onionbagblog

And so a final Lambeth Country Show for me, and I pondered the idea of spreading my love around the beauty of Brockwell Park in a sober state.

Silly boy. It didn’t last.

It was good to see the Brockwell Park gates finally back in place at the bodged Herne Hill junction. Workmen have been, um, working around the clock as the countdown to the Country Show started in mid-summer.

The bodged Herne Hill junction seemed to just about stand up to its first real test, but then the critical mass of Chucklehead Cider drinkers seems to somehow cut a sway through the cars.

The crowds seemed down on previous years, but then that was probably because I was doing my Brockwell Park wobbling walking as soon as the Show started at 11am on Saturday morning. Come chucking out time at 7pm, and SE24 was home to half of Lambeth.

There are no standout highlights – what could possibly go wrong with the promise of the countryside comes to the city? I enjoyed as ever my conversations with the many local groups, some of them serving the local community brilliantly, others just plain bonkers.

The Aussie sheep shearing man was something of a tease. Steady. He knew exactly how to work a crowd, explaining the finer points of shearing, without actually introducing the star act on to the stage.

When Dolly finally made her appearance, he held her down in an arm lock that, um, just didn’t look quite right. The suggestion that my current out of control sideburns should be subjected to the same treatment was anything but a tease.

The fit young grinning Christian female didn’t seem to comprehend my answer of “atheist” when I agreed to answer her questionnaire, and it came down to the what religion are you question. She looked squeaky clean, and rather stunning. My attempts to introduce her to atheism, via the Chucklehead Cider stall and a quick romp in the log circle, failed as miserably as my attempts to stay sober.

Ah yes – about that Chucklehead. There’s no getting away from the fact that the countryside comes to the city mantra of the Country Show has been taken over in recent years with Chucklehead Cider crossed with jerk chicken. It remains the same ethos of sorts, yet slightly more realistic when describing the average experience.

Going out on a high, I caned it big time. I peaked far too early of course, and barely managed to stay awake for the Alabama 3 homecoming acoustic set. The decision to freshen up at the Lido en route back to base wasn’t such a great idea.

The cider celebration meant that I missed the Vegetable That Looks Like a Thingy competition. Judging was still in place as we passed the tent before midday. I didn’t like to risk a return after the Chucklehead had set in.

I did wander once again past the scarecrow competition, spending five minutes chatting up what I thought was the squeaky clean fit young Christian bird once again. I banged on about the benefits of an atheist lifestyle, only realising that her lack of conversation was because she was a scarecrow.

Cripes.

Time to call it quits, time to bugger off back to base.

My final Lambeth Show was probably my favourite in fifteen summers – the scarecrows were ace, the Dark Knight of Brockwell Park was bloody brilliant and even the “they’re not real” owls who don’t exactly do a lot, kept my attention for abut ten seconds.

But the real winner of course was *shhh* the booze.

Blimey.

Chucklehead cider is the type of refreshment that your body can only accommodate once a year. I decided to bow out in style, carrying cartons of the poison back and forth across the park. I’m still trying to piece together some of those lost memories.

And so farewell then the Lambeth Country Show. I would say that you will be missed, but I can’t quite recall many of the details over the past fifteen years to be honest.

The countdown starts here for the Wivenhoe Urban Show, boi.

“Four more years!” was the rally call coming out of Lambeth Town Hall during the local election count in the early hours of Saturday morning. I didn’t think the local politicos were talking about four more years of Lambeth Life.

Oh Lordy.

So yeah, following the 44 seats and massive 43% share of the vote enjoyed by our friends @LambethLabour, the @LambethLibDems manifesto pledge has been reduced to just that – paper talk to get rid of a ‘newspaper’ that many in the Rotten Borough could well do without.

Now that we are officially out of purdah (were we ever actually in it?) and not surprisingly, Lambeth Life leads with the local elections:

“It was a nail-biting time for many at the town hall, with a swarm of vote counters, politicians, council officers and journalists local bloggers all hotly anticipating the results.”

“Hotly anticipating” the results is stretching it slightly. As soon as the red bundles started to mount up on the counting tables shortly after 4pm, the resumption of the Red Flag flying over Lambeth Town Hall was never in any serious doubt.

But just in case you want to check who to hold to account over the pledges made on the doorstep over the last month, Lambeth Life helpfully adds:

“For the full local results breakdown go to: www.lambeth.gov.uk/elections2010.”

*ahem*

Gotcha!

Speaking of truth and accuracy, post election and we see a return of @cllrstevereed‘s Leader’s Column in Lambeth Life – hurrah!

“There is uncertainty nationally and funding for local services will be tighter, but we will work with the new national government to make sure we win the best possible deal for the people of Lambeth.”

Really?

Looks like the @LambethLabour leader may have a few bridges to build first with the ConDem coalition, before the best possible deal for the people of Lambeth can be put in place.

@cllrstevereed signs off with the optimistic:

“I am determined that we will deliver on the promises we have made.”

Me too, my friend, me too. I am determined to see that the public consultation promised back in February regarding the mutualisation of local government is actually implemented. I look forward to seeing how the doorstep election pledge of “free swimming for every resident” is also rolled out.

But what of the Little People of Lambeth? The Letters page puts forward the case from a local Herne Hill resident, who shares in my observations that the new Brockwell Park junction has left us with a great big bodge job down in SE24:

“While the borough is aiming to encourage greater use of public transport and greener policies, the road works at Herne Hill demonstrate a complete failure to maintain the simple and congenial integration of bus and rail travel which existed earlier.”

The right of reply offered up by Hayden Tuck [ACE name] the Principle Transport Engineer at Lambeth Housing, Regeneration and Environment states:

“The Herne Hill Junction Regeneration scheme is already delivering major benefits including better pedestrian crossing facilities, improved access to Brockwell Park, upgraded provision for cyclists, faster movement of buses through the junction and a much more attractive public environment.”

Blimey.

Where’s the empirical evidence for this, Mr Tuck? My analysis of the bodged Brockwell Park junction, on a busy Saturday morning, suggests the exact opposite of this observation.

Sticking with the Letters page, and it is a return to that old South London favourite that refuses to be silenced within the Rotten Borough:

Streatham Hub.

Oh Lordy…

Sally Knocker [ACE name #2] um, knocks the knockers that say NO! to a temporary ice rink being dumped on the green land of Streatham Common:

“Just when we thought a solution might be in sight for a temporary ice rink on the common in order for the much awaited new Streatham Hub to progress, it looks like a small but vociferous group might thwart the temporary planning application.”

Fair point, but the New South London Politics (get you) that has seen the formation of the Hands Off Our Common group is pretty much a Who’s Who of resident interest groups in Streatham.

“Whilst no one would want to permanently reduce green space (which obviously a temporary planning approval would not allow in any case), it seems a shame that those who protest do not realise that an even more precious community resource could well be lost. The Ice Rink provides enormous joy even in its current neglected state.”

Overlooking the subjective analysis that an ice rink is “more precious” than a historic piece of public land, Mss Knocker doesn’t address the local concerns that the temporary may become the permanent.

Tesco hasn’t exactly got a tremendous track record down in SW16 of telling the locals the truth. Failing to send a representative to the Hub meeting is hardly the sign of a constructive, local partnership. The power balance in the deal remains with the multi-national. Tesco can walk away from the scheme at any period in the next two years, leaving a bulldozed old barn of a rink, and a temporary pad on the Common, that then becomes permanent.

But anyway – I’m not alone in such an underhand analysis of how the Hub deal may develop over the coming months. @CllrMarkBennett, the local Streatham South @LambethLabour Councillor, and @cllrstevereed, both told me at the election count in the early hours of Saturday morning that “other options” are now being explored by cabinet for the location of the temporary rink.

Phew.

p7. in Lambeth Life and my heart (and foot) was in my mouth when I read
The headline:

New Twist for Classic Game…

“Young people on Lambeth’s peer education scheme have come up with a new version of a popular board game to help teach others about sexual health.”

Eeek!

Sexual health? Teenagers? Twister?

Surely not…

“The team have developed a giant version of snakes and ladders that they will be taking into secondary schools around the borough.”

Ignoring the schoolboy humour about giant snakes in a sexual health game, and the project does seem to be addressing a key issue for young people in an imaginative way. I wish them well.

The Eco Matters feature on p.10 address the farce that is the Cycle Superhighway that is being rolled out across the borough. Essentially a scheme championed by Boris, the aptly coloured blue carpet approach to bicycling has been badly conceived.

Any colour blind bicyclist could be forgiven in not noticing any difference in the provision for cycle safety. The Cycle Super Highway is simply a painting of the existing (and inefficient) cycle lanes blue.

Job well done, Boris.

The Clap’ham Road has already rolled out (incomplete) stretches of the blue carpet, with a further stop / start stretch also in place heading up Larkhall Rise. Urban Cyclist has highlighted the folly that is spending a small fortune out of the transport budget on a scheme that still fails to address the fundamental issue of crap car drivers.

And finally…

The Lambeth Crossword on p18. had me stumped at the first hurdle:

1. Across – They’re simply revolting, six letters.

I don’t think it started with an L and ends in an R, but you never know…

That’s Life!

The Happiest Day of the Year in South London was put on hold this year. High hopes of a lovely lido season opening dip on the morning of May 7th were always unrealistic. Fear of a Tory PM put me off the ceremonial dive into the chilled waters of Lake Brockwell. Family commitments back in the Fair City over the weekend only further delayed that first lovely lido dip.

Tuesday morning was mine for the taking. A tepid pool temperature of thirteen degrees blew away the frozen b*****cks syndrome, still being suffered following that bonkers mid-winter lido swim back in December.

This truly is the happiest, happiest day of the year in South London. It signals six months (oh yes) of al fresco swimming in SE24, and a final removal of the shackles that constrain South London swimmers to suffer the misery of a soulless, sterile and sweaty swim indoors at Brixton Rec.

The anticipation of meeting up once again with the lovely lido community is the inspiration to drag your aching body down to Brockwell Park at 6:30 in the morning. It almost made the months of misery spent bemoaning Brixton Rec seem bearable.

But what of the beautiful blue skies and blue water being reflected out of the chilled waters of Lake Brockwell? The lovely @TheLidoCafe was open for the Breakfast Club, and the public art project from Gethin and Myles was proudly on display in the basin of the pool, for those brave enough to take a dip.

Ah yes, about that dip…

As ever, you’ve done the hard part by being in the park. Once you are poolside, then you are going to swim. With a wetsuit hugging my toned torso (steady) what could go wrong?

A great leap of faith into the deep end, and I had forgotten totally that the Happiest Day of the Year also leads to your head exploding, should you make the silly mistake of forgetting your bright pink swimming cap.

Bugger.

Halfway down the first 50m length and I panicked. The arms and legs were functioning, but the head had long since lost circulation. I started to see things on the other side of the pool, that all rational thought tells you imply don’t exist.

That wasn’t *really* a naked female swimmer, was it?

I persevered, and after five minutes of a frantic freestyle motion, my conscious existence soon returned to my well being. I looked above as the flock of geese passed over my every motion, observed the beautiful blue skies of SE24 and then broke out into a great big underwater smile. Five hours later and I’m still grinning now.

A return to the heated changing rooms was a welcome respite. The continual blasting out of Radio Twaddle on the internal sound system is something that I, and other early morning swimmers, could well do without.

But a minor gripe in what has signalled the start of six months of early morning grinning down at the lovely lido. By the time I had showered and put back in place my three layers of clothing, I was just about able to walk in a straight line once again.

These will gradually be shed, one by one, over the coming weeks along with the wetsuit as I acclimatise back into the routine of daily lido life. This is probably my final year of al fresco swimming in South London, and so after the delayed start, I’m keen to continue now for the duration.

Back at base and I took great pride in updating my utterly pointless daytum online abacus chart, carefully recording that yep, today has been an official Lovely Lido Day. Only another 117 days to take me out of indoor swimming hell deficit.

I should hit this target sometime around the end of September. I may just make a nostalgic return to South London for the Brockwell Icicles midwinter swim, 2010 style. This may even push my utterly pointless daytum online abacus chart back into the black.

Or even the blue.

Golden Days I tell you, Golden Days.

*6:29 in for the handsome chap in his fetching pink cap*

And relax….

Here are some photographs of some lovely locations within Lambeth (um, and Southwark…). I think I have neglected these over recent months.

I hope this blog can return to some sense of normality over the coming weeks.

If at first you don’t succeed, smear, smear and smear again. The latest last chance saloon leaflet from @LambethLabour in Herne Hill is shameful. It exposes the local party for all that is wrong within politics in the Rotten Borough. The literature resorts to sickening lies, and attempts to scare the good people of SE24 into voting for the Election Machine that was once a proud political party.

Realising that the Greens down in Herne Hill have a very real chance of building upon their current Councillor in the ward, @JimDicksLambeth is continuing with his policy of lying to hold onto political power in the borough.

Here’s the full Herne Hill horror show from @LambethLabour:

“Lambeth Green party policies include:

Pressing for the legalisation of drugs including skunk cannabis and class A drugs in Herne Hill – a measure which would risk turning our area into South London’s main drugs supermarket.”

What a disgusting statement to make. The legalisation of drugs, soft or hard, is nowhere to be seen in the Lambeth Green manifesto. What can be found however, anywhere along Coldharbour Lane, on any morning, afternoon or evening of the week, are drugs being sold overtly to anyone who is interested.

South London’s main drugs supermarket [sic] is actually trading within the ward that is currently represented by three @LambethLabour Councillors.

There’s more of the vile campaigning to come:

“[Lambeth Greens] blocked the 20 mph Zone for Herne Hill proposed by Labour for this year.”

Cos yeah, Lambeth Greens are the local political arm of the car lobby…

It’s truly pathetic. The Greens in Herne Hill are campaigning on the exact opposite policy. As local candidate John Hare explained to me during our last conversation about @LambethLabour election literature lies, the Greens are actually pushing for the 20′s Plenty policy to be rolled out across the entire borough.

This is a scheme that limits the speed on local authority owned roads to 20 mph. It has been implemented successfully up in Islington, and John gained great support for the proposal at the Lambeth Cyclists transport hustings last month.

And so why is @LambethLabour coming out with this eve of polling day political prevarication against the Greens? If the previous smear was anything to by, our red flag flying friends have actually forgotten about the 36% share of the vote that the greens polled back in 2006.

Realising that a Stalinist (ooh!) re-writing of history from a right wing Nu Labour cabinet member wasn’t getting the message across to the electorate, @LambethLabour and @JimDicksLambeth have had to resort to a dirty, filthy political trick.

It is worth reminding ourselves ahead of the trip to the polling station tomorrow that @LambethLabour party policies include:

“Free swimming for every resident,” and a promised public consultation on the implementation of the John Lewis mutual form of local government. Both of these are in the @LambethLabour manifesto. Both are folly.

And that’s no lie.

Is this the most pointless zebra crossing in South London? I certainly thought so as I approached the new Herne Hill junction at Brockwell Park at the weekend. In a ten minute period, I counted ten cars in succession fail to stop for ten groups of pedestrians who were trying to enter Brockwell Park.

The new slip road in SE24 finally opened last week, following a three-year period of campaigning for and against the replacement of parkland with a road. The local community was split, with the Herne Hill Society supporting the scheme, and the Friends of Brockwell Park being adamantly against the surrendering of precious green land.

The truth lies somewhere in the middle. The old junction wasn’t working. The traffic was constantly congested; the entrance to the park was neglected and had become a haven for street drinkers. The actual park space sacrificed to solve the problem was a minor, minor 0.02%

But still – with the Brockwell Park junction now open is it actually working?

My observations on Saturday would suggest not. I accept it is still very early days, and the full implementation of the scheme is yet to be complete. The closure of the area outside of Herne Hill station to traffic is still a work in progress. The effectiveness of the overall plan can’t be properly assessed until this is complete.

But it seems to me that the planning, and justification of the scheme, has been badly thought out. The literature from our friends @lambeth_council, released in September 2007 to try and persuade locals to support the scheme, stated:

“Island Green [urgh!] will provide an attractive link between the centre of Herne Hill and the Park, giving people safer access to and from the Park.”

Island Green [urgh! again] is actually the great big slab of pavement that now replaces the green park land, the very same great big slab of pavement where pedestrians are left stranded as traffic flows down the slip road and blocks off the route into the splendour of Brockwell Park.

The fancy architect diagram contained in the literature from @lambeth_council has Island Green [urgh! urgh! urgh!] actually shaded in a soft, pastel yellow and green tone. What exists now is an unimaginative, and very out of place, huge big slab of concrete. A bit of guerrilla gardening is urgently needed.

And what of the fate of cyclists, in what is a notoriously Green political part of the borough where cycling is a stronghold? The @lambeth_council 2007 literature states:

“Forward stop lines and easier access from Norwood Road into Dulwich Road will help cyclists.”

Um, not so.

The forward stop lines are the green boxes that motorists hog up as they edge ever close to cyclists and try and gain advantage. The choice for cyclists is to be pushed aside at the boxes, or risk being rammed into Green Island, as the narrow slip road can’t accommodate anything but single file traffic.

This is a poorly thought out scheme that adds no beauty, or even ease of traffic congestion to the Herne Hill junction. As you can probably detect, my frustration over such a wasted opportunity needed an outlet.

Thankfully the very decent Robert Holden of the Herne Hill Society was at hand on Saturday to talk me through my concerns, Robert has been a passionate supporter of the scheme, and had put in an incredible workload to try and find a solution for the Herne Hill junction.

We had an enjoyable and constructive discussion. My concerns over the effectiveness, and appearance of the whole project remain. I accept time is needed to fully assess the project, and I welcomed the Robert’s enthusiasm to take on suggestions, and the possibility of making Green Island more… greener.

Almost there. Only five days to go until the lovely lido opens up once again for a season of procrastination down in SE24.

The staging of the Art Deco Fair on Saturday signalled that the new lido season is almost upon us. There has been a slight delay in opening up the waters of Lake Brockwell this year, with the lure of a Bank Holiday Monday lido swim being put back until Friday.

“Technical difficulties” (waiting for a pool plant part to arrive from Germany) means that the Best Day of the Year in South London will have to wait until all that political posturing of May 6th is out of the way.

Purification in the waters of Lake Brockwell, the morning after the dirty deed has been done, seems like the perfect cure for the political hangover to me.

And so I walked through the creaking lido turnstiles on Saturday, settled up for a lido season ticket (£150 – £1.20 a swim every day through until October, and no increase on last year,) and then was welcomed back into the lido community with my happy, smiling summer friends all around.

Lido historian Peter Bradley was the first to greet me. We exchanged tales of the misery of our winter months, and the loathsome practise that is being pent up inside an indoor pool. Time to break free, time to embrace the tepid waters of Lake Brockwell.

The lovely Brockwell Lido Users Group had set up stall poolside. It is worth remembering that events such as the now annual Art Deco Fair wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for BLU and the campaign to breathe life back into the lido almost a decade ago.

Blimey – has it *really* been that long?

The Herne Hill Society were very friendly, even in the rare moment of mild frustration found within the most peaceful place in South London. An angry (ish) young blogger asked about the bodge job of the Herne Hill junction outside Brockwell Park. Almost an hour of debate followed, some appeasement and even a handshake at the end – lido life has that kind of calming effect on you. More on the Herne Hill conversation to come…

The pool itself was looking resplendent. Clear, blue water and a temperature of around 15 degrees to give you that perfect May 7th kick up the political backside. I have already rehearsed my choice of political phrase to unleash, as I dive in for the time and my head explodes with the harshness of the water. You need some kind of physical release, and my local politician of choice is lined up to receive the verbal assault.

The typography art installation by Gethin and Myles looks even more intriguing now that the water has entered the pool. The beautiful lettering, lovingly painted within the basin of the lido, is barely visible from above. Goggles on, heads down, and I think a few swimmers are in for a pleasant literary surprise, come that first chilly bathing on Friday morning.

The Fair itself wasn’t simply a commercial proposition. Other artistic installations were in place poolside. A plastic cup and a piece of string style communication system stretched across the width of the pool. Pick up a cup, and you were rewarded with some history of the lido’s past, with stories told from the many lido voices throughout the past seventy years.

A Mouse Trap style board game was also in place, which resulted in a figurine of a chap diving into the water. The lack of a German pump didn’t seem to bother the plastic fella.

A periscope was also by the side of the pool, replicating the view from the lido as seen from 20 meters above. It seemed perfect that the mirror focussed down on a bikini bra that was positioned in perfect range for closer inspection.

Daniel and Duncan at @TheLidoCafe had their busiest day of the year. The sun always seems to shine on Art Deco day, and I feel that the two brothers at Our Cafe by the Water are in for something of a very special summer.

So yep – almost, almost there. Fifteen years of lido life, and one final epic summer of arseing about by the pool to come for me. I’m going to make the most of it, come rain, shine or even *eek* work.

Golden days I tell you. Golden days.