Crap Match Report

LV= County Championship Division Two, Kia Oval (close, day one) Kent 132-4: Northeast 45, Bell-Drummond 39, T Curran 2-30 Surrey: Yet to bat


To The Oval! …post-work on Monday afternoon.

I slipped in to see the close of Day 1 as Surrey attempted to continue the Championship promotion push against Kent.

Days spent in a school often drive you to drink. The plan was to go on the piss in the Pavilion. The weather just wasn’t right for such jollity.

Instead I bought a large mug of Surrey Tea, and then settled down with the cream doughnut that I had managed to lift from the school staffroom at chucking out time.

Dig in.

But not for the players out in the middle.

The Oval floodlights were on full beam, but bizarrely there wasn’t sufficient light for play to continue after the tea break.


The Umps took one look at the light gizmo, and then ordered the players back into the hutch.

I took a misplaced bite out of my snaffled cream doughnut, and ended up soiling my best work trousers.


And so how to fill an overcast late Monday afternoon in South London whilst the Umpires decide if a MEGA MEGA Watt collection of lightbulbs are suitable for lighting up The Oval?

I played a game of Guess the Test Match Wicket.

We’re just a month away now from when the Ashes roadshow rolls into South London. In-between and there is some more t20 twaddle and the start of the 50 over format for the ‘rrey.

But I reckon the lush green strip just to the right of the Kent Championship wicket looking towards the OCS Stand is where the Ashes will be won.

A slow hand clap then followed – not for my wicket prediction skills, but as a reminder to the Umps to get the players out once again.

Careful what you wish for etc.

An old fella sleeping in the top tier of the Pavilion was startled by all of the action. I hope that he doesn’t take a snooze on the day that the Ashes will be won.

And so the Kent batsmen came out to the crease once again, with the scoreboard showing 99-3.

Northeast was soon walking… south and back into the dressing room, caught by Foakes off some sharp bowling from Tom Curran.

The scoreboard trickled up to 114-4.

Bad light and Brixton protests drew a close to my brief late, late Oval afternoon.

C’mon the ‘rrey!