Crap Match Report – LIVE!

Close of play, day two: Surrey 185 for five (58 overs) (Ramprakash 63*, Davies 51, Smith 3-36 ) trail Derbyshire (451 all out, C J L Rogers 200, G M Smith 66, Batty 3-115) by 266 runs.

Surrey cricket

Righto, Oval bound for the afternoon session with @surreycricket. Debating the ethics of booze free once again. Blimey.

Sat in the OCS, blue earpiece in and listening to the splendid @surreycricket. Good crowd, sun blazing, 442-9 D****s. Need to polish em off.

Gunter Nel eyeing up an empty seat. I’m fearful for the empty seat. Frustration as @surreycricket try and limit the D****s damage. 450-9.

Hurrah. Finally. Meaker ends the innings. 451 all out. @surreycricket need a decent session up until tea. 100 with no loss would be good.

@surreycricket reply underway. Good to see Academy players Harinath & Sprigel opening. Early scare as Harinath dropped. Potato salad superb.

Booze free afternoon at The Oval going rather well. I’m actually following action in the outfield for once. Solid @surreycricket start, 10-0.

Slow going for @surreycricket. 20-0 on the 11th. No worries. Plenty of time to increase run rate. Old boys behind me babbling away. Nonsense.

@surreycricket’s slow progress looking positively pacey, given the news of Middle Middle Middle Sex Sex Sex 126 all out. Marvelous.

Harinath dropped on 13. Turning point? Nervous start for Academy youngsters. 44 without loss @surreycricket. Pavilion bound for tea.

Whoops. Young Spriegel caught behind on 27. Can only mean one thing: time for the old master and Mr Ramps. 44-1. Need another decent knock.

Young lady in front has collapsed in the OCS seats. Speaking of which – any SE11 sightings of @AnnaJCowen?

Same old @surreycricket. Maybe. Hanrihath caught at gully on 16. To be fair, openers both Academy players. Need stability from Ramps & Afzal.

This just in: @AnnaJCowen is in transit, slightly tiddly. Stone cold sober here. @surreycricket could drive me to drink. 47-2.


58-3 @surreycricket at tea. Heading out on to The Oval outfield to live out my boyhood fantasies. Weary of @AnnaJCowen. Girl a bit wobbly.

Resorting to cross dressing @surreycricket. Forgot second layer. SE11 skies bruising. Borrowed @AnnaJCowen’s jumper. Looks… girly.

@surreycricket now sliding. Poor old / young Rory HB. Caught plumb, lbw for 9. 74-4, chasing D****s 450. Old master Mr Ramps still at crease.

100 up for @surreycricket. Have to confess to a slight disco nap since tea. Explaining to @AnnaJCowen that 77 is Mr Ramp’s No. Not score.

Oh dear. The @surreycricket fox is on the outfield. Seriously.

Detour back into pavilion for gents. Got lost. Ended up in corridor not seen. Amazing old photos of Oval. 1848 – all that remains is church.

Half century up for Mr Ramps. Did we ever doubt the Great Man? Holding the @surreycricket innings together. 161-4. 8 overs remaining in day.

Surrey cricket

Surrey cricket

Surrey cricket

Surrey cricket

Surrey cricket

Surrey cricket

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