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Wivenhoe Town 1, Leiston 1

A bumper crowd up at Broad Lane on Saturday afternoon for the visit of table topping Leiston. A win or a draw for the visitors would mean promotion; a win or a draw for Wivenhoe would mean five pints of Fosters in the clubhouse and a flipin’ eck Tucker style moment.

It is only on occasions like these that you realise the folly of your usual Saturday afternoon routine. Completely oblivious to @AnnaJCowen and I, but it appears that we have been standing in the away end.

Whoops.

They were a charming lot, our friends from Suffolk:

“One ball, you’ve only got one ball!”

I wasn’t sure if they were tailing about the Dragons sporting equipment stock take, or a comment on my own credentials after an afternoon spent in the saddle.

Leiston took the lead with a header around the half hour mark. I like to gauge my timings with Crap Match Reports in fifteen-minute segments, usually structured around bar and boy’s room visits. Let’s call it first pint, first p***.

“1-0 to the champions” seemed a little premature from the Leiston lot. Give it another pint and p*** and I was half expecting “5-0 to the champions.”

The first half was very one sided, with the visitors pushing for promotion with the same vigor that I usually push for the bar. A bit of a cash flow situation however, and we found ourselves counting the pennies ahead of the next pint. This new frugal lifestyle fits in with the Dragons way of doing things.

“One ball, you’ve only got one ball,” soon became “yeah, and you’ve not a got a single windscreen, mate” after THE official club ball cleared the stands and was kicked towards the car park.

Ouch.

A goalmouth scramble shortly before the break almost led to the equaliser for the Dragons. The penalty box became a dirt track. Skid marks were visible, especially on the ‘keeper.

A superb spotting of a non-ironic Judas Priest T-Shirt was almost the highlight at half time. @AnnaJCowen trumped the T-shirt, pointing out a poor fella with a rather unfortunate trouser stain in his easy access shorts.

A charming chat followed with the esteemed chap who looks after the website for Wivenhoe. I got slightly lost in the mathematics, but it seems that even if the Dragons finish in the bottom three, relegation is unlikely on account of the crapness of the grounds from the teams coming down, and the teams coming up.

Time for a quick bar break, time for a big HELLOOO!!! with the lovely Mr Chairman.

Cripes.

The best moment of the second half was the “don’t be silly, son” comment from the lino, in response to a Wayne Rooney style questioning of a decision. I made a mental note of this technique, and promised to put it into practice back at school in the day job.

Wivenhoe scored an equaliser, of sorts, direct from a free kick.

“Don’t be silly, son” as Mr Lino raised his flag.

But a genuine equaliser did come with ten minutes remaining. A sending off soon followed, with the red carded Wivenhoe chap then joining the supporters behind the goal, in the full glory of his topless torso. That’s not something that you see often at Stamford Bridge.

The final whistle came and Leiston celebrated like they had just won the cup, rather than having held on for a half-arsed draw against a ten-man relegation side from the North Essex estuary.

Funny old game.

Full flickr stream over here.