Crap Match Report

Warwickshire 201-1 beat Surrey 200-8 by nine wickets (Warwicks 2pts)

SE11 red skies

Looking over mid wicket at The Oval, awaiting the arrival of company for the evening. Truly adore this place. 81-2 @surreycricket. All fine #

Game on hold – the famous Surrey fox has just trotted across the wicket. Only fox you’ll find around these parts #


My Man in the Pinstripes sitting to my left said “144-5 for @surreycricket doesn’t look so good.” I would have to concur with Mr Pinstripes #

Half the korfball club seems to be at The Oval. Training night as well. Whoops. Warwickshire even playing in korf club colours. 148-6 ‘rrey #

The smell of cheap booze and Pringles caught up in the whiskers of beardy men is slightly alluring. 158-6 the ‘rrey. Fightback underway #

My Man in the Pinstripes notes that the Surrey head barman is once again watching cricket, rather than pouring pints. Good work, fella #

Surrey looking as limp as the Oval lemon tree out by the boundary. 175-8 with three overs remaining #

Kenny Kennington lurking ominously by the Oval boundary. Fans of breakdancing men dressed as hounds will be happy. Slog time. 198-5 ‘rrey #

Sitting next to Norman Tebbit in skirt. Gonna give her a squeeze and see if any b******s. Meanwhile that Jonathan Trott is back at The Oval #

Sweet. Cavalry has arrived with Dr A and more booze. 23-0 Warwickshire. What’s the abbreviation of the rather long County? Wars? #

Aye aye – it’s only Ian Bell at The Oval crease. You know what that next tweet will be. 32-1 Wars whatever

Spectacular South London skyline at The Oval. Red sky at night, Surrey are in the s***e #

The Oval bar staff – p**s poor, like Surrey #

Surrey looking sorry. 144-1 Warks (aha!) chasing down 200. Members’ bar looks good for the evening #

I seem to have a pint of red wine. Whoops. 182-2 Warks, 19 to win #

My Man in Pinstripes said “12 to win with 9 wickets remaining is not within the capabilities of Warwickshire.” My man speaks sense #

No Bell end for once. Warks stroll it with an 8 wicket victory. Members’ bar awaits #


Two screens in the Long Room. One showing Liverpool, one the Arse. A club divided. No sign of Forest #

Portrait in the Long Room of Judith Chalmers and John Major. Blimey #

Ouch, OUCH. A fine evening out at The Oval, but I’m paying for it now on the early early shift #

SE11 red skies

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