Crap Match Report

Surrey 386, Kent 509-5 (Kent 8pts, Surrey 5pts,) Day 3 of 4.

Staring at Mark Ramprakash’s backside, right up on the boundary #

Lone bare chested bloke at The Oval boozing on the Special Brew. Blimey #

@surreycricket plenty of support for the England save from the sunny Peter May stand. More concerned about Jarsveld running away with it #

Legenary Surrey ace face, Lobby, is on fine form. His booze soaked roar can be heard all around The Oval #

Any side boasting Butcher, Batty, Ramprakash, Collins, Tudor & Gunter should be a half decent championship side. Not down here in S London #

Oh dear – Dr A has dozed off at The Oval. Dark skies now overhead. 338-4 Kent, chasing down Surrey’s 386 #

And with imaculate afternoon Oval timing, it’s the return of the cricket hiccups #

Mr Ramps is either practising his hook shot, or wishing he was teeing off on the 18th. Bit of boundary boredom. 342-4 Kent. C’mon the ‘rrey #

Can’t decide if bloke behind me is dead or made of wax. 357-4 Kent #

Special Brew bloke at The Oval has just waved a soiled pair of White (ish) Y-fronts in the air. No one battered an eyelid. 359-4 Kent #

Tricky session for Surrey coming up. Van Jarsveld looking dangerous for Kent on 74. Dr A has got her work folders out. Disappointing. 414-4 #

Half pints – they’re the unwanted birthday presents of the booze world #

Gunter Nel is not a bad 12th man for Surrey to bring into the field. Game running away though with Kent on 434-4 #

Ton up for Van Jaarsveld. Yet to see him bat a poor innings here at The Oval. Fifth century against the ‘rrey, 446-4 Kent #

Dark clouds descending over The Oval. Reassuring to see Surrey librarian sitting behind us wearing a cardigan #

We’re off for bad light at The Oval. 468-4 Kent. Tough day at office for the ‘rrey. 4 centurians & 2 ducks. Into the Long Room for #ashes #

Back from The Oval. Now then, what’s this #ashes business all about? #

Listen!

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