Crap Match Report

Surrey 177 all out Vs Kent 231/7 – Kent won by 54 runs


To The Oval! …on Friday evening for some more t20 folly with @surreycricket.

I’m not quite sure how this has happened, but the t20 schedule for the ‘rrey this summer has very kindly coincided perfectly with my own South London personal living arrangements.


And that dream just happens to be sometime around June 2006.

Golden Days, etc.

What I really enjoy about my Oval experiences is that there is always the opportunity to try something different.

Two pints of lager Sir, or three?

But it was all about location, location, location on Friday evening.

A couple of old girlfriends were in town – the non-snoggable sort, if you know what I mean.

They fancied a trip down to the Lower Laker.

I don’t think that this is a euphemism.

The last time that I was Laker bound ended up in me passing out before the bloody awful Mexican wave had even managed to hit the Lower Laker.

I think that this was sometime around June 2006.

t20 has changed remarkably in this short space of time. A slog of 150 seemed about par back in the day.

Kent Spitfires arrived at The Oval looking intent on doubling this figure, and then still finding the time to try and run each other out with the tail end of the innings.

Sam Northeast sounded more like a crappy regional news bulletin than a batsman who wanted to announce his arrival at The Oval.

A dangerous partnership was formed with Bell-Drummond.

My Bell End tweet hovered, but the double barrel kinda made me look a bit like a… bell end.

Darren Stevens did the damage for Kent. He hit 60 off only 28 balls, before going on to reach 90, and then being caught on the boundary.

Putting in plenty of effort with the ball was Tim Linley for the ‘rrey, back refreshed from his loan spell down at Sussex.

This must have been the shortest first class cricketing loan. A fifer for the Viscount midweek, and then straight into the Surrey t20 team.

“I always knew The Viscount was a t20 specialist”

…I remarked, as yer man Tim took four wickets for only 45 runs.

Betcha he’s back on the South Coast by Monday morning.

It was an expensive evening for the other Surrey bowlers; it was also an expensive evening for the car sponsor of whom we shall not speak its name.

Boundary after boundary was caught by blokes in the crowd, all at the cost of £1,000 each time for the car company.

Kent ended up on an impressive 231-7 after their 20 overs. Back in the days of Lower Laker pass outs and such a score would have been dismissed as the ramblings of drunken cricketing oik.

Speaking of which – something *really* strange took place in The Pavilion during the break.

Wifey returned from a bar run, literally laden down with as much booze as she could carry.

“You mad alcoholic fool!”

…I declared.

“It was free”

…came the reply.



Fair play to Lord Ali Brown, who very kindly chipped in with £268 behind the bar, to celebrate the anniversary of *that* Surrey innings.

Fine work, Sir.

Sincere apologies that Wifey appeared to blag the entire pot behind the bar.

Soon #AnsariWatch was underway. I pitched in online with 30 off 60 balls.

In the end yer man fell for 33 off 18 balls. I had struggled with Year 7 maths earlier in the day.

The inevitable Surrey collapsed soon kicked in, along with the BOOZE fest that seemed to engulf the entire OCS.

My on my Sir – what an incredibly large snake you have.

I haven’t seen a beer snake as large as the one that slowly worked its way around the perfect curve of the OCS.

Living on a Prayer was a bit pants over the PA, but after five pints of lager then you’ll sing anything.

The ‘rrey fell well short of the run chase, walking battered and bruised back into the hutch 177 all out – which would have been a half decent score back in the day.






















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