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And so fifteen summers of outdoor swimming in South London came to a close for me early on Sunday morning as I bid an emotional farewell to @BrockwellLido. A final creak of the iconic turnstiles, and I exited the cool waters of Lake Brockwell for probably the last time. I didn’t get this tearful after buggering off from Brixton Rec.

The @BrockwellLido close of season coincides this summer with the arrival of the Great Escape. With the lido shutters now pulled firmly shut, the bag packing can start in earnest as I seek to find a new outdoor swimming experience somewhere deep within the wilds of North Essex.

When @AnnaJCowen and I sat down some eighteen months ago to compile a list of Reasons to Stay in London, my plus column consisted of a solitary entry: Brockwell Lido. Cricket almost got a look in, as did track cycling at Herne Hill. Replacing cricket is relative; I’m too crocked now to compete seriously at le velo.

It was the absolute love of @BrockwellLido that *almost* kept me in South London. You can’t survive on the last of the summer wine forever, and a lido lifestyle can be a miserable ball and chain to be shackled with during those dark winter months.

But how to say goodbye to an activity that has been at the centre of my South London #hyperlocal universe for the past fifteen summers?

My love affair with the lido started almost as soon as we first moved into South London during the summer of ’95. I kept on hearing about this mythical outdoor pool during my first few weeks in Brixton. A weekend run around Brockwell Park led me to the formal introduction. We’ve had an intimate relationship ever since.

The start of May until the end of September have been put aside for the past fifteen years as Lido Days. It is an addiction that means my working day is not complete unless I have indulged. Breaking the Brockwell habit is going to come at a high cost.

The attraction is mainly physical, partly emotional. I embrace the freshness of the water washing over me each morning in an almost ritualistic manner, providing clarity and perspective for the working day ahead.

The lido has become my thinking place in South London. Most of my major life decisions have been made here in an environment where I am truly clear of any outside distraction or influence. Ironically, the decision to leave South London was made whilst under the cool waters of Lake Brockwell.

Starting your morning with a gentile introduction, albeit a rather physically brutal and mentally bruising experience, leaves you with positive thoughts that remain throughout the day. Colleagues have long since stopped asking me why I am grinning insanely at 9am.

Catching the dancing rays of the sun as they reflect down on to the pool basin is better than any sterile, soulless Brixton Rec indoor swimming experience. Seeing a flock of geese provide you with a personal flyover is an added bonus.

The lido is MY lido. This is a claim that every other lido swimmer would also no doubt make. It can also be yours if you choose it to be. The experience and routine of the daily dip becomes a highly personalised one. You are in complete control of your own immediate environment. No one can touch you [um, not quite true] and anything is achievable.

I feel that I know every physical feature of the pool, from where the uneven white edges around the perimeter start to crack, down to the gradual tethering of the shallow end and the exact spot where you need to raise your knees to prevent grazing on the pool basin.

I can judge with my eyes closed (and usually they are) the precise point where my feet need to make contact as I push off from the deep end as I turn around to do it all again. I swim blind – not in the literal sense, although the pool is home to a number of sight-impaired swimmers.

I have seen many weird and wonderful sights down by the waters of Lake Brockwell over the years. The bonkers underwater hoover, the official Hold Yer Breath Underwater National Championships, and even having to share my lido experience with some model submarines that tried to dive bomb me in the deep end. That’s not something you see every day down at Brixton Rec.

But perhaps the weirdest experience is that of my fellow lido swimmers. All lovely, all totally bonkers. It is the defining feature of someone who chooses to swim outdoors in a water temperature that your body wants to resist, but your mind wants you to indulge in.

My favourite lido moments are the extremes – falling asleep in the suntrap terrace on a South London scorcher of an afternoon, or swimming in the rain mid-September and being the single custodian of the waters of Lake Brockwell. The mid-winter Brockwell Icicles experience takes this crazed approach to aquatic hedonism a stage further.

The building itself may change, but the ambience remains. I was alarmed over the architectural vandalism that the winter 2006 re-build by Fusion proposed. The demolition of an art deco wall, and then replacing it with a full on body pump style gym, could have killed off Brockwell Lido for me.

Somehow the smoke and mirrors trick has managed to hide away the dirty business of the gym bunnies. What goes on behind that wall we don’t talk about, but at least it brings in the money for Fusion, and guarantees a future for the lido.

Remarkably the unique lido ambience is still more or less in place after the most significant building works in the pool’s seventy-year history. This is a place of community, a place to meet people and a place to escape the nearby madness of the city.

It is this companionship that I treasure the most. Seeing fellow swimmers for the first time in the season is always a diary date to look forward to. Saying farewell at the end of September only reminds you of the winter misery months to come. I confess to slipping out quietly on Sunday, not wanting to cause a scene, not wanting to blubber on my final Brockwell Lido day.

And so where to now? Nearby Colchester has the new Garrison pool (fitness swimming) and Leisure World (wave machine hell.) I’m hoping to continue the outdoor aquatic lifestyle, by finding my own personal space downstream in the Colne estuary.

Perhaps this will be the biggest personal legacy that @BrockwellLido leaves upon me. Outdoor swimming is the purest form in which to participate. But to participate effectively, you need companionship. The unique collision of an art deco building in South London with a collective of crazed outdoor aquatic types, is going to be simply irreplaceable.

I regret that I am not going to be around for the BLU AGM next month. It is a social highlight of the lido season, and provides me with my annual opportunity to ask why I should have to pay twice to swim in pools owned by @lambeth_council. Fifteen years of swimming, and I still haven’t heard a satisfactory answer.

But anyway: come on in – the water’s… Brrrrr.

And so a final Lambeth Country Show for me, and I pondered the idea of spreading my love around the beauty of Brockwell Park in a sober state.

Silly boy. It didn’t last.

It was good to see the Brockwell Park gates finally back in place at the bodged Herne Hill junction. Workmen have been, um, working around the clock as the countdown to the Country Show started in mid-summer.

The bodged Herne Hill junction seemed to just about stand up to its first real test, but then the critical mass of Chucklehead Cider drinkers seems to somehow cut a sway through the cars.

The crowds seemed down on previous years, but then that was probably because I was doing my Brockwell Park wobbling walking as soon as the Show started at 11am on Saturday morning. Come chucking out time at 7pm, and SE24 was home to half of Lambeth.

There are no standout highlights – what could possibly go wrong with the promise of the countryside comes to the city? I enjoyed as ever my conversations with the many local groups, some of them serving the local community brilliantly, others just plain bonkers.

The Aussie sheep shearing man was something of a tease. Steady. He knew exactly how to work a crowd, explaining the finer points of shearing, without actually introducing the star act on to the stage.

When Dolly finally made her appearance, he held her down in an arm lock that, um, just didn’t look quite right. The suggestion that my current out of control sideburns should be subjected to the same treatment was anything but a tease.

The fit young grinning Christian female didn’t seem to comprehend my answer of “atheist” when I agreed to answer her questionnaire, and it came down to the what religion are you question. She looked squeaky clean, and rather stunning. My attempts to introduce her to atheism, via the Chucklehead Cider stall and a quick romp in the log circle, failed as miserably as my attempts to stay sober.

Ah yes – about that Chucklehead. There’s no getting away from the fact that the countryside comes to the city mantra of the Country Show has been taken over in recent years with Chucklehead Cider crossed with jerk chicken. It remains the same ethos of sorts, yet slightly more realistic when describing the average experience.

Going out on a high, I caned it big time. I peaked far too early of course, and barely managed to stay awake for the Alabama 3 homecoming acoustic set. The decision to freshen up at the Lido en route back to base wasn’t such a great idea.

The cider celebration meant that I missed the Vegetable That Looks Like a Thingy competition. Judging was still in place as we passed the tent before midday. I didn’t like to risk a return after the Chucklehead had set in.

I did wander once again past the scarecrow competition, spending five minutes chatting up what I thought was the squeaky clean fit young Christian bird once again. I banged on about the benefits of an atheist lifestyle, only realising that her lack of conversation was because she was a scarecrow.

Cripes.

Time to call it quits, time to bugger off back to base.

My final Lambeth Show was probably my favourite in fifteen summers – the scarecrows were ace, the Dark Knight of Brockwell Park was bloody brilliant and even the “they’re not real” owls who don’t exactly do a lot, kept my attention for abut ten seconds.

But the real winner of course was *shhh* the booze.

Blimey.

Chucklehead cider is the type of refreshment that your body can only accommodate once a year. I decided to bow out in style, carrying cartons of the poison back and forth across the park. I’m still trying to piece together some of those lost memories.

And so farewell then the Lambeth Country Show. I would say that you will be missed, but I can’t quite recall many of the details over the past fifteen years to be honest.

The countdown starts here for the Wivenhoe Urban Show, boi.

“Four more years!” was the rally call coming out of Lambeth Town Hall during the local election count in the early hours of Saturday morning. I didn’t think the local politicos were talking about four more years of Lambeth Life.

Oh Lordy.

So yeah, following the 44 seats and massive 43% share of the vote enjoyed by our friends @LambethLabour, the @LambethLibDems manifesto pledge has been reduced to just that – paper talk to get rid of a ‘newspaper’ that many in the Rotten Borough could well do without.

Now that we are officially out of purdah (were we ever actually in it?) and not surprisingly, Lambeth Life leads with the local elections:

“It was a nail-biting time for many at the town hall, with a swarm of vote counters, politicians, council officers and journalists local bloggers all hotly anticipating the results.”

“Hotly anticipating” the results is stretching it slightly. As soon as the red bundles started to mount up on the counting tables shortly after 4pm, the resumption of the Red Flag flying over Lambeth Town Hall was never in any serious doubt.

But just in case you want to check who to hold to account over the pledges made on the doorstep over the last month, Lambeth Life helpfully adds:

“For the full local results breakdown go to: www.lambeth.gov.uk/elections2010.”

*ahem*

Gotcha!

Speaking of truth and accuracy, post election and we see a return of @cllrstevereed‘s Leader’s Column in Lambeth Life – hurrah!

“There is uncertainty nationally and funding for local services will be tighter, but we will work with the new national government to make sure we win the best possible deal for the people of Lambeth.”

Really?

Looks like the @LambethLabour leader may have a few bridges to build first with the ConDem coalition, before the best possible deal for the people of Lambeth can be put in place.

@cllrstevereed signs off with the optimistic:

“I am determined that we will deliver on the promises we have made.”

Me too, my friend, me too. I am determined to see that the public consultation promised back in February regarding the mutualisation of local government is actually implemented. I look forward to seeing how the doorstep election pledge of “free swimming for every resident” is also rolled out.

But what of the Little People of Lambeth? The Letters page puts forward the case from a local Herne Hill resident, who shares in my observations that the new Brockwell Park junction has left us with a great big bodge job down in SE24:

“While the borough is aiming to encourage greater use of public transport and greener policies, the road works at Herne Hill demonstrate a complete failure to maintain the simple and congenial integration of bus and rail travel which existed earlier.”

The right of reply offered up by Hayden Tuck [ACE name] the Principle Transport Engineer at Lambeth Housing, Regeneration and Environment states:

“The Herne Hill Junction Regeneration scheme is already delivering major benefits including better pedestrian crossing facilities, improved access to Brockwell Park, upgraded provision for cyclists, faster movement of buses through the junction and a much more attractive public environment.”

Blimey.

Where’s the empirical evidence for this, Mr Tuck? My analysis of the bodged Brockwell Park junction, on a busy Saturday morning, suggests the exact opposite of this observation.

Sticking with the Letters page, and it is a return to that old South London favourite that refuses to be silenced within the Rotten Borough:

Streatham Hub.

Oh Lordy…

Sally Knocker [ACE name #2] um, knocks the knockers that say NO! to a temporary ice rink being dumped on the green land of Streatham Common:

“Just when we thought a solution might be in sight for a temporary ice rink on the common in order for the much awaited new Streatham Hub to progress, it looks like a small but vociferous group might thwart the temporary planning application.”

Fair point, but the New South London Politics (get you) that has seen the formation of the Hands Off Our Common group is pretty much a Who’s Who of resident interest groups in Streatham.

“Whilst no one would want to permanently reduce green space (which obviously a temporary planning approval would not allow in any case), it seems a shame that those who protest do not realise that an even more precious community resource could well be lost. The Ice Rink provides enormous joy even in its current neglected state.”

Overlooking the subjective analysis that an ice rink is “more precious” than a historic piece of public land, Mss Knocker doesn’t address the local concerns that the temporary may become the permanent.

Tesco hasn’t exactly got a tremendous track record down in SW16 of telling the locals the truth. Failing to send a representative to the Hub meeting is hardly the sign of a constructive, local partnership. The power balance in the deal remains with the multi-national. Tesco can walk away from the scheme at any period in the next two years, leaving a bulldozed old barn of a rink, and a temporary pad on the Common, that then becomes permanent.

But anyway – I’m not alone in such an underhand analysis of how the Hub deal may develop over the coming months. @CllrMarkBennett, the local Streatham South @LambethLabour Councillor, and @cllrstevereed, both told me at the election count in the early hours of Saturday morning that “other options” are now being explored by cabinet for the location of the temporary rink.

Phew.

p7. in Lambeth Life and my heart (and foot) was in my mouth when I read
The headline:

New Twist for Classic Game…

“Young people on Lambeth’s peer education scheme have come up with a new version of a popular board game to help teach others about sexual health.”

Eeek!

Sexual health? Teenagers? Twister?

Surely not…

“The team have developed a giant version of snakes and ladders that they will be taking into secondary schools around the borough.”

Ignoring the schoolboy humour about giant snakes in a sexual health game, and the project does seem to be addressing a key issue for young people in an imaginative way. I wish them well.

The Eco Matters feature on p.10 address the farce that is the Cycle Superhighway that is being rolled out across the borough. Essentially a scheme championed by Boris, the aptly coloured blue carpet approach to bicycling has been badly conceived.

Any colour blind bicyclist could be forgiven in not noticing any difference in the provision for cycle safety. The Cycle Super Highway is simply a painting of the existing (and inefficient) cycle lanes blue.

Job well done, Boris.

The Clap’ham Road has already rolled out (incomplete) stretches of the blue carpet, with a further stop / start stretch also in place heading up Larkhall Rise. Urban Cyclist has highlighted the folly that is spending a small fortune out of the transport budget on a scheme that still fails to address the fundamental issue of crap car drivers.

And finally…

The Lambeth Crossword on p18. had me stumped at the first hurdle:

1. Across – They’re simply revolting, six letters.

I don’t think it started with an L and ends in an R, but you never know…

That’s Life!

The Happiest Day of the Year in South London was put on hold this year. High hopes of a lovely lido season opening dip on the morning of May 7th were always unrealistic. Fear of a Tory PM put me off the ceremonial dive into the chilled waters of Lake Brockwell. Family commitments back in the Fair City over the weekend only further delayed that first lovely lido dip.

Tuesday morning was mine for the taking. A tepid pool temperature of thirteen degrees blew away the frozen b*****cks syndrome, still being suffered following that bonkers mid-winter lido swim back in December.

This truly is the happiest, happiest day of the year in South London. It signals six months (oh yes) of al fresco swimming in SE24, and a final removal of the shackles that constrain South London swimmers to suffer the misery of a soulless, sterile and sweaty swim indoors at Brixton Rec.

The anticipation of meeting up once again with the lovely lido community is the inspiration to drag your aching body down to Brockwell Park at 6:30 in the morning. It almost made the months of misery spent bemoaning Brixton Rec seem bearable.

But what of the beautiful blue skies and blue water being reflected out of the chilled waters of Lake Brockwell? The lovely @TheLidoCafe was open for the Breakfast Club, and the public art project from Gethin and Myles was proudly on display in the basin of the pool, for those brave enough to take a dip.

Ah yes, about that dip…

As ever, you’ve done the hard part by being in the park. Once you are poolside, then you are going to swim. With a wetsuit hugging my toned torso (steady) what could go wrong?

A great leap of faith into the deep end, and I had forgotten totally that the Happiest Day of the Year also leads to your head exploding, should you make the silly mistake of forgetting your bright pink swimming cap.

Bugger.

Halfway down the first 50m length and I panicked. The arms and legs were functioning, but the head had long since lost circulation. I started to see things on the other side of the pool, that all rational thought tells you imply don’t exist.

That wasn’t *really* a naked female swimmer, was it?

I persevered, and after five minutes of a frantic freestyle motion, my conscious existence soon returned to my well being. I looked above as the flock of geese passed over my every motion, observed the beautiful blue skies of SE24 and then broke out into a great big underwater smile. Five hours later and I’m still grinning now.

A return to the heated changing rooms was a welcome respite. The continual blasting out of Radio Twaddle on the internal sound system is something that I, and other early morning swimmers, could well do without.

But a minor gripe in what has signalled the start of six months of early morning grinning down at the lovely lido. By the time I had showered and put back in place my three layers of clothing, I was just about able to walk in a straight line once again.

These will gradually be shed, one by one, over the coming weeks along with the wetsuit as I acclimatise back into the routine of daily lido life. This is probably my final year of al fresco swimming in South London, and so after the delayed start, I’m keen to continue now for the duration.

Back at base and I took great pride in updating my utterly pointless daytum online abacus chart, carefully recording that yep, today has been an official Lovely Lido Day. Only another 117 days to take me out of indoor swimming hell deficit.

I should hit this target sometime around the end of September. I may just make a nostalgic return to South London for the Brockwell Icicles midwinter swim, 2010 style. This may even push my utterly pointless daytum online abacus chart back into the black.

Or even the blue.

Golden Days I tell you, Golden Days.

*6:29 in for the handsome chap in his fetching pink cap*

And relax….

Here are some photographs of some lovely locations within Lambeth (um, and Southwark…). I think I have neglected these over recent months.

I hope this blog can return to some sense of normality over the coming weeks.

If at first you don’t succeed, smear, smear and smear again. The latest last chance saloon leaflet from @LambethLabour in Herne Hill is shameful. It exposes the local party for all that is wrong within politics in the Rotten Borough. The literature resorts to sickening lies, and attempts to scare the good people of SE24 into voting for the Election Machine that was once a proud political party.

Realising that the Greens down in Herne Hill have a very real chance of building upon their current Councillor in the ward, @JimDicksLambeth is continuing with his policy of lying to hold onto political power in the borough.

Here’s the full Herne Hill horror show from @LambethLabour:

“Lambeth Green party policies include:

Pressing for the legalisation of drugs including skunk cannabis and class A drugs in Herne Hill – a measure which would risk turning our area into South London’s main drugs supermarket.”

What a disgusting statement to make. The legalisation of drugs, soft or hard, is nowhere to be seen in the Lambeth Green manifesto. What can be found however, anywhere along Coldharbour Lane, on any morning, afternoon or evening of the week, are drugs being sold overtly to anyone who is interested.

South London’s main drugs supermarket [sic] is actually trading within the ward that is currently represented by three @LambethLabour Councillors.

There’s more of the vile campaigning to come:

“[Lambeth Greens] blocked the 20 mph Zone for Herne Hill proposed by Labour for this year.”

Cos yeah, Lambeth Greens are the local political arm of the car lobby…

It’s truly pathetic. The Greens in Herne Hill are campaigning on the exact opposite policy. As local candidate John Hare explained to me during our last conversation about @LambethLabour election literature lies, the Greens are actually pushing for the 20′s Plenty policy to be rolled out across the entire borough.

This is a scheme that limits the speed on local authority owned roads to 20 mph. It has been implemented successfully up in Islington, and John gained great support for the proposal at the Lambeth Cyclists transport hustings last month.

And so why is @LambethLabour coming out with this eve of polling day political prevarication against the Greens? If the previous smear was anything to by, our red flag flying friends have actually forgotten about the 36% share of the vote that the greens polled back in 2006.

Realising that a Stalinist (ooh!) re-writing of history from a right wing Nu Labour cabinet member wasn’t getting the message across to the electorate, @LambethLabour and @JimDicksLambeth have had to resort to a dirty, filthy political trick.

It is worth reminding ourselves ahead of the trip to the polling station tomorrow that @LambethLabour party policies include:

“Free swimming for every resident,” and a promised public consultation on the implementation of the John Lewis mutual form of local government. Both of these are in the @LambethLabour manifesto. Both are folly.

And that’s no lie.

Is this the most pointless zebra crossing in South London? I certainly thought so as I approached the new Herne Hill junction at Brockwell Park at the weekend. In a ten minute period, I counted ten cars in succession fail to stop for ten groups of pedestrians who were trying to enter Brockwell Park.

The new slip road in SE24 finally opened last week, following a three-year period of campaigning for and against the replacement of parkland with a road. The local community was split, with the Herne Hill Society supporting the scheme, and the Friends of Brockwell Park being adamantly against the surrendering of precious green land.

The truth lies somewhere in the middle. The old junction wasn’t working. The traffic was constantly congested; the entrance to the park was neglected and had become a haven for street drinkers. The actual park space sacrificed to solve the problem was a minor, minor 0.02%

But still – with the Brockwell Park junction now open is it actually working?

My observations on Saturday would suggest not. I accept it is still very early days, and the full implementation of the scheme is yet to be complete. The closure of the area outside of Herne Hill station to traffic is still a work in progress. The effectiveness of the overall plan can’t be properly assessed until this is complete.

But it seems to me that the planning, and justification of the scheme, has been badly thought out. The literature from our friends @lambeth_council, released in September 2007 to try and persuade locals to support the scheme, stated:

“Island Green [urgh!] will provide an attractive link between the centre of Herne Hill and the Park, giving people safer access to and from the Park.”

Island Green [urgh! again] is actually the great big slab of pavement that now replaces the green park land, the very same great big slab of pavement where pedestrians are left stranded as traffic flows down the slip road and blocks off the route into the splendour of Brockwell Park.

The fancy architect diagram contained in the literature from @lambeth_council has Island Green [urgh! urgh! urgh!] actually shaded in a soft, pastel yellow and green tone. What exists now is an unimaginative, and very out of place, huge big slab of concrete. A bit of guerrilla gardening is urgently needed.

And what of the fate of cyclists, in what is a notoriously Green political part of the borough where cycling is a stronghold? The @lambeth_council 2007 literature states:

“Forward stop lines and easier access from Norwood Road into Dulwich Road will help cyclists.”

Um, not so.

The forward stop lines are the green boxes that motorists hog up as they edge ever close to cyclists and try and gain advantage. The choice for cyclists is to be pushed aside at the boxes, or risk being rammed into Green Island, as the narrow slip road can’t accommodate anything but single file traffic.

This is a poorly thought out scheme that adds no beauty, or even ease of traffic congestion to the Herne Hill junction. As you can probably detect, my frustration over such a wasted opportunity needed an outlet.

Thankfully the very decent Robert Holden of the Herne Hill Society was at hand on Saturday to talk me through my concerns, Robert has been a passionate supporter of the scheme, and had put in an incredible workload to try and find a solution for the Herne Hill junction.

We had an enjoyable and constructive discussion. My concerns over the effectiveness, and appearance of the whole project remain. I accept time is needed to fully assess the project, and I welcomed the Robert’s enthusiasm to take on suggestions, and the possibility of making Green Island more… greener.