Crap Match Report

Close of play, day three: Surrey 362 and 195-3, Derbyshire 334 (Surrey 7pts, Derbys 6pt)

Off to watch cricket in Croydon, with the nicest cab driver I know. I only know one cab driver #


Made it to the Whitgift after a trawl around Croydon. Sitting in the sun with @cabbiescapital, watching @surreycricket #

Oh yeah, Gunter Nel has his backside in my face #

Gunter Nel scratching his balls on the boundary #

Strange man sitting nearby with a wild animal resting on his head. 209-8 Derbyshire #


Old boy sitting on the boundary with either shaving cream, or a bodily fluid dripping down his ear. 223-8 Derbyshire. Need a wicket #

Talk has turned towards cricketing infidelities. I’m keeping quiet. Hard work for @surreycricket. Should have seen off Derbys by now. 255-8 #

Lunch at the Whitgift. @surreycricket frustrated by Derbys tail, 279-8. Been invited for stroll around the outfield. Kids bat & ball action #


Gunter is fuming on the boundary. Steam coming out of ears. 308-2 Derbys. Ice creams appealing. Think Mr Nel needs one. C’mon the ‘rrey #

Finally a wicket. 331 Derbys. Gonna buy Gunter an ice cream. Unusually high number of knitting spinsters sitting around me #

Derbys all out for… Um, beer time of the day. Jonathan Batty pegged it off to pavilion, ahead of opening batting. Steaming Croydon afto #

Good afto for Saffer spotters in S London. Now staring up the arse of Nanti Hayward on the Whitgift boundary. Relax, girls. Wearing Y-fronts #

Minor incident in the Whitgift ice cream tent. Kid bowled a bouncer at me. I tossed the ball back, taking the f***** out #

Wonderful. @cabbiescapital has let me in through his Whitgift WIFI back door. 18-0 the ‘rrey #

Ice cream tent woes put into perspective. Bloke in front just dropped radio into his pint. Nanti Hayward Y-fronts strangely alluring #

12th man must wear flip flops #cricketlaws #

Weird big screen at Whitgift. It’s showing a slideshow of what appears to be Head Teacher’s home slide show. Half expecting readers’s wives #

‘ere we go. Mr Ramps is in. The master walked to the crease in the same time it takes me to polish off a can. The great man is in no rush #

Mr Ramps just slogged all the way into the Head Teachers’s corporate tent. Sorry, Sir. 131-0 @surreycricket #

Cricket bores are the best bores #

Stumps at the Whitgift. @surreycricket made a run dash towards close, 195-3. Derbys’ Stefan Jones got a bit friendly towards end. Nice boy #

Leaving Croyden. Hopefully for the final time #

Full flickr set over here.

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