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It’s the border battle that refuses to retreat – well, not via email, anyway. Yep, both sides in the Battle of Tendring have been beefing up their battalions and firing off missive emails back and forth between Sunny Colch and our border friends. We’re not quite in the pantomime season just yet, but I can’t but help think that the little spot of hyperlocal bother would be better resolved with a mass pillow fight across the river Colne.

And so something of an online soap opera is starting to emerge between Bob Russell – the LibDem MP for Britain’s Oldest Recorded, and the Tory Tendring District Council. The main plot involves the proposed 3,000 homes that developers want to build on the Tendring side of the border towards the land east of the Greenstead. It’s like the Space Race being played out in North Essex, with both sides trying to keep each other from planting their respective borough and district flags on the land.

We left the soap opera last week on something of a cliffhanger. Having written to the Leader of TDC on 28th November expressing his concern over the plans, St Bob received a robust reply from Cllr Peter Halliday, the Deputy Leader of TDC. Cheap political points were fired across the border, with claims and counter-claims that it is the local LibDems / Tories who are intent on turning North Essex into an urban housing sprawl.

Which brings us up to date with the latest episode of North Essex-enders [catchy, huh?] and lookey lookey here – it’s only an equally robust reply from St Bob, and then the double whammy from Cllr Halliday as well. Poxy local politics are once again the main characters. The residents on both sides of the border don’t even get a walk on / walk off part. As for the developers? Everyone loves a soap villain…

In an email fired off from St Bob of Sunny Colch to Cllr Halliday on 1st December, the local MP gets in a great opening paragraph:

“I will ignore your insulting comments, but suggest that when it comes to knowledge of the Planning Laws then you may indeed be more familiar than I, and have greater personal experience.

I do fear for the people of Tendring when I see the Leadership qualities such as that displayed in this immature response. Please grow up. The people of Tendring deserve better – and the people of Colchester deserve better neighbours than what they see over the border in Tendring as portrayed by you two.”

Ouch.

But what about the meat on the bone from St Bob?

“I look forward to confirmation that Tendring District Council has rejected the proposals for the huge developments outlined in the Parishes of Elmstead and Ardleigh on the borders of Colchester. That would be an act of being a good neighbour and would be welcomed by the many constituents who have contacted me.”

Which *might* just be the course of action intended by TDC, but democracy has to run its course, or even be seen to run its course. Which means that the circling vultures that want to gain from the leaky TDC Local Development Framework are entitled to test the water with a planning proposal.

“Best wishes – from Bob Russell, MP for Colchester.”

I bet.

But what of the response from TDC? A considered reply? Co-operation? A new found Conservative / LibDem love, borne out of the cosy relationship that makes up the Westminster coalition?

What do you think…

Writing on 6th December, Cllr Halliday is backed up by his Leader, Cllr Neil Stock, with an email to St Bob of Sunny Colch. The contents is only likely to escalate the Tory / LibDem tit for tat in Tendring:

“Dear Mr Russell

We thank you for your response to our earlier correspondence all be it lacking in substance [OUCH] and we also note your absolute failure to answer any of the questions posed within, however as we are dealing with a professional politician we are not that surprised.”

If you sleep with dogs, etc.

“We will skip over your personal jibe (at Cllr Stock) and put that down to your willingness to make statements without being in full possession of the facts.

We will not waste too much time on your leadership comments suffice to say that with only two liberals elected in Tendring it’s not a skill your colleagues need to acquire in any great hurry!”

Yes, yes – skip the poxy party politics please, and tell St Bob precisely is the TDC response to the circling developers….

“Anyway moving on to your more constructive words and your realisation that these proposals are not Tendring councils but merely proposals put up by developers. We will indeed oppose, as previously stated, any overdevelopment of our borders with Colchester but as you may or may not be aware we intend to debate the final proposals at full council before submitting the document to the secretary of state for approval. This will ensure the document has democratic credence all be it only by simple majority.”

Hurrah!

Which is perhaps the most sensible statement that has been made so far in the Cold War of Sunny Colch. It’s like one of those rare Eastenders episodes that focuses solely on dear old Dot Cotton and passes off an insight into the meaning of life.

It doesn’t take long for the petty drama to return in an attempt to pull in the ratings:

“As stated earlier we will oppose overdevelopment of our border with Colchester but your liberal democrat colleagues are lobbying hard to do just that and have won some support across party colours so reassuring you that council will support our view is quite simply impossible. We believe, and it appears you believe the same, that this type of development is not good for Tendring nor sustainable for Colchester however liberal nimbyism in Tendring is finding favour.”

Liberal Nimbyism?

I’m scared, Comrades.

As for a cliffhanger ahead of the next complete waste of an email?

“We have concerns that, (and we think its fair to say that it has happened on your watch), Colchester has changed from a wonderful, Historical Town with its own identity into an overpopulated dormitary town with no individuality. We would welcome your condemnation of this urban sprawl towards our boundaries but to be fair you seem silent on this point.

We simply ask, do you support such development in Colchester or not? Of all the questions you failed to answer this is the one that is most important because if you approve of what’s happened to your own town why should we accept your objection to developing Tendring whether we agree with you or not!”

It’s a brave man (or men) to tell St Bob of Sunny Colch to put up or shut up. Be careful for what you wish for, Conservative Sirs.

“We would welcome a face to face discussion with you, on your home turf [eh?] if you prefer, as it would seem, if we look beyond the political banter, we are in danger of agreeing.”

I suggest the Laser Arena down at Rollerworld to try and settle this one. My concern is that once the phony email war is over, the territorial advancements will begin, and the TDC weak LDF will allow the developers to dig in right on our border. A division between St Bob and TDC will only benefit the developers.

It’s not a ratings war, Comrades.