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﻿<font﻿ ﻿size="8;font-family:trebuchet"﻿ ﻿ms,﻿ ﻿verdana,﻿ ﻿sans-serif﻿>﻿<center﻿>﻿ONIONBAGBLOG PICS﻿</center>﻿</font>﻿

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﻿</br>﻿

﻿<font﻿ ﻿size="5"﻿>﻿<strong﻿>﻿Crap Match Report﻿</strong>﻿</font>﻿<hr﻿ ﻿color="#ff0000"﻿>﻿<table﻿ ﻿align="left"﻿ ﻿cellspacing="0"﻿ ﻿width="150"﻿>﻿<tr﻿>﻿<td﻿ ﻿bgcolor="#800000"﻿>﻿<font﻿ ﻿size="1"﻿ ﻿color="#ffffff"﻿ ﻿face="verdana,arial,sans-serif"﻿>﻿<center﻿>﻿ ﻿<b﻿>﻿story filed by:﻿</b>﻿</center>﻿</font>﻿</td>﻿</tr>﻿<td﻿ ﻿bgcolor="#ffffcc"﻿>﻿<font﻿ ﻿size="1"﻿ ﻿color="#000000"﻿ ﻿face="verdana,arial,sans-serif"﻿>﻿<center﻿>﻿ ﻿<b﻿>﻿onionbag blogger﻿</b>﻿</center>﻿</font>﻿</td>﻿</tr>﻿</table>﻿<table﻿ ﻿align="right"﻿ ﻿cellspacing="0"﻿>﻿<tr﻿>﻿<td﻿>﻿<font﻿ ﻿size="2"﻿ ﻿color="#666666"﻿ ﻿face="verdana,arial,sans-serif"﻿>﻿<small﻿>﻿<strong﻿>﻿Sunday23 September, 2007﻿</strong>﻿</font>﻿</small>﻿</td>﻿</tr>﻿</table>﻿

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﻿</br>﻿
﻿<font﻿ ﻿size="2"﻿ ﻿color="#000000"﻿ ﻿face="verdana,arial,sans-serif"﻿>﻿<small﻿>﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://www.surreycricket.com/"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿Surrey﻿</a>﻿ 427-9d ﻿&amp;﻿ 295-5d beat Lancashire 234 ﻿&amp;﻿ 464 by 24 runs


﻿<br﻿>﻿
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﻿<p﻿ ﻿align="Center"﻿>﻿<img﻿ ﻿src="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857im_/http://www.onionbagblog.com/220907/10.jpg"﻿ ﻿alt="Wish You Were Here"﻿ ﻿border="1"﻿>﻿</p>﻿
I wasn't supposed to be here on Saturday afternoon; I was supposed to be at home doing the housework. But I put the hoover around to make a start, only to be sucked in by the fantastic ﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://www.bbc.co.uk/london/content/articles/2005/05/12/surrey_county_cricket_team.shtml"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿BBC ball-by-ball commentary﻿</a>﻿.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
﻿<table﻿ ﻿width="125"﻿ ﻿height="50"﻿ ﻿align="right"﻿ ﻿border="0"﻿ ﻿cellspacing="0"﻿>﻿<tr﻿>﻿<td﻿ ﻿bgcolor="#FFFFCC"﻿>﻿<img﻿ ﻿align="Left"﻿ ﻿src="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857im_/http://www.onionbagblog.com/270507/start_quote.gif"﻿>﻿<h2﻿>﻿Sit down, fella﻿<img﻿ ﻿src="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857im_/http://www.onionbagblog.com/270507/end_quote.gif"﻿>﻿</h2>﻿</td>﻿</tr>﻿</table>﻿Something spectacular was about to take place in South London on the last sunny Saturday in September and it didn't involve the ﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/funny_old_game/7004282.stm"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿Special One﻿</a>﻿ forgetting football and signing up as the new Surrey mascot.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
Lancashire weren't supposed to be here either. A ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿196﻿</span>﻿ and a ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿130﻿</span>﻿ knock from ﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=476107"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿Mr Ramps﻿</a>﻿ should have finished off this game by day three. Requiring 488 to win the match, ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿AND﻿</span>﻿ the County Championship, the Lancastrians were cleaning up, and not a ﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://www.dyson.co.uk/"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿Dyson﻿</a>﻿ in sight either.


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It was enough to make me put down my super suction nozzle, damn the nagging demands of the fragrant ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿mrs onionbagblogger﻿</span>﻿ (your mess, you clean it up, luv) and witness what would be a very unlikely Lancaster win.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
I wasn't alone. With ﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_prem/6996751.stm"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿Manchester City playing across town at Fulham﻿</a>﻿, ﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://www.mondaysmusings.blogspot.com/pictemps/ocs.html"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿The Oval﻿</a>﻿ was full of football fans from the Blue half of the city. ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-style:italic;"﻿>﻿County Championship winners or Craven Cottage?﻿</span>﻿ Well, you would, wouldn't you?


﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
I arrived at the Oval shortly after lunch with Lancashire on 217-2. Only 271 required for the Championship. ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Law﻿</span>﻿ and ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Laxman﻿</span>﻿ were in control at the crease, I was in control of the Carlsberg. Who would falter first? ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-style:italic;"﻿>﻿Who do you fucking think...?﻿</span>﻿

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
Laxman made his century and a ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Norther﻿n oik﻿</span>﻿ sitting nearby shouted out:


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﻿</br>﻿
'﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-style:italic;"﻿>﻿Come on Lancashire! Show some passion! This could be a special day!﻿</span>﻿'

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
The Northern passion arrived bang on cue as Laxman was dismissed next ball. It was all too much for a ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Lancy Lancy Old Boy﻿</span>﻿ sitting behind me:

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
'﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-style:italic;"﻿>﻿Ee, lad - I've got t' go home. I feel reet peculiar﻿</span>﻿.'

﻿<br﻿>﻿

﻿</br>﻿
Yeah, yeah - I bet he's got some hoovering to do back in Bolton.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
And so what price a Lancashire win? About �6.99, judging by the tourist tat ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿LONDON﻿</span>﻿ baseball cap being worn by a ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Clog Wearer﻿</span>﻿ on his big day out in The Smoke. Best to remove the price tag first, fella.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
Disaster struck shortly before tea. Not another wicket, but I progressed from the cans to the bottled beer, but bugger - I forgot the fucking bottle opener. Real men open beer bottles with their bare teeth. But don't forget I should have been doing the hoovering.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿
The cavalry came in the form of my cricketing companion, the ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Glamorous Girly Friend﻿</span>﻿. She didn't bring along a bottle opener, but she must have a bloody good dentist. I felt inadequate, but relieved.


﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿

﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Jade Dernbach﻿</span>﻿ Fought the Law and ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Stuart Law﻿</span>﻿ lost, caught behind by ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Jonathan Batty﻿</span>﻿ for 79, with 183 now required for the Championship. ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Steven Croft﻿</span>﻿ went for 45 in the same over, and somewhere in Sussex, a grown man put his Dyson down as the South Coast boys were now ﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/counties/7007938.stm"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿firm favourites to take the title by default﻿</a>﻿.


﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿

A slight hiccup after tea; not the players but my indigestion system. I took a deep breath, balanced upside down and drunk another bottle of beer. The hiccups remained, but ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Glen Chapple﻿</span>﻿ didn't, caught by Mr Ramps for 29, leaving Lancashire needing 131 from 29 overs

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﻿</br>﻿

'﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-style:italic;"﻿>﻿Stand up, if you love Lancashire!﻿</span>﻿' came the rallying cry from the ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Peter May Stand﻿</span>﻿.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿

Sit down, mate - I can't bloody see.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿

Dear old ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Dominic Cork﻿</span>﻿ couldn't deliver, and the northern coffin dodgers were now more likely to see a sober ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿onionbagblogger﻿</span>﻿ at The Oval than their first Championship title in seventy six years.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿

The tail end was polished off quicker than my efforts with the Mr Sheen. Lancashire fell twenty-five runs short, leaving Surrey finishing a respectable fourth in the table.

﻿<br﻿>﻿

﻿</br>﻿

'﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-style:italic;"﻿>﻿How was the hoovering?﻿</span>﻿' enquired mrs obb after she returned from her ﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-weight:bold;"﻿>﻿Self Righteousness Class﻿</span>﻿.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿

'﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-style:italic;"﻿>﻿First class﻿</span>﻿.' I replied. Just like 

Surrey's Championship status for next summer.

﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿

Can't come soon enough.


﻿<br﻿>﻿
﻿</br>﻿

﻿<center﻿>﻿<strong﻿>﻿wot the ﻿<a﻿ ﻿href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080726191857/http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/tms/"﻿ ﻿target="_blank"﻿>﻿tms﻿</a>﻿ cameras missed﻿</strong>﻿</center>﻿

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﻿<span﻿ ﻿style="font-style:italic;"﻿>﻿Northern Clog Dancing in South London﻿</span>﻿

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