Crap Match Report

Match Drawn. Surrey 430 and 309-7, Glamorgan 702-8 dec (Glamorgan 11pts, Surrey 10pts)

C'mon the 'rrey!

Off to The Oval for one final hurrah of the summer. C’mon the ‘rrey! (they’re gonna need it.) #

Never seen The Oval so empty. Lemon tree (don’t ask) looking lonely on boundary. @surreycricket need to bat all day to save. 2 down. Whoops #

Beaten Beardy Weirdy Man into the ground. Surrey head bar man once again… watching cricket. Good work, fella. 49-2 the ‘rrey #

Big Ben just reverberated 11 bongs over The Oval. Legendary Surrey oik Lobby making noises of his own. May join the booze boy in Peter May #

Oh yeah, attracting flies like Surrey attract weird Members. Funny old season down in SE11. 55-2. Gonna be a slow day #

Right. Surrey head bar man has buggered off back to his bar. Which must mean it’s time for booze. Chin chin. 59-2 the ‘rrey. Slow #

Golly Gosh looks like a helicopter is about to land on The Oval strip #

When an old cricketer leaves the crease. This really is the saddest day of the season. @surreycricket lost another wicket, 63-3. Wobbling #

Autumn chill finally descends over The Oval. Cloud not lifted. Shorts and cycling top not looking so sensible now. 73-3 Surrey. Hanging on #

Sitting top tier in the Pavilion and it looks like a fire is breaking out around Victoria #

“There goes the ice cream man with the loudest tinkle in London,” said the voice of @surreycricket. Cricket quote of the season. 83-3 ‘rrey #

Luncheon atThe Oval. As expected, @surreycricket on the back foot. Afternoon looks good though with @cabbiescapital company. 100-3 the ‘rrey #

Truly tropical in the Peter May stand. Topless OAP’s. Meanwhile, back in the Member’s Pavilion and I’m freezing my nuts off. 126-3 the ‘rrey #

Lack of decent wigs at The Oval. Disappointing. 140-3 #

Game petering out for a draw. So that was a worthwhile four days then. Lack of wigs compensated by amazing hair dye man behind us. 167-3 #

Talk in Member’s Pavilion turned from cricket to Sir Cliff. A sure indication of how crap the cricket is. Expect cpts to shake hands soon #

Listen!

Been at The Oval for six hours now. And guess what? We’re heading for a draw… 244-5 the ‘rrey #

Blimey. Gunter Nel is on water boy duties at The Oval. Highlight of the afto has been legendary Surrey oik, Lobby, getting over excited #

Genuinely quite tearful as another South London season comes to a close at The Oval. Could be our last #

Listen!

Tried to board the Glamorgan team bus. Lard arse Cosgrave showed some action for first time in four days. Next stop, lovely lido cafe #

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