to Kelly’s boozer.

Kelly's

An application has been made [PDF] requesting that our friends from @lambeth_council allow a slight change to the current entertainment licence.

Nothing to really concern local residents over – only an alcohol and live music licence from 10am through until 1am Monday to Wednesday, and then a slight extension from 10am to 5am on Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.

Deep, deep *sigh*

Kelly's

It is actually rather decent that the landlord has formally gone through the official channels. We have had some trouble here locally of late with an impromptu car wash that appeared at the start of the summer.

The garage at Kelly’s became a makeshift business overnight, with no formal planning application, or consultation with local residents over the change of business use.

Thankfully the very decent @janeinlondon / E Hants was quick on the case, and the car wash has closed down (although the horrid hand made sign, and the Portuguese flag, both still remain in place in what is a Conservation Area.)

The pub itself has been empty, of sorts, for over two years now; officially waiting to be re-developed, unofficially a squat. The current occupiers aren’t really a nuisance, and I would rather have the squat kids tucked up in bed keeping themselves to themselves than a 5am council endorsed entertainment licence.

The current licence extension is all rather confusing. A planning application was made at the start of the summer to convert Kelly’s into luxury flats. Part of the plan was to re-open the bar downstairs.

It is unclear if this highly unsocial 5am application is part of the existing planning application. You would have to think probably not – who the hell would want to buy a luxury flat, knowing that the bar down below has a licence until five in the morning?

Which makes me think that the current owners are trying to squeeze the last drops of income out of the premises with a licence extension until the new building work starts.

I’ve formally objected, and have asked for the thoughts of @janeinlondon, Jack the Lad Hopkins and the lone LibDem, Councillor Brown.

The application comes from a Company Secretary with a Camberwell SE5 8SX address. Coming across the Southwark border with a request for a bonkers 5am entertainment licence in a residential area, is something that hopefully our friends from @lambeth_council will be frowning upon.

Won’t they?

Kelly's

#lambethcoop – consulted

07 July 2010 » No Comments

If it’s a Wednesday morning at the Oval, then it must mean that it’s time to be #lambethcoop *shhh* consulted.

Cripes.

#lambethcoop

The #lambethcoop road show (aka the bonkers bloke on a bike with a #lambethcoop advertising banner) was heading my #hyperlocal way on Wednesday morning.

Stop sniggering – this was a genuine chance to actually speak with council officers, all about the proposed #lambethcoop PR job that our friends from @LambethLabour seem set on rolling out, with or without any citizen consent.

Positioned just outside the Oval tube, the bonkers bloke on a bike guided me towards a small stand of velco style boards. A friendly chap with a clipboard picked up on my #hyperlocal interest, and the co-operative consultation started.

I later found out that the friendly chap was none other than Julian Ellerby, the Director of Campaigns and Communications for @lambeth_council; Julian later found out that I was the blogger who has been adding helpful posts to the #lambethcoop Facebook page, thanks to a giveaway greeting of “HELLO JASON COBB!!!!!” from the fine @SophiaLooney, the Director of Equality, Policy and Performance @lambeth_council.

So yeah – rumbled, but this #lambethcoop open dialogue is most definitely not about hiding away behind some anonymous online comments.

What followed was a half-decent, half-hour exchange of ideas with Julian. As @SophiaLooney had promised in our earlier podcastabsolutely everything is up for grabs with #lambethcoop.

Julian had mapped out on the velco board all areas of public provision that you would expect from a local authority. The task for any passing SE11 citizen was to prioritise these in a classic venn diagram model, to see which areas can fall into the layers of public, voluntary and private provision.

Hang on – private provision?

Yep – ‘fraid so. The man from the council was keen to explore ideas about how far citizens want to see their public services pimped out to private capital. And so yeah, everything is literally up for grabs, and as suspected all along, #lambethcoop has the scope to serve as yet another glorified trade fair for our friends from @LambethLabour and them chums in big business.

I found the exercise useful as a mental way to map out my thoughts. I conceded that some forms of private provision might be acceptable, as long as @LambethLabour doesn’t view this as an opportunity to continue to run riot with its right wing free market, free for all, throughout the rotten borough.

We talked about refuse, and the disturbing case of Veoila Environmental Management, the private company that @cllrstevereed cut a deal with to pimp out the cleaning of our streets in South London.

Julian confirmed that Veoila still doesn’t pay it’s employees a London Living Wage, a disgraceful lack of accountability for a local authority, allowing a vital public service to be left high and dry and at the mercy of the free market.

It should be put in the contract,” admitted Julian, as I placed the Refuse velcro sign firmly back in the public sphere.

Rejecting the folly of the free market, Julian was then keen to explore my thoughts regarding the voluntary sector. I still felt that this was just another opportunity for local politicians to become less accountable, although simultaneously recognising that the council can gain by working alongside the wealth of experience.

Battersea Dogs Home is always going to be doing better than us – this is a relationship we should be having,” argued Julian. I tended to agree. But housing? Education? Health?

We moved on to consider social care provision for the elderly and vulnerable:

This is a huge area of investment for a local authority – it is hugely expensive. I get very nervous about sourcing this out,” commented Julian. I hope that @LambethLabour shares this anxiety in the brave new world of everything being up for grabs.

Julian finally tried to sell me the #lambethcoop idea in terms of a #hyperlocal model argument. He stated that many people feel detached from what takes place within Lambeth Town Hall, and they fail to see how it represents their own local patch.

I suggested in return that this is a huge criticism of the restrictive cabinet form of local government that we have to suffer here in Lambeth, having three local ward Councillors is supposed to encourage a feeling of local engagement.

The reality is of course one or two all conquering, all powerful local politicians making the decisions on behalf of the wards, who then bow down like sheep, such is the power of the cabinet here in Lambeth.

Any local politician that dares to question the direction of the ruling party finds himself or herself cast aside, as has been the case with Councillor Abrams over in Vassal ward.

Our half hour conversation kept on coming back to accountability. Accountability for Academies schools, accountability for Lambeth Living and yes – accountability for closing leisure centres.

The leisure agenda in particular provided a very decent debate with Julian. He was prying my opinions, to see if leisure is a service that a public local authority should be responsible in providing. At the centre of this was the Streatham Question: should the council be accountable for providing an ice rink?

In absolute terms, then the answer has to be no. It is unreasonable for any local authority to be expected to be able to offer ice-skating. As I mentioned to Julian however, the big business form of co-operation that the Labour led @lambeth_council has set up with it’s multi-national chums had only added to the confusion.

In a classic @LambethLabour stitch up of you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours, Tesco was granted planning permission for a massive new superstore, in return for the “continuity of ice” clause, that essentially means that the supermarket has to also build an ice rink for @lambeth_council.

It is this clouded vision of the #lambethcoop model that leads to cynicism. Who are the council’s co-operative partners? Citizens or big business? If private capital is allowed to be invited into the co-operative process, then all accountability is soon lost.

We can kick out local politicians that we don’t like, but removing big business from controlling our community is something very different altogether. Once the co-operation between council and private capital shows signs of weakening, as is the case with Streatham Hub, then all accountability is removed from politicians, leaving citizens stranded on the sideline.

True accountability over the mess that is Streatham Hub can only be achieved at events such as @ChukaUmmuna‘s People’s Question Time, taking place at Dunraven School on the evening of 22nd July. The local MP has invited cabinet members to answer direct questions from local residents about their concerns over the stalled project.

This is how local democracy works. We empower (and pay) politicians to make decisions on our behalf. Hopefully they get this right. If they don’t, then we get the chance to kick them out at the ballot box.

Offering civic co-operation with a big business isn’t democratic. It is a political model that is open to corruption, with all power being transferred over to private capital.

I finished off my chat by turning the tables around and consulting Julian:

Are you a member of the Citizen’s Commission?

The much-delayed publishing of the minutes for the first meeting of the Citizen’s Commission back in May, would seem to suggest that Julian sits on the Commission as one of the three as yet identified ‘citizens.’

Me? No – I don’t sit on it. I support it and produce some of the material.”

Ah – I see. I turned instead to the good @SophiaLooney, who was as helpful as ever in helping to clear up the confused #lambethcoop policy so far put out by the local politicians.

What has happened to the three local residents that have been invited to sit on the Citizen’s Commission alongside the three high-ranking members of the @LambethLabour cabinet?

“We’re waiting for the three residents who have been invited to join the Citizen’s Commission to reply. We are hopeful of making an announcement later this week.”

I asked Sophia who actually decided which residents would be invited on to the Commission? Was it democratic? Did a vote take place?

“The Citizen’s Commission decided who to invite.”

Mmm – curious. What of the many people who have emailed in, asking to join the Citizen’s Commission? Was their name put forward for consideration?

“No. We are hopeful of holding a public meeting where citizens may be given the opportunity to comment.”

Which is all once again, incredibly, incredibly frustrating. It’s all about the semantics you see. The Citizen’s Commission is not a Citizen’s Commission – it is an elite bunch of @LambethLabour cabinet members, who have cherry picked three preferred residents to sit at a place at the top table. In a borough, which boasts more than 260,000 citizens, this is highly un-representative.

I would feel far more positive about the Citizen’s Commission and its work, if it would just drop the farce of the name. It is a sub-group of the @Lambeth Labour cabinet, and as such, any work related to the Commission should be viewed with the same merit that you may, or may not, view the operations of the @LambethLabour cabinet.

The bonkers bloke on a bike road shows such as the Oval event earlier today was really rather ace. I got to put forward my view on the folly that is #lambethcoop, and there was a genuine sense that my views were listened to and logged.

Similar events are planned around the borough, plus the there will be plenty of #lambethcoop representation at the Lambeth Country Show over the weekend of the 17th and 18th July. This at least shows some will on behalf of the likes of Julian Ellerby and @SophiaLooney to listen to citizens, even if the local politicians appear to be taking a public back seat.

But still the secrecy of the Citizen’s Commission persists. Why is this? Until this question can be answered, then there is little opportunity or optimism for citizen’s to play a genuine role in this brave new world of Lambeth co-operative politics.

We didn’t even get to talk about finances, although I later noted back at base a leaflet that was handed to me, stating:

“Local government faces huge challenges in the next decade caused by the international recession and councils acorss the country are investigating ways they can meet these financial challenges.”

I’m not normally one to turn towards Ed Balls for political salvation, but the Co-operative MP and former Labour party cabinet memberber told me only last week:

“I don’t think it’s a way to save money to be honest. Cutting corners is not what a co-operative council is about. Does being a co-operator save money in public services? I’m not sure that it will. I think that it might actually encourage us to spend more money for local people.”

#lambethcoop remains a PR farce, albeit with some very dedicated and approachable local council officers, who are trying to sell the passing of political responsibility on behalf of the politicians we elected less than three months ago.

And so yeah – consulted. I hope the politicians are actually listening to the citizens.

Cycling CS7

06 July 2010 » 2 Comments

The idea was to cycle the length of the Cycle Superhighway around my #hyperlocal patch of South London, and then write a cynical, sneering blog post about how Boris’ bicycling solution is little more than lip service to the cycling lobby.

But for all the faults of CS7 [PDF], I would rather be given the opportunity to freewheel along the big blue bicycle lane, than to be left at the mercy of the free for all that is the traditional car haven that is the Clap’ham Road.

Yes – parked cars tend to clog up CS7; busses are no better. The stop / start random nature of the big blue experiment seems slightly confusing as well. Plus the paint is already starting to peel off around my #hyperlocal patch, less than a month since it was first put down, and before the official opening as well.

But never mind the length – feel the thickness. There is a certain feeling of elevated safety gained from cycling in a dedicated blue lane that warns away any non-pedal power modes of transport. There is also the safety in numbers element, as the pelaton hurtles down my #hyperlocal patch each morning and early evening.

The visual element of the Cycle Superhighway will be what defines it as a success. You simply can’t miss the great big blue swathes currently cutting through the main routes of the city. Cyclists are attracted towards it, creating a genuine critical mass of cyclists.

It is difficult to imagine just how dire cycling was in London less than a decade ago. Anyone seen around town on two wheels was viewed even lower down the social scale than a Bus Stop Johnny. Cycling wasn’t cool – it was the form of transport for the have nots, the losers, the weirdoes.

I’m pleased that I’ve stuck with cycling, and although I may not have fully escaped from this demographic, cycling down the Cycle Superhighway with the Bright Young Things of SW8, now no longer means having insults, or even objects, thrown at you.

Chapeau!

Crap Match Report – LIVE!

04 June 2010 » No Comments

County Championship Division Two, The Oval: Close of Play, Day One: Leicestershire 337-4 Surreys 1pt, Leics 3pts

Surrey Vs Leic, 04/06/10

Oval bound for @surreycricket. Anyone else in?

Oh Lordy. Some fool is in fancy dress for a County Championship match. Good start for @surreycricket, 20-1. Glorious South London morning.

Younis Khan looking a bit bewildered by all this County Championship business. Boundary boy duties for the international batsman. 31-1 L**c.

Oval fancy dress update: some fella is actually decked out as a whoope cushion. Which shows some imagination.

Domestic cricket season really is a mess. Middle Middle Middle Sex Sex Sex are starting a four day match, the morning after a T20. Bonkers.

Ah, it’s a return of the lone lemon tree, lurking around The Oval boundary. 51-1 L**c. Wicket and weather look promising for next four days.

Spin it to win it, @surreycricket. Schofield brought into the attack, before luncheon on the first day as well. Blimey. First ball: boundary.

That’s the ton up for L**c. Quick dash back to SW8 base for a spot of work. A return to The Oval for the afternoon session. C’mon the ‘rrey!

Oval bound for the afternoon session. Being joined by @AnnaJCowen. Best behaviour. Yeah, right…

Back in place at The Oval, just in time to see ton up for Jefferson. Fine knock. 170-2 L**c. @surreycricket oik Lobby finding voice. Lordy.

Glorious, glorious South London afternoon at The Oval. Cricket, fine @surreycricket commentary and the good lady wife for company. Cripes.

Tough work for young Rory HB and the ‘rrey. Oh for Gunter Nel to be available. 200 up for L**c and batting point. Bloke behind me dozed off.

Mr Meaker comes into attack for @surreycricket. It has been ghostly bowling display from the ‘rrey to date. Jefferson displaying masterclass.

Major moment: Jefferson dropped on 129. Minor moment: @AnnaJCowen has removed her shoes. Steady. 219-2 L**c.

Best Oval innings of the season so far comes to a close. Jefferson caught by Batty on 135. Standing ovation, from those still able to stand.

I am sitting next to man dressed as whoopee cushion. I’m shuffling nervously in my seat. 243-3 @surreycricket. Taylor taking charge for L**c.

Genuinely concerned what the @surreycricket Members are going to make of Wolfgang Moneypenny & @FreeSouthLondon tomorrow. *not* fancy dress.

Tea at The Oval. A man dressed as a giant whoopee cushion is making his way to the wicket. He’s about to get a lifetime ban. 245-3 L**c.

Listen!

All v strange. Been mistaken for being in fancy dress. I’m wearing cycling top. Whoopee cushion man is on Special Brew. Khan bowling. Cripes.

Scooby Doo is having a crafty fag in the Peter May. He may get away with it, if pesky steward doesn’t see. 257-3 @surreycricket. Tough going.

Wicket for @surreycricket after tea. Taylor back in the hutch, turning ball from Batty and off stump hit. 269-4 L**c. Game on.

Oh dear. It has got very messy at The Oval. New ball available, but Rory HB resists. 298-4 L**c.

Make no mistake – this has been a classic Oval afternoon. More of the same with Wolfgang Moneypenny & @FreeSouthLondon tomorrow. Golden days.

Surrey Vs Leic, 04/06/10

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The Edbrooke Effect

20 May 2010 » No Comments

In a move that some locals are dubbing the ‘Edbrooke effect,’ [eek] the hot news coming out of my little #hyperlocal patch of South London is that… a fridge has been moved.

Blimey.

In all seriousness, many, many thanks to my new @LambethLabour local Councillor for acting so promptly on an early piece of casework. I have been genuinely impressed with the speed that this has been achieved, and I am a genuinely grateful.

If only some of the fridge dumping fools around SW8 showed the same kind of community spirit that I am finding from my new Oval Councillors.

Thanks again – good stuff…

Before

Before

Resident Fool

18 May 2010 » 4 Comments

Change is in the SW8 air. Not only do we have two squeaky clean (and actually rather charming) Nu Labour Councillors sitting in my little #hyperlocal patch of South London, but we also have a thriving Resident’s Association once again.

Cripes.

I’m not quite sure of the boundary definition of Fentiman Road, Richbourne Terrace and, um, Dorset Road Resident’s Association (spot the odd, the *very* odd one out.)

Geographically we make for great bed partners, but in the warped psycho geographic sightlines of SW8, Dorset Road is most definitely on the wrong side of the tracks.

Still, with an open invite to the Resident’s Association meeting, and a welcome return to try the booze once again on offer at the Fentiman Arms, I donned my best neighbourhood hat on Monday evening, and took a peek over the geographical garden fence of my fancy neighbours.

It was a different world – a world that promises jam tomorrow and actually leaves you with a half hour speech from a @lambeth_council panning officer (actually incredibly useful, and very revealing…)

The signing of the attendance sheet revealed that I was the lone flag flyer for the People’s Republic of Dorset Road, and I was determined that I was going to fight them on the doorstep to protect the honour of my little patch.

What do want?

Dumped fridges removed from outside my front door.

When do we want it?

Um, actually, the very efficient @janeinlondon / East Hants (blimey) has already seen to this particular act of political emancipation.

Ah yes, about the local politico element to the Resident’s Association meeting. Despite my ward turning from Yellow to Red (with a thin strip of yellow still just about visible,) it was very decent to see my new @LambethLibDems representative, Councillor Ishbel Brown propping up the bar ahead of the meeting. Likewise for the now retired ( and family man) @CllrRobBanks.

Rob and the out voted (cripes) Councillor Sawdon were both honoured at the start of the meeting with the traditional SW8 trophy of a bottle of bolly. Fentiman Road and Richbourne Terrace bore a lot of the Tory Boy estate agent signs over the past month. The genuine appreciation for the @LambethLibdems outgoing Councillors, by a political class that clearly leans rather rightwards, was rather touching.

Is Jack the Lad Hopkins and the other one here?” went out the cry from the Chair.

Um…

I’m sure our two new @LambethLabour Councillors had other ward business to attend to on the night (probably shifting dumped fridges.) The Nu Labour odd couple have another four years in which to aquatint themselves with the very unholy alliance of Fentiman, Richbourne and barking mad Dorset.

Chairman and Finance Reports out of the way, we then had an open floor for various questions and concerns. Speeding along Fentiman Road was raised, with the call for a pedestrian crossing towards the Clap’ham Road end.

A new Committee was voted upon, with thankfully no 2 am recount, as was the case for my little #hyperlocal patch of South London a couple of weeks ago. The retiring @CllrRobBanks was asked to add his informal input to the committee, on account of:

“The perceived inexperience of the incoming Councillors.”

Ouch.

What followed was then a Q & A with Clive Fraser, the very decent planning officer from our friends @lambeth_council. The man with a very big sketchbook centred mainly on the Vauxhall / Nine Elms / Battersea development over the coming decade.

“This is a period of change. We want to make the area more like Pimlico [eek] with a mixture of office and residential buildings. Lambeth Council is not against these changes – we want to be able to shape them.”

And what of the Little People?

Ah, so *that’s* the real power of a healthy Resident’s Association.

Clive’s agenda soon clashed with that of his residential audience, when he confirmed that the area is set to expand with 16,000 new properties over the coming years. The gasp of disbelief from the floor was sufficient to knock down the planned St George’s Tower in Vauxhall, stretching fifty-three storeys high, and making it a third higher than Millbank on the wrong side of the river.

“A population increase in Vauxhall of 35,000 will follow, with an estimated 25,000 new jobs.”

Make no mistake – it is this financial incentive that is the carrot leading the donkey’s of @lambeth_council to agree to such folly.

Battersea Power Station and the Vauxhall Cross Tower were identified as the two main projects. Clive confirmed that @lambeth_council supported both projects, subject to transport infrastructure improvements. We’re not talking an extra No. 88 bus running down the South Lambeth Road during rush hour either:

“The Council expects the Northern Line to be extended from Kennington to Battersea. A proposed new station will be on the car park at Sainsbury’s in Nine Elms.”

Um… and where will the supermarket shoppers then park? I hope our friends from @lambeth_council have thought this one through.

“The total cost will be £500m. The consultation process starts next week.”

I love the nature of open democracy and politics within Lambeth. Slap the consultation tag on anything that is likely to cause concern, forget about political pledges that have been made, and then carry on regardless at the expense of the Little People.

A Northern Line down to Battersea would be rather ace though…

Other planning projects that yer man let slip included confirmation that a new supermarket is to be built under the arches at Vauxhall station. Confidentiality clauses prevented Clive from naming which chain, but I’d wager that it ‘aint Iceland.

Plans are also in place to make Vauxhall Cross a two way gyratory. Essentially this allows traffic to navigate the cyclist’s death trap both clockwise and anti-clockwise. Which all seems slightly strange, seeing as though Vauxhall Cross was… a two way gyratory less than two years ago, before a multi-million pound spend to make it into the hell hole that it has now become.

With the planning matters addressed and time pressing on, time for the more gentile and slightly less controversial matter of the Resident’s Association becoming affiliated with the good folk of the Vauxhall Civic Society.

‘fraid not, my friends…

The poor chap from the Civic Society took a right kicking at the front of the room from the politically shackled folk of SW8. He spoke of “community” and “events,” and in return got accusations that the Vauxhall Civic Society isn’t able to achieve anything.

It’s all about accountability, you see. Mmm – where are your local Councillors when you need them?

“We are on the brink of a revolution in Vauxhall ([blimey] – we had the Market Garden, the Industrial Revolution of the railways, and now we have the Thames being bricked and glassed up from Waterloo down to Battersea. We need a series of events to reflect on what is means to be part of our community, and to work together to try and take it back.”

Fighting talk, but it didn’t seem to go far enough for the fine Fentiman folk from the floor. The level of debate about affiliation took on a more twisted edge that the revelation that St George’s Tower will be taller than Millbank. But common (and community) sense won the day, and the Resident’s Association voted to affiliate itself with the Vauxhall Civic Society.

And that was just about yer lot.

Any more business?” asked the Chair. “Oh, I apologise, we seem not to have discussed Dorset Road. Are there any residents here from Dorset Road?

I shuffled nervously, played around with my iPhone, and then realised that my dress sense was more Mad Rupert of Dorset Road than the fine young things of Fentiman Road.

“Um, yeah, I live in the hood, Bro.”

What followed next is not entirely clear, but just before @AnnaJCowen and I bugger off to Wivenhoe, I seem to have found myself sitting on the committee, and flying the flag for my #hyper #hyperlocal patch of South London.

Oh Lordy.

I am the self appointed King of Dorset Road, representing myself and no one else. I live in my own micro dictatorship. You can overthrow me, but only if you assume my identity, sky blue cycling tights ‘n all.

The King is dead, long live, um, Mad Rupert.